Monday, March 27, 2006

At least I'm still trying

I am not entirely out of my bout of not caring about things yet. I'm working on it, working on clawing my way back. I ran this morning at the gym, I need to do that more often because it clears my head and makes me feel like I have accomplished something for the morning. The real problem is that I cannot shake the exhaustion brought on by a poor work environment. The exhaustion makes it very difficult to actually feel motivated to work out at all, let alone at 5 am in the morning. However, right now, I simply cannot make myself go workout in the evenings. So workout time remains at 5 am and I keep trying to find motivation. Eating away from work is fine but at work it is not really very good. I have probably eaten my weight in jellybeans over the last week. I'm just trying to balance everything out as best I can right now. Balance is hard to achieve but I am doing my best and I don't want to thing about where I would be if I did not work out.

Friday, March 24, 2006

Not much to report

So, I'm at work, on a Saturday no less. I have been here since 9:30, I am about to go to court with the eight magistrates for the day and then head home. I need to go to the post office but I doubt that I will make it out of court before the post office closes. I need a nap among other things, and a chance to clean my apartment. Not to mention a few other things. The problem with working on a weekend is you lose an entire day to do things that you need to get done. Oh, and notice how none of this post is diet or exercise related, yup that is not going well either today. Anyway, I am off to court, I don't want to be late or the judge will be mad at me and then I will be there forever. Hopefully there will be posting on Monday, we shall see.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Well yeah

Yeah, don't ask where I have been or how I have been doing on plan. Not so well. When you almost quit your job three times in one week, it should give you an idea about the state of life in general. I have however been diving a lot and I am still working out, but other than that I can't say much has been going well in terms of diet.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006


I am still about 90 percent on track, despite various job frustrations. Honestly, there is just no way to shake the exhaustion at this point or prevent the desire to just go home and sleep. I did run this morning for about 30 minutes and did the rest of my cardio workout. Right now I am just waiting for traffic to clear out a little bit because I need to stop at the grocery store on my way home and buy oatmeal. I need to cut down on coffee and eating out, but it does not seem to be in the cards this week. Alternatively, I need to lift more weights at home, but so far that is not happening either. I could talk about the nastiness at work, but it isn't worth rehashing it here. Suffice it to say I am going to be glad to get out of here at some point soon. Anyway, at least I am posting today which is impressive given the day in general. Maybe tomorrow will be better at work, but I am not holding my breath. I am off to the store now.

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Weight Loss Diving

This weekend I went on a night dive with some friends. Night diving is very different from diving during the day because you lose a lot of visual cues and narrow your field of vision. In a way, it is a good metaphor for the whole weight loss process. When you are really focused on losing weight, your field of vision narrows to the scale and and pounds lost or gained. You lose sight of the big picture, of where you have been and where you are now. Much as one can come to appreciate the multitude of things which can be seen in the small space of the flashlight it is not the whole picture of the universe around you. I am working on remembering everything I have accomplished and not just the scale. In case it is not obvious, I find diving remarkably spirtual on some level, and very calming. I'm not religious and never will be but being in the natural world calms and soothes me in many ways. It quiets my brain and lets me unwind which is a miracle given my personality.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

The Baking Dilema

Last night I slightly went over calories, probably by about 100 calories or so. That was probably due to going out to dinner. Today is the retirement party for one of the people in my office and at the staff's request I made two coffee cakes. The problem is that I could not actually taste test the batter because it had sugar in it. I find it incredibly hard to bake that way, even though I did manage it. Hopefully they will taste all right although I won't know that either. I am going to be very careful at lunch and hope that everything will continue to workout over the next few weeks. Also, I did purge my kitchen last night so there is no butter, chocolate, sugar, or cream to be found (all of my baking supplies). I do have lots of good things like frozen vegetables, brown rice, and cooked chicken. I need to shop this weekend for things like whole wheat pasta and frozen shrimp but other than that I am now set.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006


I must admit, the fact people (immediate family excepted) read this blog always surprises me. I don't have much time durring the day to post, usually just five or ten minutes when I get a free second. I don't (as a result) respond to comments usually because there is no time. Especially for the last year or two, I have pretty much been treading water when it comes to weightloss. I have been hovering around 155-165 since I arrived on my little island. Too much food, not enough intense exercise. So, I wonder about that whole inspiration thing, especially due to lack of progress. Then again, I think that is the thing about weight loss, it is a constant struggle. The hard part is always mental not physical. If, like me, you have always had an unhealthy relationship with food, the struggle does not end when you figure out how to lose weight, rather it is just begining. So, more than two years from where I started, I still struggle with the same issues. Just on a slightly different level. Now, it is not did I exercise but how hard I exercised, now it isn't did I eat a whole bag of candy but I had snacked a little bit too much during the day. When I started, I usually bounced around between 236 and 242, now I bounce around between 155-165 lbs and in the end that is really good progress. So, maybe that is what I should go with despite my current frustrations.

Hanging on

So, here I am at day four of discovering that yes there is a wagon and I should be on it. I've clawed my way back down the scale by losing 2.5 lbs in the past four days, which still puts me higher than I would like to be (in otherwords above my comfort level on the scale). Still the speed with which I have dropped some of the excess weight is comforting to me. I did not run this morning, I tried to run but my hips were aching and I stopped after five minutes. However, trying to run was an improvement on my part, after the last month of general inactivity (and yes I realize my version of inactivity is not the same as everyone else). I even lifted free weights at home last night and did lunges and squats. I feel much better this week than I have felt in awhile as a result. I think part of what I need to begin doing is transitioning from someone who just works out because she has to into someone who works out because they are an athlete, thus the continuing thought that maybe I will train for either a triathlon or some similar event. I am not an athlete, at least I never have been, but I need to become one to keep my interest in working out from waning. In other news, I am keeping up with the no real sugar in my diet. Last night, I threw out pretty much all the coffee stuff in my apartment which includes mocha mixes and so on, and after tonight I am throwing out all of the sugar and probably all the butter in my apartment. Why after tonight? I promised to bake coffee cakes for a work party tomorrow and I need sugar for that, then it will go away. My goal is to only keep really clean food on hand for the next month or so and then to see where I am at the end of March. It is amazing the amount of food you can eat when all of the food is good protein and vegetables and not processed crap.