Holding by my fingertips

Yesterday, as I anticipated, was a very bad food day. A huge lunch out and then dinner at a restaurant as well. I find that this whole having a life thing tends to interfere with my workout plans and diet plans. This morning I have had some chocolate which is bad. I will try to be on track for the rest of the day. I was exhausted this morning and so I only managed a 15 minute run and 75 minutes on the eliptical. I would have preferred to run for 40 minutes but I did not feel up to it. My goal is to run at least three days a week and spin the other two days, so at least I managed that goal. Hopefully I will get food back on track today (after the chocolate) and be back to being pretty zen by the weekend. I will see if I can manage that it should not be that hard.

Head Trip

I was reminded again of the very wierd head games that losing weight can cause even in a reasonably sane person. Today is Secretaries Day (which disturbingly has been retitled "Administrative Professionals Day" but I'm not going there) and I have to go to lunch with my staff. I have a feeling that food will be a problem at this event (and not just because they are having a chocolate fountain). Therefore, I knew I needed to do some serious cardio to at least break even today. I did not want to run today, I in fact came up with a whole series of other options. I did however make a deal with myself, if I got to the gym and it was cooler than yesterday then I would run. So, since it was much cooler in the cardio section than the day before, I forced myself onto the treadmill and started running. The first 30 minutes of running were no fun at all but I kept going and at that point it became a reasonably zen experience and I kept going until I hit the 4 mile mark at 40 minutes. The rest of the workout was pretty decent but at least I managed a good run. It is disturbing how that would have not happened if I had listened to what my brain was telling me. So, right now I feel pretty decent.

Not completely off the wagon

I have been about 70 percent on plan since last time I was here. Eating was not good this weekend, there was a huge barbeque on Saturday, dinner out on Sunday, and rather a lot of slip ups in between. Yesterday was better, today has been better still, and if the pattern continues I may make it completely back on track by tomorrow. Also, the stress level at work has been rising over the past couple of days and got really bad this morning. I'm a prosecutor and when defense lawyers call and check on me to make sure I am alright, well that is when you know I am having a bad day. Food is definately a stress relief for me and so, since I can't just leave work and go for a run, it is really tempting to just eat. Still, I keep trying to stay on plan, and for the most part it is working. Add to that a decent run this morning (only 30 minutes due to the fact the air conditioning was broken at the gym and it was very hot) and I feel okay today. Hopefully, I can get through this afternoon without any problems and go home and feel better. I will see how it goes.

Middle of Week Two

I am still recovering from this cold, so running for 30 or 40 minutes was out of the question today. The last time I did that with a headcold, I ended up with a really horrible cough that lingered for days. So, I used the eliptical instead and tacked on a slow 10 minute jog at the end of my workout. It felt pretty good actually to jog, even if it was just for a few minutes. I hate not feeling 100 percent when I am decently motivated to work out, but I know in the long run it will be better if I ease off and recover over the next few days. I might go diving this weekend and if I do, I will want to be past this cold. I was thinking this morning about how it is always the same struggle, just different scenery. Now I fuss about my weight bouncing up into the 160's before I fussed when my weight went over 230. Despite the distance I have come, it is hard to get past the small details and see the big picture, but I keep trying. I am still on track with food, except for yesterday's wackiness and I plan to stay that way for the rest of the week. Plus, I have not really been snacking and that is a very good thing, plus no coffee or high-calorie drinks (one of my downfalls). So other than the cold, I am doing well in my second week on plan.

More or less on track

This is actually a late check in for me. Life as always is hectic, and I have to remember to post. I went to the gym this morning but I am still not entirely better so I took it easy. No running today, hopefully I will feel up to running tomorrow. I just used the eliptical machine today and did a few minutes after that on the stairmaster. My eating today was weird, no other way to describe it. Oatmeal for breakfast, two Luna bars, a small muffin, and five M&M's. This is not how I normally eat, but I just was not interested in food today. I figure at best, I am at around 900 calories today, and I have a feeling I am overestimating my calorie consumption. That leaves a minimum of 600 calories available for dinner, again way more than I will probably eat. Due to the amount I workout (1.5 hours a day) I aim for between 1500 and 1700 calories during the week and slightly less on weekends. I don't believe in starving myself but this cold has been messing with me for the past couple of days. I will try and be better tomorrow and at least have a big salad or sandwich for lunch. Still, I am looking at the positives, I am not snacking the way that I used to, and I have not had any coffee in the past two weeks, both of these are good things. Not to mention, that I am back down to a weight which does not thrill me but I can live with and work to make better. So, an okay but not perfect day.

I feel icky

The weekend was pretty decent in terms of food, well Saturday was better than Sunday. Today, I am coming down with a bad cold, sore throat, head hurting, deep desire to crawl back into bed. So, I did what I normally do in such situations, I went to the gym and exercised. I cannot miss work today, we are so low on staff, that bad things would happen if I were not here. So, here I am when what I probably should be doing is crawling into bed and not moving because I feel horrible. I have a salad for lunch and as always the goal is to stay on track for another day.

Belatedly checking in

I have had a hectic day (which is nothing as bad as Monday will be) and so did not have time to check in. I am doing fine, I took it a little bit easy in my spin class because my legs were sore. I am completely on track with food, although my office is begining to worry. I work in a place which to a certain extent equates food with love, and the fact I am not eating their food worries them. This is a small island and every celebration here centers around food and an abundance of food. Choosing to not eat rice is positively shocking and only having salad for lunch puzzles people. Still, right now, I am sure this is working for me. So, I am sticking to the plan and avoiding snacks. Oh, and I did file my taxes today which means that is another stressful activity which is done. Here, you have to file your taxes in person because you need a stamped copy of your return. This is because the local IRS has been known to misplace tax returns. It is actually pretty fast, I had everything stamped and turned in very quickly (less than 15 minutes). Anyway, I am tired and it is the end of the day so I am headed home now.

Doing well

Well, still doing fine. My legs are a little bit stiff from the running (which frankly is a reminder that I need to do it more often). I managed another 40 minute run along with a fair amount of other cardio. I am still completely on track with food which is nice, and has not been nearly as much as a problem as I expected. I do know how to do this, it is not physically hard on me, it just ends up requiring a fair amount of mental focus on my part. Little mental things are hard, like deciding to actually get on the treadmill in the morning and run, or like declining the good but fatening food my co-workers cooked and eating my salad instead. I have either been losing weight or maintaining for over two years now, and really I can manage to do this without problems when I put my mind to it. I imagine that I have more of a struggle with this given my long-term food issues but I do know even I can manage it.

Afternoon, Day Three

I have sucessfully made it through 90 percent of another day. Still totally on plan, plus I finally managed to drink 2.5 glasses of water while at work which is a good thing. My goal each day remains the same, if I can get through the workday, I will be totally fine. Once I get home, I just have to make dinner from whatever healthy food is in my apartment. This is not a problem right now, since there is not very much bad food available at home. I have learned overtime to keep trigger foods in forms that have to be manipulated before they can be eaten. For example, I have chocolate in my house, but it is unsweetened and bittersweet (neither of which are really appetizing until you bake them. I have butter and have never been tempted to eat a whole stick of butter on its own (at least to date), the same is true of sugar (I can't imagine just eating spoonfuls of it). I do not keep cheese in the house, because it is easy to wolf down tons of it, no crackers based on the same theory. I only have frozen bread which has to be reheated and that will be gone soon as well. No pasta, again because I have a tendency of eating far too much of it. I do have tons of frozen fruit for smoothies, vegetables, oatmeal, eggs, soy milk, some peanut butter (will not be replaced), plain non-fat yogurt, diet soda, black beans, lentils, fat free cooking spray and water. This along with a cupboard overflowing with spices is sufficient to keep me healthy and happy in terms of food. The problem comes with the plentiful supply of food at work that I simply should not be eating and I am working on just avoiding that food. We will see what happens (not that I do not contribute to bad food at work because I am a baker and I do). Still, for today, I am good.

Day three, morning check in

This morning I managed to run for 40 minutes straight. Since I was only running a 10 minute mile, that worked out to exactly 4 mile. Logically, this means I could probably run a 10k in about an hour or a 5k in about 30 minutes, this is mindboggling on some level since I could not even run a mile when I was a teenager. I feel better today, than I have in a while, I think it is the universe bonking me on the head and reminding me that I function much better when I am not eating sugar or too many carbs. I actually haven't felt hungry for the past few days, although I recognize that I am on the low end of the calorie scale right now. At the gym I am going to try and keep working on increasing my running times, rather than worrying about how fast I am running. I think part of the reason I stopped running is I did not like running super fast and so I am going to stick with a 10 minute mile pace for awhile. So, right now I am doing well and still focusing on just managing to get through each individual hour and each separate day.

Still doing okay

It is now approximately 4:20 pm and I think for today I can declare a small measure of victory over food. There is no real bad food at home in the apartment, I do not buy snacks or chocolate or anything like that, knowing my weaknesses. Not only has there been no coffee today, but there has been no snacking today. I sat down at lunch at my desk and very carefully ate my salad which had carrots, tomatoes and a little bit of salmon in it. So, today has been (so far) oatmeal for breakfast, two diet sodas, and the aforementioned salad. This is how I eat on plan (except I usually have two snacks during the day), when I am doing the really hard version of my plan. Well, except I drink water and not soda but I am not there yet, hopefully water will be added in after the weekend shopping trip to K-Mart. I am going to hazard a guess that I am too low on calories, but this week there is no snacking because I have been doing it constantly until now. Dinner will be a pretty decent size, and I expect it will compenstate for what I have not eaten during the day. I do forget, that I can be on plan and be completely okay with it, when I get really far off track. I lose my way and I feel like I am begining to find my way back. This is how it needs to be for a few months and I know I can manage it, day by day.

Day Two for the millionth time

One day at a time right now. Yesterday, with one minor slip in the evening was completely on plan. Well, I was extremely difficult during the day, but that is because I had a horrible headache. I would think it was a caffine headache, but I don't drink that much coffee on the weekends (if any) and I do not have that problem. I think it was more a combination of drastically limiting my food and working out hard. I probably ate around 1,500 calories but I know I have been exceeding that on a regular basis. I have a salad today for lunch, I have not had any coffee and other than a slightly lazy workout I am doing pretty well today. Of course, it is only 8 am in the morning so who knows what will happen over the rest of the day. However, it is the first time I have brought my lunch in over a month so that is progress.

You've been eating again

This morning, in a feat of either brilliant resolve or general stupidity (take your pick), I went cold turkey on coffee. Yup, we are back on that plan, the no bad food whatsoever plan. I usually drink a huge amount of coffee at work, so that is banned for the immediate future. I am going back to salads for lunch and no snacks in between until my eating is under control. I have cleared the vast majority of rice and bread products out of my house, only frozen homemade bagels remain and I do not eat nearly as much frozen food because it needs to defrost and I have no microwave and lack the patience to wait for it to naturally defrost. The no sugar ban remains in effect for the foreseable future. I have officially hit a weight I do not like, and until I see one I can live with, I am going to be really stringent on my eating habits. I may start adding more night workouts, but I can never seem to manage it and so I may resort to buying a vcr and using workout videos at home. Alternatively, I could just do more situps and core fitness stuff at home and that would be a good thing. I know that the problem is what I am eating more than anything else I am doing and so now I have to really watch what I put in my mouth and just work on a daily plan. I am trying though, and it is the first time in a long while.

Checking in

So, last night I actually skipped the grocery store on the theory I would eat everything in sight. I am contemplating whether or not to go back to the gym tonight and get in some cardio. I am definately going to go tomorrow night because I know the spin instructor. I am spending all day in court so that may cut down on snacking today which is one of my real problems recently. I only ran for about 10 minutes this morning plus an hour on the eliptical machine and I know I need to up the intensity. Using the eliptical machine is my cop-out cardio workout, it is what I do when I do not feel up to a hard workout. If I feel motivated I will go back tonight otherwise I am going to do a core fitness workout at home and some situps. I did finish cleaning up my bedroom, living room, and kitchen last night which just leave the spare room, bathroom and utility closet to conquer over the rest of the week. It is too soon to say I am back on track but I am feeling much closer this week.

To snack or not to snack

I'm having a late afternoon desire to snack. This is a bad idea, and I know it. So far, today has been pretty decent overall in terms of food, not great but decent. Thus, snacking would only serve to erode any progress that I have made by working out. This is all compounded by the fact that I need to go to the grocery store after work, which means I will be hungry and in a place with a lot of food. I have about an hour of work left, and I will probably delay leaving the office by 30-45 minutes after that because of traffic. So, I will debate the grocery store thing until then, because not going would really be a better plan if I can swing it. Alternatively, I could always go to the store later tonight and eat dinner before going which would diminish the desire to eat everything in sight. Anyway, I am still debating the issue and trying to restrain myself from eating at the same time. So far it is working.

"Hey Mr. DJ, Pick me up and move"

I have the music from my spin class stuck in my head from this morning. The instructor tried to kill us this morning with tons of jumps and sprints. I actually spent the weekend cleaning my apartment which is helping me to feel more organized and on track. I am not actually done cleaning, which tells you how disorganized I have been, but I am close. Tonight, I am going to clean out the closet and get rid of the rest of the trash that just needs to be tossed. I am a little bit of a pack rat, what else is new. I am always surprised at how much better I feel when I reduce the clutter in my life and being disorganized is usually a sign that I am under a fair amount of stress. I am going to try to make it to the gym at least one night this week in addition to my normal morning routine because I have better cardio workouts when I am awake and not tired. I am also going to try to go to bed by 9 pm at night because that will prevent me from feeling tired and makes it more likely that I will actually run. So, today I feel like I can get back on track, and I am just taking it one day at a time.