Leaving on a Jet Plane again

So, tomorrow I hop on a plane and head out to my new job. My cat will follow in a few months as will some of my stuff. Everything is packed, from boxes to suitcases. I tentatively have an apartment (just waiting on criminal background check results), I have a new cell phone and work clothes. Since 2003, this is approximately the 7th time I have moved, the longest I have lived anywhere it the last four years was on my little island and I was there for almost exactly two years. I would like to be in one place for longer than two years because this is begining to wear me out. I will say that I am not sure that where I am moving will be that place, I hope it is but I am not convinced at this point. I expect to be in my new job for a minimum of three years but more than that I cannot say right now. Hopefully it will be great. I don't expect I will be online very much for the next couple of weeks, it is going to be really hectic for awhile with moving and settling into a new job. However, I am so grateful to have a new job, and a place to live that is my own. So, I'm off and I will be back when time permits.

Aack

You know, for a trial lawyer, I don't handle stress particularly well. I am a worrier of the highest order first of all, so I come up with all sorts of horrible scenarios of what could go wrong along the way. 9 times out of 10, nothing goes wrong but I am a worrier. So having to move within 1 week is making me go insane. This week alone, I have changed my car insurance, hopefully rented an apartment (waiting for final approval on that i.e. the credit check), rented a car, gotten a hotel room, I am in the midst of completing my continuing legal education requirements for this year (will be done by Monday), started packing, figured out where to buy a bed in the new location, and a few other things. Doing all of this long distance makes me nervous, moving makes me nervous and so on and so forth. So I am stressed and not sleeping well and not eating well or exercising enough. However, this will pass I know it will and just have to keep saying that to myself for right now.

Oh look I have a blog, who knew

So, I'm back, maybe. Don't get all excited because it may not last. Anyway, I am moving again, finally I have a new job and it is in the mainland U.S. Yay. I am also using this as an opportunity to get back on that whole diet and workout path that I have been avoiding. Is it bad that my two apartment requirements are pet friendly and a fitness center? Anyway, I start the new job in two weeks, providing that I can get everything organized that quickly and hopefully will be around more now that I have a job and things to talk about. So far today, I have hunted apartments, made phonecalls to clear some lawyer registration stuff, and started looking for moving companies. Oh, and managed a 30 minute run and another 30 minute walk. Good stuff, we will see how it goes from here on out.

Time warps

Sometimes, you stumble across funny things. I have kept a diary over the years on and off (well multiple diaries if we are being precise). I have also made so many attempts at weight loss that it is not funny. My favorite stat at one point was that most people will make as many as 11 or more attempts to lose weight before being successful (if they are successful at that point). It makes the point that this whole process is not easy. Anyway, I found a food journal from 2001 when I was in law school. I apparently notated my food for the month of January. Oh it was frightening. I also noted in the journal that I weighed 245 lbs at the time. I give you one example of what I was apparently doing back then: Exercise 20 situps. Brunch: 1 piece of french toast with 1/4 pat butter, hash browns with ketchup, 2 breakfast burritos, 3 glasses of milk. Dinner : apple sauce, fruit salad, white hard boiled egg, salad, 2 glasses of milk. I will now contrast this with what I did yesterday. Exercise: 45 situps, 2 hours and 15 minutes on the treadmill but I thought I was slacking (getting ankle twinges again) Breakfast: A frozen banana, 1/2 cu. 1 percent milk, and a light yogurt (approx. 90 calories) blended into a smoothie. Snack: Frozen grapes, two bunches Lunch: Pita bread filled with lettuce and tuna fish, onion and light mayo 3 cups of coffee and a lot of tea Snack: small pita bread with some jam and a touch of butter, more frozen grapes Dinner: Pita bread with tomatos and light mayo on one side and tuna fish on the other. A light yogurt with walnuts. This was a lot of food for me, I was feeling vaguely guilty about it. Especially the pita with jam and butter, not a healthy snack as it should have been. However, I was struck by how much more balanced my meals are now, there is a lot more protein in my diet and a lot more fruit and vegetables. My old journal varies between meals like the one posted above, and days where I ate 4 rice cakes for dinner and salad with nothing in it. It is a reminder of how disordered my eating patterns were at the time. I struggle still with food, but not to this extreme. That is progress, and sometimes we just need to be reminded that we have made progress on this long journey. Maybe that is what time warps and old journals are for in the end.

Err, exercise, hmm.

I sort of exercised today. I sauntered along on the treadmill for 90 minutes this morning. I am thinking I will head out now and do a little more cardio, hopefully some running because I really need to make my heart do some actual work and I have not done that lately. Food has been okay, but I know that I am stressed about the non-job situation and that is messing with my eating (stress always messes up my eating). Thus, since I am hungry right now, I am going to combat it with working out. Oh, and I might get on the scale and see how bad the damage from the last month (i.e. Christmas) is, since I have not gotten on a scale in forever. I sense this will be bad. I will let you know how it goes, I swear. Okay, I am off to go visit the treadmill and attempt to be motivated, and maybe get rid of the stress headache from looking at job postings all morning and finding nothing I am qualified for in the least (pity I am not a patent attorney).

Oh right blogging

Well, I see I have finally been called out on my extended blogging absence (thanks Becky, nice to see you are back too). I Have been fighting off problematic aches and pains in my ankles in my long silence (but still working out which is a plus). Still, job hunting, pickings have been a bit slim. The scale is steadfastly not moving, then again there was that whole thing we call Christmas and less than stellar eating. I am still working on it, and have been getting back on track in the new year. Mostly, I trying to figure out whether or not to keep running given I develop ankle pains especially in my "bad" ankle. This goes back to falling down a flight of stairs as a teenager and then stupidly walking on a swollen ankle for two weeks and it has never been the same. Better but not the same. Someday I will be able to afford a personal trainer and possibly an expert on sports injuries but not right now. So, I'm here, limping along as it were, but here and working out everyday and yes I guess I am back.

Status Quo

I really don't have much to say, I am still running twice a day (well except for most of last week) and watching what I am eating. I have had a recurring injury with my right ankle, which led to only running for 30 minutes a day for the last week. My ankle just felt stiff and generally unhappy. This week I am back to my regular plan and so far so good. I am seeing some results, I would like to see more obviously but I will take what I can get for right now. Thanksgiving was pretty much a blip on the radar, and did not involving insane amounts of eating which is good news. I am running pretty comfortably now at 5.1 mph and next week I will increase the speed provided that my ankle allows me to do so. I chose not to run the 5K on thanksgiving which I was thinking about because of the nagging soreness in my right ankle which I do think was the right choice. Anyway, I am off to lift weights and get my second workout in now.

Reflecting on Running

Today was better than yesterday in terms of running, not fun but better. I know my body well enough to know that it usually takes me about 2 weeks to adjust and accept a new level of difficulty in exercise (even if is only a tiny level of change). I was reflecting today as I was running (a vain attempt to keep my brain distracted from the pain) that sadly running is the only thing in the long term that really works for me. I don't necessarily love running, I don't hate it, but it works better than any other form of cardio for me. Perhaps this is because it does not require coordination and I can constantly adjust the degree of difficulty (and it is hard to cheat while running, possible but hard). I was doing a lot of other cardio exercise and not having any success and now everything is begining to work again. This is a good thing, and obviously better food choices is also a plus. Still, really, it is all about the running for me. So, I should work on liking it because I am going to be doing a lot of running for a long time. This naturally leads into the realization that I will be exercising forever and having to do a lot of exercise because my body is completely against losing weight as a concept. Sigh. However, given the alternative, I can live with having to exercise and watch my food intake. It is all about the tradeoffs, the pluses and minuses, and being healthy and fitting into the clothes I own outweighs the negatives in the long run.

5.1 mph, oh the agony

I actually got back into town on Sunday, but did not get around to posting until now. I am back on track, and despite entirely too much food over the weekend, I did not gain any weight. This is good news. I am now at the painful stage of running, the part where I start increasing my speed rather than my time. I spent the last month running at a 5 mph pace and on Monday I began running a 5.1 mph pace. This should not make a major difference in the pain level of running on the treadmill. However, it made a big difference and the last two mornings have been brutal. I trust that the pain will end up equaling more progress over the next month. Part of the reason I am pushing myself right now is that I believe at some point, someone will want to interview me. I say this as I keep sending out resumes and letters into the job market abyss. I know that first impressions count and that the thinner and healthier I am, the better I will look in my interview suits. So, I keep running like a little maniac. I am running about 7.6 miles a day, 5.1 in the morning and 2.5 in the afternoon and I am watching what I am putting into my body. Progress remains slow in many respects but I've lost about 6 lbs over the last 5 weeks, and that is progress in the right direction.

Off on a trip

Tomorrow morning I am off with the parental units to visit my grandparents for 3 days. I'll be back on Sunday. I admit that trips always make me a bit nervous, I can't stick with a regular exercise schedule and food is difficult. Since we are staying with family it will probably be a bit more difficult than normal just due to the lack of gym access. The great thing about hotels is the gym facilities (okay the gym facilities are usually crappy but they exist which is the important thing). I am going to take workout gear with me, in the hopes that exercising will be a possibility but I am not holding my breath. I will be able to workout on Sunday and be back on schedule then, so really this is only a minor break. It may even be a good thing since I have been exercising so much recently. Anyway, I have to go pack and get everything sorted out, I will be back next week.

Random ramblings

I finally got all of my boxes that I shipped when I moved home. Other than some clothing and a ridiculous amount of shoes, it mostly consists of things I probably really don't need in the long run. Still, it is nice to have all of my stuff (especially my dive gear and my shoes). I am still on track with exercise, I had forgotten how brutal it could be to run for an hour at a time. Still, stretching the last couple of days has really helped and it is a reminder that I should do it more often than I generally manage. I figure that I am running between 6 and 7 miles everyday which is a lot more than I have been running for a long time. I am beging to see results, although they are not really measurable yet. I am down about 4 to 5 pounds since I came home, which is about a 1lb a week. I figure in a few weeks I will really began to notice the results (I hope) otherwise I shall become frustrated yet again.

Monday, Monday

This weekend I went and purchased a much needed fitness essential. Well, actually my mother bought it for me, I love parents. It is a training log, to record daily workouts. I realize this seems odd given the fact I track everything by blog. However, this is more for tracking progress, times, types of workouts, and difficulty levels. Very dry boring stuff in the abstract, but useful in the long run. It will tell me what to do and where I am lacking and why over the next few months (it is a 6 month book). I used to keep a training manual religiously but I stopped and it is a good thing to resume. On other subjects, I did not run yesterday, I went and walked/hiked with my parents. About a 3 mile loop with a fair number of hills, not as challenging as I remembered it being, which was interesting. This morning it was back to running on the treadmill. I ran for an hour which translated to about 4.8 miles and then added on another 50 minutes of walking. Then, I managed to convince myself to lift some weights, do a few situps, and some proper stretches. I have been sorely lacking in all of those areas recently. I am trying to add back in more weight lifting and strength training in order to build some more muscle. Hopefully all of these efforts will help over the next few weeks. I am making some progress (slowly) and that is the good news afterall.

Getting medival

I think my body is about to go medival on my brain. You know, use battleaxes and other implements of destruction to stop my brain from making it go and work out because it is a really good idea in theory. Yesterday afternoon and this morning were not good workouts (in case you missed that bit) for entirely different reasons. After all, variety is the spice of life. Yesterday it was due to chaffing issues (yes, fine that was TMI) and this morning it was just due to general exhaustion. I stopped running twice this morning, albeit briefly, before resuming and finishing out my 55 minute run. Yesterday, I ran in 5 and 10 minute increments with 5 minute walks in between each segment adding up to 30 minutes. Normally, I run 30 minutes straight. I am about to go workout again (okay 50 minutes from now) which is probably a silly idea. However, tomorrow is a day of from working out (yay!) and I only workout once on Sundays as a general rule. I am pushing my body a lot, but I find it hard to slack off because that generally leads to a lot more laziness than is good for me. Next week I am going to be gone for a few days so I won't be working out as much as normal, and that is probably a good thing. Anyway, I am going to go forage for an afternoon snack and change into workout clothes, I can feel the battleaxes coming out already.

Lucky Number 500

I've been keeping this blog since May 12, 2004, approximately two and a half years. Today marks my 500th post. It has been a bumpy ride, on all fronts over the past couple of years. I think like many bloggers I have chronicled more of the rougher patches than the smooth ones (trauma is often more interesting than triumph). I have not kept all my weight off over the past 2.5 years, but I am far skinnier than I was when I started this process. I am in decent shape as well in terms of fitness level (I can jog for extended periods of time) and I wear a size 12 as opposed to a size 22 or 24. I am grateful for that reality everyday. I was thinking this morning again as I was slowly jogging away on the treadmill about how much of working out is doing it when you do not want to exercise. Somedays are easy and make you feel better (almost lighter on your feet), many days are not at all. The dirty little secret of working out and most fit people is that they have really bad exercise days too, but they do it anyway. This morning I did not want to run, and I just started moving and kept going, I ran for 55 minutes. I can remember the days when I would have just skipped the workout or walked on the treadmill. I like this version of myself better, the version which does it anyway because it is routine and part of my daily life. Secretly, I like exercise now and if that is not worth slogging through 500 posts, I don't know what is, that is a gift worth all the bumpy rides in the world.

And so it goes

I don't have that much to say on this site right now, so I haven't been posting as often as normal. My body is as always failing to do exactly what I want it to do in the time period that I have allotted for change. In other words, my body has one time schedule and my brain has another. However, I soldier on and right now I am trying to ignore things like scales. I am running for 55 minutes in the morning (straight) and 30 minutes in the afternoon (straight) with an extra 50 minutes of walking in the morning and 30 minutes of walking in the afternoon. Everything is sore, and everything hurts. My eating is as good as it has been in at least a year. I am still job hunting, no responses as of yet. I am attempting to manage the frustration on all fronts, so far it is working. Patience has never been my strong suit, I am working on it. I trust that my body will respond eventually and that I will get responses to my job inquiries. Right now it is hard, but I keep working at it. The problem with hard work is that it is just that "hard". If losing and keeping off weight was easy, everyone would manage it and this country would not have an obesity epidemic. I am trying to remember that and it is working to some extent. I'm still running 6 days a week and that is the good news, so lets stick with that today.

Not dead

I'm still here, still working out twice a day and eating well. It is begining to work, thank goodness. I am also sending out resumes and job hunting which is never fun. Just today I sent a resume to a job that would be ideal, but is not necessarily in my ideal location. However, it is the logical next step job and I am all about the logical next step, and I don't hate the location (especially since it is in the mainland U.S.). My knee is twinging again today, never a good sign. I know that right now I am pushing a lot of cardio on my poor body but I feel the need to get back into good shape and this is the best way that I know of to manage that result. I figure I am running for a hour and twenty minutes every day (not all at once) which works out to around 6 miles because as we previously established, I do not run fast. My plan is to be able to run for an hour continuously (I am at 50 minutes right now) and then work on increasing my speed. Possibly a silly plan but it is a plan nonetheless.

Is it Saturday yet?

I am still manage two workouts a day right now, but don't ask me how that is possible. My body is exhausted and tired and sore, and I am seeing no progress. Then again I have only been doing this for a week so I am not going to be impatient. Actually, for the most part, my afternoon workouts have been brilliant, and fairly enjoyable. Morning always seems difficult. I think it is the part where I drag myself out to the treadmill knowing full well that I am going to have to run for forty-five long minutes. Alternatively, it could be due to the fact that my cat (who I lock in my room at night) tends to start howling at 3-4 am in the morning and continues until she gets let out of the room and is free to chase my parent's cat. Good times.

Er...I think I might have found the zone

I think I may be vaguely creeping back into that mythical land we like to call "the zone" in weight bloggerland. You know, the mythical place where eating right and working out is not a hassle and is relatively easily. Yesterday, I managed two hours and forty five minutes of cardio over the course of the day. One hour and forty five minutes in the morning and another hour in the afternoon. This included an hour and fifteen minutes of running and also interval work. I'm thinking that this afternoon I will do another hour or so of cardio (already ran for 45 minutes this morning and walked for 45 minutes) with about 30 minutes of running total. I had forgotten that the benefit of working out in the afternoon after working out in the morning was that I don't feel pushed to accomplish anything (the way I do in the morning). The afternoon is pretty much a bonus workout time and I can do whatever I want to do in that time. I am using it for interval training right now, run five minutes on a steep incline, walk five minutes on a moderate incline and repeat. Also food has been really good this week. See, this is what I mean about "the zone", when you are in it, anything seems possible but getting into it and staying there is really hard. Right this moment, I have the time so I am going to use it to my full advantage, it is much harder when you are working to manage this level of working out. It is possible though and I am going to try to keep at it for as long as I can manage it. Ah, I do love "the zone", hopefully it will last for the next few months.

So, I'm crazy

Yup, crazy, and not crazy like a fox either. I am thinking, pondering really, running either a 10k or a 5k on Thanksgiving Day (you can pick either). So, either running 3.1 miles (give or take) or running 6.2 miles (give or take). I can run approximately 5 miles in 1 hour, and probably run 6 miles in around an hour and 15 minutes (being very generous with my time). Still, being really prepared to do either within the next 41 days is probably insane. I'm still probably going to do it anyways, unless I am somewhere else at Thanksgiving this year. Still, this means I need to run more, start running outside and definately start running faster. I've moved myself up to jogging 45 minutes everyday this week, I started yesterday and then jogged this morning as well but I need to work on the whole running outside thing. Still, craziness, I am just saying that right now. On the good side, my knee doesn't hurt anymore and my ankle feels much better.

So it's friday

Eh, so it is Friday and I really have nothing exciting to report today. Exercise happened, as it always does and then I got to work job hunting. This has taken up my day along with doing laundry (I need clean exercise clothes). My knee is much better, still a little stiff but a huge improvement from Monday and Tuesday. Food is fine, although I am slowly eating my own weight in fruit. Really nothing terribly exciting is happening on the exercise front. This I think in the end is the problem for most of us, exercising is anything but fun and exciting. I find it gets really hard even now to drag myself out onto the treadmill and work out. It was equally hard dragging myself off to the gym. This is why I wear exercise clothes when I get up in the morning it really is the only way to make sure that I go out and exercise (even though it is terribly boring at times). Anyway, I'm off to finish the laundry (which is almost entirely filled with workout clothing at this point).