Venting and a small rant

My legs are incredibly stiff this morning. I think that perhaps step aerobics followed by yoga and topped off by hipboxing class within less than forty-eight hours was probably not the best plan. So, unless I feel really inspired tomorrow morning, I am going to take it easy and just do a mellow cardio workout. I am happy to report that I am finally about 90 percent back to normal, the pain of the sunburn has faded into insignificance and as a result I got plenty of sleep last night which helped immensely. I do not think that I have had such a bad burn in over four years, clearly I need to start using a higher spf sun screen (and yes I did use it). Normally I try and stay out of the midday sun here as much as possible because it is harsh. Obviously that plan did not work out last Sunday. This weekend I am going to take it easy and just clean my house and get errands done (and stay out of the sun). The bad attitude cloud that is my co-worker has re-descended upon the office. She was out yesterday. It is amazing how the attitude permeates the office and makes everyone feel uncomfortable and on-edge. Yesterday was remarkably peaceful and mellow in the office, but I cannot say the same for today. I am always hesitant to write about my office and the people in it, they certainly have not volunteered to be blogged about on the world wide web, but this problem is so strongly influencing my stress management ability and personal state of mind that I cannot help myself. I work in an open office space, no real walls and no doors to close. There are not even real cubicles at this point. Thus, noise and by extension emotions bleeds right into my personal workspace. We have erected a wall between me and this coworker and that has helped enormously this morning (it only went up yesterday). Still, I am left with a deep desire to go over to her desk and suggest that she stop behaving like a four year old brat. However, it will not help the situation and so I am restraining myself and letting senior management handle the situation. Well, I am venting here, obviously. Okay, enough about work, moving on with my life and the day. I feel rather like offering some totally unsolicited advice to the blogsphere today. Also, I am feeling a little ranty today (in case you had not noticed). People, seriously, eating under 1200 calories a day is a bad idea. At least, for the vast majority of us who are working out and trying to lose weight the old fashioned way. If you are eating under 1,200 calories a day and working out, your body will assume that you are starving yourself and try and hold on to every single calorie it can find. Personally, I usually end up at between 1,500 and 1,700 calories each and every day. Frankly, I hit that number simply by eating a sensible breakfast, lunch, and dinner. This is my normal meal plan, breakfast is a bowl of oatmeal, I then usually have something when I get to work, either a piece of whole wheat bread or a little bit of cheese. Lunch is a salad with veggies, some cheese, and meat (usually chicken). I have about three cups of coffee with equal and fat free creamer in it, sometimes more or less depending on my stress level. That usually holds me until dinner, if I feel hungry I will hunt down some kind of healthy snack in the late afternoon. When I go home, I usually have a spoonful of peanut butter (and yes it is the healthiest one I could find in the store) then I start dinner cooking and I pop in an exercise dvd and workout for 30 minutes to an hour. Dinner is invariably some kind of protein (usually chicken) and hopefully veggies. I am working very hard at making sure I have vegetables with dinner. Recently, I have been eating a lot of black bean soup for dinner and a fair number of sweet potatoes. Last night for example, I had chicken curry which had sweet potatoes, onions, garlic, coconut milk, and chicken in it. I use small bowls for my meals, usually cereal sized bowls. Then I usually have a bowl of fat free yogurt which I combine with frozen fruit and splenda. If I am out of splenda I have been known to use sugar to sweeten the yogurt and fruit. Seriously, when I add it all up, at a minimum, on a really low calorie day, I have hit between 1,200 and 1,300 calories at that point and usually at least 1,500 calories. This is keeping in mind that people seriously underestimate the amount of calories they are consuming at any given time. So, people, please try and be realistic and sensible about the amount of food you need to put into your body to fuel it properly. I am not on a diet, I never have been except in the very start of my weight loss journey. I am on a plan that I personally believe I can live with for the rest of my life. Yes, sometimes I fall off it for month long periods with a loud bang, but I am working on the emotional issues that cause that to happen (and trust me it is always emotional issues for me). I am attempting to make sure that I live a long and healthy life. A life without the medical problems which come from being seriously overweight. I am only 28 years old (I will turn 29 in a little under a month). If I am lucky I will live into at least my 80's like my maternal grandparents. That is at least 51 years, hopefully more. 51 years would be a horribly long time to be on a really restrictive diet and I would not even contemplate such foolishness. You cannot live on 1,100 or 1,000 calories permanently, and you may gain weight when you go back to a normal plan. So, why not start out on a normal plan which will help you lose weight and which only requires the addition of a few hundred calories when you begin to maintain your weight. Okay, rant officially over, you may return to your regularly scheduled programing.

Evening Post

I was watching television tonight, and I ended up watching something called the U.S. Today Weight Loss Challenge. It is funny how something like this can push my buttons. First, I am not a big fan of programs which involve prepared meals for several reasons. Foremost among those reasons, they are expensive, and more importantly you do not learn how to manage your own food and calories. It probably is my own personal prejudice, but seriously how can you live on package food for your whole life? I cannot imagine doing that myself, so promotion of such programs tends to personally irk me for some reason. Perhaps it is because I have managed this whole process by myself, and so I see such things as a crutch that you will eventually have to learn to live without or being successful in the long run will be difficult. In a tangent, I should say that the chicken curry I made tonight was pretty rocking, if I do say so myself. The recipe is adapted from Nancy McDermott’s cookbook, Quick and Easy Vietnamese:75 Everyday Recipes which is published by Chronicle books. I am not reproducing it here because I don’t want to reproduce the work of someone else. I will say that it suffered from a problem I have run across in other curry recipes, it ended up with too much oil floating around in the mixture. So, I would probably reduce the amount of oil I used by at least half. However, it was good other than that, and I made it very spicy which helped limit portion size. Okay, so that kind of makes me sound like a freak, but I figure whatever works. I had more than enough so I don’t feel deprived, but not so much that I exceeded my daily calorie allotment. Weight loss for me has always involved some trickery and negotiation between my brain and my desires. Still, I forgot what a high it was to eat food that I had personally prepared. I was invited to dinner tonight, but I begged off because I was tired and wanted to come home and do some yoga and then go to bed. I know, I sound like an old fuddy duddy, but right now I am just really working on staying on plan. Once again I am ending a day only having eaten food that is good for me and with a really clear mind and two good workouts under my belt. Frankly, that is huge success in my book and it makes me very happy. I have not been this centered and focused in at least three to six months and as always it is a revelation to me how at peace I feel about the process. If I can manage this working under my current office conditions I imagine that this can only become better once I move on from here into a happier less stressful environment. One last thing, everyday at the end of the day I am asking myself two questions, and these are the questions: What have I done today that is good for my physical body? What have I done today that has improved my emotional well being? I know it sounds very new agey and overly holistic and that is not really who I am at heart. However, I think that these questions are really important for me right now. Most days the answers are very simple, I ate well, I wrote in my blog, I read a good book, I practiced yoga, I drank all my water, I talked to my family. Whatever it is that I did, I force myself to slow down and evaluate my day and see where my head it at right now. So, today, slow down and see where your head is at today, and let yourself be grateful for where ever that place happens to be right now.

The Festival Of Chicken

I am not a person who really likes group exercise classes (despite my unholy devotion to spinning classes). I feel that I should make this declaration immediately before proceeding with the rest of this entry. I always screw up the steps and look like a total idiot at some point during the proceedings (okay usually several times during the proceedings). It is the combination of a total lack of coordination with no musical ability and an occasional problem remembering which side is left and which is right, and trust me that is a problem which usually crops up during moments of high stress. I say all this as if it will somehow explain how I ended up in the middle of a step aerobics class at 5:30 this morning hopping around like the aforementioned idiot that I am in such classes. Actually, to be fair, it was 30 minutes of step aerobics and 30 minutes of spinning in combination with about 10 additional minutes of ab work at the end. I had no intention of taking this class when I went to the gym this morning, nope, I was going to have an easy day on the eliptical machine because my sunburn is still bothering me and then go on my merry way. However, not one or two, but three separate people told me about the class and insisted that I attend. Then to top it all off I ended up in the front row of the step aerobics class sweating like a maniac and trying to figure out how I had ended up there in the first place. I swear the morning classes in my gym are like a little cult, they are almost entirely made up of married women (I am one of the youngest people there) who come faithfully five days a week and take every single class and once they suck you in, well there you are in step aerobics at 5:30 in the morning. Now, it was an excellent workout, I enjoyed it and I will probably go back next week, not that I will have a choice, however I don’t have any clue how I ended up being one of the people who takes all the classes in the morning. If I am being honest, I have no idea how I ended up in any group exercise classes because I do not really like them. However, I have learned a few valuable lessons as a result, first the workouts will push you which is especially good when you feel like slacking off, and second, no one cares if you look like an idiot because they are probably worrying about the same thing or dying from the pain of exercising. Also, the classes are a reminder that my fitness level is really pretty good, because I could walk into the class without ever having taken it before and keep up with all the cardio with no problem (although I need to do more ab work). Last night’s workout was not very good but at least I did a few stretches and a few minutes of yoga which I needed to stretch my back which was tense. I did however manage to roast enough chicken for the rest of the week which was very exciting. Also, it tasted really good although I think you could experiment with more complicated rubs and have excellent results. So, courtesy of my father here is my roast chicken recipe and I swear that tonight I am make my chicken curry so I will report on that tomorrow. First, brine the chicken legs/thighs/breasts that you are using for thirty minutes to two hours. (I did for thirty minutes and I was using chicken legs and thighs). The brine I used was as follows: 1 cup Kosher Salt (you can substitute ½ cup table salt) 2 quarts water That is all you have to put in the brine, no really. Second, turn on the broiler in your oven and separate the oven racks, one should be high up under the broiler but not so close you can’t slide the roasting pan with the chicken on it under the broiler (minor technical glitch I had last night). The other should be lower and closer to the bottom of the oven, mine was pretty close to the bottom of the oven but I have an absolutely tiny oven. Now, on your roasting pan put all of your chicken, skin side down (unless you are being ridiculously healthy and roasting chicken with no skin). Season your chicken to taste. I just put pepper on both sides since the brine had salt in it already. Put the pan in the oven, on the lower rack and let it cook for 15-20 minutes, in a good oven it would probably only take 15 minutes to begin to brown, in my oven it takes 20. When the chicken has been cooking for 15-20 minutes and is turning a lovely golden color and smells really good, pull it out and flip it over. The skin side is now up if you are keeping track. Cook for an additional 10-15 minute until it reaches an internal temperature of around 160-170 degrees. If (like me) you are without a meat thermometer, this would be a good point to check and see if the meat is cooked and the juices run clear. Now, take the pan and move it to the top rack, directly under the broiler. Cook for a minute or two until the skin is crispy and slightly browned. Pull out the chicken and let it rest under a foil tent for at least 10 minutes. There you go, perfectly roasted chicken which if stored in an airtight container should last for between 1 week and 10 days. Plus, it tasted fabulous even though all it was seasoned with was salt and black pepper. As I say, you could go fancy with rubs but it is not necessary, I chose not to because I know I am going to use the chicken in my curry and also in some chicken salads that I am going to make this week, so I wanted to keep it very simple. So, there you go, the festival of chicken recipes have begun.

Monday Morning

Well, at least I went and bought cookbooks and groceries this weekend. I did not manage to get any actual cooking done. Instead, I spent all day Sunday diving and developing a lovely and rather painful sunburn along the way on my shoulders and back. Let me tell you, putting a sports bra on over a sunburn is really no fun at all. However, that is exactly what I did this morning as I dragged my tired rear out of bed and headed to the gym. I had a decent workout, not great but decent and given the circumstance that was a miracle. I almost went back to bed this morning instead of going to the gym because I felt vaguely ill and I did not sleep well last night due to the aforementioned sunburn. Tonight I must do my cooking for the week. I have decided that my theme is going to be food item rather than a region (mostly because it is easier to focus on a product). So, this month I am going to experiment with chicken because (a) I eat it all the time (b) it gets really boring cooking it the only way I know how right now, and (c) it is healthy and cheap. Ergo, I saved 30 dollars on groceries this week. So, tonight I am going to brine some chicken and roast it. In addition, I am going to make a curry which I found in my new cookbook (recipes from Vietnam) which will probably be dinner tonight. Oh, and I am happy to report that I only had a minor deviation from my plan this week and that was Sunday. My snacks were not exactly what I would normally have and neither was the restaurant grilled fish burger that I ate after the dive trip. However, since I did not eat dinner, I think it all evens out in the end. However, all last week and Saturday were totally on plan and today is back to normal as well. I have my water and salad chilling in the work fridge, I have had my morning coffee and I am headed back for a second cup. Tonight, I go back to doing my home yoga workouts at night and I feel pretty good about that as well. I am planning on brining my chicken while I am doing my workout and then cooking it when I am finished. Once I spend tonight cooking I should be set for the rest of the week and be able to get away with just reheating and combining things. So, overall things are going well and I have finally had a weekend of basically good eating, so I am pleased with myself.

Proof Exercise Works

I’ve said this before, but on the days where the stress gets really bad I have developed a new solution. I sneak off to the bathroom and do a round of 45-60 regular sit-ups. If I had an office with closed doors, I would just use my office but no such luck. I have discovered that with a couple of adrenaline spiking exceptions, the stress is unrelated to what I have to do at work. It has far more to do with other people imposing their personal meltdowns and frustrations upon those around them (including me). More and more I become intolerant of such outbursts, not that I haven’t been prone to my own personal work tizzies. However, those shrink in regularity the more that I workout and take proper care of myself. Frankly, currently there is one person in my office who simply needs to get a grip or go running or something. When I was a teenager I used to have tantrums of global proportions, slamming doors (to the extent that my father removed the lock from my door), throwing things and stomping off. Those have faded away, and to some extent I can point to the day I started to seriously work out as the day those fits faded away. My rage rarely gets inflicted on people now, rather it is expended through furious treadmill runs and upon defenseless spinning bikes. All of this is also helped by the fact that I am not eating over processed sugar laden food and sticking with healthy options. I have a feeling that the yoga is also assisting me in releasing stress and learning to be balanced in my life. When you are faced with the negativity that such outbursts produce it makes it more important to avoid them and behave like a reasonable adult. It seems funny to say that when the person having the most outbursts is quite a bit older than me, but it is still true. Today obviously involved a entirely unnecessary meltdown and when I realize that this was what was stressing me out, I went into the bathroom, closed the door and did 45 sit-ups. I feel better now as a result.

TGIF

I adore Fridays, especially Friday afternoon. The weekend stretches out ahead of one and there is the contemplation of sleeping as late as possible (well, at least until 8 a.m.). I am especially excited about the fact that I managed to have four hard cardio sessions this week (and one slacker day i.e. Thursday). Tomorrow is my day off from working out, I do plan on doing some kind of workout on Sunday but I am not sure what will be involved. I have not decide whether or not I will do a workout tonight, my body is pretty sore today and I may just give myself a rest night. I just realized that I have managed to avoid past and bread all week long (which is hard for me). Last night I was going to stop and pick up bread and have a sandwich for dinner but I decided against it at the last minute and reheated my black bean soup instead. Thus, I managed to not spend any money and stay on plan at the same time, I love when I talk myself into making good choices. I assume I will manage to make it through the rest of the afternoon without major problems and thus will have managed to survive a week on plan with only two minor deviations. This is possibly a reminder of how I can actually run my life when I try being organized and on top of things. I will also end the week with around 10 dollars in my wallet, which is not something that I ever manage when I am eating out during the week. All of this falls in line with my plan to live as simply as possible for awhile with no extraneous and possibly unnecessary purchases (well except for a few cookbooks). I would like to think that I will manage to live this way long term again, but right now I am only looking at getting through one day at a time. I will worry about long term later and stick to focusing on each meal right now.

The struggle continues

Yesterday and this morning involved some minor deviations off my food plan. Minor in that I could then recalculate what I was going to eat for the rest of the day and be fine. There would not have been any deviation this morning if my regular coffee shop had been open, but it wasn’t so I ended up at the fancy coffee shop and splurged on a correspondingly fancy caloric coffee drink. Yesterday, I ate some sugary food and that all started because I had a Luna bar when I got to work. I know it sounds odd, but I have discovered recently that the moment I add in anything like an energy bar to my daily food consumption I instantly veer off track. Probably because most energy bars are full of sugar themselves. So, no more of those in the diet for now. At least I can point to an actual reason for my dietary woes, I am trying to become really mindful of what makes me eat off-plan and what keeps me on track. I wish I could say I had made up for it with a fabulous workout this morning but my body was tired and insisted on taking it easy. I figure one easy workout morning during the week is acceptable and tomorrow will be more challenging since I have a spin class. Maybe I will make up for it tonight with an extra challenging yoga session at home, depends on how I feel at the end of the day. I have not had a day in a long time where work did not leave me emotionally drained and exhausted and I am trying to compensate with workout sessions which renew me. Some times it works and some times it does not, but I keep trying each and every day. Last night, I also proved that I should not try to make up recipes on my own. I tried to through together something involving a pureed sweet potato and a few other ingredients. It was horrible and instantly went down the drain (which was a good thing because I put entirely too much butter in it). Instead, I had chicken tossed in a little leftover alfredo sauce (don’t have any idea why I bought that, but most of the sauce got tossed anyway), and called it a night. This is why I have to start cooking food on Sunday and storing it in individual dinner containers so I don’t waste things when I cannot figure out what to make on any given day. I should know this by now, but better late than never. Some days, I just wish that this was easier. That I did not need to be so careful about what I put into my body and so focused on portion size. However, I do have to be this careful with my remarkably slow metabolism and long history of personal obesity. I have to remind myself that this is not about what other people can do, but about what I can do and my body can handle. It is an everyday struggle and probably always will be and I continue to learn how to live within that reality.

Where I am today

Last night, in my continuing efforts to shrink my rear end, I tested out a exercise dvd consisting of dance moves. If I am being frank, I purchased it solely because it was on sale at K-Mart. While it did make me sweat a lot, I cannot say that I was terribly impressed. Mostly because it was very hard to follow the moves and the instructor was excessively perky. So, I have a feeling that this will end up as more of a backup dvd than one I keep in regular rotation. I have noticed that one benefit of working out at night is that it keeps me from eating excessively when I get home. Last night, I heated up a can organic black bean soup and tossed in some cooked chicken. I only made it through half the bowl of soup and my blackberry lassi even though I could have eaten more and been fine calorie-wise, I just was not that hungry after working out. The rest of the soup has been carefully stored in a container in the fridge in case I feel like eating it tonight or at some point this week. I am slowly but surely accumulating a fridge filled with leftovers that I need to eat sooner rather than later. Right now tucked away in the fridge, I have a sweet potato, red pepper, olive and feta salad, an additional baked sweet potato, the aforementioned soup, and extra cooked chicken. I need to somehow use all these items up between now and Sunday when I go grocery shopping again. The problem is, I am brilliant at following recipes but when I attempt to throw something together it always turns out badly and excessively caloric. So, I am still racking my brain about what I am going to do with these items, I may just end up reheating them and eating them without further alterations. It will probably depend on how tired I am at the end of the day. I have noticed that my pre-planning is starting to pay off. This morning, I was horribly late in leaving my house (long story, but really I should not start searching for things at 4:30 in the morning, it never works out) and at a dead run. However, I was able to grab lunch with a minimum of fuss because I had water and my prepared salad bowls easily at hand. This is really my new goal, to prepare everything on Sunday so I do not need to fuss during the rest of the week. Oh, and I still made it to the gym in time for my class, although I did not get in the extra cardio I usually do before class. I will try and make up for it tonight by doing my fast-paced yoga dvd and also by running tomorrow morning. Also, (yes I am long winded today) I am still mulling over my recipe of the week and what kind of theme I will be choosing for the next month. It will probably be the cuisine of a particular country–either Thai food or Indian food but I have not decided yet. Either that, or I am going to spend a month preparing chicken in different ways. I am still deciding but I know that I want to pick a recipe where I can store the leftovers and reheat them easily in the oven (I do not own a microwave). Also, it needs to be low calorie and high protein. So this requires a fair amount of thinking and investigation over the next few days. I love projects.

An entirely food related post

So, here is my new thought. I have been reading a lot of food blogs with the theory that I need to expand my food horizons to items other than pasta (always a downfall). My thought is that I will try and cook one new dish a week and write about it. Thus, I will expand both my culinary horizons and also blog topics. Maybe I will try out themes, such as a month spent cooking with one ingredient or a month spent on one country’s dishes (although one month will not be enough for Italy). I am thinking of doing all the cooking on Sundays because that is a day that I am usually at home and also it is the day that I go to the store for my weekly groceries. Plus, I can cook extra and freeze it for dinner during the week. I know already that there will be issues along the way, especially in terms of ingredients. Fresh food costs a lot here, and it can be very difficult to find ingredients (unless the ingredients are used in Thai or Asian cuisine). Still, I am going to give it my best shot over the next month.

I thought that I would start early with one of my favorite things. I stole this recipe from somewhere (sadly I cannot remember where) and then I altered it. You might say that this recipe stems from a desire to revisit some old childhood memories. I can remember being very young and going berry picking with my older brother and parents in the delta area which is part of the San Francisco Bay. Whether the memories are accurate or not, I can remember us ending up with huge white buckets filled with blackberries and raspberries which would quickly be decimate leaving both my brother and I with berry-stained hands and mouths. My brother especially could devour half a bucket of berries in the blink of an eye or a five second turn of a parental back. I can distinctly remember the color of the blackberries, fading from true black to a dark red wine color. I can’t get good fresh raspberries or blackberries where I live now, so I have to settle for the frozen variety and admittedly they never defrost quite right. So, they require some work before being worth eating. A while back, I stumbled upon a recipe for a very good mango lassi and I began to wonder if it could be altered for other fruits. The answer was clearly yes after some experimentation. Thus, my mind turned to blackberries and raspberries (and this is better with raspberries) and I tested it out and was quite pleased with the results. I’m not much for measuring so you will have to approximate amounts.

1/4 cup nonfat plain yogurt (or you can substitute buttermilk)

around 1 cup of berries (I usually eyeball it and go with however many berries evenly cover the bottom of my food processor bowl)

either sugar or splenda to taste (I use splenda) usually two tablespoons is ample if not excessive

around 1/8 cup cold water to help the ingredients blend into a smooth liquid

The result is a tart cross between a smoothie and a lassi which more than fulfills my craving for fresh berries. I usually have this as dessert or a mid-afternoon snack, if I get struck by sudden hunger pains. If you eliminate the water, it turns into a thick semi-frozen berry sorbet without the excessive calories. All of the ingredients can be varied according to taste.

The Long Slow Run

This morning, for the first time in a couple of weeks, I actually did about a three mile run. Oof, I have to start running more often because it was pretty brutal and I was only running a 11 minute mile (as compared to my standard 10 minute mile). I did actually manage to run for a solid 35 minutes which was good and I probably could have kept going but I did want to be able to walk today. Anyway, it meant that I skipped out on what looked like a really good combination spin/step aerobics class but I was already 20 plus minutes into my run when the class started. Next week I may take the class but today I really felt like running so I prioritized that instead. Food and water were spot on yesterday (well I did eat an entire yam for dinner but it is a super food) and I even managed 20 minutes of yoga at the end of the day while dinner was cooking. Thus, I feel like monday was a complete success and I am ready for today. Part of what has been helping is going back to drinking tons of water, it fills me up and I am much better off reaching for one of my little 8 oz bottles of water than a snack. Yoga is also proving to be beneficial because it helps me to relax and unwind which is something that I have never been good at on my own. Now, my main goal is just not to go off plan on Friday or Saturday this week.

Friday/Saturday Problem

I seem to be developing this problem where my food falls apart on Friday and Saturday and then I recover on Sunday. I am working on fixing this, usually I think it is created by all the stress of the week coming to a head on thursday and friday. So, yesterday was decent in terms of food, today will probably be better. I have solved one little problem (excess calories in the form of sugar in my coffee) by simply bringing in fake sugar to work. Every little bit helps, and I am working on baby steps right now. I also brought bottled water to work for the first time in a long time. I am going to try and get in my eight glasses of water today. I am once again dragging myself back on track (for the nine millionth time) but this time I really need to make some progress. I am going to go back to running at least twice a week, because it is the only thing which is guaranteed to work and to really being careful about my food. Part of that probably will involve buying new cookbooks so I can have some variety in my diet, and researching some new ways to get more vegetables into my diet. I have always liked a good project so I am going to treat my diet as my new project and see if this works.

Power Outage

Oy, somedays I just cannot get a break. This morning, I was about 10 minutes into my hipbox class when there was an emergency power outage. Thus, class was canceled because the power outage lasted for about 20 minutes. I went and lifted a few weights in the dark and then when the power came back on I used the eliptical machine for 35 minutes and lifted more weights. I will also practice yoga at home tonight with one of my cd's (probably the longer slower one) and try and get in a hard cardio workout tomorrow morning. I am really enjoying the yoga dvd's (much to my shock) and I think increasing my flexibility will be a really good thing in the long run. Besides, I like the fact that I don't have to think about them and I don't need a lot of equipment to use the dvd's. I can just pop in the dvd while I am making dinner and start working out. My goal is to build up a stack of dvd's that I can alternate so that I don't get bored and stop working out at night. I am hesitant to declare success when I have only been at this new plan for two days, but so far it seems to be working.

Yoga Girl

So, the last few days have not been exactly perfect foodwise, not horrible but not great. However, I am back on track again and trying to stay balanced. I finally went and purchased a dvd player to attach to my television and in the process of installing it I totally destroyed my tv stand. Lord, I hate mdf built products. It is so dead that I am going to use a hammer and break it up into even smaller pieces and toss it. So right now my tv is sitting on my glass coffee table (which is the only nice piece of furniture that I own). However, despite the destruction of my tv table, the dvd player was a good purchase. I bought a couple of yoga tapes on sale at K-Mart, and last night I actually spent 45 minutes doing yoga. This proved definitively that I am the least flexible person ever ( which I already knew). I am also going to buy some pilates tapes over the internet. My goal is to go to the gym in the morning and do some kind of tape every night (either yoga, pilates, or other core conditioning). This will keep me busy at night and stop me from snacking as it did yesterday. Other than that, I am still drinking far too much coffee but I figure that is a minor vice in the grand scheme of things. I figure that every day is a new opportunity to be healthy and that is what I am trying to do right now.

Missed that Anniversary

As I was skimming through my blog archives this morning, I realized that I had missed an anniversary, actually more of a blogversary. The first post on this blog was on May 13, 2004. So, I have literally been bloging for two years at this point (with occasional month long breaks). So, documenting changes since then seems to be in order. Since May of 2004, I have lost at least 30 lbs, probably more like 50 (with some episodes of regaining in between). Since I started losing weight, I have maintain a loss of at least 70 lbs. I have moved three times, once about 200 miles, then cross country and then across the international dateline (a plane ride of 12+ hours), went to Australia on vacation. I started a new job (which I am leaving in October), had one boyfriend (who moved back to the mainland), got my first apartment, and first cat for that matter. I learned to dive, started running seriously and also stopped running seriously and started taking spinning classes. I have been going to the gym consistently five days a week for more than a year now. I have learned to get up at between 4-4:30 am during the week for more than a year now so that I can go to the gym. Whew, that is a lot of changes over the past few years, both personally and professionally. Sometimes perspective is a really important thing.

Coordination

I am probably the least coordinated person ever, and that is if you are being nice. So, I amazed that my hipbox instructor has not started hyperventilating when she watches me try to do the moves in her class. Then again, no one else is terribly coordinated either for that matter. Mostly I go for the really good ab workout and the weight workout which is part of the class. Plus, I sweat like crazy in there which seems like a good thing. I made curry last night, but I need to work on perfecting it, there was a little bit too much salt involved. I may try it again tonight, we will see what I feel like after work. I think yesterday I managed to do 120 situps (60 at work and another 60 at home) which is a major improvement over past weeks. I have been reminded again of the benefit of living in a place with no excess snacks, there is literally nothing to eat mindlessly because it all has to be cooked. This right now is a good thing (although it would be helpful if I could snack proof work) since I am stressed when I get home and stress invariably leads to eating in my world.

60 Sit-ups

The people in my office are eating lunch together. Only some of them (not all) are annoyed with me so I was not really invited to join them. Plus I brought lunch and ate it at my desk. It was a very tasty southwestern chicken salad. However, I was feeling a bit sorry for myself and could feel the urge to snack rearing its ugly head. So I went into the bathroom which is the only enclosed private space on the floor and did 60 sit-ups. So now I feel better and the urge to snack has passed. Frankly, I have no idea why that worked, not a clue but it did and that makes me happy. Sometimes it really is just about the 60 second rule of finding something else to occupy my brain rather than food.

General Ramblings

Last night I did manage to do some situps at home and stay on plan foodwise. Although, I have eaten so many rice cakes in the last two days that I may start floating soon. I am absolutely aware that my stress level has been completely impacting on my food consumption and I need to find a better way of dealing with both of those problems. I have not figured out a great solution yet but I am working on it. I am thinking that maybe I will invest in some yoga or pilates DVD's and do those at night. Much as I would like to claim that I will make it to the gym every night, I am forced to admit that most nights it is easier to just hop in my car and drive home. Therefore, I would be well served by making sure I have workout stuff at home rather than worrying about making another stop at the gym at night. I already own a bunch of weights and a workout ball so these would just be additions. I am evaluating the finances (since I need to buy a dvd player) and will probably make a decision by this weekend. Tonight I am going to make chicken curry for dinner so that I have some good protein and then turn in early. Tomorrow morning I have a hipboxing class (which is always interesting because I am not terribly coordinated) and if I feel really motivated I will go to spin at night. Once again I am inching back to my normal food plan and I feel much better as a result.

Here we go again

Saturday morning, I packed up my cat, all of my clothing, and rapidly scuttled back to my own apartment. I have never been so excited to get back into my own space in my entire life. The last few weeks have been a debacle of too much chocolate and sweets, lots of coffee, and not enough sleep. The return to my own apartment meant a return to sanity finally and an extra 30 minutes of sleep everyday. Sunday and today were good food days, probably since I made it to the store and stocked up on premade salad bowls for lunch and low calorie soups for dinner. I have decided that I am simply going to lose the battle on drinking coffee and so instead I am just going to make sure I do not drink coffee with anything but low calorie creamers and small amounts of sugar. I will say this, work is ridiculous and horrible and insane. I walk into work and I want to eat chocolate, but I am not going to do that anymore. If I keep eating sweets, I really won't fit into my clothing. I am going to start working out in the evening ( I think I need to by a VCR and get tapes or something) even if it is just five minutes of abs and try to focus my stress on something positive. Oh, and last week, I got my hair cut into a short bob (about chin length) which will look bad if I gain any weight in my face so that is an incentive as well. I keep trying and struggling and failing and trying again, but I know as long as I keep trying that I am doing better than I could possibly have imagined a few years back. (Oh, and I am keeping up my morning exercise routine just fine).

Sleepy

I am really dragging today, getting up twenty minutes earlier every day is going to wear me down. However, there are certain benefits to house sitting, including having a roommate around who makes it worth cooking actual meals. I don't normally cook very much for myself, I should but I don't because I end up with ridiculous amounts of extra food. However, when I have someone else around who can eat the food that I cook, well then I have more incentive. Last night I made pasta with homemade tomato sauce, which was good and pretty healthy. Tonight, I am thinking about making a home made veggie pizza and maybe some corn. I have also discovered that the grocery stores are finally starting to sell pre-made salad bowls which is very exciting. I love these because I know exactly how many calories are in them and I can just throw them in my bag and take them to work for lunch. I did not have money to pick up any this morning, but I will probably stop tomorrow and buy a couple for the rest of the week for lunch. So, hopefully that will really help me get back to where I need to be over the next few weeks.

Where was I?

Er, right where was I ? Ahh yes, slacking off again. I am keeping up on exercise just fine but food is just killing me recently and I am so tired of saying that over and over again. Mostly, I know it is related to the fact that I walk into work and the stress and tension overwhelms me instantly (and everyone I work with for that matter). Add in the fact that I have had at least one party every weekend for the past month and it has been bad. So, I am struggling to keep my head above water, but I am still trying. This morning, I ran a mile, then did an hour long spin class, lifted weights and finished with 20 minutes on the eliptical machine and a ten minute cooldown on the treadmill. I am house sitting for the next two weeks so I had to get up 30 minutes earlier than normal to get to the gym on time for my spin class. I am not a big fan of getting up at 4 am and driving for 30 minutes but I did not want to miss exercising. Tomorrow, I will probably get up a little bit later and go run at the gym before I come into work. I am going to keep working on the food thing as well, hopefully I will get better over the next few weeks.

Holding by my fingertips

Yesterday, as I anticipated, was a very bad food day. A huge lunch out and then dinner at a restaurant as well. I find that this whole having a life thing tends to interfere with my workout plans and diet plans. This morning I have had some chocolate which is bad. I will try to be on track for the rest of the day. I was exhausted this morning and so I only managed a 15 minute run and 75 minutes on the eliptical. I would have preferred to run for 40 minutes but I did not feel up to it. My goal is to run at least three days a week and spin the other two days, so at least I managed that goal. Hopefully I will get food back on track today (after the chocolate) and be back to being pretty zen by the weekend. I will see if I can manage that it should not be that hard.

Head Trip

I was reminded again of the very wierd head games that losing weight can cause even in a reasonably sane person. Today is Secretaries Day (which disturbingly has been retitled "Administrative Professionals Day" but I'm not going there) and I have to go to lunch with my staff. I have a feeling that food will be a problem at this event (and not just because they are having a chocolate fountain). Therefore, I knew I needed to do some serious cardio to at least break even today. I did not want to run today, I in fact came up with a whole series of other options. I did however make a deal with myself, if I got to the gym and it was cooler than yesterday then I would run. So, since it was much cooler in the cardio section than the day before, I forced myself onto the treadmill and started running. The first 30 minutes of running were no fun at all but I kept going and at that point it became a reasonably zen experience and I kept going until I hit the 4 mile mark at 40 minutes. The rest of the workout was pretty decent but at least I managed a good run. It is disturbing how that would have not happened if I had listened to what my brain was telling me. So, right now I feel pretty decent.

Not completely off the wagon

I have been about 70 percent on plan since last time I was here. Eating was not good this weekend, there was a huge barbeque on Saturday, dinner out on Sunday, and rather a lot of slip ups in between. Yesterday was better, today has been better still, and if the pattern continues I may make it completely back on track by tomorrow. Also, the stress level at work has been rising over the past couple of days and got really bad this morning. I'm a prosecutor and when defense lawyers call and check on me to make sure I am alright, well that is when you know I am having a bad day. Food is definately a stress relief for me and so, since I can't just leave work and go for a run, it is really tempting to just eat. Still, I keep trying to stay on plan, and for the most part it is working. Add to that a decent run this morning (only 30 minutes due to the fact the air conditioning was broken at the gym and it was very hot) and I feel okay today. Hopefully, I can get through this afternoon without any problems and go home and feel better. I will see how it goes.

Middle of Week Two

I am still recovering from this cold, so running for 30 or 40 minutes was out of the question today. The last time I did that with a headcold, I ended up with a really horrible cough that lingered for days. So, I used the eliptical instead and tacked on a slow 10 minute jog at the end of my workout. It felt pretty good actually to jog, even if it was just for a few minutes. I hate not feeling 100 percent when I am decently motivated to work out, but I know in the long run it will be better if I ease off and recover over the next few days. I might go diving this weekend and if I do, I will want to be past this cold. I was thinking this morning about how it is always the same struggle, just different scenery. Now I fuss about my weight bouncing up into the 160's before I fussed when my weight went over 230. Despite the distance I have come, it is hard to get past the small details and see the big picture, but I keep trying. I am still on track with food, except for yesterday's wackiness and I plan to stay that way for the rest of the week. Plus, I have not really been snacking and that is a very good thing, plus no coffee or high-calorie drinks (one of my downfalls). So other than the cold, I am doing well in my second week on plan.

More or less on track

This is actually a late check in for me. Life as always is hectic, and I have to remember to post. I went to the gym this morning but I am still not entirely better so I took it easy. No running today, hopefully I will feel up to running tomorrow. I just used the eliptical machine today and did a few minutes after that on the stairmaster. My eating today was weird, no other way to describe it. Oatmeal for breakfast, two Luna bars, a small muffin, and five M&M's. This is not how I normally eat, but I just was not interested in food today. I figure at best, I am at around 900 calories today, and I have a feeling I am overestimating my calorie consumption. That leaves a minimum of 600 calories available for dinner, again way more than I will probably eat. Due to the amount I workout (1.5 hours a day) I aim for between 1500 and 1700 calories during the week and slightly less on weekends. I don't believe in starving myself but this cold has been messing with me for the past couple of days. I will try and be better tomorrow and at least have a big salad or sandwich for lunch. Still, I am looking at the positives, I am not snacking the way that I used to, and I have not had any coffee in the past two weeks, both of these are good things. Not to mention, that I am back down to a weight which does not thrill me but I can live with and work to make better. So, an okay but not perfect day.

I feel icky

The weekend was pretty decent in terms of food, well Saturday was better than Sunday. Today, I am coming down with a bad cold, sore throat, head hurting, deep desire to crawl back into bed. So, I did what I normally do in such situations, I went to the gym and exercised. I cannot miss work today, we are so low on staff, that bad things would happen if I were not here. So, here I am when what I probably should be doing is crawling into bed and not moving because I feel horrible. I have a salad for lunch and as always the goal is to stay on track for another day.

Belatedly checking in

I have had a hectic day (which is nothing as bad as Monday will be) and so did not have time to check in. I am doing fine, I took it a little bit easy in my spin class because my legs were sore. I am completely on track with food, although my office is begining to worry. I work in a place which to a certain extent equates food with love, and the fact I am not eating their food worries them. This is a small island and every celebration here centers around food and an abundance of food. Choosing to not eat rice is positively shocking and only having salad for lunch puzzles people. Still, right now, I am sure this is working for me. So, I am sticking to the plan and avoiding snacks. Oh, and I did file my taxes today which means that is another stressful activity which is done. Here, you have to file your taxes in person because you need a stamped copy of your return. This is because the local IRS has been known to misplace tax returns. It is actually pretty fast, I had everything stamped and turned in very quickly (less than 15 minutes). Anyway, I am tired and it is the end of the day so I am headed home now.

Doing well

Well, still doing fine. My legs are a little bit stiff from the running (which frankly is a reminder that I need to do it more often). I managed another 40 minute run along with a fair amount of other cardio. I am still completely on track with food which is nice, and has not been nearly as much as a problem as I expected. I do know how to do this, it is not physically hard on me, it just ends up requiring a fair amount of mental focus on my part. Little mental things are hard, like deciding to actually get on the treadmill in the morning and run, or like declining the good but fatening food my co-workers cooked and eating my salad instead. I have either been losing weight or maintaining for over two years now, and really I can manage to do this without problems when I put my mind to it. I imagine that I have more of a struggle with this given my long-term food issues but I do know even I can manage it.

Afternoon, Day Three

I have sucessfully made it through 90 percent of another day. Still totally on plan, plus I finally managed to drink 2.5 glasses of water while at work which is a good thing. My goal each day remains the same, if I can get through the workday, I will be totally fine. Once I get home, I just have to make dinner from whatever healthy food is in my apartment. This is not a problem right now, since there is not very much bad food available at home. I have learned overtime to keep trigger foods in forms that have to be manipulated before they can be eaten. For example, I have chocolate in my house, but it is unsweetened and bittersweet (neither of which are really appetizing until you bake them. I have butter and have never been tempted to eat a whole stick of butter on its own (at least to date), the same is true of sugar (I can't imagine just eating spoonfuls of it). I do not keep cheese in the house, because it is easy to wolf down tons of it, no crackers based on the same theory. I only have frozen bread which has to be reheated and that will be gone soon as well. No pasta, again because I have a tendency of eating far too much of it. I do have tons of frozen fruit for smoothies, vegetables, oatmeal, eggs, soy milk, some peanut butter (will not be replaced), plain non-fat yogurt, diet soda, black beans, lentils, fat free cooking spray and water. This along with a cupboard overflowing with spices is sufficient to keep me healthy and happy in terms of food. The problem comes with the plentiful supply of food at work that I simply should not be eating and I am working on just avoiding that food. We will see what happens (not that I do not contribute to bad food at work because I am a baker and I do). Still, for today, I am good.

Day three, morning check in

This morning I managed to run for 40 minutes straight. Since I was only running a 10 minute mile, that worked out to exactly 4 mile. Logically, this means I could probably run a 10k in about an hour or a 5k in about 30 minutes, this is mindboggling on some level since I could not even run a mile when I was a teenager. I feel better today, than I have in a while, I think it is the universe bonking me on the head and reminding me that I function much better when I am not eating sugar or too many carbs. I actually haven't felt hungry for the past few days, although I recognize that I am on the low end of the calorie scale right now. At the gym I am going to try and keep working on increasing my running times, rather than worrying about how fast I am running. I think part of the reason I stopped running is I did not like running super fast and so I am going to stick with a 10 minute mile pace for awhile. So, right now I am doing well and still focusing on just managing to get through each individual hour and each separate day.

Still doing okay

It is now approximately 4:20 pm and I think for today I can declare a small measure of victory over food. There is no real bad food at home in the apartment, I do not buy snacks or chocolate or anything like that, knowing my weaknesses. Not only has there been no coffee today, but there has been no snacking today. I sat down at lunch at my desk and very carefully ate my salad which had carrots, tomatoes and a little bit of salmon in it. So, today has been (so far) oatmeal for breakfast, two diet sodas, and the aforementioned salad. This is how I eat on plan (except I usually have two snacks during the day), when I am doing the really hard version of my plan. Well, except I drink water and not soda but I am not there yet, hopefully water will be added in after the weekend shopping trip to K-Mart. I am going to hazard a guess that I am too low on calories, but this week there is no snacking because I have been doing it constantly until now. Dinner will be a pretty decent size, and I expect it will compenstate for what I have not eaten during the day. I do forget, that I can be on plan and be completely okay with it, when I get really far off track. I lose my way and I feel like I am begining to find my way back. This is how it needs to be for a few months and I know I can manage it, day by day.

Day Two for the millionth time

One day at a time right now. Yesterday, with one minor slip in the evening was completely on plan. Well, I was extremely difficult during the day, but that is because I had a horrible headache. I would think it was a caffine headache, but I don't drink that much coffee on the weekends (if any) and I do not have that problem. I think it was more a combination of drastically limiting my food and working out hard. I probably ate around 1,500 calories but I know I have been exceeding that on a regular basis. I have a salad today for lunch, I have not had any coffee and other than a slightly lazy workout I am doing pretty well today. Of course, it is only 8 am in the morning so who knows what will happen over the rest of the day. However, it is the first time I have brought my lunch in over a month so that is progress.

You've been eating again

This morning, in a feat of either brilliant resolve or general stupidity (take your pick), I went cold turkey on coffee. Yup, we are back on that plan, the no bad food whatsoever plan. I usually drink a huge amount of coffee at work, so that is banned for the immediate future. I am going back to salads for lunch and no snacks in between until my eating is under control. I have cleared the vast majority of rice and bread products out of my house, only frozen homemade bagels remain and I do not eat nearly as much frozen food because it needs to defrost and I have no microwave and lack the patience to wait for it to naturally defrost. The no sugar ban remains in effect for the foreseable future. I have officially hit a weight I do not like, and until I see one I can live with, I am going to be really stringent on my eating habits. I may start adding more night workouts, but I can never seem to manage it and so I may resort to buying a vcr and using workout videos at home. Alternatively, I could just do more situps and core fitness stuff at home and that would be a good thing. I know that the problem is what I am eating more than anything else I am doing and so now I have to really watch what I put in my mouth and just work on a daily plan. I am trying though, and it is the first time in a long while.

Checking in

So, last night I actually skipped the grocery store on the theory I would eat everything in sight. I am contemplating whether or not to go back to the gym tonight and get in some cardio. I am definately going to go tomorrow night because I know the spin instructor. I am spending all day in court so that may cut down on snacking today which is one of my real problems recently. I only ran for about 10 minutes this morning plus an hour on the eliptical machine and I know I need to up the intensity. Using the eliptical machine is my cop-out cardio workout, it is what I do when I do not feel up to a hard workout. If I feel motivated I will go back tonight otherwise I am going to do a core fitness workout at home and some situps. I did finish cleaning up my bedroom, living room, and kitchen last night which just leave the spare room, bathroom and utility closet to conquer over the rest of the week. It is too soon to say I am back on track but I am feeling much closer this week.

To snack or not to snack

I'm having a late afternoon desire to snack. This is a bad idea, and I know it. So far, today has been pretty decent overall in terms of food, not great but decent. Thus, snacking would only serve to erode any progress that I have made by working out. This is all compounded by the fact that I need to go to the grocery store after work, which means I will be hungry and in a place with a lot of food. I have about an hour of work left, and I will probably delay leaving the office by 30-45 minutes after that because of traffic. So, I will debate the grocery store thing until then, because not going would really be a better plan if I can swing it. Alternatively, I could always go to the store later tonight and eat dinner before going which would diminish the desire to eat everything in sight. Anyway, I am still debating the issue and trying to restrain myself from eating at the same time. So far it is working.

"Hey Mr. DJ, Pick me up and move"

I have the music from my spin class stuck in my head from this morning. The instructor tried to kill us this morning with tons of jumps and sprints. I actually spent the weekend cleaning my apartment which is helping me to feel more organized and on track. I am not actually done cleaning, which tells you how disorganized I have been, but I am close. Tonight, I am going to clean out the closet and get rid of the rest of the trash that just needs to be tossed. I am a little bit of a pack rat, what else is new. I am always surprised at how much better I feel when I reduce the clutter in my life and being disorganized is usually a sign that I am under a fair amount of stress. I am going to try to make it to the gym at least one night this week in addition to my normal morning routine because I have better cardio workouts when I am awake and not tired. I am also going to try to go to bed by 9 pm at night because that will prevent me from feeling tired and makes it more likely that I will actually run. So, today I feel like I can get back on track, and I am just taking it one day at a time.

At least I'm still trying

I am not entirely out of my bout of not caring about things yet. I'm working on it, working on clawing my way back. I ran this morning at the gym, I need to do that more often because it clears my head and makes me feel like I have accomplished something for the morning. The real problem is that I cannot shake the exhaustion brought on by a poor work environment. The exhaustion makes it very difficult to actually feel motivated to work out at all, let alone at 5 am in the morning. However, right now, I simply cannot make myself go workout in the evenings. So workout time remains at 5 am and I keep trying to find motivation. Eating away from work is fine but at work it is not really very good. I have probably eaten my weight in jellybeans over the last week. I'm just trying to balance everything out as best I can right now. Balance is hard to achieve but I am doing my best and I don't want to thing about where I would be if I did not work out.

Not much to report

So, I'm at work, on a Saturday no less. I have been here since 9:30, I am about to go to court with the eight magistrates for the day and then head home. I need to go to the post office but I doubt that I will make it out of court before the post office closes. I need a nap among other things, and a chance to clean my apartment. Not to mention a few other things. The problem with working on a weekend is you lose an entire day to do things that you need to get done. Oh, and notice how none of this post is diet or exercise related, yup that is not going well either today. Anyway, I am off to court, I don't want to be late or the judge will be mad at me and then I will be there forever. Hopefully there will be posting on Monday, we shall see.

Well yeah

Yeah, don't ask where I have been or how I have been doing on plan. Not so well. When you almost quit your job three times in one week, it should give you an idea about the state of life in general. I have however been diving a lot and I am still working out, but other than that I can't say much has been going well in terms of diet.

Tired

I am still about 90 percent on track, despite various job frustrations. Honestly, there is just no way to shake the exhaustion at this point or prevent the desire to just go home and sleep. I did run this morning for about 30 minutes and did the rest of my cardio workout. Right now I am just waiting for traffic to clear out a little bit because I need to stop at the grocery store on my way home and buy oatmeal. I need to cut down on coffee and eating out, but it does not seem to be in the cards this week. Alternatively, I need to lift more weights at home, but so far that is not happening either. I could talk about the nastiness at work, but it isn't worth rehashing it here. Suffice it to say I am going to be glad to get out of here at some point soon. Anyway, at least I am posting today which is impressive given the day in general. Maybe tomorrow will be better at work, but I am not holding my breath. I am off to the store now.

Weight Loss Diving

This weekend I went on a night dive with some friends. Night diving is very different from diving during the day because you lose a lot of visual cues and narrow your field of vision. In a way, it is a good metaphor for the whole weight loss process. When you are really focused on losing weight, your field of vision narrows to the scale and and pounds lost or gained. You lose sight of the big picture, of where you have been and where you are now. Much as one can come to appreciate the multitude of things which can be seen in the small space of the flashlight it is not the whole picture of the universe around you. I am working on remembering everything I have accomplished and not just the scale. In case it is not obvious, I find diving remarkably spirtual on some level, and very calming. I'm not religious and never will be but being in the natural world calms and soothes me in many ways. It quiets my brain and lets me unwind which is a miracle given my personality.

The Baking Dilema

Last night I slightly went over calories, probably by about 100 calories or so. That was probably due to going out to dinner. Today is the retirement party for one of the people in my office and at the staff's request I made two coffee cakes. The problem is that I could not actually taste test the batter because it had sugar in it. I find it incredibly hard to bake that way, even though I did manage it. Hopefully they will taste all right although I won't know that either. I am going to be very careful at lunch and hope that everything will continue to workout over the next few weeks. Also, I did purge my kitchen last night so there is no butter, chocolate, sugar, or cream to be found (all of my baking supplies). I do have lots of good things like frozen vegetables, brown rice, and cooked chicken. I need to shop this weekend for things like whole wheat pasta and frozen shrimp but other than that I am now set.

Ramblings

I must admit, the fact people (immediate family excepted) read this blog always surprises me. I don't have much time durring the day to post, usually just five or ten minutes when I get a free second. I don't (as a result) respond to comments usually because there is no time. Especially for the last year or two, I have pretty much been treading water when it comes to weightloss. I have been hovering around 155-165 since I arrived on my little island. Too much food, not enough intense exercise. So, I wonder about that whole inspiration thing, especially due to lack of progress. Then again, I think that is the thing about weight loss, it is a constant struggle. The hard part is always mental not physical. If, like me, you have always had an unhealthy relationship with food, the struggle does not end when you figure out how to lose weight, rather it is just begining. So, more than two years from where I started, I still struggle with the same issues. Just on a slightly different level. Now, it is not did I exercise but how hard I exercised, now it isn't did I eat a whole bag of candy but I had snacked a little bit too much during the day. When I started, I usually bounced around between 236 and 242, now I bounce around between 155-165 lbs and in the end that is really good progress. So, maybe that is what I should go with despite my current frustrations.

Hanging on

So, here I am at day four of discovering that yes there is a wagon and I should be on it. I've clawed my way back down the scale by losing 2.5 lbs in the past four days, which still puts me higher than I would like to be (in otherwords above my comfort level on the scale). Still the speed with which I have dropped some of the excess weight is comforting to me. I did not run this morning, I tried to run but my hips were aching and I stopped after five minutes. However, trying to run was an improvement on my part, after the last month of general inactivity (and yes I realize my version of inactivity is not the same as everyone else). I even lifted free weights at home last night and did lunges and squats. I feel much better this week than I have felt in awhile as a result. I think part of what I need to begin doing is transitioning from someone who just works out because she has to into someone who works out because they are an athlete, thus the continuing thought that maybe I will train for either a triathlon or some similar event. I am not an athlete, at least I never have been, but I need to become one to keep my interest in working out from waning. In other news, I am keeping up with the no real sugar in my diet. Last night, I threw out pretty much all the coffee stuff in my apartment which includes mocha mixes and so on, and after tonight I am throwing out all of the sugar and probably all the butter in my apartment. Why after tonight? I promised to bake coffee cakes for a work party tomorrow and I need sugar for that, then it will go away. My goal is to only keep really clean food on hand for the next month or so and then to see where I am at the end of March. It is amazing the amount of food you can eat when all of the food is good protein and vegetables and not processed crap.

Day three and counting

I am remarkably stiff this morning, apparently I haven't been using the muscles for running very much recently. Yesterday was a good food day, which makes two days in a row for the first time in a long time. Despite being sore this morning, I still hoped on the treadmill this morning and ran. It was not a good run. However, I did effectively prove to myself (at least according to the treadmill) that I am running at least 3.1 miles every time I run. I feel good about my exercise level for the first time in weeks, and a little less bored. I think I am going to aim for running about 3 miles on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays. I have been debating giving up coffee for the next month, even though I can have it with fake sugar. I think this week I will just give up sugar. I will work on lowering my coffee intake slowly and I will start by not drinking coffee on weekends. I think a ridiculously drastic plan would probably be bad.

A General Plan

So, this morning in the free time I do not have at work, I did some research. Basically, it all boiled down to the following information. A sprint triathalon (basically 1/2 of a full length triathlon) would be a 5 k run, a 13 mile bike ride, and a 1/2 mile swim. Right now, I could probably do a 5 k run, the swim and bike rides would be a little more questionable but I could probably manage each one. Could I do all of those things on the same day? Probably not. So, maybe I will begin training for a mini-triathlon over the next few months. First, I am going to go buy some books, because as we all know, I am the queen of fitness books. Also, I am going to give up sugar completely for the next 40 days. Why 40 days? Lent starts tomorrow, and although I am not Catholic all of my co-workers are Catholic and giving up various things. So, it is a nice manageable length of time and everyone else will be depriving themself as well so now seems like a good time. Recognizing the fact that I need shortcuts and simplicity in my life, I am also going to work on bringing a premade lunch (this week Lean Cuisines) and keeping frozen vegetables and chicken breasts at home. So, tonight I am going to clean out the cupboards at home again and get back to basic healthy eating.

Wagon Day 2

So, that is what the wagon looks like, I had not seen it in months so I was not sure. Anyway, last night I actually lifted free weights and did sit ups. Food was good yesterday except for one slip with a piece of cake which I only ate due to starvation pains. So, today I brought healthy snacks. This morning I also actually ran for 30 minutes at 6.5 mph in addition to my regular eliptical workout. I notice that I retain a certain level of fitness even when I have spent a month slacking on my cardio routine. I have come to the stunning (not really) realization that I am simply bored with what I am doing in terms of cardio. I am casting around for something to get me interested again, I like spinning and running is generally a good thing when I actually do it. I am vaguely kicking around the idea of begining to train for something like a triathalon in my spare time, so I am going to look at begining that process slowly over the next few months. Very slowly mind you, and we will see whether I manage to stay on the wagon as it were in terms of diet and exercise.

Bad News then good

Allow me to now state the obvious, the whole diet and exercise thing has not been going particularly well. I am still working out every morning, but food has been a nightmare recently and I have been slacking on weight lifting. Hmm, I think this is exactly what I said the last time that I posted. Part of the problem is work related, the stress level is so high in the office that it is amazing that we are not all insane at this point. I am a stress eater, always have been, so it is not surprising that I go a little haywire when exposed to an environment such as this one. Part of the problem is just mental tiredness from having been on the diet track for so long. Anyway, there is some good news, I went diving this weekend and felt really peaceful and calm as a result. Well, my ears felt horrible but I always have ear problems diving despite taking sudafed prior to going underwater. Once they cleared, I had a great time. I haven't been diving in almost a year and there is a lot to be said for an activity where all you do is swim around and admire nature. So, I feel closer to being back on track today as a result and that is the good news. I am going to grill up chicken breasts and broccoli for dinner, have salad for lunch and try to cut back on my sugar consumption this week. I will try and post everyday to keep myself accountable, we will see how it goes for the next few days.

Wagon, what wagon?

So, I have been gone for awhile. Work has been remarkably stressfull and I am only now begining to hunt for the wagon that I fell off about two weeks ago. The good news, I have started running again at least one day a week (which I had not done in a long time) and I am still loving my morning spin classes. The bad news, I have not been making it to evening classes at the gym, I have not really been lifting weights at home, and I basically fell into a pile of food for awhile. I am slowly recovering and crawling back toward the wagon. This weekend I cleaned out my fridge and my cupboards, and I only have a few things in there now, all of which are healthy. Unfortunately, yesterday was decreed as chocolate day at work, so my food durring the day was very bad. Today will be better, but I am not aiming for perfection, just a slightly better day.

Back on the night exercise track

So, I actually managed to do what I said I was going to do this week in terms of exercise. Yesterday I picked up my extra weight workout in the morning, and last night I went to spinning class after work. Now, the only problem was that I got the really bad spinning bike and the pedals did not work properly when I was standing up. Unfortunately it was a full class and it was the last bike available so I was not able to switch. So, I did a little more of the class sitting down than I would have liked, but I still managed to work up a good sweat. I feel so much better when I go to my night exercise classes that I need to make it a priority rather than coming up with reasons to not show up and just go home and crash. I am going to try and make it tonight as well and hopefully get a better bike in the class to make it worthwhile. Of course I say that now and something may come up over the course of the day to get in the way. I think part of my issue is that it is hard to park at the gym at night and it is ridiculously busy and crowded. I just need to learn to live with that fact and make sure that I go anyway because it makes such a difference for my mental state, and that makes a crowded parking lot a small price to pay.

Mostly Back on track

So, I have come to a couple of conclusions about yesterday, lack of food is bad and also I need to start drinking more water. I spent all of yesterday with a horrible headache which refused to go away, even after I took pain medication. This morning I did a relatively easy cardio workout and then I lifted weights to make up for yesterday when I skipped my weights workout. Tonight I am going to try to go to the gym afterwork because my co-worker is teaching the spinning class and I really need to make up for yesterday and the amount of food I have been eating. Today I attempting to get back to clean eating and being healthy but we will see how it goes over the course of the day.

I really do know better

Last week ended up being pretty bad in terms of working out and eating. So, I tried to overcompensate on the weekend and did not eat all that much, especially on Sunday. I know better than to not eat a real dinner the night before my spin class, but I ended up only eating cereal and having a small smoothie for dinner. So, this morning, I only made it through 45 minutes of my spin class. Then I called it quits, went to the market and bought a protein bar. I feel much better now that I have eaten, but it means I totally destroyed my workout this morning. I will have to do weights tomorrow morning, make sure I pick up extra cardio at some point this week and generally reorganize my life a bit. On the plus side, I did not actually pass out during the class, and I think people will believe my excuse of having to get to work early. Nope, I refuse to share the real reason behind my early departure. It is a reminder that frustrating as not losing weight can be, the solution cannot involve skipping meals or taking shortcuts. I am working on remembering that this week.

Grr

I have no idea what I did to myself yesterday, but I am really sore today. I think it might have been the combination of spinning and then using the stairmaster for 20 minutes, plus a legs workout on weights. Okay, that was probably it, in any event, I am rather sore this morning. This is probably a good think because it means I actually managed to push my body pretty hard yesterday which is something that I have not achieved recently. My plan is to pick up a spinning class tonight at the gym, or at least a little bit of extra cardio. Not mind you that I am seeing a lot of difference on the scale at the moment. I admit, I never realized how hard it was going to be once I hit 150 lbs. I am pretty careful overall about food, with a few admitted glitches, and I work out all the time. Recently, most of my extra food has been fruit and I balance out the day with a lighter dinner most of the time. I figure most days that I eat between 1500 and 1800 calories and during the week I am usually logging around 2 hours of exercise each day. So, I could probably eat around 2,300 calories (give or take) and maintain my weight in the 150's relatively easily. However, to be eating less than that and not lose any weight is frustrating to me. I know that in about 6-9 months I will be moving back to the mainland U.S., at that point I will re-evaluate but for now I am going to stay with this plan. Still, somedays it is hard.

Aiming for the track

This week, I am determined to get back on track with my evening exercise and eating. I am debating going to spinning tonight, but I probably won't because I don't have clean exercise clothes and I took a spinning class this morning. I am definately going tomorrow night and Thursday night to the gym. I had an excellent spin class this morning which was just what I needed to help with motivation. Food is not as perfect today as it could be, I had chinese food for lunch and far too much coffee today already. Tonight, I will try to balance that out with a smoothie and extra fruit for dinner. I am attempting to live a balanced life and right now I am definately having food issues (not that I don't always have food issues). I think my best bet is to balance out the food with extra exercise and mostly good eating.

Hell Week

The last couple of days have been hell on wheels. Bad work stuff, ridiculous amounts of work and a fair amount of slippage when it comes to exercise and my food. Today, I went to Coldstone Creamery for lunch with my coworker (which gives you an idea of how bad work has been) and got icecream. Actually, I got the smallest size and about 1/3 of it is in the freezer at work because it is too sweet for me to eat anymore. I have made it to the gym every morning but not at night, tonight I am supposed to go and take the hipboxing class that one of my other coworkers teaches. Tomorrow, I am taking the day off from work which I desparately need after this week. My plan is to go to the gym at 5 am for my spinning class and then head home and in all probability go back to bed before going to the mall and spring cleaning my apartment. I will probably not come into work this weekend, I might go check out the local motorcross with a friend but I probably will just take the three day weekend and not worry about work. I keep picking up extra really difficult cases somehow and I need a little bit of time off just to remain sane.

Rant

I am tempted to rant today, tempted because I just got stuck with a trial tomorrow on a case I just picked up last Friday. Sigh. I was planning on taking Friday off but that appears to be out of the question. Anyway, this is not really what I am feeling annoyed about, it is actually more diet related. I get admittedly annoyed when people tell me dietary information as if I have never heard it before in my life. One of my coworkers is now on a diet so we are bringing in lots of fruit and vegetables everyday rather than candy (why this only starts when a new person goes on a diet ignoring the fact that some of us always try to eat like this, I do not know). I mentioned that I could bring in some spiced nuts (really tasty) only to be informed that nuts were high in calories and therefore to be avoided. I know that nuts are high in calories, this is not news to me. However, I also know that nuts are really good for you in moderation, they have good fats and are something that should be included in your diet. I am not suggesting that one should go out and fall face first into a large platter of nuts but that doesn't mean they should be banned either. Anyway, it annoys me because I am very concious of calorie counts and the food that I put in my body. Besides, banning foods annoys me because it leads inevitably to binging on food because you feel deprived and then leads back to really strict restrictions on food. A very nasty cycle that I attempt to avoid in my daily life. Okay, rant over. On another note, I decided to set the background of my computer to a picture of me and my two closest friends from college. This led to the inevitablt discovery that I only have pictures of the three of us from when I weighed 240 lbs. I put it up anyways, hopefully it will be good motivation for me.

The Joys of Spinning

It may possibly be a bad sign when you walk into the local coffee shop and hand them money and they automatically make the drink you want without any words being exchanged. Yep, I have pretty much been getting a large latte every day for quite a while now. However, I have just decided that I can afford the approximately 220 calories everyday if I am careful with everything else that I eat. I went to spinning class this morning and it kicked my rear which was a good thing. There were only 5 people in class and the instructor took that as an opportunity to really crank up the difficulty and resistence. I was basically a puddle of sweat at the end and then I staggered off to lift a few weights. I am rapidly becoming a spinning convert because it is a full body cardio workout which can be adjusted to your own level of difficulty. Also, it seems to be easier on my body than running which is a good thing, and more mentally challenging.

Exercising in spite of myself

Last night, as I was leaving work, I decided that I was not going to the gym. Normally I buy a bottle of water from the vending machine at work if I am going the gym in the evening but I didn't yesterday because I was not going to the gym. However, on the way home, I passed the parking lot for my gym and for some reason turned into the parking lot. I was silently arguing with myself the whole way up the stairs into the actual gym. I made a deal with myself that I would just workout for a little while and then I would go home. So, I lifted a few weights and then worked out on the eliptical machine for 35 minutes. I figure that next week I will try and take a class on Thursday night and a class on Tuesday nights since I don't end up at the gym most wednesday nights. As for today, I took my morning spinning class, lifted weights, and used an eliptical machine for about 20 minutes. Then I went out for lunch and ate ridiculous amounts of thai food. I think that may work against the fact I managed to hit 153 lbs this morning on the scale. I figure it will all balance out provided that I eat a light dinner and watch my food this weekend.

A little less talk and a little more action

Last night I was going to go to the gym, I swear. However, I ended up going out for a drink with one of my coworkers and having spinach dip for dinner. So, I ended up with a relatively high calorie count and no extra exercise. Sigh. On the plus side, when a couple of my coworkers went on a chocolate run, I managed to not eat any of it. So, maybe it all balances out on some cosmic scale of accountability somewhere. At least spinach is a vegetable. I am again going to try to get up the energy to go to the gym tonight and take an exercise class, we will see what happens by the end of the day. I am actually still doing pretty decently on my goals for January but I could improve and actual do what I say I am going to do rather than just saying it.

No Excuses

The problem with working near the gym is that even when you procrastinate and head to your class really late, you still show up exactly on time. So, yesterday even though I did not leave my office until 5:30 pm, I was still on time to my spin class at 5:45 pm. So, I had no excuse for not taking the class. It was a good workout although my hair tie broke and I looked like a headbanger from the early 1980's, masses of hair everywhere. My plan is to also go to the gym tonight but we will see what happens between now and then. In any event, I have now made up for the fact that I missed the gym on Monday morning. I think part of my problem in the afternoons is that my gym gets really crowded with people and it is hard to find parking and free machines. I much prefer the morning when it is quiet and not a lot of people, however just going in the morning is not working for me anymore. Also, I really like the evening spinning class instructor and I am actually better at spinning when I am awake and functioning. So, for now I will keep trying to go in the evening and my gym bag is always packed with an extra set of workout clothes to limit my ability to skip class. In fact, I am accumulating more workout clothes than regular clothes because of the amount of time I am spending at the gym. If I make it three nights this week, I will actually end up spending a total of 8 hours at the gym (an entire workday). Now that is just frightening.

Changes

Um, yeah. You may notice that I have changed the title of this blog, it seemed like time. After around two years, 300+ posts, and 88 pounds it just seemed like time. As of today, I am weighing in at 153.5 lbs down from my recorded high of 242 lbs. So, whatever else I am, I am not fat anymore, a little bit overweight yes, fat not really. Entering the new year it seemed like time for the change. This year is all about focusing on fitness and fueling my body correctly, about viewing my life as it really is, and recoginzing where I am in that life, and giving myself credit for what I have accomplished. I am going to stop struggling with the weight and focus more on being fit than being skinny. So, changing the title of the blog is part of that, the journey hasn't changed, just where I am on the road. A former fat girl and a lifelong fit woman, I think I like it.

Losing my street cred

I'm begining to lose my credibility as a fat person. I mention this because I have been pondering it for awhile now, well okay, ever since last week. I was talking to a new coworker about joining JAG (the military lawyers) which she had always wanted to do, personally I have never really had a desire to be a military lawyer except when I was really unemployed, I would just be bad at it. Anyway, I said something to the effect of, "Well, I never would have met the height and weight requirements anyway" in reference to the fact you have to be physically fit to be in the military. She looked at me, rather stunned, and said "Oh, c'mon, you skinny little thing, you would have been fine." It was at this point, I was forced to point out that I had been 242 lbs in 2004 and not anywhere near the height and weight requirements of the U.S. Military. More and more I find myself doing this, justifying an understanding of what it means to struggle with food, to be overweight, to be on the otherside of the great American divide. If the average American woman is a size 14 or above, well I am not exactly average anymore, I wear size 10p clothing, actually own a pair of size 8p pants that fit (but that is a fluke), and am small boned in addition. I am little and more and more I look little. Mentally, I do not feel little, but more and more I become a skinny person. I ended up at Pizza hut yesterday for lunch with my coworkers (don't ask how) and the difference in what we ate without thinking about it was mindboggling. One person had 5 slices of pizza and a salad, the other a huge plate of pasta, both ate a slice of the desert pizza. I had 2.5 slices of pizza and 2 breadsticks, which qualifies as a bad meal for me and probably 600 calories. I didn't snack the rest of the day and when I got home I barely made it through a small bowl of whole wheat pasta and vegetables. It just didn't occur to me to eat more than that, I couldn't physically eat more than that in one day. I have a few food vices left (fancy coffee drinks being the major one), but the bad days are getting farther and farther apart. I balance out the vices with exercise, and yes I was back at the gym this morning and I am going back after work tonight. So, when I say I understand what it means to struggle with food, when I comiserate, people stare at me like I am insane, because they just can't see the extra weight or what it takes to keep it off. You can tell the story, but you can't ever convince people it is 100% true. Maybe in the long run that is okay, because in the long run, I don't want to be remembered as the fat girl, I just want to be remembered as myself.

Bad weekend

I would love to be able to tell you what I weigh after this first solid week back on clean eating and extra exercise, but I can't do that accurately. On Sunday I got food poisoning and spent about 24 hours unable to hold down any food at all, or water for that matter. Yes, I know that is entirely TMI. I skipped the gym as a result this morning, it did not seem like a good idea to go when all I had eaten was one bowl of cereal in over 24 hours. Therefore, this morning the scale told me that I weight 152 lbs, which I know is a result of lack of food and dehydration, especially since on Saturday I was at around 154.5 lbs. I am still slightly dizzy today and not very hungry but I am working on getting back to normal. I am going to make up skipping the gym by going in the evening this week once I have gotten some actually food into my system. Tonight I have to catch up on everything I did not get done yesterday (like laundry) and try to get to bed early so that I will be 100 percent tomorrow.

Saturday at the office

I feel better today, however I am at the office because I have tons of work which needs to be done. I cannot remember a weekend when I have not been working except the two weeks I was on vacation. Next week is the only week this month that I do not have at least one jury trial scheduled so I will spend all week trying to get ahead on my work. Honestly, I do not know what I would do if I didn't go to the gym to work out my stress everyday. I would probably go insane on some level. Tomorrow, I am going to go snorkling with a co-worker and maybe next weekend we will go diving. Today is all about running every single errand that I have and finishing up motions and jury instructions due on Monday. I am not working out today or tomorrow at the gym but hopefully I will be working out a lot there next week. I got the evening class schedule and I think I can take spinning tuesday and wednesday night and take hipboxing (which my friend teaches) on thursday night. Add in two morning spinning classes along with my regular cardio schedule and I will be a busy girl. Basically this is all an attempt to ramp up the intensity of what I am doing in terms of cardio and challenge myself. I was getting bored with just running and the eliptical machine and I do not want to get to the point of being so bored that I want to quit working out. So that is where I am and hopefully I will be able to make some real progress over the next few weeks.

Brief check in

So, lost my trial. Third loss in a row if anyone was counting. Sigh. I know my cases are hard, but this is demoralizing. I am still on track dietwise which is good and down about a pound and a half. I even made it to spinning class twice this week, once friday morning and once tuesday night. Next week I am aiming for three classes at night and two spinning classes in the morning. I am exhausted so I am headed home. More tomorrow.

Day three

Day three (Insert ominous music here), I am already on my second cup of coffee for the day because I stayed up late last night. After work last night I went back to the gym and did a spinning class for an hour. The instructor pretty much killed all of us for an hour. Much to my surprise, I discovered while on vacation that I really like spinning classes. Not to mention the fact that it burns around 700 calories according to my instructor. I actually managed to stay on plan foodwise yesterday as well, but I probably did not eat enough dinner. I was so tired when I got home that I only ate a bowl of cereal for dinner. I am probably not going to make it back to the gym tonight because I have to prepare for closing statements in my trial . I am going to be really glad when I am out of trial for awhile. That will allow me to be less stressed and focus on the rest of my life for a little bit. I have to get back to work now.

Day 2 or thereabouts

Technically yesterday panned out to almost Day One of the new plan. I say almost Day One because I do not think drinking 4 relatively high calories coffee drinks can be considered a part of the plan. I burned around 600 calories just on those drinks alone which is a lot given that I only ate around 1,500 calories yesterday (by the way, can you tell Kat is keeping a food diary again). I was actually within my calorie range, thanks to the fact I had a salad for lunch, ratatouille for dinner and forgot my snack. I actually spent most of yesterday cooking the ratatouille and I have enough for lunch today. The brilliance of ratatouille is that because it is all vegetables, in this case, tomatoes, zuchinini, onion, and garlic, it does not have a lot of calories. I find it a difficult food only because I do not really love eggplant so it takes some convincing that I will like it. However, I really liked the ratatouille I had yesterday and it saved me from myself and the aformentioned coffee drinks. I have now thrown out the remaining supply of coffee drink stuff and I only have tea left in my house which has no calories. I am allowing myself a latte in the morning while I am in trial and that will stop when the trial ends in a day or so. I am feeling happy with myself today and I even have extra workout clothing packed for this afternoon. As promised, here are some of my measurements as of last night with gratitous commentary: Waist: 31 inches (although I can pull the measuring tape tight enough to get to 29.5 inches but I don't think that counts) Arm: 12 inches (measured at the very widest part, hello hanging excess skin) Hips: 39 inches (also known as the lower tummy area/Kat problem area) Thigh: 22 inches (I measured both of my huge thighs and I don't mean huge in a good way and each one at the widest part was around 22 inches) Bust: 35.5 inches (This one I know started at 44 inches so I think this is an improvement) Torso: 34 inches (Otherwise known as the area below chest and waist) Okay I have to get to work now.

Welcome to 2006

Happy New Year! I am sitting in my office, waiting to go to court for the weekend magistrate hearings. My goal is to be on my way home by a little after 2 pm if possible. Anyway, after a week of feeling really ill, I managed to sleep through most of New Year's Eve and now I feel much better. I suppose that given today is the start of the new year I should reflect on 2005 and set goals for 2006. Admittedly, 2005 was not a very big success in terms of actual weight loss, in the begining of the year I bounced up to around 170 lbs and managed to fight my way back down to around 156 lbs. I have managed to maintain somewhere between 154 and 156 ever since. This only proves that I can maintain my weightloss but I am not so good on losing more weight. So, that is my goal for 2006, I would like to lose at least another 20 lbs and preferably 40 lbs by January 2007. I have a plan on how I am going to do this, in case you were wondering. It will officially start on January 3, 2006 which is the start of this coming work week. One of the things I proved that I could accomplish over the course of 2005 was going to the gym consistently and working out consistently. I have made huge overall fitness strides but I have been stagnating recently. So, I am going to change my routine a little bit. The biggest problem I have is an inability to eat really perfectly on plan, but I am going to try to be better about it. My plan is as follows: 1. Use the resources around me more efficiently. I have a coworker who teaches classes at my gym every weekend but I never go to those classes because classes freak me out. This is silly. So, starting tuesday I am going to go to her classes. She teaches Tue, Wed, and Thur at 5:45 pm and the gym is 5 minutes from work. I have no excuse for not going on those nights. 2. Maintain my current fitness regiment. I am going to keep going to the gym five days a week for between 90 minutes and 2 hours at 5 am in the morning. It just works for me. I am going to keep lifting some weights at home and doing ab work at home five nights a week. This is what makes it possible for me to keep my weight under 160 lbs. 3. Educate myself and find new inspiration. I am going to buy more fitness books (hopefully today) and keep reading everything I can get my hands on, this helps keep me on track. I am also going to buckle down and start keeping a food and fitness diary again (a paper one). I am going to blog five days a week even if only for five minutes in the morning. 4. Clean out the fridge/ apartment and keep only good food. Today, the apartments will be emptied of pasta and other carbs except for my cereal. All the sugar and butter is being thrown out and there will be no extraneous baking for one month. Baking is my excuse to snack and I am getting rid of excuses. Tomorrow, I am restocking with vegetables, meat, eggs, and soy milk and that is it. I am making a salad for tuesday lunch and I am creating a week of menus at a time. I am going to work on cooking meals on the weekend which are healthy and can be eaten over the work week easily. 5. Take my actual measurements/ weight and post them. Update monthly. I have never really done this and it is time to start. This is information which I will post on Tuesday and then post at the begining of every month. I am debating posting progress pictures but I have not made a decision on that since I have a relatively high profile job and to some extent need to protect my anonmity on this website. 6. Organize my life and limit stress. As long as I am neat, tidy, and organized all of this is easy. When I let stress and disorganization take over it all falls apart. I am going to clean my entire apartment this weekend, get rid of my junk and get organized. I have a lot of junk in closets and a whole room which has turned into nothing but a holding area for non-used items. I am tossing everything I do not use on a weekly basis and all clothing I do not wear anymore. I may even throw out some old shoes (gasp). I may well move in the next year and I might as well get rid of the junk now rather than later. That is my plan for the next month. I am going to re-evaluate every month and see where I am and what I need to alter in my life. Most importantly, this year I am giving myself permission to not be perfect and to only worry about what I can really control in my life. I work in an incredibly stressful environment (especially right now) and I need to recognize that fact. I make decisions everyday which effect other peoples lives, and I am not just saying that to be dramatic. I send people to prison, sometimes for a lot of years, and that is a hard thing. So, this year I am going to acknowledge that stress and not kick myself for the fact that it sometimes overwhelms me and my eating habits. I am going to do the best I can everyday and trust that will be enough. Most of all, this year I am going to acknowledge and give thanks for one simple fact. In the begining of January 2004, I weighed around 242 lbs and wore a size 24. In the begining of January 2006, I weigh around 154 lbs and wear a size 10. The difference is 7 dress sizes and 88 lbs. I did it myself, no personal trainers, no nutrionist, no weight loss support group, no weight loss surgery, nothing but my own drive. Not that a personal trainer, nutrionist, weight loss support group, or weight loss surgery would have been a bad thing mind you, but they weren't involved in this process. Just me, myself, and I. Proof postitive of what I can accomplish when I put my mind to it. Now it is time to see what I can accomplish in 2006, I am looking forward to it already.

Home again

I'm back from vacation. I actually got back a week ago, but have been swamped with work. I am also sick and preparing for a felony trial. Hopefully, I will be able to talk by the time I go to trial tomorrow. I have been working out despite being sick, but I basically fell into a pile of Christmas food last week. This week is about getting back on track especially in terms of eating. Hopefully I will start feeling better which would help in terms of exercising and food. Anyway, have to get back to work now.

The table of Doom

An interesting sociological study begins today. It can be nicknamed "the christmas goody table of doom". Basically, we now have an entire table in my office which is covered with cookies and candy canes which is going to remain up for the duration of December. I think everyone can see how this is bad. Also, the table is directly in my line of sight which is bad. Of course, I cooked a bunch of the cookies on it, so possibly I am contributing to my own doom. I think in someways, this is just proof of the problem with the holiday season and that is the abundance of food around, I mean there is always food around my office but it quadruples at this time of year. So far, I have not gained any holiday weight and in fact, I lost around a pound. So, that is my new goal for the next three weeks, not to gain anything. I am working out a lot, I am up to 90 situps a day and running at 6.9 mph, and I am trying to watch what I put in my mouth. So, three weeks, and then life will return to normal, I can manage three weeks.

Still Going

Today was not a very good workout day. I know why, I did not eat very much dinner last night due to eating too much food at work. This created the end result this morning of having no energy reserves when I was working out and mad me feel slightly sick. However, I noticed a difference and I was thinking about it a lot this morning. The difference was that I kept going at the same level of difficulty, now that may have not been an intelligent move, but there was a time where I would have slowed down or stopped entirely. That time is apparently long gone because now I just work on strategies to keep myself going through the last workday workout. I knew I had a snack in my bag and there was food at work so it was just a question of making it through my workout. It was also a reminder that I need to be careful about my meals and make sure that I am fueling my body properly so I do not have this problem again. However, I kept going and that is a success in of itself.