Doing well

Well, still doing fine. My legs are a little bit stiff from the running (which frankly is a reminder that I need to do it more often). I managed another 40 minute run along with a fair amount of other cardio. I am still completely on track with food which is nice, and has not been nearly as much as a problem as I expected. I do know how to do this, it is not physically hard on me, it just ends up requiring a fair amount of mental focus on my part. Little mental things are hard, like deciding to actually get on the treadmill in the morning and run, or like declining the good but fatening food my co-workers cooked and eating my salad instead. I have either been losing weight or maintaining for over two years now, and really I can manage to do this without problems when I put my mind to it. I imagine that I have more of a struggle with this given my long-term food issues but I do know even I can manage it.

Afternoon, Day Three

I have sucessfully made it through 90 percent of another day. Still totally on plan, plus I finally managed to drink 2.5 glasses of water while at work which is a good thing. My goal each day remains the same, if I can get through the workday, I will be totally fine. Once I get home, I just have to make dinner from whatever healthy food is in my apartment. This is not a problem right now, since there is not very much bad food available at home. I have learned overtime to keep trigger foods in forms that have to be manipulated before they can be eaten. For example, I have chocolate in my house, but it is unsweetened and bittersweet (neither of which are really appetizing until you bake them. I have butter and have never been tempted to eat a whole stick of butter on its own (at least to date), the same is true of sugar (I can't imagine just eating spoonfuls of it). I do not keep cheese in the house, because it is easy to wolf down tons of it, no crackers based on the same theory. I only have frozen bread which has to be reheated and that will be gone soon as well. No pasta, again because I have a tendency of eating far too much of it. I do have tons of frozen fruit for smoothies, vegetables, oatmeal, eggs, soy milk, some peanut butter (will not be replaced), plain non-fat yogurt, diet soda, black beans, lentils, fat free cooking spray and water. This along with a cupboard overflowing with spices is sufficient to keep me healthy and happy in terms of food. The problem comes with the plentiful supply of food at work that I simply should not be eating and I am working on just avoiding that food. We will see what happens (not that I do not contribute to bad food at work because I am a baker and I do). Still, for today, I am good.

Day three, morning check in

This morning I managed to run for 40 minutes straight. Since I was only running a 10 minute mile, that worked out to exactly 4 mile. Logically, this means I could probably run a 10k in about an hour or a 5k in about 30 minutes, this is mindboggling on some level since I could not even run a mile when I was a teenager. I feel better today, than I have in a while, I think it is the universe bonking me on the head and reminding me that I function much better when I am not eating sugar or too many carbs. I actually haven't felt hungry for the past few days, although I recognize that I am on the low end of the calorie scale right now. At the gym I am going to try and keep working on increasing my running times, rather than worrying about how fast I am running. I think part of the reason I stopped running is I did not like running super fast and so I am going to stick with a 10 minute mile pace for awhile. So, right now I am doing well and still focusing on just managing to get through each individual hour and each separate day.

Still doing okay

It is now approximately 4:20 pm and I think for today I can declare a small measure of victory over food. There is no real bad food at home in the apartment, I do not buy snacks or chocolate or anything like that, knowing my weaknesses. Not only has there been no coffee today, but there has been no snacking today. I sat down at lunch at my desk and very carefully ate my salad which had carrots, tomatoes and a little bit of salmon in it. So, today has been (so far) oatmeal for breakfast, two diet sodas, and the aforementioned salad. This is how I eat on plan (except I usually have two snacks during the day), when I am doing the really hard version of my plan. Well, except I drink water and not soda but I am not there yet, hopefully water will be added in after the weekend shopping trip to K-Mart. I am going to hazard a guess that I am too low on calories, but this week there is no snacking because I have been doing it constantly until now. Dinner will be a pretty decent size, and I expect it will compenstate for what I have not eaten during the day. I do forget, that I can be on plan and be completely okay with it, when I get really far off track. I lose my way and I feel like I am begining to find my way back. This is how it needs to be for a few months and I know I can manage it, day by day.

Day Two for the millionth time

One day at a time right now. Yesterday, with one minor slip in the evening was completely on plan. Well, I was extremely difficult during the day, but that is because I had a horrible headache. I would think it was a caffine headache, but I don't drink that much coffee on the weekends (if any) and I do not have that problem. I think it was more a combination of drastically limiting my food and working out hard. I probably ate around 1,500 calories but I know I have been exceeding that on a regular basis. I have a salad today for lunch, I have not had any coffee and other than a slightly lazy workout I am doing pretty well today. Of course, it is only 8 am in the morning so who knows what will happen over the rest of the day. However, it is the first time I have brought my lunch in over a month so that is progress.

You've been eating again

This morning, in a feat of either brilliant resolve or general stupidity (take your pick), I went cold turkey on coffee. Yup, we are back on that plan, the no bad food whatsoever plan. I usually drink a huge amount of coffee at work, so that is banned for the immediate future. I am going back to salads for lunch and no snacks in between until my eating is under control. I have cleared the vast majority of rice and bread products out of my house, only frozen homemade bagels remain and I do not eat nearly as much frozen food because it needs to defrost and I have no microwave and lack the patience to wait for it to naturally defrost. The no sugar ban remains in effect for the foreseable future. I have officially hit a weight I do not like, and until I see one I can live with, I am going to be really stringent on my eating habits. I may start adding more night workouts, but I can never seem to manage it and so I may resort to buying a vcr and using workout videos at home. Alternatively, I could just do more situps and core fitness stuff at home and that would be a good thing. I know that the problem is what I am eating more than anything else I am doing and so now I have to really watch what I put in my mouth and just work on a daily plan. I am trying though, and it is the first time in a long while.

Checking in

So, last night I actually skipped the grocery store on the theory I would eat everything in sight. I am contemplating whether or not to go back to the gym tonight and get in some cardio. I am definately going to go tomorrow night because I know the spin instructor. I am spending all day in court so that may cut down on snacking today which is one of my real problems recently. I only ran for about 10 minutes this morning plus an hour on the eliptical machine and I know I need to up the intensity. Using the eliptical machine is my cop-out cardio workout, it is what I do when I do not feel up to a hard workout. If I feel motivated I will go back tonight otherwise I am going to do a core fitness workout at home and some situps. I did finish cleaning up my bedroom, living room, and kitchen last night which just leave the spare room, bathroom and utility closet to conquer over the rest of the week. It is too soon to say I am back on track but I am feeling much closer this week.

To snack or not to snack

I'm having a late afternoon desire to snack. This is a bad idea, and I know it. So far, today has been pretty decent overall in terms of food, not great but decent. Thus, snacking would only serve to erode any progress that I have made by working out. This is all compounded by the fact that I need to go to the grocery store after work, which means I will be hungry and in a place with a lot of food. I have about an hour of work left, and I will probably delay leaving the office by 30-45 minutes after that because of traffic. So, I will debate the grocery store thing until then, because not going would really be a better plan if I can swing it. Alternatively, I could always go to the store later tonight and eat dinner before going which would diminish the desire to eat everything in sight. Anyway, I am still debating the issue and trying to restrain myself from eating at the same time. So far it is working.

"Hey Mr. DJ, Pick me up and move"

I have the music from my spin class stuck in my head from this morning. The instructor tried to kill us this morning with tons of jumps and sprints. I actually spent the weekend cleaning my apartment which is helping me to feel more organized and on track. I am not actually done cleaning, which tells you how disorganized I have been, but I am close. Tonight, I am going to clean out the closet and get rid of the rest of the trash that just needs to be tossed. I am a little bit of a pack rat, what else is new. I am always surprised at how much better I feel when I reduce the clutter in my life and being disorganized is usually a sign that I am under a fair amount of stress. I am going to try to make it to the gym at least one night this week in addition to my normal morning routine because I have better cardio workouts when I am awake and not tired. I am also going to try to go to bed by 9 pm at night because that will prevent me from feeling tired and makes it more likely that I will actually run. So, today I feel like I can get back on track, and I am just taking it one day at a time.

At least I'm still trying

I am not entirely out of my bout of not caring about things yet. I'm working on it, working on clawing my way back. I ran this morning at the gym, I need to do that more often because it clears my head and makes me feel like I have accomplished something for the morning. The real problem is that I cannot shake the exhaustion brought on by a poor work environment. The exhaustion makes it very difficult to actually feel motivated to work out at all, let alone at 5 am in the morning. However, right now, I simply cannot make myself go workout in the evenings. So workout time remains at 5 am and I keep trying to find motivation. Eating away from work is fine but at work it is not really very good. I have probably eaten my weight in jellybeans over the last week. I'm just trying to balance everything out as best I can right now. Balance is hard to achieve but I am doing my best and I don't want to thing about where I would be if I did not work out.

Not much to report

So, I'm at work, on a Saturday no less. I have been here since 9:30, I am about to go to court with the eight magistrates for the day and then head home. I need to go to the post office but I doubt that I will make it out of court before the post office closes. I need a nap among other things, and a chance to clean my apartment. Not to mention a few other things. The problem with working on a weekend is you lose an entire day to do things that you need to get done. Oh, and notice how none of this post is diet or exercise related, yup that is not going well either today. Anyway, I am off to court, I don't want to be late or the judge will be mad at me and then I will be there forever. Hopefully there will be posting on Monday, we shall see.

Well yeah

Yeah, don't ask where I have been or how I have been doing on plan. Not so well. When you almost quit your job three times in one week, it should give you an idea about the state of life in general. I have however been diving a lot and I am still working out, but other than that I can't say much has been going well in terms of diet.

Tired

I am still about 90 percent on track, despite various job frustrations. Honestly, there is just no way to shake the exhaustion at this point or prevent the desire to just go home and sleep. I did run this morning for about 30 minutes and did the rest of my cardio workout. Right now I am just waiting for traffic to clear out a little bit because I need to stop at the grocery store on my way home and buy oatmeal. I need to cut down on coffee and eating out, but it does not seem to be in the cards this week. Alternatively, I need to lift more weights at home, but so far that is not happening either. I could talk about the nastiness at work, but it isn't worth rehashing it here. Suffice it to say I am going to be glad to get out of here at some point soon. Anyway, at least I am posting today which is impressive given the day in general. Maybe tomorrow will be better at work, but I am not holding my breath. I am off to the store now.

Weight Loss Diving

This weekend I went on a night dive with some friends. Night diving is very different from diving during the day because you lose a lot of visual cues and narrow your field of vision. In a way, it is a good metaphor for the whole weight loss process. When you are really focused on losing weight, your field of vision narrows to the scale and and pounds lost or gained. You lose sight of the big picture, of where you have been and where you are now. Much as one can come to appreciate the multitude of things which can be seen in the small space of the flashlight it is not the whole picture of the universe around you. I am working on remembering everything I have accomplished and not just the scale. In case it is not obvious, I find diving remarkably spirtual on some level, and very calming. I'm not religious and never will be but being in the natural world calms and soothes me in many ways. It quiets my brain and lets me unwind which is a miracle given my personality.

The Baking Dilema

Last night I slightly went over calories, probably by about 100 calories or so. That was probably due to going out to dinner. Today is the retirement party for one of the people in my office and at the staff's request I made two coffee cakes. The problem is that I could not actually taste test the batter because it had sugar in it. I find it incredibly hard to bake that way, even though I did manage it. Hopefully they will taste all right although I won't know that either. I am going to be very careful at lunch and hope that everything will continue to workout over the next few weeks. Also, I did purge my kitchen last night so there is no butter, chocolate, sugar, or cream to be found (all of my baking supplies). I do have lots of good things like frozen vegetables, brown rice, and cooked chicken. I need to shop this weekend for things like whole wheat pasta and frozen shrimp but other than that I am now set.

Ramblings

I must admit, the fact people (immediate family excepted) read this blog always surprises me. I don't have much time durring the day to post, usually just five or ten minutes when I get a free second. I don't (as a result) respond to comments usually because there is no time. Especially for the last year or two, I have pretty much been treading water when it comes to weightloss. I have been hovering around 155-165 since I arrived on my little island. Too much food, not enough intense exercise. So, I wonder about that whole inspiration thing, especially due to lack of progress. Then again, I think that is the thing about weight loss, it is a constant struggle. The hard part is always mental not physical. If, like me, you have always had an unhealthy relationship with food, the struggle does not end when you figure out how to lose weight, rather it is just begining. So, more than two years from where I started, I still struggle with the same issues. Just on a slightly different level. Now, it is not did I exercise but how hard I exercised, now it isn't did I eat a whole bag of candy but I had snacked a little bit too much during the day. When I started, I usually bounced around between 236 and 242, now I bounce around between 155-165 lbs and in the end that is really good progress. So, maybe that is what I should go with despite my current frustrations.

Hanging on

So, here I am at day four of discovering that yes there is a wagon and I should be on it. I've clawed my way back down the scale by losing 2.5 lbs in the past four days, which still puts me higher than I would like to be (in otherwords above my comfort level on the scale). Still the speed with which I have dropped some of the excess weight is comforting to me. I did not run this morning, I tried to run but my hips were aching and I stopped after five minutes. However, trying to run was an improvement on my part, after the last month of general inactivity (and yes I realize my version of inactivity is not the same as everyone else). I even lifted free weights at home last night and did lunges and squats. I feel much better this week than I have felt in awhile as a result. I think part of what I need to begin doing is transitioning from someone who just works out because she has to into someone who works out because they are an athlete, thus the continuing thought that maybe I will train for either a triathlon or some similar event. I am not an athlete, at least I never have been, but I need to become one to keep my interest in working out from waning. In other news, I am keeping up with the no real sugar in my diet. Last night, I threw out pretty much all the coffee stuff in my apartment which includes mocha mixes and so on, and after tonight I am throwing out all of the sugar and probably all the butter in my apartment. Why after tonight? I promised to bake coffee cakes for a work party tomorrow and I need sugar for that, then it will go away. My goal is to only keep really clean food on hand for the next month or so and then to see where I am at the end of March. It is amazing the amount of food you can eat when all of the food is good protein and vegetables and not processed crap.

Day three and counting

I am remarkably stiff this morning, apparently I haven't been using the muscles for running very much recently. Yesterday was a good food day, which makes two days in a row for the first time in a long time. Despite being sore this morning, I still hoped on the treadmill this morning and ran. It was not a good run. However, I did effectively prove to myself (at least according to the treadmill) that I am running at least 3.1 miles every time I run. I feel good about my exercise level for the first time in weeks, and a little less bored. I think I am going to aim for running about 3 miles on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays. I have been debating giving up coffee for the next month, even though I can have it with fake sugar. I think this week I will just give up sugar. I will work on lowering my coffee intake slowly and I will start by not drinking coffee on weekends. I think a ridiculously drastic plan would probably be bad.

A General Plan

So, this morning in the free time I do not have at work, I did some research. Basically, it all boiled down to the following information. A sprint triathalon (basically 1/2 of a full length triathlon) would be a 5 k run, a 13 mile bike ride, and a 1/2 mile swim. Right now, I could probably do a 5 k run, the swim and bike rides would be a little more questionable but I could probably manage each one. Could I do all of those things on the same day? Probably not. So, maybe I will begin training for a mini-triathlon over the next few months. First, I am going to go buy some books, because as we all know, I am the queen of fitness books. Also, I am going to give up sugar completely for the next 40 days. Why 40 days? Lent starts tomorrow, and although I am not Catholic all of my co-workers are Catholic and giving up various things. So, it is a nice manageable length of time and everyone else will be depriving themself as well so now seems like a good time. Recognizing the fact that I need shortcuts and simplicity in my life, I am also going to work on bringing a premade lunch (this week Lean Cuisines) and keeping frozen vegetables and chicken breasts at home. So, tonight I am going to clean out the cupboards at home again and get back to basic healthy eating.

Wagon Day 2

So, that is what the wagon looks like, I had not seen it in months so I was not sure. Anyway, last night I actually lifted free weights and did sit ups. Food was good yesterday except for one slip with a piece of cake which I only ate due to starvation pains. So, today I brought healthy snacks. This morning I also actually ran for 30 minutes at 6.5 mph in addition to my regular eliptical workout. I notice that I retain a certain level of fitness even when I have spent a month slacking on my cardio routine. I have come to the stunning (not really) realization that I am simply bored with what I am doing in terms of cardio. I am casting around for something to get me interested again, I like spinning and running is generally a good thing when I actually do it. I am vaguely kicking around the idea of begining to train for something like a triathalon in my spare time, so I am going to look at begining that process slowly over the next few months. Very slowly mind you, and we will see whether I manage to stay on the wagon as it were in terms of diet and exercise.