Friday, July 30, 2004

Not the average American woman anymore

I went shopping this morning after I worked out. All I am saying is that I bought a size 12 skirt at the Gap. Most American woman are a size 14 or above, but not me apparently.Now, it be must be noted that I am still pretty much a size 14 on top because I carry extra weight above my waistline that I am still working on getting rid of and that makes me a larger size. Still, I actually own a size 12 skirt that fits. I am debating going through my admittedly minimal closet again and putting away all the size 16's except for the jeans I still wear. Mostly it is a mental thing to not have anything in my closet that is bigger than the size I can currently wear on my body. That will probably be this afternoon's project because frankly I have nothing else I need to do right now. In particular I have some ridiculously large shirts that can be packed away because of their sentimental value. Oh, I did run this morning for 50 minutes, walked for 30, lifted weights, and worked my abs. Also, actually got real sleep which has substantially improved my mood since I am no longer exhausted, that along with lots of water was rather lacking in the last few days. Also, before I go and clean my room big cyber hugs to my friend and fellow blogger Rhonda who has been having a rough week. Reminds you that the whole weightloss thing is not the most important part of life.

Thursday, July 29, 2004

So I almost forgot about this thing that happened

The other thing I was going to write about tonight. This is what happens when you are really tired. Oh and I am planning on working out once I digest my meal but it is going to be really low key and I may just walk. Anyway, I got into a conversation this morning with another test taker about where we like to shop. We were attempting to distract ourselves, at least that is my excuse alright. It was odd, I mentioned where I shop, she suggested some other places and none of them were "fat girl" stores. In fact she wasn't surprised by where I shopped, it was just a regular conversation. I am not used to those yet, conversations where I am in the mainstream rather than out on the fringes. I still sort of expect someone to card me, revoke my membership in "normal" (if there is such a thing) American life. The more weight I lose, the more I pass as someone who fits in to society. More people talk to me, I feel less distanced and it is all very strange. I keep feeling like I should announce to people that I used to be really overweight, that I am still losing weight, that this is all new to me. I don't, it would be rather off putting I think, but it lingers in the back of my head. I'm not skinny yet, but I'm less glaringly overweight and I am just going to have to get used to it. Eventually this will be normal and I keep telling myself that quietly when I am in public.

Done is Good

Enough said, no really. I am finally done with my test, 18 hours of testing over three days is enough to make anyone a little bit crazy. I'm going out to dinner in a few minutes, I might run when I get back, I might not, I haven't really decided. I am totally exhausted, my food was fine today and tomorrow I will get back to really exercising properly. That is about all my brain can put on paper right now, done is good.

Wednesday, July 28, 2004

So very sore and not from exercise

So, the soreness I had from yesterday and the forced hunching over a desk has only increased after the second day of testing. Must take hot shower to make better soon. Anyway, I did actually run for 20 minutes yesterday and walk for another 20 minutes. I am going to try to run for 30 minutes tonight and lift weights which may or may not help my back pain. I absolutely hate exercising in the evening but it is the best option for these three days of exam hell. In other news, I am down to 176 as of this morning and have not gained any stress weight because I have been eating completely normally and getting in some exercise. Now if I can just get through tomorrow I will be a really happy girl. I did note today that virtually all of the other test takers were eating complete crap for lunch, lots of sugary things and chips and I simply don't know how that could fuel you for the six hours of work each day. Okay, I am exhausted so I am going to go eat dinner now and work out and go to bed.

Tuesday, July 27, 2004

Yeah I lied about the whole not posting thing

What can I say, I just can't stay away from my blog. I feel I should note for the record that this is my day off from working out so I don't feel bad about not running although I may go jog for 20 minutes or so tonight to get the stress out. I spent all day taking my test, the first third is done with two more days to go. My back aches from having been completely hunched over a desk for six hours not to mention I had to write for all those hours and my hand hurts as well. I had a pretty big breakfast to prepare but a relatively small lunch and dinner and no snack so we will see how it all balances out in the long run. I also discovered something interesting today, the thinner you are the easier it is to get cold. I swear the test site was like venturing out to the artic tundra of the north and I am surprised there weren't icicles hanging off my nose. I was shivering continuously at the end of the morning session and I was wearing jeans, tennis shows with socks, and a warm sweater. I haven't been that cold in years, and I lived where it got really cold in the winter for a long time. Anyway, normally I don't get that cold as opposed to my mother who might freeze to death in the tropics if a stiff wind blew in for the evening. It was not fun and I spent the entire lunch break in the sun trying to warm up before the afternoon session. Anyway, I survived and I really think I am going to go jog now and take a warm shower and go to bed since I have an equally long day tomorrow.

Monday, July 26, 2004

That whole clean eating thing

Did I mention I am probably going out for dinner tonight? Well, if walking next door to my neighbor's house can be termed "going out" which I hesitate to call it. Yeah, good plan I do realize that going out the night before a big test when I am stressed may not be my best plan. However, trying not to overstudy for tomorrow and relax a bit and I promise to watch what I put in my mouth. Thursday after my test I am also going out and then I will be back to really clean eating. However, for the next few days I won't be eating much during the day because you cannot take food into the test so I am guessing my calories will actually be on the low side and that it will all balance out in the end. Also, I believe in having an actual life, one where you go out, or just across the street, and do things, some of which involve food. I mean, you can't live your whole life in a WWII bomb shelter avoiding food because you are scared you will overeat and become fat again. That is really not worthwhile or healthy so I eschew such over the top behavior and try to live my life in balance because after all this is probably the only life I get to have and I plan on enjoying each and every moment to the fullest.

So about yesterday

I tried to post, really I did but the internet went down and I had things to accomplish. I did actually manage to do the entire stadium yesterday, 36 sets of stairs up and down which took about two hours total. I was down to 177 this morning as a result (oh also I didn't eat much yesterday which may have factored into my morning weight). Today I ran for 50 minutes, walked for 30 and lifted weights and did abs. I am totally fine on food which is good because it means I have avoided my need to snack while simultaneously trying to study, a very old and bad habit that I have been trying to break for years. Tomorrow I start my huge massive three day test so I don't know how much I will be posting although I will still workout in the evenings. I am very tired from studying and just ready to get the whole thing over with as fast as possible. Anyway, I need to go check my laundry because I am washing all my workout clothes again so they will be clean when I want to workout in the evenings this week.

Saturday, July 24, 2004

Sometimes you have to remind yourself

About where you have been, where you are going and why it is worthwhile. I was rereading some old entries trying to get some motivation to post something and I realized how far I have come recently. On May 27th I weighed in at 199 lbs, today July 24 I weighed in at 178.6 lbs which is more or less a 20 pound loss in two months. This means if my body cooperates (and it doesn't always) at the end of September I could weigh in at 158.6 and by the begining of next year I could be close to goal weight. Of course, this rose-colored glasses view requires me to sail through both Thanksgiving and Christmas unscathed by overeating but hopefully I can make that happen by careful planning. Since I still see things that I want to change on myself in spades, I forget that at the begining of this year I was 63 pounds heavier and that in fact I haven't been anywhere near this weight since the summer before I started college which was a long time ago. I think in losing weight it is really easy to get tunnel vision and only see the goal and forget the past and how far you have traveled. I have to reread old journals to remind myself and I keep pictures around of who I used to be so that I can avoid becoming that girl again. So far, it is working which is really good news. In other happenings, I managed 33 sets of stadium stairs today before my knee started acting up and I am aiming for the whole stadium tomorrow (now I really have to try and do that since I said it out loud). Food is fine, and I am off to study some more. I take my freaking huge test from tuesday through thursday of this week and then I will finally be done and can actually start having a life again, I am really looking forward to that eventuality.

Friday, July 23, 2004

So yeah, then life happened again.

I really have nothing substantive to say today. I ran this morning for 50 minutes, walked for 30, lifted weights, and did my ab workout. Running sucked, my body was so not happy after about 10 minutes and it was a struggle to make it all the way to 50 minutes but I did actually manage it. I ran about 33 minutes at 4.6 miles per hour and then had to drop back down to 4.5 miles per hour because I wasn't sure I could keep running otherwise. Totally on plan with everything else like food. So basically my life went on the way that it normally does during the week. I am at 179.2 today which I think puts me definatively into the 170's which seem like a nice place to visit for awhile but not stay at permanently. I am rather impatient about weight loss but only because I am rather curious about what I will look like when I am finished losing all the weight, I haven't every really been skinny so I have absolutely no idea what I will look like in the end. Probably like me but with smaller pants to wear. It should eventually be interesting to see what I look like in pictures and I already know that there will be a lot of pictures because both of my parents are photographers.

Thursday, July 22, 2004

The incredible shrinking woman

Today I am officially down to 179.8, hopefully in the next week I can get myself firmly entrenched into the 170's (at which point I will become whiny and demand to be in the 160's because that is how my mind works). My body is doing the famous lose a lot of weight now that it has got over its desire to hang out at 182 lbs. I would be more annoyed about plateaus if my father didn't have precisely the same problem, which only proves that we are genetically related. Not frankly that the fact we are related would surprise anyone, let me put it this way no one is ever going to question my paternity because my father and I sound exactly alike which tends to disturb or alternatively annoy people. Anyway, I went and bought workout clothes today (my bro and sister-in law gave me a huge gift certificate for my birthday) so now my workout shorts will not fall off my body which they were in danger of doing previously. All of my new workout clothes are pretty much pastel blue which means I will look like a deranged easter egg on the loose when I am working out from now on. I did 31 sets of stadium stairs today, and have eaten well and had a ton of water since I got home. Although I am really late on my afternoon snack which is probably bad so I am off to eat that now.

Things that make you go "hmm"

An interesting thought occurred to me as I was climbing up and down stadium stairs this morning. My left ankle has been fine for months. Now, why is this interesting you ask (well unless you are related to me and already know the answer), well I used to have a really weak left ankle. Not a good thing to have if you like wearing heels as much as I do on a regular basis. When I was in highschool (I think I was 15 or 16) I fell down a flight of stairs in Oxford, England. How you ask? I have no real idea which seems to be the general theme of all my accidents, I was on a summer program and I was walking slowly down a flight of stairs, no really I am being serious here. Next think I was really aware of, I had flipped over myself, the only time I have ever managed anything resembling a cartwheel, and was at the bottom of the stairs. I feel it is important to note for the record that I was wearing tennis shoes at the time and had navigated these stairs numerous times prior to my accident without problems. I actually got applause for the sheer brilliance of the way I managed to fall on my rear from the assembled throng of other students. Anyway, I twisted my ankle and then walked on it while in England and France and my left ankle has been a problem ever since. The day before my high school graduation I twisted it again and was on crutches for both the ceremony and the after party which frankly was sort of fun because I had my friends bringing me food and drinks at the party. In retrospect I was very excited about people brining me food, hmm that might have been an indication of my eating problem right there. My ankle bothered me on and off through college and my post graduate work and I even own a fancy ankle brace (which is somewhere in my house really it is) that my bro bought me to help support the ankle. However, since I really lost a substantial amount of weight, it hasn't twisted or given out which is its usual modus operandis (I can't spell but you get the point) and always occurs at the most inconvient times. You know, there might be something to this whole losing weight and getting healthier plan of mine after all.

Wednesday, July 21, 2004

Fresh eggs

So, I have figured out my hard boiled egg dilema. One should boil the eggs when they are fresh. I know, I was shocked too by this little realization. Okay, not really and for the record I don't actually have rotting eggs sitting around my house that would be rather disgusting. Instead, I tend to purchase eggs, well okay my mother actually pays for the grocerys but anyway, and then not hard boil them for a week or so. This leads to the previously mentioned problem of having eggs that look like they have been attacked by mentally disturbed weasels (maybe I shouldn't insult weasels, they are probably better at peeling eggs than I seem to be most of the time). However, if I hardboil the eggs right away, the shells peel off with tremendous ease and speed. Note to self, hard boil eggs immediately from now on, it is a lot easier than getting out a pick axe to peel your egg in the morning.

So is tricking yourself a bad thing?

This morning I had managed to convince myself that I was only going to run on the treadmill for 40 minutes. Actually, I ran for 50 minutes because after running for 40 minutes I decided that I could run for 45 and when I hit 45 minutes it seemed silly to stop when 50 minutes was so close. Also, I ran half at a speed of about 4.5 miles per hour, the next fourth at a speed of 4.6 miles an hour and the remaining fourth at a speed of 4.7 miles per hour with a several minute spurt of 5 miles an hour. Then I walked for 30 minutes and lifted weights, my body is now trying to deny that it has ever met me and demanding a permanent injunction on my brain which convinces me that these sorts of moves are a good idea. I am slowly working my way up to running an hour at a time, but lets not mention that to my body yet, it has enough to deal with as it is at this point. I am completely on plan with food (now there is a surprise, okay maybe not) and I think we are having turkey burgers for dinner which will be nice because I have been eating chicken for over a week now. Okay, lots of chicken was my plan, especially after all the recent parties but I am pretty close to getting bored of it and wanting something different for dinner. I alway try to head off food boredom before it actually occurs because that way I am not inclined to eat everything in sight. So, off to study some more and convince my body that I am not actually an awful person and this is all a good idea.

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

When the world gets wacky

So, I have been reading all sorts of raves in the blogsphere about Old Navy's new plus sized clothing. I went and looked at the website while I was trying to decide what I was writing about tonight in my own blog. Some cute things, but this is where the universe has been getting wacky since I last seriously shopped. I looked at the size chart because it was there, and the plus sized clothes are all too big for me. No, really, I was boggled by this realization that some retailers no longer consider me to be plus-sized, and in fact at a size 14 who is slowly approaching a size 12, I am not really plus-sized anymore. See, losing the weight is a lot easier than getting your mind to adjust to the reality of a new universe around you. On some level, my brain is aware of the fact that I now buy clothing at Banana Republic and not Lane Bryant but it is not really sinking in deeply yet. My jeans are Levis, not Venezia (my favorite plus-sized clothing line), I have to buy petite clothing because everything else is cut too long but it still isn't registering. So, I was frankly boggled by the realization that I could just walk into Old Navy and buy regular people clothes rather than the plus sized line, not mind you that I have walked into an Old Navy in a long time but I could if so moved. As the plethora of new plus sized clothing increases, I am inching farther and farther away from being the target demographic, and I am not planning on going back any time soon. So, glad as I am that there are affordable options for people who need and frankly deserve clothing in plus-sizes, you will find me at Banana Republic wondering if I really belong there but buying the clothing that fits anyway. I will do it because I can and that is a luxury I never thought I would have at the begining of this year of change. What a wacky wonderful world I am living in today.

Shrinking marks

I have always had stretch marks from where I gained a lot of weight quickly, but now I am developing them in other places, under my arms, on one of my shoulders, and on my calves among other places. I mean it just seems wrong to develop stretch marks when you are not stretching but rather shrinking. Maybe it will help if I call them shrinking marks from now on in my head because frankly they are not very attractive, and I notice them every single day when I look in the miror. This should be a reminder of all the trauma I have put my body through with the extra weight that I have carried for so long. In other news, I may have to stop whining for awhile, I weighed in at 180.2 lbs today which means I have lost three pounds in the last week. Also, 180 or thereabouts was my goal for this month (My "weigh-loss months" end on the 22nd of each month because of when I came up with the initial goals for each month) so I really have no excuse for whining now. I am fine on food, today is my rest day so no exercise. I did have half a bag of popcorn for the first time in about a month and it was really wonderful which is probably a reminder that I need to shake up my diet every now and again so I don't get bored and want to cheat (not that I have even thought about cheating in a long time so maybe I shouldn't jinx myself on purpose).

Monday, July 19, 2004

Once you emerge from the plateau there are mountains to climb

So, my body decided this morning that it was finally ready to move on from 182, at least for today. I weighed in at 181.2 for the day. Alrighty then, apparently I am starting to emerge from my most recent plateau, which means that now I only have 59.2 more pounds to lose. That is a lot, I equate it to wandering along in a meadow that you cannot quite figure out how to leave and suddenly you find the path and realize it is uphill through a very steep mountain pass. There is no downhill on the weightloss journey, there are just brief areas of level ground and you have to keep walking onward regardless of whether or not you are tired of the trip. Okay, enough with the painful metaphors, I will now move on with my life. So, after weighing myself, I went and ran for 45 minutes on the treadmill, walked for 30 minutes, lifted weights for 30 minutes and did my ab workout. Fortunately, I get to take tomorrow off and sleep in a little bit which will be nice. Other than that, my day has been quiet and on plan with food.

Sunday, July 18, 2004

Somedays I just want to be a cat

So, this morning I went off to the stadium with my entire immediate family, brother, sister-in-law, parents to climb stairs. My cats on the other hand, stayed home and slept in the artic coolness of my house (which is always freezing because it was made for summer weather). I climbed up and down about 30 stairs for about 2 hours and really thought I was going to die, especially when I ran out of water 30 minutes before I finished working out. Meanwhile, my cats were napping, possibly waking up briefly to have a bit of a snack from their food bowl or a long drink from the water bowl. I was still sweating and considering alternative less painful methods of dying. I think, I just want to be a cat and nap in the warm sun or cool shade depending upon my mood, occasionally I might even bat around a catnip mouse or two but not so much as to wear myself out. However, I am not a cat so I have to work out and watch what I eat, which is going fine so far today. My body is still liking 182 as a weight, I think it would like to settle in and enjoy that number on the scale for awhile but that is really not going to happen because I have plans and I am working out like an insane woman. Anyway, that is where I am today, I have to go do some more work because unfortunately I am not a feline and it is not time for my afternoon nap.

Saturday, July 17, 2004

How to hard boil an egg

So, my diet includes a lot of hardboiled eggs. I eat them every day for breakfast, usually one with the yolk and the rest without the yolk. But I have this fundamental problem with the whole process, I know how to boil them but I cannot get the shells to come off properly when I peel the eggs later. I do remember to put them right into cold water after coming off the stove along with a lot of ice but it doesn't seem to be making a difference. So, invariably, I end up with a tiny egg because the egg white refuses to be parted from the shell. Alternatively, I manage to separate the egg and the shell but the egg looks as if it has been attacked by an overly enthusiastic weasel with an anger management problem. Also, the whole egg peeling process takes forever and may be more effort than a solitary egg is really worth, at least nutritionally speaking. It is really very frustrating, and I have to wonder what I am missing in the whole egg boiling and cooling process. At some point the chickens of the world are going to unite against me because of the cruel and unusual punishment that I inflict upon their eggs (okay maybe not). Anyway, I am officially done ranting now, but you can't make me eat another egg today because that would be far too time consuming and I have things that need to be accomplished.

Okay so now really I have lost 60 pounds

So, today I was at exactly 182 when I weighed in, that means that I have really lost 60 pounds total. Hopefully, in the not too distant future I will finally make my way into the high 170's which I know I haven't seen since the summer before I started college. Admittedly, I was in the high 170's at that point because I had been living in a rural part of Mexico and not eating that much because I had gotten sick from the food, refried beans every morning for breakfast was not a happy thing in my life. So, the journey continues onward as always and this time the 170's will only be a stop on the way down. This morning we went to the stadium and did stairs. It was really hot and even with a full 24 ounce bottle of water, I felt really tired and thirsty after we were done. So, only 30 sets of stairs because we stopped a little bit early because of the heat, I am hoping that the weather will be cooler tomorrow. Since we got home I have had probably another two bottles of water so I am now fully hydrated and I have gotten a fair amount of work done which is good. Also, I am on plan for food although I had extra chicken with lunch to see if my recent tiredness is related to not having enough protein in my diet. We will see if the extra chicken breast makes a difference or if I just need to adjust to the increasing difficulty of my cardio regieme over the next week or so.

Friday, July 16, 2004

So tired

So, I have been really tired since I had my hard workout on wednesday, given that it is now Friday it is a little bit ridiculous to still be tired. Admittedly, I ran on Thursday and today and I am studying like a maniac which is contributing to the problem. Still, I am not having a bouncy, energized, I just worked out kind of a week. So, motivation to workout is pretty much nonexisistant as a result. I am still working out but I don't feel any motivation when I get up in the morning. Also, my knee and thighs were hurting today which made it even more fun than normal. I am running at a faster pace now and that may be part of the issue but it would be nice to get some kind of energy kick from the work I am putting into exercising. Clearly, that is not going to happen so I am just going to keep going as I always do on these sorts of things. Food is fine for the day, I ran for 30 minutes, walked for 30, lifted weights and worked my abs. I am probably going to have chicken for dinner because my dad barbecued chicken breasts yesterday. I am also fine on water for the day and tomorrow I do stadiums so exercise will happen because I go with my parents and that prevents me from backing out of working out. Hopefully, I will stop feeling tired soon and then I will be less whiny because right now I feel whiny and that is really not attractive. Oh, and I am down to 182.4 lbs for the day which is good and means I am still completely on track so now I am going to go and water the plants to distract myself from the fact that dinner isn't for another 60 minutes.

Thursday, July 15, 2004

So, you know about that no party thing

Well, so much for that as an idea. I am off to another party tonight from 5-7pm so once again I will be carefully watching what I can and cannot eat. I did a fairly intensive workout this morning, 45 minutes or so of running around my neighborhood and 45 minutes of walking on the treadmill. Also, for once I have managed to do my core fitness exercises at a decent hour, usually I don't do them until about 10 pm by which time they are a really big pain. Fine on food for the day so far, so now all I have to do is get through this party and I will be fine. Although, I must mention that I am wearing this pair of Banana Republic pants that I bought on sale and I had to hem them by cutting off around five inches and then taking them up another 2 inches with the hem. I am discovering that I really have to wear petite clothing if possible or everything is too long and that can be a real problem. I sense that when I reach goal weight I am going to have to become really good friends with a tailor because I don't actually like hemming clothes and I am not terribly good at it. Yet another interesting side effect of all the weight loss over the past six months, I am discovering all sorts of new issues that I never knew I would have in my life. Okay, I am off to get ready for this party and decide what shoes I am wearing to it (I'm leaning towards my only pair of pink heels).

To my body

Dear Body, I just wanted to say that I am sorry about yesterday. You know, the whole three hours of working out over the course of one day thing. I promise not to do that again until at least next wednesday. I know the legs and calves are really tired and running this morning was no fun at all. Also, possibly you would like more advanced warning when my brain decides that this sort of workout foolishness would be a good idea so I will work on that in the future. However, look at the positive side of all of this effort. Yesterday you managed to do 30 minutes of running, 30 minutes of walking, and 1.5 hours of stair climbing and that would not have been possible 6 months ago. So, want to do some extra cardio today? No, I didn't think that you would and frankly neither do I, so how about calling the morning workout good enough.

Wednesday, July 14, 2004

The 60 Pound Mark

So, this morning I hit 182.8 on the scale which I am officially calling 60 lbs gone because I can and it is my blog. Especially impressive because yesterday was my rest day and I didn't work out at all. Today on the other hand is going to be an insane workout day, I have already run for 30 minutes (at a faster pace than normal because I can finally breathe), walked for 30 minutes, and lifted weights. This afternoon I am going to go to the stadium with my mom and do stairs for an hour and a half. Yes, thank you, I am totally insane. I think I am always really motivated on wednesdays because I have just taken a day off and I feel like I have been really lazy even though my body definately needs a rest day every week. So, now I am going to go drink a lot of water to hydrate and wait for the cable tv guy who is supposed to fix the reception problem we have been having with the tv recently.

Tuesday, July 13, 2004


So, I was playing around with my digital camera last night and I discovered that you can see my collar bones all the time. I don't quite think you understand the importance of this statement. I can see that I have bones ALL THE TIME. Dude, who knew that this was possible? My collar bones have always been rather shy, they would briefly appear if I hunched my shoulders forward and then skitter off behind the fat covering my upper chest. However, now they are just kind of hanging around all the time. Also, I have ribs, which admittedly kind of freaked me out the first time I felt something that was hard and not just squishy fat. These are the sorts of things you don't notice when you carry a lot of extra weight on your body. I even had a moment last night where I couldn't find my double chin but then it reappeared when I smiled which was rather upsetting. Still, I don't really recognize my face in pictures because it is so much skinnier than it used to be at 242 lbs. My face actually has a lot more personality now it isn't buried under a layer of fat and I actually have a jawline and cheekbones. In other news, today is my day off from working out and I definately needed the rest. Tomorrow, I am doing stadiums again which will be lots of fun in the heat but I know it is good for me. I am down to 183.2 lbs because the elusive 60 lbs mark is enjoying mocking me but hopefully I will hit it in the next few days now that all the parties are done for awhile. I am fine on food for the day, and I have had a fair amount of water which is good. So, since it is laundry day I am now going to go and see if my clothing has finally dried and I can put it all away.

Monday, July 12, 2004

My unholy love for bananas

So, I eat at least one banana a day, because I dearly love them. Now, mind you, I don't love them enough to figure out if I am spelling the word "banana" correctly and I have a sneaking suspicion that I may be incorrect and there should be more n's somewhere in the word. Of course, I can't spell so I may in fact be spelling banana correctly and just not able to realize that fact. Anyway, I think when I realy began to like bananas was when I discovered how many ways you could eat them. First, is plain without any fancy stuff, just you and a a plain banana. Now, how you get the banana out of the peel is up to you (okay that sounds perverse but I honestly don't mean it that way so lets both get our minds out of the gutter immediately), my bro breaks them in half so you end up with two pieces of banana both still in the peel, don't ask me why, I'm just related him, how the brain works remains a wonderful mystery. Alternatively, you can eat bananas with other food, I used to love bananas with cheddar cheese although maybe that wasn't the healthiest plan. Bananas and peanut butter are also good (hey even Elvis liked that combination although come to think of it, he probably isn't the best weight loss role model), or bananas dipped in chocolate also yummy. Okay, it occurs to me that I am getting seriously away from good healthy ways to eat fruit and into the bad realm of fruit with lots of fattening things on it. My inner fat girl has been harrassing me lately and I am guessing she saw this as a good opportunity to make a reappearance. Anyway, my original point was that I love plain bananas (that is what I eat now) and they are a really good source of things like potassium. Bananas are good for you, plus it is a happy yellow fruit and what is not to like? Okay, just avoid the chocolate, peanut butter, cheese, and other desert options and eat a plain banana for a snack. It is a good plan and I am sticking to it, but I am at my banana quota for today so I won't be eating anymore until tomorrow, and I am having mine with out any frills.

Somedays I just don't have much to say

Today would be an excellent example of the above point. I got up at my regular time despite a feeble attempt by my body to convince my brain to stay in bed for an extra hour. I ran for 45 minutes (3 miles) at a faster pace than normal because I can finally breath again, and then walked for 25 minutes. Then, I lifted weights, I am up to 10 pounds with my hand weights and did an ab workout. After that I ate breakfast and studied which with interuptions for meals and a snack is what I have been doing all day long. That in a nutshell is my day, and tonight for extra special excitement I am going to study more material and then go to bed. Also, I need to drink more water because I haven't had nearly enough today and I need to remedy that situation. I think days like this are good where everything is even keeled and I can just get organized for the inevitable day of high stress or problems which shows up at some point. Really, days like today all add up and cause me to lose weight but they are not nearly as interesting to write about as the difficult days. Still, a day without feeling whiny is a good thing and while I could whine about how my weight has been fluctuating up and down for the past few days, I don't really feel like it. So, instead I am going to go and get more work done.

Sunday, July 11, 2004

And the answer was no

So , this morning I did 31 or 32 sets of stairs, not sure which since I lost track somewhere along the way. I really didn't want to get up this morning and go workout but I did even though I was tired and that is a good thing. I was wondering to myself as I trudged up and down stairs, would I ever get to a point where I roll out of bed in the morning and want to work out, I mean it hasn't happened yet. So, I came up with an answer at about the halfway point of my workout and the answer was as follows: No. Well then, I can actually live with that as an answer. No, I am never going to want to get up out of my cozy bed and workout but it has to be done. Somehow, knowing that it is never going to be a joyful experience allows me to see it as another task to be accomplished, just the way I don't enjoy doing laundry but I do it all the same. Okay, working out is worse than laundry but it still is a task that can be accomplished in a finite period of time and I can move on with my day. I think also it is important to not expect any of the requirements of losing weight to become easy because knowing it is a challenge helps safeguard against complaceny. So, the process goes onward and at least I am done working out for today. Tomorrow, well I am going to workout, but don't expect me to want to do it. I'll be on the treadmill by 8:30 am tomorrow morning, how about you?

Temple Food

So, this is a concept that I remember seeing Nigela Lawson who is one of those famous chef types talk about at one point. Basically the idea was that after a day of excess one should go back to clean good foods and recharge for a few days. Okay, at least that was what I thought she meant, but it may have been more complex than that idea. After a party weekend it is definately where I am today, back to eating my regular plan of food which helps my body recover and rebalance for a few days. It isn't like I ate terribly this weekend, I had two drinks total, one on friday and one on saturday, and I didn't overeat at any meal. However, I missed lunch on saturday and I barely ate it on friday and I did not get enough sleep either day. So, my body feels worn out and tired and in need of basic unfettered sustenance. Therefore, temple food which I am accustomed to eating and isn't difficult to prepare. I think that sometimes it helps to think about the food I eat on a regular basis as this type of food, and remind myself of the problems that I personally encounter with really processed food like sugar. Not that I ate a lot of processed sugar this weekend but it was around enough that the desire for such food almost mentally infected me and now I need a couple of days to refocus on why I don't eat that food anymore. So much of losing weight is mental and temptations (even when you don't give into them) can be really powerful and difficult to combat. So, today I am reminding myself of why I like salads especially with roasted bell peppers and sweet corn and of how satisfying a handful of blueberries can be as part of breakfast. I do feel better already which may be an example of how powerful my temple food is as part of my program.

Friday, July 09, 2004

The wonderous world of friday

So, I am off to the nearby city tonight to celebrate my brother's birthday. Food, drinking, general merriment shall no doubt ensue and then be followed by a barbeque tomorrow. All good, but I am looking forward to a weekend with no parties where I don't have to be quite this ridiculously vigilant on food. I have worked out today already, so I should be okay there in terms of exercise. 40 minutes of running, 20 minutes of walking, weights and ab workout, I was a very good girl. Although, now I really want a nap but I don't have time for one today. I did buy some new pants for tonight from Bannanna Republic, I am still pretty much solidly a size 14 and the size 12 beckons in the distance (I think it is about 10 lbs away) but I am trying to remember to be grateful for the fact that I can buy clothing in regular stores at all as opposed to specialty fat people stores. Anyway, I should go and get organized for tonight since I am leaving relatively early and also eat lunch.

Thursday, July 08, 2004

Now I am officially old

So, today is my 27th birthday. I am officially old. I take comfort in the fact that in four days my brother will be 30 and therefore really old. Yeah, I am sure he is happy that I have pointed that out to everyone. Anyway, we went out to dinner at my favorite restaurant for dinner (I think they have maybe five things on the menu that I can eat but I do love them so) and my entire family had the same lamb dish for dinner. It was rather disturbing, I may just be turning into my parents in my old age (don't tell anyone). In other news, I did actually workout a lot today, I ran for 30 minutes this morning, walked for 20 minutes, and did 24 sets of stadium stairs in the afternoon. Also, I am going to do my core fitness exercises before I go to bed tonight, but not right this second because I am wearing heels and doing pushups in heels and a skirt would be a really bad idea. I mean, we all know about my lack of coordination already, I might actually kill myself if I tried this as a plan. So, I got in enough cardio to make up for my dinner but the stairs really killed me because it was really hot and there was almost no shade. The shadow from one leaf does not make shade (okay, I might be exaggerating but it was really hot) and that slowed me down and made me whiny. Still, workout accomplished and lots of water drunk so I am on target for the day despite dinner out and wine with dinner. Now, I am going to go lounge about for a couple of hours before I go to bed because it is my birthday and therefore I can lounge if I want to lounge. I may possibly have used lounge too many times in that sentence so I will stop now before I feel the need to start throwing similes or metaphors around about my life.

My cat's BMI

So, my parents own an overweight black and white cat named Nute. Nute weighs approximately 15 lbs (at least that is our best guess). So, out of curiosity, my dad and I measured him this morning (he is about 19 inches long) and I looked up his BMI. Well, results are in, my cat is less overweight than I am at this point. I have a BMI over 30 and Nute has a BMI of 29.2. Frankly, I am a little bit bitter that my extremely sedentary, eats all the time, naps a lot, cat is in better shape. Of course, possibly this is all inaccurate since the BMI scale was not created with cats in mind. Still, not the best way to start off a morning where your weight has decided to go up a little bit for the day. Anyway, I shall learn to live with the fact that my cat is currently the fit one in the house despite his ever expanding belly.

Wednesday, July 07, 2004

So, now that I have figured out my problem

So, I have actually in the past day or so figured out why I am feeling all blah and whiny. I am really close to another weight milestone and I just want to get it over with and move on. When I hit 182 lbs I will have lost 60 lbs total which is just about halfway on my weightloss plan. Right now, I am sitting at about 184.2 lbs which is good but isn't 182 lbs. So, I'm antzy (is that a word? okay I don't actually really care about whether or not it is a word) about losing the next two pounds to make that goal. I think mentally it will get a little easier for me once I am past the halfway mark and the amount of weight left to lose is under 60 lbs. So, I am whiny and probably will be until that happens in the next couple of weeks. In other news, I am on plan with food today and I ran for about 30 minutes, walked for 20 and lifted weights. I was going to do the stadium with my mom but that got put off until tomorrow which is probably better because that is a straight cardio day and no weights to tire me out. I will probably run as well as doing the stadium since I was a little bit lax on cardio today. Anyway, nothing else exciting in my life today, just the same old daily grind.

Tuesday, July 06, 2004

And then I said blah

So, somedays I feel inspired to write here and somedays like today I just feel like saying I feel blah. It is really the same with working out, some times I am inspired and more days are like today where I didn't feel motivated about it at all. I did it, but no motivation at all. On days like today I just do things out of sheer force of habit rather than any greater desire or motivation. I post here every day, so this would be me posting today because this is what I do rather than because I have anything today. I suppose in away this is similar to the weight loss thing, if you can turn working out and eating well into a habit you just do it because it is how your life works and it doesn't occur to you not to do it. So, this morning I rolled out of bed in my workout clothes and hauled my unmotivated self on to the treadmill and ran (albeit very slowly) for 40 minutes and then walked for another 50 minutes. Then I had my regular breakfast of hardboiled eggs and a piece of fruit because it is what I have for breakfast and did laundry and studied. I have no clean workout clothes whatesoever so laundry was a necessity. Then, I had my regular lunch and studied some more. Now I just had my cup of coffee for the day and am posting in my blog because this is when I usually post. After this, I will check on my laundry have my afternoon snack and study, then dinner and more studying and tomorrow I will do it all over again. Hey, at least I am doing it and not slipping up. So, the interesting thing is that besides my general feeling of blah I am still totally on track, maybe this whole healthy lifestyle thing has finally become second nature after all. Suddenly, I feel a little less blah (not much though so don't get all excited) .

Monday, July 05, 2004

Strawberries are yummy

So, I just ate a strawberry, yes just one singular strawberry, and I was contemplating their yumminess factor. I mean, they are kind of cool looking to begin with, from the color to the little seeds all over the surface. Plus, strawberries are one of those nice fruit which don't need to be peeled and they have the nifty green holders (okay normal people would call those stems, I do realize that) which are a plus. Okay, so I have a tendency of dropping strawberries on my shirt which is messy and then you have to explain your inability to actually get a simple small piece of fruit into your mouth which is always rather embarassing. However, the juicy goodness that is a ripe strawberry really makes up for these sorts of problems. Of course, in my pre workout and weight loss days, my favorite way to eat strawberries involved dipping them into sour cream and then brown sugar (here the nifty green holder was especially useful) so I have been forced to retrain myself to simply appreciate the unadulterated sweet taste of a good ripe strawberry. Really, good strawberries don't require any adornment and can always be enjoyed on their own merits. Now that, is one self-confident fruit in my book and I think I shall have several more with dinner. I will attempt to not splatter fruit all over myself but the strawberries may get the best of me.

Not the brightest bunny around

Although, really, I suppose that my title here begs the question of whether or not there are any actual intelligents bunny rabbits in existence. Anyway, I went running for about 40 minutes this morning with a completely stuffed up head. It is always attractive to be running and simultateously panting and blowing your nose. I was only going to run for a few minutes because of my cold but then I ended up convincing myself to run the whole way. Not perhaps the best plan given the lack of the ability to breathe out of my nose. However, as I have previously noted in past entries, I have a tendency of working out regardless of whether or not I am sick. I just have a horrible time determining when I am too sick to actually exercise and so I workout anyway. So, there I was today, jogging along in my cute gap tanktop which while not really workout attire worked in a pinch because I am low on clean tanktops. I would have actually looked pretty decent were I not wearing workout shorts about 3 sizes too big which all but hung down to my knees, frankly it is amazing that they didn't fall off my body. Anyway, I workout and now it is done and I am at about 184.6 lbs which I will definately take after a holiday weekend. I am totally fine on food for the day, and also lifted weights and studies so I have been a really good girl.

Sunday, July 04, 2004

Independence Day

So, I have officially survived the 4th of July. I did about 30 stairs at the stadium today, although it really was horrible because I have a cold and can't breathe out of my nose at all. Large amounts of cardio which require the ability to breathe are a lot harder when you basically have to continuously pant through your mouth. Who knew? Okay, maybe that should have been a no brainer. Anyway, I had my regular breakfast, a couple smallish pieces of steak for lunch, a bratwurst with some ketchup and mustard and some beans and coleslaw for dinner. Also, my regular cup of coffee, a lot of water, and a margarita (which was my treat) for drinks. I managed to entirely avoid the deviled eggs, guacamole, bread, homemade ice cream, and cake. I am especially impressed that I avoided the ice cream because I helped make it and I didn't taste any of it. I hear however that it was excellent. Large parties with lots of food are real torture for me, I end up having long conversations with my stomach about how I don't get to have one deviled egg because I decided at an earlier date that I wasn't eating any appetizers. My stomach thinks that I'm an idiot and must be convinced to eat the yummy food. Fortunately, so far, my brain and I are winning the argument which is a new and novel experience. Right now, I am just glad it is over and I can go back to my regular food tomorrow. No more parties until at least next weekend.

Saturday, July 03, 2004

Paying it forward

Just as a concept wouldn't it be nice if you could bank your workouts. Like workout really hard for a month and do two workouts a day and then transfer the second workout each day to the next month and take it off. Ahh, if only that would work, but it doesn't for me. I was thinking about such a concept this morning while I was climbing ridiculous numbers of stairs. It was especially tempting because I have developed a horrible sore throat and so didn't get very much sleep last night. Lots of exercise on not a lot of sleep is not a good idea, I don't recommend it to anyone. Unfortunately, a sore throat does not qualify as a reason to not workout especially when it is a party weekend like the 4th of July. If anything, I need to do more working out to burn off any extra calories that I consume in the next day or so. So far, I am on plan with two more parties to go before the end of the weekend. In terms of weight, I hit 185.4 lbs this morning and I am good with that as a number, I would be better with 185 even but that will come in the next few days. Interestingly, I discovered last night that ice cream (which the grandparents were eating) doesn't really tempt me like it used to do in the past. I say that now but I am sure that my mom's homemade ice cream tomorrow will be very difficult to resist. I am going to do so though, because I am saving any extra calories I have to spare for a margarita or possibly two if I really go wild. Anyway, two more parties and I will have survived the weekend, I think that will be my mantra for today.

Friday, July 02, 2004

The revenge of the shopping mall

So, there is no better way to destroy a day where one is feeling rather thin that by trying on clothing. Wow, five seconds later you are convinced that you have gained a ton of weight and weigh 900 lbs. No worries, I am still a size 14 but stuff I was hoping would be loose on me isn't yet. On the flip side, I can zip and button up a pair of size 12 shorts although they are very tight and I look rather like a beached whale. Still, buttoning size 12 anything is not to be sneered at in my world. My grandparents are visiting so we took them to the mall and tried on a bunch of clothing although I didn't buy anything, see aforementioned beached whale syndrome. Anyway, I ran for 30 minutes today at a faster pace than normal and managed to run a mile in about 13:30 which is the first time I have broken 15 minutes. Also walked for 35 minutes and lifted weights. I am having a sneaking suspicion that I don't do lunges properly (which is one of the exercises I do on Fri.) and it is bugging me. This is one of the moments where I wish I had enough money to have a personal trainer who could check my form and see if I am doing them correctly. Then again, I may just be a perfectionist like my mother. I am on track with food today despite the bad food in the house (I haven't had any of it) so that is good and I should make it through dinner okay today. The rest of the weekend is a little bit more questionable, I will have to see what happens on Saturday and Sunday.

Thursday, July 01, 2004

Shorn sheep gather no friends

So, I got my hair cut today. Yay! It looks so much better now that all the split ends are gone and it is all bouncy as a result. My parents would like it to be longer but it is going to be so much easier to manage while I workout and I can still pull it back out of my eyes which is nice. Also, it just looks different and I need something that looked different than the hair I had when I was really heavy. Also, we went to the market after the haircut to get food for this weekend (big 4th of July bash) so I think we have managed to fill up the house with food that none of us eat on a regular basis. Such as frozen yogurt, bread, chips and chocolate. I am pretending that none of this food exists especially in my house. It appears to be working nicely as a plan for right now, I always did have a really good imagination. Now I shall just have to ignore it all weekend long starting tomorrow. Let us all hope that my powers of self-persuasion are at an all time high until Monday afternoon. Totally on plan so far today and crossing my fingers that I will be able to say that tomorrow as well.

People really like doing this?

So, I went for a run this morning outside in the neighborhood. The wind was in my hair, the perfume of flowers scented the air, and the scenery was quite beautiful. Okay, who am I kidding? It pretty much sucked the whole 45 minutes or so that I ran a giant loop around the neighborhood and back to my house. In fact, I almost got run down by a car that didn't really believe that stop signs applied to it or alternatively was playing the fun hit the runner crossing the street game. I mean, there must be people who really like running and working out, I just don't know any of those people. I keep hearing about this elusive runner's high thing where you could just go on forever and that has never happened to me. Instead, I pant a lot, get occasional leg cramps and start inventing elaborate scenarios in my head that will allow me to stop running long before my workout time is up. Yet, I am planning to run a 5k in the end of september, I may just be certifiably insane at this point. Oh, and did I mention that I might have swallowed a bug somewhere along the way, I'm not entirely sure and frankly I don't really want to think about it. The good news is that I actually worked out and I don't have to do it again until tomorrow morning at 8 am, but I am not holding my breath that I am going to enjoy tomorrows workout either. Done is good, and that is what I am going with today.