Middle of Week Two

I am still recovering from this cold, so running for 30 or 40 minutes was out of the question today. The last time I did that with a headcold, I ended up with a really horrible cough that lingered for days. So, I used the eliptical instead and tacked on a slow 10 minute jog at the end of my workout. It felt pretty good actually to jog, even if it was just for a few minutes. I hate not feeling 100 percent when I am decently motivated to work out, but I know in the long run it will be better if I ease off and recover over the next few days. I might go diving this weekend and if I do, I will want to be past this cold. I was thinking this morning about how it is always the same struggle, just different scenery. Now I fuss about my weight bouncing up into the 160's before I fussed when my weight went over 230. Despite the distance I have come, it is hard to get past the small details and see the big picture, but I keep trying. I am still on track with food, except for yesterday's wackiness and I plan to stay that way for the rest of the week. Plus, I have not really been snacking and that is a very good thing, plus no coffee or high-calorie drinks (one of my downfalls). So other than the cold, I am doing well in my second week on plan.

More or less on track

This is actually a late check in for me. Life as always is hectic, and I have to remember to post. I went to the gym this morning but I am still not entirely better so I took it easy. No running today, hopefully I will feel up to running tomorrow. I just used the eliptical machine today and did a few minutes after that on the stairmaster. My eating today was weird, no other way to describe it. Oatmeal for breakfast, two Luna bars, a small muffin, and five M&M's. This is not how I normally eat, but I just was not interested in food today. I figure at best, I am at around 900 calories today, and I have a feeling I am overestimating my calorie consumption. That leaves a minimum of 600 calories available for dinner, again way more than I will probably eat. Due to the amount I workout (1.5 hours a day) I aim for between 1500 and 1700 calories during the week and slightly less on weekends. I don't believe in starving myself but this cold has been messing with me for the past couple of days. I will try and be better tomorrow and at least have a big salad or sandwich for lunch. Still, I am looking at the positives, I am not snacking the way that I used to, and I have not had any coffee in the past two weeks, both of these are good things. Not to mention, that I am back down to a weight which does not thrill me but I can live with and work to make better. So, an okay but not perfect day.

I feel icky

The weekend was pretty decent in terms of food, well Saturday was better than Sunday. Today, I am coming down with a bad cold, sore throat, head hurting, deep desire to crawl back into bed. So, I did what I normally do in such situations, I went to the gym and exercised. I cannot miss work today, we are so low on staff, that bad things would happen if I were not here. So, here I am when what I probably should be doing is crawling into bed and not moving because I feel horrible. I have a salad for lunch and as always the goal is to stay on track for another day.

Belatedly checking in

I have had a hectic day (which is nothing as bad as Monday will be) and so did not have time to check in. I am doing fine, I took it a little bit easy in my spin class because my legs were sore. I am completely on track with food, although my office is begining to worry. I work in a place which to a certain extent equates food with love, and the fact I am not eating their food worries them. This is a small island and every celebration here centers around food and an abundance of food. Choosing to not eat rice is positively shocking and only having salad for lunch puzzles people. Still, right now, I am sure this is working for me. So, I am sticking to the plan and avoiding snacks. Oh, and I did file my taxes today which means that is another stressful activity which is done. Here, you have to file your taxes in person because you need a stamped copy of your return. This is because the local IRS has been known to misplace tax returns. It is actually pretty fast, I had everything stamped and turned in very quickly (less than 15 minutes). Anyway, I am tired and it is the end of the day so I am headed home now.

Doing well

Well, still doing fine. My legs are a little bit stiff from the running (which frankly is a reminder that I need to do it more often). I managed another 40 minute run along with a fair amount of other cardio. I am still completely on track with food which is nice, and has not been nearly as much as a problem as I expected. I do know how to do this, it is not physically hard on me, it just ends up requiring a fair amount of mental focus on my part. Little mental things are hard, like deciding to actually get on the treadmill in the morning and run, or like declining the good but fatening food my co-workers cooked and eating my salad instead. I have either been losing weight or maintaining for over two years now, and really I can manage to do this without problems when I put my mind to it. I imagine that I have more of a struggle with this given my long-term food issues but I do know even I can manage it.

Afternoon, Day Three

I have sucessfully made it through 90 percent of another day. Still totally on plan, plus I finally managed to drink 2.5 glasses of water while at work which is a good thing. My goal each day remains the same, if I can get through the workday, I will be totally fine. Once I get home, I just have to make dinner from whatever healthy food is in my apartment. This is not a problem right now, since there is not very much bad food available at home. I have learned overtime to keep trigger foods in forms that have to be manipulated before they can be eaten. For example, I have chocolate in my house, but it is unsweetened and bittersweet (neither of which are really appetizing until you bake them. I have butter and have never been tempted to eat a whole stick of butter on its own (at least to date), the same is true of sugar (I can't imagine just eating spoonfuls of it). I do not keep cheese in the house, because it is easy to wolf down tons of it, no crackers based on the same theory. I only have frozen bread which has to be reheated and that will be gone soon as well. No pasta, again because I have a tendency of eating far too much of it. I do have tons of frozen fruit for smoothies, vegetables, oatmeal, eggs, soy milk, some peanut butter (will not be replaced), plain non-fat yogurt, diet soda, black beans, lentils, fat free cooking spray and water. This along with a cupboard overflowing with spices is sufficient to keep me healthy and happy in terms of food. The problem comes with the plentiful supply of food at work that I simply should not be eating and I am working on just avoiding that food. We will see what happens (not that I do not contribute to bad food at work because I am a baker and I do). Still, for today, I am good.

Day three, morning check in

This morning I managed to run for 40 minutes straight. Since I was only running a 10 minute mile, that worked out to exactly 4 mile. Logically, this means I could probably run a 10k in about an hour or a 5k in about 30 minutes, this is mindboggling on some level since I could not even run a mile when I was a teenager. I feel better today, than I have in a while, I think it is the universe bonking me on the head and reminding me that I function much better when I am not eating sugar or too many carbs. I actually haven't felt hungry for the past few days, although I recognize that I am on the low end of the calorie scale right now. At the gym I am going to try and keep working on increasing my running times, rather than worrying about how fast I am running. I think part of the reason I stopped running is I did not like running super fast and so I am going to stick with a 10 minute mile pace for awhile. So, right now I am doing well and still focusing on just managing to get through each individual hour and each separate day.

Still doing okay

It is now approximately 4:20 pm and I think for today I can declare a small measure of victory over food. There is no real bad food at home in the apartment, I do not buy snacks or chocolate or anything like that, knowing my weaknesses. Not only has there been no coffee today, but there has been no snacking today. I sat down at lunch at my desk and very carefully ate my salad which had carrots, tomatoes and a little bit of salmon in it. So, today has been (so far) oatmeal for breakfast, two diet sodas, and the aforementioned salad. This is how I eat on plan (except I usually have two snacks during the day), when I am doing the really hard version of my plan. Well, except I drink water and not soda but I am not there yet, hopefully water will be added in after the weekend shopping trip to K-Mart. I am going to hazard a guess that I am too low on calories, but this week there is no snacking because I have been doing it constantly until now. Dinner will be a pretty decent size, and I expect it will compenstate for what I have not eaten during the day. I do forget, that I can be on plan and be completely okay with it, when I get really far off track. I lose my way and I feel like I am begining to find my way back. This is how it needs to be for a few months and I know I can manage it, day by day.

Day Two for the millionth time

One day at a time right now. Yesterday, with one minor slip in the evening was completely on plan. Well, I was extremely difficult during the day, but that is because I had a horrible headache. I would think it was a caffine headache, but I don't drink that much coffee on the weekends (if any) and I do not have that problem. I think it was more a combination of drastically limiting my food and working out hard. I probably ate around 1,500 calories but I know I have been exceeding that on a regular basis. I have a salad today for lunch, I have not had any coffee and other than a slightly lazy workout I am doing pretty well today. Of course, it is only 8 am in the morning so who knows what will happen over the rest of the day. However, it is the first time I have brought my lunch in over a month so that is progress.

You've been eating again

This morning, in a feat of either brilliant resolve or general stupidity (take your pick), I went cold turkey on coffee. Yup, we are back on that plan, the no bad food whatsoever plan. I usually drink a huge amount of coffee at work, so that is banned for the immediate future. I am going back to salads for lunch and no snacks in between until my eating is under control. I have cleared the vast majority of rice and bread products out of my house, only frozen homemade bagels remain and I do not eat nearly as much frozen food because it needs to defrost and I have no microwave and lack the patience to wait for it to naturally defrost. The no sugar ban remains in effect for the foreseable future. I have officially hit a weight I do not like, and until I see one I can live with, I am going to be really stringent on my eating habits. I may start adding more night workouts, but I can never seem to manage it and so I may resort to buying a vcr and using workout videos at home. Alternatively, I could just do more situps and core fitness stuff at home and that would be a good thing. I know that the problem is what I am eating more than anything else I am doing and so now I have to really watch what I put in my mouth and just work on a daily plan. I am trying though, and it is the first time in a long while.

Checking in

So, last night I actually skipped the grocery store on the theory I would eat everything in sight. I am contemplating whether or not to go back to the gym tonight and get in some cardio. I am definately going to go tomorrow night because I know the spin instructor. I am spending all day in court so that may cut down on snacking today which is one of my real problems recently. I only ran for about 10 minutes this morning plus an hour on the eliptical machine and I know I need to up the intensity. Using the eliptical machine is my cop-out cardio workout, it is what I do when I do not feel up to a hard workout. If I feel motivated I will go back tonight otherwise I am going to do a core fitness workout at home and some situps. I did finish cleaning up my bedroom, living room, and kitchen last night which just leave the spare room, bathroom and utility closet to conquer over the rest of the week. It is too soon to say I am back on track but I am feeling much closer this week.

To snack or not to snack

I'm having a late afternoon desire to snack. This is a bad idea, and I know it. So far, today has been pretty decent overall in terms of food, not great but decent. Thus, snacking would only serve to erode any progress that I have made by working out. This is all compounded by the fact that I need to go to the grocery store after work, which means I will be hungry and in a place with a lot of food. I have about an hour of work left, and I will probably delay leaving the office by 30-45 minutes after that because of traffic. So, I will debate the grocery store thing until then, because not going would really be a better plan if I can swing it. Alternatively, I could always go to the store later tonight and eat dinner before going which would diminish the desire to eat everything in sight. Anyway, I am still debating the issue and trying to restrain myself from eating at the same time. So far it is working.

"Hey Mr. DJ, Pick me up and move"

I have the music from my spin class stuck in my head from this morning. The instructor tried to kill us this morning with tons of jumps and sprints. I actually spent the weekend cleaning my apartment which is helping me to feel more organized and on track. I am not actually done cleaning, which tells you how disorganized I have been, but I am close. Tonight, I am going to clean out the closet and get rid of the rest of the trash that just needs to be tossed. I am a little bit of a pack rat, what else is new. I am always surprised at how much better I feel when I reduce the clutter in my life and being disorganized is usually a sign that I am under a fair amount of stress. I am going to try to make it to the gym at least one night this week in addition to my normal morning routine because I have better cardio workouts when I am awake and not tired. I am also going to try to go to bed by 9 pm at night because that will prevent me from feeling tired and makes it more likely that I will actually run. So, today I feel like I can get back on track, and I am just taking it one day at a time.

At least I'm still trying

I am not entirely out of my bout of not caring about things yet. I'm working on it, working on clawing my way back. I ran this morning at the gym, I need to do that more often because it clears my head and makes me feel like I have accomplished something for the morning. The real problem is that I cannot shake the exhaustion brought on by a poor work environment. The exhaustion makes it very difficult to actually feel motivated to work out at all, let alone at 5 am in the morning. However, right now, I simply cannot make myself go workout in the evenings. So workout time remains at 5 am and I keep trying to find motivation. Eating away from work is fine but at work it is not really very good. I have probably eaten my weight in jellybeans over the last week. I'm just trying to balance everything out as best I can right now. Balance is hard to achieve but I am doing my best and I don't want to thing about where I would be if I did not work out.

Not much to report

So, I'm at work, on a Saturday no less. I have been here since 9:30, I am about to go to court with the eight magistrates for the day and then head home. I need to go to the post office but I doubt that I will make it out of court before the post office closes. I need a nap among other things, and a chance to clean my apartment. Not to mention a few other things. The problem with working on a weekend is you lose an entire day to do things that you need to get done. Oh, and notice how none of this post is diet or exercise related, yup that is not going well either today. Anyway, I am off to court, I don't want to be late or the judge will be mad at me and then I will be there forever. Hopefully there will be posting on Monday, we shall see.

Well yeah

Yeah, don't ask where I have been or how I have been doing on plan. Not so well. When you almost quit your job three times in one week, it should give you an idea about the state of life in general. I have however been diving a lot and I am still working out, but other than that I can't say much has been going well in terms of diet.

Tired

I am still about 90 percent on track, despite various job frustrations. Honestly, there is just no way to shake the exhaustion at this point or prevent the desire to just go home and sleep. I did run this morning for about 30 minutes and did the rest of my cardio workout. Right now I am just waiting for traffic to clear out a little bit because I need to stop at the grocery store on my way home and buy oatmeal. I need to cut down on coffee and eating out, but it does not seem to be in the cards this week. Alternatively, I need to lift more weights at home, but so far that is not happening either. I could talk about the nastiness at work, but it isn't worth rehashing it here. Suffice it to say I am going to be glad to get out of here at some point soon. Anyway, at least I am posting today which is impressive given the day in general. Maybe tomorrow will be better at work, but I am not holding my breath. I am off to the store now.

Weight Loss Diving

This weekend I went on a night dive with some friends. Night diving is very different from diving during the day because you lose a lot of visual cues and narrow your field of vision. In a way, it is a good metaphor for the whole weight loss process. When you are really focused on losing weight, your field of vision narrows to the scale and and pounds lost or gained. You lose sight of the big picture, of where you have been and where you are now. Much as one can come to appreciate the multitude of things which can be seen in the small space of the flashlight it is not the whole picture of the universe around you. I am working on remembering everything I have accomplished and not just the scale. In case it is not obvious, I find diving remarkably spirtual on some level, and very calming. I'm not religious and never will be but being in the natural world calms and soothes me in many ways. It quiets my brain and lets me unwind which is a miracle given my personality.

The Baking Dilema

Last night I slightly went over calories, probably by about 100 calories or so. That was probably due to going out to dinner. Today is the retirement party for one of the people in my office and at the staff's request I made two coffee cakes. The problem is that I could not actually taste test the batter because it had sugar in it. I find it incredibly hard to bake that way, even though I did manage it. Hopefully they will taste all right although I won't know that either. I am going to be very careful at lunch and hope that everything will continue to workout over the next few weeks. Also, I did purge my kitchen last night so there is no butter, chocolate, sugar, or cream to be found (all of my baking supplies). I do have lots of good things like frozen vegetables, brown rice, and cooked chicken. I need to shop this weekend for things like whole wheat pasta and frozen shrimp but other than that I am now set.

Ramblings

I must admit, the fact people (immediate family excepted) read this blog always surprises me. I don't have much time durring the day to post, usually just five or ten minutes when I get a free second. I don't (as a result) respond to comments usually because there is no time. Especially for the last year or two, I have pretty much been treading water when it comes to weightloss. I have been hovering around 155-165 since I arrived on my little island. Too much food, not enough intense exercise. So, I wonder about that whole inspiration thing, especially due to lack of progress. Then again, I think that is the thing about weight loss, it is a constant struggle. The hard part is always mental not physical. If, like me, you have always had an unhealthy relationship with food, the struggle does not end when you figure out how to lose weight, rather it is just begining. So, more than two years from where I started, I still struggle with the same issues. Just on a slightly different level. Now, it is not did I exercise but how hard I exercised, now it isn't did I eat a whole bag of candy but I had snacked a little bit too much during the day. When I started, I usually bounced around between 236 and 242, now I bounce around between 155-165 lbs and in the end that is really good progress. So, maybe that is what I should go with despite my current frustrations.

Hanging on

So, here I am at day four of discovering that yes there is a wagon and I should be on it. I've clawed my way back down the scale by losing 2.5 lbs in the past four days, which still puts me higher than I would like to be (in otherwords above my comfort level on the scale). Still the speed with which I have dropped some of the excess weight is comforting to me. I did not run this morning, I tried to run but my hips were aching and I stopped after five minutes. However, trying to run was an improvement on my part, after the last month of general inactivity (and yes I realize my version of inactivity is not the same as everyone else). I even lifted free weights at home last night and did lunges and squats. I feel much better this week than I have felt in awhile as a result. I think part of what I need to begin doing is transitioning from someone who just works out because she has to into someone who works out because they are an athlete, thus the continuing thought that maybe I will train for either a triathlon or some similar event. I am not an athlete, at least I never have been, but I need to become one to keep my interest in working out from waning. In other news, I am keeping up with the no real sugar in my diet. Last night, I threw out pretty much all the coffee stuff in my apartment which includes mocha mixes and so on, and after tonight I am throwing out all of the sugar and probably all the butter in my apartment. Why after tonight? I promised to bake coffee cakes for a work party tomorrow and I need sugar for that, then it will go away. My goal is to only keep really clean food on hand for the next month or so and then to see where I am at the end of March. It is amazing the amount of food you can eat when all of the food is good protein and vegetables and not processed crap.

Day three and counting

I am remarkably stiff this morning, apparently I haven't been using the muscles for running very much recently. Yesterday was a good food day, which makes two days in a row for the first time in a long time. Despite being sore this morning, I still hoped on the treadmill this morning and ran. It was not a good run. However, I did effectively prove to myself (at least according to the treadmill) that I am running at least 3.1 miles every time I run. I feel good about my exercise level for the first time in weeks, and a little less bored. I think I am going to aim for running about 3 miles on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays. I have been debating giving up coffee for the next month, even though I can have it with fake sugar. I think this week I will just give up sugar. I will work on lowering my coffee intake slowly and I will start by not drinking coffee on weekends. I think a ridiculously drastic plan would probably be bad.

A General Plan

So, this morning in the free time I do not have at work, I did some research. Basically, it all boiled down to the following information. A sprint triathalon (basically 1/2 of a full length triathlon) would be a 5 k run, a 13 mile bike ride, and a 1/2 mile swim. Right now, I could probably do a 5 k run, the swim and bike rides would be a little more questionable but I could probably manage each one. Could I do all of those things on the same day? Probably not. So, maybe I will begin training for a mini-triathlon over the next few months. First, I am going to go buy some books, because as we all know, I am the queen of fitness books. Also, I am going to give up sugar completely for the next 40 days. Why 40 days? Lent starts tomorrow, and although I am not Catholic all of my co-workers are Catholic and giving up various things. So, it is a nice manageable length of time and everyone else will be depriving themself as well so now seems like a good time. Recognizing the fact that I need shortcuts and simplicity in my life, I am also going to work on bringing a premade lunch (this week Lean Cuisines) and keeping frozen vegetables and chicken breasts at home. So, tonight I am going to clean out the cupboards at home again and get back to basic healthy eating.

Wagon Day 2

So, that is what the wagon looks like, I had not seen it in months so I was not sure. Anyway, last night I actually lifted free weights and did sit ups. Food was good yesterday except for one slip with a piece of cake which I only ate due to starvation pains. So, today I brought healthy snacks. This morning I also actually ran for 30 minutes at 6.5 mph in addition to my regular eliptical workout. I notice that I retain a certain level of fitness even when I have spent a month slacking on my cardio routine. I have come to the stunning (not really) realization that I am simply bored with what I am doing in terms of cardio. I am casting around for something to get me interested again, I like spinning and running is generally a good thing when I actually do it. I am vaguely kicking around the idea of begining to train for something like a triathalon in my spare time, so I am going to look at begining that process slowly over the next few months. Very slowly mind you, and we will see whether I manage to stay on the wagon as it were in terms of diet and exercise.

Bad News then good

Allow me to now state the obvious, the whole diet and exercise thing has not been going particularly well. I am still working out every morning, but food has been a nightmare recently and I have been slacking on weight lifting. Hmm, I think this is exactly what I said the last time that I posted. Part of the problem is work related, the stress level is so high in the office that it is amazing that we are not all insane at this point. I am a stress eater, always have been, so it is not surprising that I go a little haywire when exposed to an environment such as this one. Part of the problem is just mental tiredness from having been on the diet track for so long. Anyway, there is some good news, I went diving this weekend and felt really peaceful and calm as a result. Well, my ears felt horrible but I always have ear problems diving despite taking sudafed prior to going underwater. Once they cleared, I had a great time. I haven't been diving in almost a year and there is a lot to be said for an activity where all you do is swim around and admire nature. So, I feel closer to being back on track today as a result and that is the good news. I am going to grill up chicken breasts and broccoli for dinner, have salad for lunch and try to cut back on my sugar consumption this week. I will try and post everyday to keep myself accountable, we will see how it goes for the next few days.

Wagon, what wagon?

So, I have been gone for awhile. Work has been remarkably stressfull and I am only now begining to hunt for the wagon that I fell off about two weeks ago. The good news, I have started running again at least one day a week (which I had not done in a long time) and I am still loving my morning spin classes. The bad news, I have not been making it to evening classes at the gym, I have not really been lifting weights at home, and I basically fell into a pile of food for awhile. I am slowly recovering and crawling back toward the wagon. This weekend I cleaned out my fridge and my cupboards, and I only have a few things in there now, all of which are healthy. Unfortunately, yesterday was decreed as chocolate day at work, so my food durring the day was very bad. Today will be better, but I am not aiming for perfection, just a slightly better day.

Back on the night exercise track

So, I actually managed to do what I said I was going to do this week in terms of exercise. Yesterday I picked up my extra weight workout in the morning, and last night I went to spinning class after work. Now, the only problem was that I got the really bad spinning bike and the pedals did not work properly when I was standing up. Unfortunately it was a full class and it was the last bike available so I was not able to switch. So, I did a little more of the class sitting down than I would have liked, but I still managed to work up a good sweat. I feel so much better when I go to my night exercise classes that I need to make it a priority rather than coming up with reasons to not show up and just go home and crash. I am going to try and make it tonight as well and hopefully get a better bike in the class to make it worthwhile. Of course I say that now and something may come up over the course of the day to get in the way. I think part of my issue is that it is hard to park at the gym at night and it is ridiculously busy and crowded. I just need to learn to live with that fact and make sure that I go anyway because it makes such a difference for my mental state, and that makes a crowded parking lot a small price to pay.

Mostly Back on track

So, I have come to a couple of conclusions about yesterday, lack of food is bad and also I need to start drinking more water. I spent all of yesterday with a horrible headache which refused to go away, even after I took pain medication. This morning I did a relatively easy cardio workout and then I lifted weights to make up for yesterday when I skipped my weights workout. Tonight I am going to try to go to the gym afterwork because my co-worker is teaching the spinning class and I really need to make up for yesterday and the amount of food I have been eating. Today I attempting to get back to clean eating and being healthy but we will see how it goes over the course of the day.

I really do know better

Last week ended up being pretty bad in terms of working out and eating. So, I tried to overcompensate on the weekend and did not eat all that much, especially on Sunday. I know better than to not eat a real dinner the night before my spin class, but I ended up only eating cereal and having a small smoothie for dinner. So, this morning, I only made it through 45 minutes of my spin class. Then I called it quits, went to the market and bought a protein bar. I feel much better now that I have eaten, but it means I totally destroyed my workout this morning. I will have to do weights tomorrow morning, make sure I pick up extra cardio at some point this week and generally reorganize my life a bit. On the plus side, I did not actually pass out during the class, and I think people will believe my excuse of having to get to work early. Nope, I refuse to share the real reason behind my early departure. It is a reminder that frustrating as not losing weight can be, the solution cannot involve skipping meals or taking shortcuts. I am working on remembering that this week.

Grr

I have no idea what I did to myself yesterday, but I am really sore today. I think it might have been the combination of spinning and then using the stairmaster for 20 minutes, plus a legs workout on weights. Okay, that was probably it, in any event, I am rather sore this morning. This is probably a good think because it means I actually managed to push my body pretty hard yesterday which is something that I have not achieved recently. My plan is to pick up a spinning class tonight at the gym, or at least a little bit of extra cardio. Not mind you that I am seeing a lot of difference on the scale at the moment. I admit, I never realized how hard it was going to be once I hit 150 lbs. I am pretty careful overall about food, with a few admitted glitches, and I work out all the time. Recently, most of my extra food has been fruit and I balance out the day with a lighter dinner most of the time. I figure most days that I eat between 1500 and 1800 calories and during the week I am usually logging around 2 hours of exercise each day. So, I could probably eat around 2,300 calories (give or take) and maintain my weight in the 150's relatively easily. However, to be eating less than that and not lose any weight is frustrating to me. I know that in about 6-9 months I will be moving back to the mainland U.S., at that point I will re-evaluate but for now I am going to stay with this plan. Still, somedays it is hard.

Aiming for the track

This week, I am determined to get back on track with my evening exercise and eating. I am debating going to spinning tonight, but I probably won't because I don't have clean exercise clothes and I took a spinning class this morning. I am definately going tomorrow night and Thursday night to the gym. I had an excellent spin class this morning which was just what I needed to help with motivation. Food is not as perfect today as it could be, I had chinese food for lunch and far too much coffee today already. Tonight, I will try to balance that out with a smoothie and extra fruit for dinner. I am attempting to live a balanced life and right now I am definately having food issues (not that I don't always have food issues). I think my best bet is to balance out the food with extra exercise and mostly good eating.

Hell Week

The last couple of days have been hell on wheels. Bad work stuff, ridiculous amounts of work and a fair amount of slippage when it comes to exercise and my food. Today, I went to Coldstone Creamery for lunch with my coworker (which gives you an idea of how bad work has been) and got icecream. Actually, I got the smallest size and about 1/3 of it is in the freezer at work because it is too sweet for me to eat anymore. I have made it to the gym every morning but not at night, tonight I am supposed to go and take the hipboxing class that one of my other coworkers teaches. Tomorrow, I am taking the day off from work which I desparately need after this week. My plan is to go to the gym at 5 am for my spinning class and then head home and in all probability go back to bed before going to the mall and spring cleaning my apartment. I will probably not come into work this weekend, I might go check out the local motorcross with a friend but I probably will just take the three day weekend and not worry about work. I keep picking up extra really difficult cases somehow and I need a little bit of time off just to remain sane.

Rant

I am tempted to rant today, tempted because I just got stuck with a trial tomorrow on a case I just picked up last Friday. Sigh. I was planning on taking Friday off but that appears to be out of the question. Anyway, this is not really what I am feeling annoyed about, it is actually more diet related. I get admittedly annoyed when people tell me dietary information as if I have never heard it before in my life. One of my coworkers is now on a diet so we are bringing in lots of fruit and vegetables everyday rather than candy (why this only starts when a new person goes on a diet ignoring the fact that some of us always try to eat like this, I do not know). I mentioned that I could bring in some spiced nuts (really tasty) only to be informed that nuts were high in calories and therefore to be avoided. I know that nuts are high in calories, this is not news to me. However, I also know that nuts are really good for you in moderation, they have good fats and are something that should be included in your diet. I am not suggesting that one should go out and fall face first into a large platter of nuts but that doesn't mean they should be banned either. Anyway, it annoys me because I am very concious of calorie counts and the food that I put in my body. Besides, banning foods annoys me because it leads inevitably to binging on food because you feel deprived and then leads back to really strict restrictions on food. A very nasty cycle that I attempt to avoid in my daily life. Okay, rant over. On another note, I decided to set the background of my computer to a picture of me and my two closest friends from college. This led to the inevitablt discovery that I only have pictures of the three of us from when I weighed 240 lbs. I put it up anyways, hopefully it will be good motivation for me.

The Joys of Spinning

It may possibly be a bad sign when you walk into the local coffee shop and hand them money and they automatically make the drink you want without any words being exchanged. Yep, I have pretty much been getting a large latte every day for quite a while now. However, I have just decided that I can afford the approximately 220 calories everyday if I am careful with everything else that I eat. I went to spinning class this morning and it kicked my rear which was a good thing. There were only 5 people in class and the instructor took that as an opportunity to really crank up the difficulty and resistence. I was basically a puddle of sweat at the end and then I staggered off to lift a few weights. I am rapidly becoming a spinning convert because it is a full body cardio workout which can be adjusted to your own level of difficulty. Also, it seems to be easier on my body than running which is a good thing, and more mentally challenging.

Exercising in spite of myself

Last night, as I was leaving work, I decided that I was not going to the gym. Normally I buy a bottle of water from the vending machine at work if I am going the gym in the evening but I didn't yesterday because I was not going to the gym. However, on the way home, I passed the parking lot for my gym and for some reason turned into the parking lot. I was silently arguing with myself the whole way up the stairs into the actual gym. I made a deal with myself that I would just workout for a little while and then I would go home. So, I lifted a few weights and then worked out on the eliptical machine for 35 minutes. I figure that next week I will try and take a class on Thursday night and a class on Tuesday nights since I don't end up at the gym most wednesday nights. As for today, I took my morning spinning class, lifted weights, and used an eliptical machine for about 20 minutes. Then I went out for lunch and ate ridiculous amounts of thai food. I think that may work against the fact I managed to hit 153 lbs this morning on the scale. I figure it will all balance out provided that I eat a light dinner and watch my food this weekend.

A little less talk and a little more action

Last night I was going to go to the gym, I swear. However, I ended up going out for a drink with one of my coworkers and having spinach dip for dinner. So, I ended up with a relatively high calorie count and no extra exercise. Sigh. On the plus side, when a couple of my coworkers went on a chocolate run, I managed to not eat any of it. So, maybe it all balances out on some cosmic scale of accountability somewhere. At least spinach is a vegetable. I am again going to try to get up the energy to go to the gym tonight and take an exercise class, we will see what happens by the end of the day. I am actually still doing pretty decently on my goals for January but I could improve and actual do what I say I am going to do rather than just saying it.

No Excuses

The problem with working near the gym is that even when you procrastinate and head to your class really late, you still show up exactly on time. So, yesterday even though I did not leave my office until 5:30 pm, I was still on time to my spin class at 5:45 pm. So, I had no excuse for not taking the class. It was a good workout although my hair tie broke and I looked like a headbanger from the early 1980's, masses of hair everywhere. My plan is to also go to the gym tonight but we will see what happens between now and then. In any event, I have now made up for the fact that I missed the gym on Monday morning. I think part of my problem in the afternoons is that my gym gets really crowded with people and it is hard to find parking and free machines. I much prefer the morning when it is quiet and not a lot of people, however just going in the morning is not working for me anymore. Also, I really like the evening spinning class instructor and I am actually better at spinning when I am awake and functioning. So, for now I will keep trying to go in the evening and my gym bag is always packed with an extra set of workout clothes to limit my ability to skip class. In fact, I am accumulating more workout clothes than regular clothes because of the amount of time I am spending at the gym. If I make it three nights this week, I will actually end up spending a total of 8 hours at the gym (an entire workday). Now that is just frightening.

Changes

Um, yeah. You may notice that I have changed the title of this blog, it seemed like time. After around two years, 300+ posts, and 88 pounds it just seemed like time. As of today, I am weighing in at 153.5 lbs down from my recorded high of 242 lbs. So, whatever else I am, I am not fat anymore, a little bit overweight yes, fat not really. Entering the new year it seemed like time for the change. This year is all about focusing on fitness and fueling my body correctly, about viewing my life as it really is, and recoginzing where I am in that life, and giving myself credit for what I have accomplished. I am going to stop struggling with the weight and focus more on being fit than being skinny. So, changing the title of the blog is part of that, the journey hasn't changed, just where I am on the road. A former fat girl and a lifelong fit woman, I think I like it.

Losing my street cred

I'm begining to lose my credibility as a fat person. I mention this because I have been pondering it for awhile now, well okay, ever since last week. I was talking to a new coworker about joining JAG (the military lawyers) which she had always wanted to do, personally I have never really had a desire to be a military lawyer except when I was really unemployed, I would just be bad at it. Anyway, I said something to the effect of, "Well, I never would have met the height and weight requirements anyway" in reference to the fact you have to be physically fit to be in the military. She looked at me, rather stunned, and said "Oh, c'mon, you skinny little thing, you would have been fine." It was at this point, I was forced to point out that I had been 242 lbs in 2004 and not anywhere near the height and weight requirements of the U.S. Military. More and more I find myself doing this, justifying an understanding of what it means to struggle with food, to be overweight, to be on the otherside of the great American divide. If the average American woman is a size 14 or above, well I am not exactly average anymore, I wear size 10p clothing, actually own a pair of size 8p pants that fit (but that is a fluke), and am small boned in addition. I am little and more and more I look little. Mentally, I do not feel little, but more and more I become a skinny person. I ended up at Pizza hut yesterday for lunch with my coworkers (don't ask how) and the difference in what we ate without thinking about it was mindboggling. One person had 5 slices of pizza and a salad, the other a huge plate of pasta, both ate a slice of the desert pizza. I had 2.5 slices of pizza and 2 breadsticks, which qualifies as a bad meal for me and probably 600 calories. I didn't snack the rest of the day and when I got home I barely made it through a small bowl of whole wheat pasta and vegetables. It just didn't occur to me to eat more than that, I couldn't physically eat more than that in one day. I have a few food vices left (fancy coffee drinks being the major one), but the bad days are getting farther and farther apart. I balance out the vices with exercise, and yes I was back at the gym this morning and I am going back after work tonight. So, when I say I understand what it means to struggle with food, when I comiserate, people stare at me like I am insane, because they just can't see the extra weight or what it takes to keep it off. You can tell the story, but you can't ever convince people it is 100% true. Maybe in the long run that is okay, because in the long run, I don't want to be remembered as the fat girl, I just want to be remembered as myself.

Bad weekend

I would love to be able to tell you what I weigh after this first solid week back on clean eating and extra exercise, but I can't do that accurately. On Sunday I got food poisoning and spent about 24 hours unable to hold down any food at all, or water for that matter. Yes, I know that is entirely TMI. I skipped the gym as a result this morning, it did not seem like a good idea to go when all I had eaten was one bowl of cereal in over 24 hours. Therefore, this morning the scale told me that I weight 152 lbs, which I know is a result of lack of food and dehydration, especially since on Saturday I was at around 154.5 lbs. I am still slightly dizzy today and not very hungry but I am working on getting back to normal. I am going to make up skipping the gym by going in the evening this week once I have gotten some actually food into my system. Tonight I have to catch up on everything I did not get done yesterday (like laundry) and try to get to bed early so that I will be 100 percent tomorrow.

Saturday at the office

I feel better today, however I am at the office because I have tons of work which needs to be done. I cannot remember a weekend when I have not been working except the two weeks I was on vacation. Next week is the only week this month that I do not have at least one jury trial scheduled so I will spend all week trying to get ahead on my work. Honestly, I do not know what I would do if I didn't go to the gym to work out my stress everyday. I would probably go insane on some level. Tomorrow, I am going to go snorkling with a co-worker and maybe next weekend we will go diving. Today is all about running every single errand that I have and finishing up motions and jury instructions due on Monday. I am not working out today or tomorrow at the gym but hopefully I will be working out a lot there next week. I got the evening class schedule and I think I can take spinning tuesday and wednesday night and take hipboxing (which my friend teaches) on thursday night. Add in two morning spinning classes along with my regular cardio schedule and I will be a busy girl. Basically this is all an attempt to ramp up the intensity of what I am doing in terms of cardio and challenge myself. I was getting bored with just running and the eliptical machine and I do not want to get to the point of being so bored that I want to quit working out. So that is where I am and hopefully I will be able to make some real progress over the next few weeks.

Brief check in

So, lost my trial. Third loss in a row if anyone was counting. Sigh. I know my cases are hard, but this is demoralizing. I am still on track dietwise which is good and down about a pound and a half. I even made it to spinning class twice this week, once friday morning and once tuesday night. Next week I am aiming for three classes at night and two spinning classes in the morning. I am exhausted so I am headed home. More tomorrow.

Day three

Day three (Insert ominous music here), I am already on my second cup of coffee for the day because I stayed up late last night. After work last night I went back to the gym and did a spinning class for an hour. The instructor pretty much killed all of us for an hour. Much to my surprise, I discovered while on vacation that I really like spinning classes. Not to mention the fact that it burns around 700 calories according to my instructor. I actually managed to stay on plan foodwise yesterday as well, but I probably did not eat enough dinner. I was so tired when I got home that I only ate a bowl of cereal for dinner. I am probably not going to make it back to the gym tonight because I have to prepare for closing statements in my trial . I am going to be really glad when I am out of trial for awhile. That will allow me to be less stressed and focus on the rest of my life for a little bit. I have to get back to work now.

Day 2 or thereabouts

Technically yesterday panned out to almost Day One of the new plan. I say almost Day One because I do not think drinking 4 relatively high calories coffee drinks can be considered a part of the plan. I burned around 600 calories just on those drinks alone which is a lot given that I only ate around 1,500 calories yesterday (by the way, can you tell Kat is keeping a food diary again). I was actually within my calorie range, thanks to the fact I had a salad for lunch, ratatouille for dinner and forgot my snack. I actually spent most of yesterday cooking the ratatouille and I have enough for lunch today. The brilliance of ratatouille is that because it is all vegetables, in this case, tomatoes, zuchinini, onion, and garlic, it does not have a lot of calories. I find it a difficult food only because I do not really love eggplant so it takes some convincing that I will like it. However, I really liked the ratatouille I had yesterday and it saved me from myself and the aformentioned coffee drinks. I have now thrown out the remaining supply of coffee drink stuff and I only have tea left in my house which has no calories. I am allowing myself a latte in the morning while I am in trial and that will stop when the trial ends in a day or so. I am feeling happy with myself today and I even have extra workout clothing packed for this afternoon. As promised, here are some of my measurements as of last night with gratitous commentary: Waist: 31 inches (although I can pull the measuring tape tight enough to get to 29.5 inches but I don't think that counts) Arm: 12 inches (measured at the very widest part, hello hanging excess skin) Hips: 39 inches (also known as the lower tummy area/Kat problem area) Thigh: 22 inches (I measured both of my huge thighs and I don't mean huge in a good way and each one at the widest part was around 22 inches) Bust: 35.5 inches (This one I know started at 44 inches so I think this is an improvement) Torso: 34 inches (Otherwise known as the area below chest and waist) Okay I have to get to work now.

Welcome to 2006

Happy New Year! I am sitting in my office, waiting to go to court for the weekend magistrate hearings. My goal is to be on my way home by a little after 2 pm if possible. Anyway, after a week of feeling really ill, I managed to sleep through most of New Year's Eve and now I feel much better. I suppose that given today is the start of the new year I should reflect on 2005 and set goals for 2006. Admittedly, 2005 was not a very big success in terms of actual weight loss, in the begining of the year I bounced up to around 170 lbs and managed to fight my way back down to around 156 lbs. I have managed to maintain somewhere between 154 and 156 ever since. This only proves that I can maintain my weightloss but I am not so good on losing more weight. So, that is my goal for 2006, I would like to lose at least another 20 lbs and preferably 40 lbs by January 2007. I have a plan on how I am going to do this, in case you were wondering. It will officially start on January 3, 2006 which is the start of this coming work week. One of the things I proved that I could accomplish over the course of 2005 was going to the gym consistently and working out consistently. I have made huge overall fitness strides but I have been stagnating recently. So, I am going to change my routine a little bit. The biggest problem I have is an inability to eat really perfectly on plan, but I am going to try to be better about it. My plan is as follows: 1. Use the resources around me more efficiently. I have a coworker who teaches classes at my gym every weekend but I never go to those classes because classes freak me out. This is silly. So, starting tuesday I am going to go to her classes. She teaches Tue, Wed, and Thur at 5:45 pm and the gym is 5 minutes from work. I have no excuse for not going on those nights. 2. Maintain my current fitness regiment. I am going to keep going to the gym five days a week for between 90 minutes and 2 hours at 5 am in the morning. It just works for me. I am going to keep lifting some weights at home and doing ab work at home five nights a week. This is what makes it possible for me to keep my weight under 160 lbs. 3. Educate myself and find new inspiration. I am going to buy more fitness books (hopefully today) and keep reading everything I can get my hands on, this helps keep me on track. I am also going to buckle down and start keeping a food and fitness diary again (a paper one). I am going to blog five days a week even if only for five minutes in the morning. 4. Clean out the fridge/ apartment and keep only good food. Today, the apartments will be emptied of pasta and other carbs except for my cereal. All the sugar and butter is being thrown out and there will be no extraneous baking for one month. Baking is my excuse to snack and I am getting rid of excuses. Tomorrow, I am restocking with vegetables, meat, eggs, and soy milk and that is it. I am making a salad for tuesday lunch and I am creating a week of menus at a time. I am going to work on cooking meals on the weekend which are healthy and can be eaten over the work week easily. 5. Take my actual measurements/ weight and post them. Update monthly. I have never really done this and it is time to start. This is information which I will post on Tuesday and then post at the begining of every month. I am debating posting progress pictures but I have not made a decision on that since I have a relatively high profile job and to some extent need to protect my anonmity on this website. 6. Organize my life and limit stress. As long as I am neat, tidy, and organized all of this is easy. When I let stress and disorganization take over it all falls apart. I am going to clean my entire apartment this weekend, get rid of my junk and get organized. I have a lot of junk in closets and a whole room which has turned into nothing but a holding area for non-used items. I am tossing everything I do not use on a weekly basis and all clothing I do not wear anymore. I may even throw out some old shoes (gasp). I may well move in the next year and I might as well get rid of the junk now rather than later. That is my plan for the next month. I am going to re-evaluate every month and see where I am and what I need to alter in my life. Most importantly, this year I am giving myself permission to not be perfect and to only worry about what I can really control in my life. I work in an incredibly stressful environment (especially right now) and I need to recognize that fact. I make decisions everyday which effect other peoples lives, and I am not just saying that to be dramatic. I send people to prison, sometimes for a lot of years, and that is a hard thing. So, this year I am going to acknowledge that stress and not kick myself for the fact that it sometimes overwhelms me and my eating habits. I am going to do the best I can everyday and trust that will be enough. Most of all, this year I am going to acknowledge and give thanks for one simple fact. In the begining of January 2004, I weighed around 242 lbs and wore a size 24. In the begining of January 2006, I weigh around 154 lbs and wear a size 10. The difference is 7 dress sizes and 88 lbs. I did it myself, no personal trainers, no nutrionist, no weight loss support group, no weight loss surgery, nothing but my own drive. Not that a personal trainer, nutrionist, weight loss support group, or weight loss surgery would have been a bad thing mind you, but they weren't involved in this process. Just me, myself, and I. Proof postitive of what I can accomplish when I put my mind to it. Now it is time to see what I can accomplish in 2006, I am looking forward to it already.

Home again

I'm back from vacation. I actually got back a week ago, but have been swamped with work. I am also sick and preparing for a felony trial. Hopefully, I will be able to talk by the time I go to trial tomorrow. I have been working out despite being sick, but I basically fell into a pile of Christmas food last week. This week is about getting back on track especially in terms of eating. Hopefully I will start feeling better which would help in terms of exercising and food. Anyway, have to get back to work now.

The table of Doom

An interesting sociological study begins today. It can be nicknamed "the christmas goody table of doom". Basically, we now have an entire table in my office which is covered with cookies and candy canes which is going to remain up for the duration of December. I think everyone can see how this is bad. Also, the table is directly in my line of sight which is bad. Of course, I cooked a bunch of the cookies on it, so possibly I am contributing to my own doom. I think in someways, this is just proof of the problem with the holiday season and that is the abundance of food around, I mean there is always food around my office but it quadruples at this time of year. So far, I have not gained any holiday weight and in fact, I lost around a pound. So, that is my new goal for the next three weeks, not to gain anything. I am working out a lot, I am up to 90 situps a day and running at 6.9 mph, and I am trying to watch what I put in my mouth. So, three weeks, and then life will return to normal, I can manage three weeks.

Still Going

Today was not a very good workout day. I know why, I did not eat very much dinner last night due to eating too much food at work. This created the end result this morning of having no energy reserves when I was working out and mad me feel slightly sick. However, I noticed a difference and I was thinking about it a lot this morning. The difference was that I kept going at the same level of difficulty, now that may have not been an intelligent move, but there was a time where I would have slowed down or stopped entirely. That time is apparently long gone because now I just work on strategies to keep myself going through the last workday workout. I knew I had a snack in my bag and there was food at work so it was just a question of making it through my workout. It was also a reminder that I need to be careful about my meals and make sure that I am fueling my body properly so I do not have this problem again. However, I kept going and that is a success in of itself.

Still not easy

Okay, the holiday season is going to be difficult. I say this because the last two days have involved bad food at work and good food at home. So, this is not going to be easy given parties and so on and so forth. I briefly saw 152.5 on the scale last night, I think it was a not to be repeated fluke given my food today. On the plus side, exercise has been really excellent and I do feel like I am pushing myself there. Just not giving myself a lot to work with by eating too many bad food choices. So, must work on that, despite the fact we are having chocolate fondue at work next wednesday and I love chocolate and fruit. My goal basically is not to gain any weight over the next few weeks, everything else is a bonus. So, still plugging along as best I can for right now, and hoping that I can make each day better than the previous one. After two years, it still is not easy and that is the honest truth.

Movement

As you may have noticed, a while back I entered yet another plateau in terms of weightloss. In other words, I hit 154 and then danced around that number for a really long time. However, this morning I finally saw real movement on the scale in the correct direction. I now weight 153 lbs, hopefully it will last. I suppose it helps that I am killing myself at the gym, I have increased my running speed, the amount of weight I am lifting, and added in more ab work and core fitness. Last night, which is normally a night off, I did 45 situps, core fitness, and some other ab work. I also briefly lifted some weights. This morning was cardio and weights. This evening will involve squats, lunges, and weights (possibly with some core fitness thrown in). I am pretty much on track with my diet, a couple minor slipups yesterday but nothing which threw off my calories for the day. I am replacing my coffee with hot tea for three reasons, first there are no calories in tea, second drinking tea is supposed to be good for you, and third having a hot beverage in the morning is the only thing which prevents me from freezing to death in my office. I will actually save calories this way because I put creamer and sugar in my coffee and that makes a 50-100 calorie beverage which I do not need to be drinking. Oh, and you want to know the really annoying thing about this, my brother who told me to do all of this was absolutely right. Sigh. As a younger sibling one attempts to never admit that your older sibling is correct about anything, it is an unwritten rule. Oh well, if I start losing weight again, I guess I can live with admitting that my brother was right about something.

Day 2 and counting

So far so good. I am on Day 2 of the no coffee plan and it seems to be working out. Well, other than the fact I am absolutely freezing right now and that is despite wearing three layers of clothing on top. I do have tea in my cupboard at home so maybe I will start bringing that into work, I have not decided whether or not I am drinking tea. I am also on track with everything else as well, yogurt in the morning, a thing of applesauce when I finished working out, and last night I had an omelet instead of pasta or rice. I am hopeful that all of these minor tweaks to my diet will help jumpstart my stalled progress. I am also working very hard at not snacking at work during the day, I am pretty sure that is where I am picking up a lot of unwanted calories in my diet. In terms of exercise, I am doing pretty well and today I actually managed to run at 6.8 mph for 30 minutes. That is a pace of around 8 minutes and 40 seconds per mile which is nice. I am going to do abs and core fitness exercises tonight and maybe lift some weights. I could not lift weights this morning because I had to go pick up my cat from the people who looked after her while I was gone. So, I only had 90 minutes at the gym, not two hours. My cat by the way, is very annoyed to be home and not at the fun house where she gets lots of treats, however I am sure she will adjust to being home.

Back from Vacation

I am back at work today after a trip of about 16 hours to get back to my little tropical island from the U.S. Mainland. The mini vacation was good for me in a lot of ways, mostly getting back on track and making life decisions sort of ways. First, I have decided that I am only going to stay out here for another 6-8 months so I am now begining the job hunt in earnest. Second, I am going to use that 6 month time frame to really work on these last 30-40 lbs I cannot seem to lose right now. So, today there was no coffee because I am cutting it out of my diet for right now, and because I have been dousing my spinal cord in massive amounts of caffine everyday and that cannot be a good plan. Second, I am getting serious about my weight lifting, I actually kicked up the weights a lot this morning and was sweating like a little maniac which had to be a good thing. Third, I am cutting pasta, cereal, and rice out of my diet for right now, I end up eating a fair amount of bread at work and I do not need to add to it with meals I eat at home. I am replacing the cereal with yogurt, fruit, and egg whites in the morning and the rice and pasta with more vegetables in the evening. I have a whole bag of unopened green peas in my freezer which I really should be eating not to mention a whole container of lentils and black beans. I do not really have very much food in my house right now, I am probably going to have to go to the store at some point in the next two days so that I do not starve to death. Maybe all of these things combined will make a really difference, maybe they will not but it is at least worth a shot. So far, I do not miss the coffee which is a good start. Oh and I did not gain weight over Thanksgiving and that is always a victory.

A brief check in

I am oddly jet lagged right now, in that today is the day before Thanksgiving but I keep thinking it is Thanksgiving because it would be where I actually live and work. Anyway, I am supposed to go workout later with my brother and then bake pies and make cranberry sauce for tomorrow. We are actually having two parties for thanksgiving tomorrow but only eating at one. Yesterday and the day before, I did actually manage to get in around a forty minute run. The weather here is much colder than I am used to back on my island and it makes working out much more difficult for some reason. I find it harder to breath and also I lack appropriate gym clothing. Running outside requires warm clothing and I just do not own any warm workout clothing. Sigh. I am off to get my hair cut and then maybe to the mall and the gym.

On Vacation

I am finally on vacation, very exciting. Last week was incredibly hectic since I was trying to resolve everything to prepare for my time off (hence the lack of posting). Yesterday, I spent 20 hours on planes and in airports before I arrived home. Due to time changes I arrived on the same day I left my little island. It is funny, I know exactly when I enter my home state just by the way the food options change, suddenly there are more extensive salad selections, fancier coffee, and skinnier people as a result. It is really fascinating to me as a concept. Not to mention the fact there is tons more fresh food in the grocery stores. This week, I will probably be a little more mellow about working out, I am going to try and go running every morning but I am not going to worry too much beyond that especially since I will be back to the gym next week Monday. This week is all about family and relaxing and that is good enough.

Tired and off track

Let us not discuss food yesterday or today, it was bad. However, exercise was good and water consumption was very good which has been a problem over the last few weeks. I also have gotten a fair amount of actual work done today which is impressive given the fact tomorrow is a holiday and I do not want to be in the office. I am still working out and keeping the difficulty high but that is about all that can be said for my efforts this week. I will workout tomorrow and then try to pull myself together over the weekend and be back on track by next week or sooner. At least I am still trying, but I just feel tired this week.

Blah

I am singularly uninspired today, about both food and working out. I worked out, but my eating has not been good today. Hopefully tomorrow will be better and it has the plus of being the last day of the work week. On the plus side, I have only had a little bit of coffee today but that does not really balance out my eating. I figure I will have a very light dinner and maybe make up for the excessive consumption during the day. I know some days are not going to be great and I just have to move on and get back on track the next day and that is my plan for tomorrow. Hopefully I will be back on track then and more inspired.

The Goodness of Glop

So, I just figured out that I will be coming into work on Friday (which is a holiday). I am not really annoyed because I was going to get up early on Friday and workout anyway. Still, it is an even better reason to get up early and go to the gym. I am once again back at the place in working out where I almost feel ill while I am working out. It will not last more than a day or two but is very common when I increase my running speed. I only went up to running at 6.6 mph and increasing my eliptical resistence by 1 but it always takes my body off guard. I will probably stick with this difficulty level for the rest of the week and then see where I am at the begining of next week. Still, according to the treadmill, I am running a 9:05 minute mile which is faster than I can really wrap my brain around at the moment. I am also cooking better food for myself at home this week, last night was beans, tomatoes, and meat stew. I will probably add peas to it tonight which will increase the vegetable content. Basically I have created what my family refers to as "glop" which is a stew that you keep adding ingredients to whenever you eat it. Good healthy stuff and that makes me happy. Not that my weight is changing mind you, but I am eating well which is half the battle.

Clean Sweep

Today was an odd workout day. Odd in the sense that it did not feel difficult in anyway. I was as sweaty at the end as normal, but just easy, almost not worth the effort. This is probably a good sign that it is time to increase the level of difficulty on all of my exercises again. I did run for 15 minutes at 6.6 mph but I did not increase the difficulty on anything else. So, tomorrow I have to increase all of my difficulty levels and that means that tomorrow will probably suck. Oh, and in case anyone is wondering, I did find my cell phone in my car, it is amazing what you find when you organize yourself properly. I have cleaned 3.5 rooms in my apartment and I have 1.5 rooms and a very messy closet left to clean. Basically, I managed to clean my kitchen, bathroom, living room and most of my bedroom. The kitchen looks especially good and now has canisters of beans decorating the countertop and hopefully convincing me to cook with them. I am trying to make sure that I get a better balance of food in my diet since I am once again hovering around 154 and not moving. Tonight I am going to have a stew of meat and black beans for dinner, I am hoping a clean kitchen will inspire me to cook more interesting things, we will see what happens over the next few days.

6 Day Work Weeks

I am begining to think that I will never have a Saturday where I do not have to go to work to catch up on what I can not do during the week. Sigh. Anyway, I just spent the last two hour cleaning up my work area and organizing my documents and files on the new shelving unit that I bought at K-Mart. I am very much a Type-A person at heart so clutter really makes me stressed and unhappy. I am going to spend the remainder of the weekend cleaning up my apartment as well, especially since I seem to have misplaced my cell phone either in my car or at home (at least I hope it is one of those two places). I did not work out today, although I had a decent workout yesterday morning. I might do some sit ups later, I am feeling lazy today for some reason. Also, I have had far too much coffee today so I am pretty wired right now which tends to make me try to do nine things simultaneously, never the best plan. Okay, I am off to do some more work and then head home to clean up the apartment.

Back to work

So, I am back after yesterday's holiday. I did actually workout yesterday, I got up at five a.m. and went to the gym for 2 hours and then went home and took a nap. Eventually I made it to the grocery store for a few essentials and then to Ross to get a couple more work shirts. I am always impressed at my ability to now buy really cheap clothing and look decent, yesterday I did not spend more than 20 dollars on anything and most of the shirts were under 10 dollars. Partially it is the weight loss and partially it is simply reality that regular sized clothing costs less than plus sized clothing (having comparison shopped at one point). So, I have enough clothing to now last until I go home in a couple of weeks, since I am once again having to edit my closet. I am not losing any weight but I am pretty much only wearing size 10 clothing with a couple of exceptions. Today has been a long annoying day, but on the plus side I worked out and it is the last night I have to work out at home with weights this week. I have to get back to work now and head off to court.

Feeling better

I feel better today, not great but better than yesterday. Well, if you discount the pounding headache I awoke to this morning which required instant consumption of pain medication. Still, better than yesterday where I never even ate lunch because I felt horrible and just tried to avoid the temptation to curl up under my desk and sleep. Needless to say, while I have worked out this week, I have not made any really gains on increasing my speed or difficulty levels. I am just going for status quo this week on my exercising, still running at 6.5 mph and doing a mix of level 7 and 13 resistence on the eliptical machine. This week going to the gym has been the goal since I am coughing and constantly battling sinus congestion and headaches. I also know I am begining to feel better because I have accomplished more in two hours this morning than I have in a week and a half. I think that is because I have been coming down with this cold and flu thing for awhile and just been trying to ignore it. Also, I am feeling motivated because tomorrow is a holiday and that means a whole day to relax and be lazy. So, if I can just get through today and my early workout tomorrow morning (which I am still planning on doing) then I can rest for the rest of the day which will be great.

Sick Girl Running

The last two days I have been slammed by a really bad cold. The kind of cold where I actually take cold medication and go to bed for 4 hour naps as a result. This is unusual because I do not take medication on a normal basis, maybe the occasional tylenol or aleve for pain. However, even with this cold I have been working out. I have read a lot of literature which says it is okay to work out when you are not feeling well and that it will not impede your recovery time. So, yesterday I lifted weights and today I did my normal routine at the gym. The only difference today was that I had to do all my breathing through my mouth because of my stuffed-up head, and I felt really warm while I was running. I think it is probably the combination of being slightly too warm because I am sick and the natural heat generated by running. I actually feel better now that I have worked out, although I am very tired today because I was not able to sleep well last night. On the plus side, I know if I can get through today and tomorrow I will be okay because wednesday is a holiday and I can sleep (although I will still go to the gym at my regular time). So, I am off to start the day and hopefully not inflict my cold on any of my co-workers.

Working on the weekend

Today is my work weekend, basically I have to go to work and charge everyone who comitted crimes last night. I like working on weekends, it tends to be very mellow and is usually only a few hours of work. I came into the office at about 9:30 am and should be headed home by about 3 pm at the latest. I usually stop at the grocery store on the way home and pick up sushi or something similar for a late lunch. Since today is my day off from anything workout related, I am usually a little more relaxed about food as well (which may seem odd). I treat Saturday as a rest day in all senses of the word, which helps me mentally prepare for the coming week. Wednesday of this week is a holiday and I may take this coming Friday off as comp time for working on the weekend. Anyway, as you can tell, I am just sort of rambling about things today because it is the weekend and my brain has shut down until Monday. I have to go finish off one more report and then go to court.

Running Dreams

Last night I had a dream about running. It was a long fast run which was really, really fun. So, it is perhaps an indication of the universe's sense of humor that my actual run this morning was really horrible and filled with side cramps and other problems. In fact my whole workout was bad, so I only did cardio and skipped weightlifting. I am hopeful that this was just a particularly bad day and Monday will be better. I am off to court, but I will try and make a longer entry later.

Under the weather

I am begining to get a sore throat, this is generally a very good indication that I am going to get a cold. I cannot afford to have a cold right now, frankly my office cannot afford for me to be sick either. On the plus side, running was easy this morning, all at 6.5 mph. My gym put on pretty decent music this morning and I think that may have helped me run, but I also know it is because I am increasing my fitness level everyday. However, that is not preventing the onset of this cold and sore throat which added to the stomach cramps I am having today is making it difficult to concentrate. I have to work this weekend which means I will not get much of a rest if I do become sick. I think if I was getting a little more sleep every night that would help, especially since I have been running on about 6 hours every night this week. I have always needed about nine hour of sleep to be really functional and alert during the day. Obviously that is not happening this week. I have been compensating by drinking entirely too much coffee and not enough water, which is bad. Anyway, one more workout day and it will be the weekend which is a good thing.

End of the day

It is the end of yet another very long day. Tomorrow will probably be long as well, as all my days have been recently. This morning my body was really tired which made working out a chore, I still managed about an hour (cardio and weight machines). Tonight will be free weights, and yes I did play catch up yesterday and I am now back on track with my weight lifting at home. I would really like to have a week at work where everything seems manageably, but it will not be this week. Tomorrow I have to write and file a motion by around noon and that will be rather traumatic. I am trying to calender all my upcoming problems and projects so that they will get finished on time. I am usually a better organized individual than this and that is contributing to my stress level. Anyway, I am going to head home now so I can be back tomorrow morning by 7:15 am.

Finally

Last night, I was at work until 8 pm. This means I did not lift weights when I got home, however I had lifted weights yesterday morning. I also ate dinner at about 8:30 last night and it was not exactly a small meal (pasta with tomato sauce and chicken). This is all by way of saying that when I hopped on the scale this morning at 4:30 am, I weighed in at 154 lbs again. Apparently over the last couple of weeks I was retaining about 4 lbs of water or something. Needless to say, I feel rather vindicated as a result of this discovery. I will probably make up my weight workout tonight after work and then I will be right back on track. I am feeling rather swish today, I am wearing my 20 dollar Ross Chinese jacket (size 10), a boring black shirt, a pair of gray slacks (size 10 Petite), and a pair of bright red shoes. I find it is a lot easier to look pulled together for not very much money at this weight. You can always find a size 10 on the rack but not a size 18. Probably because more people need a size 18, and if there is something attractive in a size 18 it disappears immediately. So, today I look snazzy thanks to the workouts.

Monday Morning

This morning involved large amounts of cardio and weight machines. I was saddened to learn that running at 6.5 mph (only for 15 minutes) was only a 9.13 mile, not a 9 minute mile. Then again, I can run much faster than ever before, and trust me, my family is not exactly known for being fast on our feet. I am pleased with my cardio improvement over the last few months and the fact that I am now easily fitting into size 10 clothing. It also occurs to me that now I am used to getting up at 4:30 am to work out, so much so that it doesn't even occur to me not to get out of bed and go to the gym. I like the gym in the early morning, it is filled with the same people every day and the staff remembers who you are and always says hi. Not to mention the fact that I never have much of a problem getting the cardio or weight machines that I want to use. I am definately a gym rat now, strange but true.

Clothing Problems

I may not be losing weight but I need new clothing in the worst possibly way. Now, I don't need any pants, but I do need shirts for work. I am waiting until I go home in November to buy anything since there is not that much shopping on island. I may however have to go and buy a new shirt or two. Basically all my shirts are so loose now that they make me look more overweight than normal. Today I am actually wearing one of my collared shirts over a tanktop because I actually look skinnier that just wearing the shirt on its own. I am really hoping that the fact I am back up to 157 is just an indication that I am retaining water or something similar. Since I am slowly transitioning size 12's out of my wardrobe, I do think there is a chance of that being true. I also have to believe that the fact I am working out for about 2 hours every single day during the week will make a difference. This morning was about 90 minutes of cardio and then thirty minutes of weight lifting with the machines and some situps. I have now had four cups of coffee and a Luna bar, I really need to cut back on the coffee but I am freezing and it is the only warm beverage in the office. I am going to run by the store at lunch and maybe find something else warm to drink.

Brief check-in

The last two days have been very hectic, and not such good food days. Yesterday, I unexpectedly ended up on the nightly news in a press conference with my boss. I have no desire to be on television, so that was rather interesting and not terribly fun. I am still working out like a little maniac, maybe even a little bit too much since I am approaching the point where you feel on the borderline of being mildly ill. I attempt to avoid that feeling but it has shown up this week a couple of times and then gone away before I had actually had time to make up my mind to stop or even slow down. I am now adding in weight machine workouts at the gym to supplement the weight training I do at home. I know I am pushing my self a lot in terms of exercise right now, but then I was always an addictive personality and pretty driven in certain aspects of my life. It tends to manifest itself when I am under a lot of pressure. I would write more, but I have to get back to work now since I am truly swamped right now.

The Sensible Option

How I can do an hour and thirty minutes of cardio every day, not eat excessively, and not lose any weight, I do not know. I seem to be managing that feat easily right now, but I am trying not to be frustrated and whine about it. I am running out of things to change in my eating and diet habit to make myself lose weight, so I am going with the other more sensible option. I am not changing anything, I am going to continue to eat sensibly and workout and we will see what happens over the next month. There is a level of sanity in that concept which generally is at odds with my disposition and personality. I have another really long court day ahead of me, this week is very busy because every single judge is here right now. The only good news is that it prevents me from snacking on extra food. I am hoping that the rest of the week will be more manageable but I am not holding my breath. Oh, and in a random thought, thank god for the Food Network. I love cooking shows and I saw one which included roasting asparagus so I tried it. Quick, easy and really tasty. I just put the asparagus in the oven at 350 degrees for about 15 minutes after sprinkling some olive oil and salt on top of it. I have enough asparagus for three meals, and I am all about precooking and preplanning so this is great. I highly recommend it as a fast veggie for dinner.

Tired

Today was a very long Monday. I estimate that I spent about 7 hours in court today. Enough said. I did however have a pretty decent workout session this morning. The thing I like about working out in the morning is that even if you start out feeling out of sorts, you end up feeling energetic. At least I do, I always feel more awake and sane after I have worked out. Now at the end of the day I am exhausted and I have a headache and I would kill for the just done working out feeling. I am going to go home and lift some weights to see if that makes me feel any better. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better workday.

Weekend Office Duty

So, I am in the office today because I thought I was going to get work done. Not sure that is actually going to happen because all of my favorite co-workers are here and that tends to lessen the amount of work. I always treat myself to some kind of food that I want since it is my free day. Today, my food of choice was a large latte with cinnamon in it. This does not exactly count as a large food splurge but I may be going out tonight. Besides, I don't really crave a lot of foods in the same way that I used to crave them, I love bread but that is about it. I could probably eat a loaf of bread a day if I let myself but that is not an option in my diet. Of course, I am again retaining water or something because I suddenly really bounced back up on the scale but I am getting used to the pattern now and I was expecting it. I will probably drop a little after the weekend because I tend to eat less than during the week. So, I am now going to try and get a little work done and then I am off home to clean up and organize my life.

Themes revisited

I love Fridays, especially the part where I do not have to work out tomorrow. I had less twinging this morning, but my legs felt pretty leaden while I was running along. Add in an early morning headache and it was a fun gym day all around. I have a relatively full court day today which includes a lot of motion arguments which are not really very fun. It is the day to day stresses of this job which would make me insane if I did not workout. On another note, in doing my daily blog readings I have noticed a standard theme cropping up again. It is the idea of passing for thin, and feeling like you are faking it. I get this all the time, where people tell me that I can eat more because I am skinny or wear things because I am thin. I know differently, or think that I do because I know where I have been and how hard it is to stay where I am right now. Yesterday, a rather stunned co-worker found out how much weight I had lost and said "Oh, so you had gastric bypass surgery", um no. I just went to the gym and changed my eating habits. However, I could see that her genuine surprise was based on the fact that she has never seen me at any weight other than my current one. If all you see is this person, you can't really imagine the former person ever existed. I always feel like I am admiting some deep dark secret (which it isn't) based upon the reactions. I may never get used to the reactions and some days it wears me down.

Aches and Pains

So, I have been noticing that my knees are hurting this week, and today my left shin is hurting. I have been taking it a little bit easy to compensate for the twinges. I am not sure whether the twinging is from running or possibly from the fact that I did lunges and squats yesterday. Possibly a combination of both sets of exercises. Fortunately, tomorrow is my last cardio session for the week and then I have an entire day off from any sort of intentional exercise. This week I definately need that recovery time for my body. Partially I suspect that my body is just reacting to the additional 15 minutes of exercise which I am adding in to my routine and I will adjust overtime. I don't worry that much because I am relatively young and recover fast, but maybe I should pay closer attention. My concession is to run a little slower this week and rest up on the weekend, for now we will see how that works out.

Losing the Stomach

Today has been remarkably hectic and it is only midday. There is no way of determining when craziness will break loose and that is always a problem. Add to that an okay but not great workout and it is not the best day ever. On the plus side, one of my judges noticed that I am losing weight, which suggests that people see things I have been missing because of my focus on the number on the scale. Yes, I am working on seeing the positives, just hard as always. Oddly, people are now telling me that I have lost too much weight but I know I still have some more to go. I am not going for stick thin by any means, but I am just trying to lose the stomach, or as much of it as I can without surgery.

The 1.5 Month

This is the third time I am trying to write this post, my computer hates me almost as much as my scale does right now. I discovered last night that I have only lost 1.5 lbs in the past month. That works out to under .5 lbs per week which explains why I have been feeling frustrated and stagnant. I am therefore setting very small goals for the next month. I would like to weigh 152 or 150 pounds by the time I go home in November. That is either 4 lbs lost (1 lb per week) or 2 pounds lost (.5 lbs per week). I will be happy about either number. 152 will mean that I have lost 90 lbs from my highest recorded weight of 242 lbs which is when I stopped weighing myself because it was too depressing. 150 was the weight that I claimed I was during my freshman year in highschool, frankly I probably weighed more and was lying about that at the time. Since my body is currently laughing in my general direction, all of this may or may not happen, who knows for sure. I knew my weight loss would slow down over the last 20 or 30 lbs but this much slowdown is admittedly frustrating to me. Still, even .5 lbs every week is progress and I am going to go with that for now and see what happens over the next month.

The Better Part of Valor

I have not been feeling 100 percent for the past couple of days. So, this morning I ran at 6.3 mph rather than 6.4 mph. My body still felt off, but it became clear the minute I started running that 6.4 mph was just not going to happen today. I added on a 10 minute brisk walk on the treadmill at the end of my run with some mild hills and a five minute cooldown. That translated to approximately 85 extra calories burned. Plus, I was still at work by 7:15 am so it is not like it cut into my working time by very much. I still did not really put very much effort into my workout today because of how I feel. However, I go on the theory that it is okay to have really hard days and really slack days along the way. The most important part is that I get to the gym everyday and do something good for my body. I work in a really sedentary profession and I spend a lot of time in front of a computer screen not moving so I need to get in concious movement elsewhere in my day. So, I worry about working out, but not how hard I work out. In the end, if I work out really well when I am not feeling good, all I will accomplish is making myself sick and then not being able to workout at all for awhile and that would be bad in my world. Then again, I just did an hour and thirty minutes of cardio, so my version of not working out is really skewed as compared to normal sane people. Today was an easy day though, I swear, and if I don't feel better tomorrow I will take it easy then too.

154 lbs

This weekend, after I decided to stop whining so much, I finally hit 154 lbs. That probably means something and I should think about it seriously. I won't, but I probably should think about it. I know logically when I relax and do not fuss about things, they tend to happen more easily. However, that is not my nature, I am a worrier, and on some level very much a Type A personality. Most of the time it works to my favor, some of the time I become so wrapped up in minutia that I can't see the larger picture around me. So, I see that I am 155 lbs and only losing tiny amounts if at all, and I forget the 87 lbs that I have lost over the last two years. I see the extra bit of rice I ate at lunch, and miss the fact I haven't had a candy bar in over a year. I have to learn how to stop beating myself up about the small things, without losing my grip on the big things. I have to learn how to balance my life. As I say so often here, I am not there yet, but I am trying everyday to find the balance. This morning I upped the second half of my run to 6.4 mph, according to the treadmill that is a 9:22 mile pace. All I can tell you is that it was very tiring which was probably a good thing, add that to the eliptical and I was exhausted at the end. I had to run an early morning errand today, but tomorrow I am going to add on 15 minutes at the gym and then next week go up to an extra 30 minutes everyday. Maybe it will make a huge difference, maybe it will not, we shall see what happens over the next few weeks.

Changes

I did something today that I have not done in a long time. I asked for time off. If you put it in perspective, I have not taken a day off in the last year. I sense burnout approaching so I am asking for vacation time to get my brain back together. I have indicated that I have been exhausted for the last few weeks, actually also for the last few months. So, hopefully, a week off in December and a week off in November. In other news, I finished off my cardio for the week this morning, the rest days are going to be really nice. One of my co-wokers is planning on starting early morning workouts in about two weeks so I am probably going to start working out from 5:15 am to 7:45 am on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. She is going to come to the gym at about 7 am on those days, so I am going to stay later on those days and workout at the same time. I have not actually figured out what I will do in the extra time, probably some more cardio and also I will use the machines to get in more of a weight workout. I am thinking that on Tuesdays and Thursdays, I will probably stay at the gym until about 7:30 or so, depending on my workload. I don't actually have to be at the office until 8 am and hopefully this will help me break through my eternal plateau of 155.5-156 lbs. Yes, I am still stuck there right now. I know this probably sounds excessive, but I used to workout every day except Sunday for two hours at a time. So, I know I can do this and be physically and mentally okay doing it. Actually, I am usually better off when I workout that much. So, I am going back to that system again.

More Ramblings

I have discovered that I weigh less at the end of the day than I do at the begining, which is frankly just slightly odd. Also, this is a sign I weigh myself far too many times a day and I am working on that problem. Anyway, I lifted weights last night and did squats and lunges which made me a bit sore this morning. That contributed to a pretty crappy run this morning but I still ran for 30 minutes at my usual pace of 6.3 mph. I really don't know how much faster I want to run, I do want to start running at 6.5 mph but I don't really see any need to go quicker than that in the long run. I am just trying to avoid utter workout boredom but the great benefit of working out in the early morning is that I am not awake enough to realize that I am bored or to really focus on the fact I am forcing myself to workout. This is probably why my weight workouts in the evening are much worse mentally for me, I am awake and aware of what I am doing and that I do not want to be doing it. All of this probably means that I will always be a morning workout person even though I do not like getting up early in the morning. I am in a pretty good mood today, just tired. However, I have realized recently that I am not physically tired most days, just emotionally exhausted due to work stress. I sense the early onset of burnout from overwork, but I swear I am going to go on vacation soon and that will make it better.

The big picture

I feel like I have spent an inordinate amount of time recently bitching about the whole weight loss thing. I have whined about not losing weight, about my general apathy toward the whole process, about my gym, and about my eating habits in general. I don't live my life whining about these things, so I don't really want to spend all my blogging time ranting about them. Have I lost weight recently, no, but I have accomplished some huge things which were equally important to me and which I have not talked about as much. I am fitting into all of my size 10 clothing, not perfectly but they are fitting and they are all 10 petites which are cut smaller than regular size 10's. I am running a little over three miles a day, really running not just waddling along. I am running a mile in approximately 9 minutes and 30 seconds and I have never been able to do that before in my entire life. I am lifting 15 pound weights, doing 60 sit-ups four days a week, plus 60 lunges and 60 squats twice a week. I pretty much bounce off walls on a daily basis because I have so much energy to burn durring the day. Not to mention the fact that I am finally getting organized at work and also good at what I do professionally which is a huge accomplishment. So, life overall is good and I should acknowledge that more often here and be gratefully for where I am and what I am doing on a daily basis. Introspection only accomplishes so much and I have been looking at the little details for so long that I forget the big picture and I should remember it.

The Brick Wall

Every month or so, my gym decides to engage in a really interesting torture test. They turn off the hot water to the showers. It usually only lasts one day, maybe two, but let me tell you that a freezing cold shower at 6:30 am is not any fun at all. This is especially true when you are really hot from having worked out for 75 minutes straight, however I am now very awake as a result of that shower. I am back down to 155.5 lbs as of this morning so last week's stumble does not seem to have really caused any lasting damage. I suppose it was the universe smacking me around for getting a little bit cocky about my weight loss. I would like this to be easy, I would like to not worry about what I put in my mouth every day, but that is not how it works for me and that has never been how it works for me. My brother had this metaphor about life at one point which I stole from him and now use a lot. Imagine a brick wall in your direct path with no visible door or way around it, there are people who will come up to that wall and leap effortlessly over it, there are people who will come up to the wall and decide that it is just too much effort to get around it and instead take a nap in front of it or set up camp permanently in that location, finally there are people who will come to the wall and bang their heads and bodies into it until they finally make a hole big enough to climb through and continue on their way. The wall is the obstacles we face in life, and frankly both my brother and I have spent much of our lives banging our heads into the wall until we break through it. This is pretty much how losing weight has gone for me, baby steps all the way along the road. Some people can lose all the weight in a year, I expect that it will take me more than two years to lose all the weight I want to lose. I am tired of it, but I keep going because I have a goal of where I want to be and I intend to get there someday (plus frankly my eating and exercise habits won't change that much when I hit my goal). I just want to be done with the losing weight part of the journey but I have a feeling that I have a lot more head banging to do before that day arrives.

Landing flat on my Face

So, let me recap the end of last week for you, it can be summed up as follows, "Kat falls face first into a pile of food." Thursday and Friday were extremely bad food days and frankly the week which proceeded it was not very good either. The weekend was totally on plan but very low overall in calories. Thus, the fact I have ended up at the begining of the week at 156.5 is a truly amazing miracle and can probably be attributed to the fact that I am running for 30 minutes five days a week at 6.2 mph and adding another 30 minutes on the eliptical machine. That and weights are probably the only things which stopped major weight gain this last week. My goal this week is to be back on plan fully with no deviations and no excessive snacking. I find that whenever I think that I have completely beaten back my food demons, I get smacked around a bit by my ability to eat everything in sight. Sigh, the issues never completely go away for me, I am just better able to manage them overall. On the plus side, this morning's run was really nice and almost easy until I raised the speed to 6.3 mph at the 15 minute mark. I am constantly amazed by how quickly my body adjusts to an increased speed and intensity level. Now, I am going to work on not sabotaging my workouts by eating lots and lots of extra food (especially processed food) and sticking to my salads and healthy proteins.