Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Status Quo

I really don't have much to say, I am still running twice a day (well except for most of last week) and watching what I am eating. I have had a recurring injury with my right ankle, which led to only running for 30 minutes a day for the last week. My ankle just felt stiff and generally unhappy. This week I am back to my regular plan and so far so good. I am seeing some results, I would like to see more obviously but I will take what I can get for right now. Thanksgiving was pretty much a blip on the radar, and did not involving insane amounts of eating which is good news. I am running pretty comfortably now at 5.1 mph and next week I will increase the speed provided that my ankle allows me to do so. I chose not to run the 5K on thanksgiving which I was thinking about because of the nagging soreness in my right ankle which I do think was the right choice. Anyway, I am off to lift weights and get my second workout in now.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Reflecting on Running

Today was better than yesterday in terms of running, not fun but better. I know my body well enough to know that it usually takes me about 2 weeks to adjust and accept a new level of difficulty in exercise (even if is only a tiny level of change). I was reflecting today as I was running (a vain attempt to keep my brain distracted from the pain) that sadly running is the only thing in the long term that really works for me. I don't necessarily love running, I don't hate it, but it works better than any other form of cardio for me. Perhaps this is because it does not require coordination and I can constantly adjust the degree of difficulty (and it is hard to cheat while running, possible but hard). I was doing a lot of other cardio exercise and not having any success and now everything is begining to work again. This is a good thing, and obviously better food choices is also a plus. Still, really, it is all about the running for me. So, I should work on liking it because I am going to be doing a lot of running for a long time. This naturally leads into the realization that I will be exercising forever and having to do a lot of exercise because my body is completely against losing weight as a concept. Sigh. However, given the alternative, I can live with having to exercise and watch my food intake. It is all about the tradeoffs, the pluses and minuses, and being healthy and fitting into the clothes I own outweighs the negatives in the long run.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

5.1 mph, oh the agony

I actually got back into town on Sunday, but did not get around to posting until now. I am back on track, and despite entirely too much food over the weekend, I did not gain any weight. This is good news. I am now at the painful stage of running, the part where I start increasing my speed rather than my time. I spent the last month running at a 5 mph pace and on Monday I began running a 5.1 mph pace. This should not make a major difference in the pain level of running on the treadmill. However, it made a big difference and the last two mornings have been brutal. I trust that the pain will end up equaling more progress over the next month. Part of the reason I am pushing myself right now is that I believe at some point, someone will want to interview me. I say this as I keep sending out resumes and letters into the job market abyss. I know that first impressions count and that the thinner and healthier I am, the better I will look in my interview suits. So, I keep running like a little maniac. I am running about 7.6 miles a day, 5.1 in the morning and 2.5 in the afternoon and I am watching what I am putting into my body. Progress remains slow in many respects but I've lost about 6 lbs over the last 5 weeks, and that is progress in the right direction.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Off on a trip

Tomorrow morning I am off with the parental units to visit my grandparents for 3 days. I'll be back on Sunday. I admit that trips always make me a bit nervous, I can't stick with a regular exercise schedule and food is difficult. Since we are staying with family it will probably be a bit more difficult than normal just due to the lack of gym access. The great thing about hotels is the gym facilities (okay the gym facilities are usually crappy but they exist which is the important thing). I am going to take workout gear with me, in the hopes that exercising will be a possibility but I am not holding my breath. I will be able to workout on Sunday and be back on schedule then, so really this is only a minor break. It may even be a good thing since I have been exercising so much recently. Anyway, I have to go pack and get everything sorted out, I will be back next week.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Random ramblings

I finally got all of my boxes that I shipped when I moved home. Other than some clothing and a ridiculous amount of shoes, it mostly consists of things I probably really don't need in the long run. Still, it is nice to have all of my stuff (especially my dive gear and my shoes). I am still on track with exercise, I had forgotten how brutal it could be to run for an hour at a time. Still, stretching the last couple of days has really helped and it is a reminder that I should do it more often than I generally manage. I figure that I am running between 6 and 7 miles everyday which is a lot more than I have been running for a long time. I am beging to see results, although they are not really measurable yet. I am down about 4 to 5 pounds since I came home, which is about a 1lb a week. I figure in a few weeks I will really began to notice the results (I hope) otherwise I shall become frustrated yet again.

Monday, November 06, 2006

Monday, Monday

This weekend I went and purchased a much needed fitness essential. Well, actually my mother bought it for me, I love parents. It is a training log, to record daily workouts. I realize this seems odd given the fact I track everything by blog. However, this is more for tracking progress, times, types of workouts, and difficulty levels. Very dry boring stuff in the abstract, but useful in the long run. It will tell me what to do and where I am lacking and why over the next few months (it is a 6 month book). I used to keep a training manual religiously but I stopped and it is a good thing to resume. On other subjects, I did not run yesterday, I went and walked/hiked with my parents. About a 3 mile loop with a fair number of hills, not as challenging as I remembered it being, which was interesting. This morning it was back to running on the treadmill. I ran for an hour which translated to about 4.8 miles and then added on another 50 minutes of walking. Then, I managed to convince myself to lift some weights, do a few situps, and some proper stretches. I have been sorely lacking in all of those areas recently. I am trying to add back in more weight lifting and strength training in order to build some more muscle. Hopefully all of these efforts will help over the next few weeks. I am making some progress (slowly) and that is the good news afterall.

Friday, November 03, 2006

Getting medival

I think my body is about to go medival on my brain. You know, use battleaxes and other implements of destruction to stop my brain from making it go and work out because it is a really good idea in theory. Yesterday afternoon and this morning were not good workouts (in case you missed that bit) for entirely different reasons. After all, variety is the spice of life. Yesterday it was due to chaffing issues (yes, fine that was TMI) and this morning it was just due to general exhaustion. I stopped running twice this morning, albeit briefly, before resuming and finishing out my 55 minute run. Yesterday, I ran in 5 and 10 minute increments with 5 minute walks in between each segment adding up to 30 minutes. Normally, I run 30 minutes straight. I am about to go workout again (okay 50 minutes from now) which is probably a silly idea. However, tomorrow is a day of from working out (yay!) and I only workout once on Sundays as a general rule. I am pushing my body a lot, but I find it hard to slack off because that generally leads to a lot more laziness than is good for me. Next week I am going to be gone for a few days so I won't be working out as much as normal, and that is probably a good thing. Anyway, I am going to go forage for an afternoon snack and change into workout clothes, I can feel the battleaxes coming out already.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Lucky Number 500

I've been keeping this blog since May 12, 2004, approximately two and a half years. Today marks my 500th post. It has been a bumpy ride, on all fronts over the past couple of years. I think like many bloggers I have chronicled more of the rougher patches than the smooth ones (trauma is often more interesting than triumph). I have not kept all my weight off over the past 2.5 years, but I am far skinnier than I was when I started this process. I am in decent shape as well in terms of fitness level (I can jog for extended periods of time) and I wear a size 12 as opposed to a size 22 or 24. I am grateful for that reality everyday. I was thinking this morning again as I was slowly jogging away on the treadmill about how much of working out is doing it when you do not want to exercise. Somedays are easy and make you feel better (almost lighter on your feet), many days are not at all. The dirty little secret of working out and most fit people is that they have really bad exercise days too, but they do it anyway. This morning I did not want to run, and I just started moving and kept going, I ran for 55 minutes. I can remember the days when I would have just skipped the workout or walked on the treadmill. I like this version of myself better, the version which does it anyway because it is routine and part of my daily life. Secretly, I like exercise now and if that is not worth slogging through 500 posts, I don't know what is, that is a gift worth all the bumpy rides in the world.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

And so it goes

I don't have that much to say on this site right now, so I haven't been posting as often as normal. My body is as always failing to do exactly what I want it to do in the time period that I have allotted for change. In other words, my body has one time schedule and my brain has another. However, I soldier on and right now I am trying to ignore things like scales. I am running for 55 minutes in the morning (straight) and 30 minutes in the afternoon (straight) with an extra 50 minutes of walking in the morning and 30 minutes of walking in the afternoon. Everything is sore, and everything hurts. My eating is as good as it has been in at least a year. I am still job hunting, no responses as of yet. I am attempting to manage the frustration on all fronts, so far it is working. Patience has never been my strong suit, I am working on it. I trust that my body will respond eventually and that I will get responses to my job inquiries. Right now it is hard, but I keep working at it. The problem with hard work is that it is just that "hard". If losing and keeping off weight was easy, everyone would manage it and this country would not have an obesity epidemic. I am trying to remember that and it is working to some extent. I'm still running 6 days a week and that is the good news, so lets stick with that today.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Not dead

I'm still here, still working out twice a day and eating well. It is begining to work, thank goodness. I am also sending out resumes and job hunting which is never fun. Just today I sent a resume to a job that would be ideal, but is not necessarily in my ideal location. However, it is the logical next step job and I am all about the logical next step, and I don't hate the location (especially since it is in the mainland U.S.). My knee is twinging again today, never a good sign. I know that right now I am pushing a lot of cardio on my poor body but I feel the need to get back into good shape and this is the best way that I know of to manage that result. I figure I am running for a hour and twenty minutes every day (not all at once) which works out to around 6 miles because as we previously established, I do not run fast. My plan is to be able to run for an hour continuously (I am at 50 minutes right now) and then work on increasing my speed. Possibly a silly plan but it is a plan nonetheless.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Is it Saturday yet?

I am still manage two workouts a day right now, but don't ask me how that is possible. My body is exhausted and tired and sore, and I am seeing no progress. Then again I have only been doing this for a week so I am not going to be impatient. Actually, for the most part, my afternoon workouts have been brilliant, and fairly enjoyable. Morning always seems difficult. I think it is the part where I drag myself out to the treadmill knowing full well that I am going to have to run for forty-five long minutes. Alternatively, it could be due to the fact that my cat (who I lock in my room at night) tends to start howling at 3-4 am in the morning and continues until she gets let out of the room and is free to chase my parent's cat. Good times.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Er...I think I might have found the zone

I think I may be vaguely creeping back into that mythical land we like to call "the zone" in weight bloggerland. You know, the mythical place where eating right and working out is not a hassle and is relatively easily. Yesterday, I managed two hours and forty five minutes of cardio over the course of the day. One hour and forty five minutes in the morning and another hour in the afternoon. This included an hour and fifteen minutes of running and also interval work. I'm thinking that this afternoon I will do another hour or so of cardio (already ran for 45 minutes this morning and walked for 45 minutes) with about 30 minutes of running total. I had forgotten that the benefit of working out in the afternoon after working out in the morning was that I don't feel pushed to accomplish anything (the way I do in the morning). The afternoon is pretty much a bonus workout time and I can do whatever I want to do in that time. I am using it for interval training right now, run five minutes on a steep incline, walk five minutes on a moderate incline and repeat. Also food has been really good this week. See, this is what I mean about "the zone", when you are in it, anything seems possible but getting into it and staying there is really hard. Right this moment, I have the time so I am going to use it to my full advantage, it is much harder when you are working to manage this level of working out. It is possible though and I am going to try to keep at it for as long as I can manage it. Ah, I do love "the zone", hopefully it will last for the next few months.

Monday, October 16, 2006

So, I'm crazy

Yup, crazy, and not crazy like a fox either. I am thinking, pondering really, running either a 10k or a 5k on Thanksgiving Day (you can pick either). So, either running 3.1 miles (give or take) or running 6.2 miles (give or take). I can run approximately 5 miles in 1 hour, and probably run 6 miles in around an hour and 15 minutes (being very generous with my time). Still, being really prepared to do either within the next 41 days is probably insane. I'm still probably going to do it anyways, unless I am somewhere else at Thanksgiving this year. Still, this means I need to run more, start running outside and definately start running faster. I've moved myself up to jogging 45 minutes everyday this week, I started yesterday and then jogged this morning as well but I need to work on the whole running outside thing. Still, craziness, I am just saying that right now. On the good side, my knee doesn't hurt anymore and my ankle feels much better.

Friday, October 13, 2006

So it's friday

Eh, so it is Friday and I really have nothing exciting to report today. Exercise happened, as it always does and then I got to work job hunting. This has taken up my day along with doing laundry (I need clean exercise clothes). My knee is much better, still a little stiff but a huge improvement from Monday and Tuesday. Food is fine, although I am slowly eating my own weight in fruit. Really nothing terribly exciting is happening on the exercise front. This I think in the end is the problem for most of us, exercising is anything but fun and exciting. I find it gets really hard even now to drag myself out onto the treadmill and work out. It was equally hard dragging myself off to the gym. This is why I wear exercise clothes when I get up in the morning it really is the only way to make sure that I go out and exercise (even though it is terribly boring at times). Anyway, I'm off to finish the laundry (which is almost entirely filled with workout clothing at this point).

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Much better, thanks

So, the knee is much better today (I know the internet cares deeply about all my aches and pains) and so is the ankle. I think this is a good sign. My current theory is that I just jumped back into running too fast without any adjustment for the fact I had not been doing it for a long time. I managed yet another 40 minute run today with no problems and 1 hr 20 minutes of walking after I was done with the running. Hopefully, this change in cardio will make a difference soon and the scale will start to make some real movement again. Then again, maybe not, who knows at this point. Right now, my goal is to get up to an hour of running each day in the next few weeks (that should work out to about 5 miles a day running) and then I am going to work on increasing my speed. I don't expect to ever be fast because frankly speed is not something anybody in my family manages terribly well, but I am going to give it a shot anyway. Other than that, nothing exciting to report today.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

I'm getting old or something

Hmm, having an interesting issue in the last few days. I have been running like a little maniac (not quickly mind you, but still running), and my body is definately paying for it. My knee is sore and so is my previously injured ankle. However, it pretty much goes away once I am warmed up and running. I don't really want to stop running, it has always worked for me and I feel better when I am getting in at least a 30 minute run everyday (right now I am running for 40 minutes). However, I don't want to mess up my knee either and cause real damage. So, this is my thought, which may be silly in the extreme. I am going to run tomorrow and Friday and take Saturday off and reassess where I am with everything. It is possible that this is just my body protesting two hours of cardio a day and 40 minutes of running (especially since I stopped running back in January). Therefore, a day off would make a real valid difference and I can see what is up with the aches and pains. Alternatively, nothing will change and I will have to reevaluate. I would like to get back to running at about 6 mph (rather than 5 mph) and running for an hour at a time, but I am not going to chance it until my knee really begins to feel better. I am hoping this is all muscle soreness and it will go away. Oh, and food is excellent (see what happens when I am not under stress).

Sunday, October 08, 2006

New time zone, new plan

And we're back. Admittedly in an entirely different time zone, location, and continent. I am back in the mainland U.S. (somewhere, never have been big on revealing my exact location), and am begining the job search for a new position now that I am no longer on my tiny little island. The one benefit of unemployment is the ability to work out a lot and revamp my diet. I am already eating less because I am not stressed in the same way and working out for two hours is not nearly as much of a problem. I also started running again today, and I really need to work on my speed because it is just embarassingly slow now. Speed and endurance are my two big goals in terms of fitness right now and both are rather lacking. This morning was all about my 35 minute run (half at 5 mph and half at 5.5 mph) plus an hour and five minutes of walking at an incline. In a minute I am going to take a break from job hunting and get in 15 minutes of sit ups and some extra cardio in between the situps. Tomorrow I am going to dig out the weights I own which are hiding somewhere in the house and get my weight training routinue back up to par as well. I have a lot of work to do in the next few months to get down to a weight that I personally am happy with and to make some additional progress. I am going to hopefully be interviewing soon for jobs and looking good is always a helpful selling point in addition to job skills. Anyway, I'm off to get somethings accomplished now.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

The Long Goodbye

The post below aptly describes my mood today. After today I will not have e-mail or web access until next Friday. Today is my last day at this job, next Friday I board a plane to the mainland U.S. where I will arrive 18+ hours later. I am not coming back to this little island again, maybe ever but at least for a very long time. This is then end of two years at this job, in this place, and with these people. It is time to move on, time to go home, but it is very bittersweet. I think a lot of people think that I will come back here, but I do not think I will be returning here. It has been a long time in coming and I won't be looking back when I leave here, but it was my first "real" job as a lawyer and I will miss the people here.

"I'm Leaving on A Jet Plane"

"I'm Leaving on a Jet Plane" Words and Music by John Denver All my bags are packed I'm ready to go I'm standin here outside your door I hate to wake you up to say goodbye But the dawn is breakin Its early morn The taxis waitin He's blowin his horn Already I'm so lonesome I could die So kiss me and smile for me Tell me that you'll wait for me Hold me like you'll never let me go cause I'm leavin on a jet plane Don't know when Ill be back again Oh babe, I hate to go Theres so many times I've let you down So many times I've played around I tell you now, they don't mean a thing Evry place I go, I'll think of you Evry song I sing, I'll sing for you When I come back, I'll bring your wedding ring So kiss me and smile for me Tell me that you'll wait for me Hold me like you'll never let me go cause Im leavin on a jet plane Don't know when I'll be back again Oh babe, I hate to go Now the time has come to leave you One more time Let me kiss you Then close your eyes I'll be on my way Dream about the days to come When I won't have to leave alone About the times, I won't have to say Oh, kiss me and smile for me Tell me that you'll wait for me Hold me like you'll never let me go cause I'm leavin on a jet plane Dont know when I'll be back again Oh babe, I hate to go But, I'm leavin on a jet plane Dont know when I'll be back again Oh babe, I hate to go

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Ankle Trouble

So, have I mentioned that I have a bad left ankle? An ankle I have repeatedly injured over the past 15 years or so (give or take). This morning I re-injured it while using a step during my circuit class, in warm-up. Oh the embarassment, oh the trauma. On the plus side, my instructor then spent the whole hour helping me with weights and what I should be lifting. However, I only got in 20 minutes of running because running on an injured ankle seemed like an extremely bad idea (and is how I have aggravated the injury in the past). I have to say, that other than extra skin, the only lasting problem I have ever had from being overweight is my ankle problems. I do think they are directly connect since when I was much heavier they used to get injured all the time and now it is only when I do something really stupid or run in the jungle. Still, I am worried that this injury is going to slow me down over the next week but hopefully it is just a minor sprain.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Oh the pain

I think my hipbox instructor is trying to kill me. Frankly that is the only explanation I can come up with to explain this morning's craziness. Oh, and then someone came in and took pictures of it. Because really, that is what we all want, pictures of ourselves with bright red faces in gym clothes. Oh, and she ran over again (although this is a different instructor from the step instructor)so I only managed to get in an 11 minute run. So, that is 3.75 miles in the last three days, which is good. Oh, but I don't really recommend running before you do an evil hipbox class because oh the pain. Just trust me on this fact.

Monday, September 25, 2006

Totally TMI

So, a raging head cold plus that time of the month, makes for a very unhappy Kat. Not a particularly productive one either in case you were wondering. I went to the gym this morning, I cannot say that I was particularly focused but I was there and it happened. Oh, and food yesterday, not great. On the plus side, I still managed to run for 11 minutes (but only 10 because class ran totally over). So, that works out to 2.75 miles in the last two days, plus 2 days of weights because we lifted weights in class this morning. I have to say, I have never been a huge fan of this particular class or instructor for a variety of reasons. Fortunately, today was the last time I will ever have to go to that class. Next week, I am dropping my cat at the airline on Tuesday at 3 am and therefore it is unlikely that I will be in an exercise class at 5:20 am, since I will probably be back in bed asleep. Plus as I say, I am not a huge fan of this class, I think that is because I do not particularly like step aerobics, and the instructor always runs over her time. Anyway, exercise is done for the day and that is a good thing.

Sunday, September 24, 2006


So, I spent lunch eating an enormous mango. Just on the edge between absolutely ripe and over ripe. Fabulous. Icy cold from the refridgerator it is better than dessert any day of the week. Bright green skin on the outside which gives way to sweet yellow-orangey insides. Heck, it is dessert and I have been eating them for the past two weeks non-stop. If I turn orange, you will know why. I can't describe mangos other than to say they are very mango and fabulous. Mmm, yum.


I woke up this morning with the beginings of a nasty cold, sore throat, headache, the works. Then I went to the gym where the air conditioning is not working and worked out for 1.5 hours. Now I really feel like crap, which is being added to by the fact that I am in a freezing cold office and I have wet hair. Anyway, I did mange to run my mile today, in total I ran for 18 minutes plus spin class and weights. So, actually it works out to running about 1.75 miles or so which is a good start to the week. I have begun cleaning out my apartment, excavating would be a better word since a lot of it involves throwing away accumulated junk that I refuse to ship home. I have three quarters of my closet done and then I am moving on to my second bedroom and the bathroom. This weekend the majority of my stuff is going into boxes to ship home and next week will be spent cleaning up the whole apartment and getting rid of my furniture. I have decided that my next apartment will be smaller, I really do not know what to do with this much space and mostly it ends up wasted and just a place to store junk. Anyway, the next two weeks are going to be hectic but I am looking forward to getting out of here and going home (oh and good fresh vegetables).

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Ooh look a track, I should try to stay on it

Err, well I almost recovered from the bad food choices last night. This morning I also managed a whopping 30 minute run, split into 20 minutes before circuit training and 10 minutes after circuit training. My rear end is now sore, I know TMI right. I have been having real problems in the last few days with leg cramps after workouts, especially in my right leg (although not today). I think it is because I am running more than I have in a long time. Admittedly, I am still not running enough but I am running more which is good. Today, I have packed a salad again in the hopes that I will manage to just eat that for lunch although I do have to call a friend this week and see about having lunch with her before I leave island. Too many things to do, too little time to accomplish them. Oh, and I am going out tomorrow night. I am certain that some day things will be normal again, but just not right now.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006


So, last night went a little off the rails in terms of eating. I ended up going out to a bar with some co-workers to watch the sunset and eating pizza for dinner. However, it was pretty much my only indulgence for the day. Okay, and lunch was bad today. You cannot have perfection but then again I could have been better than I have been today. Oh well, it has been a long day and it is only 2 pm.

Monday, September 18, 2006

Chicken Pot Pie

So, last night I made a lovely chicken pot pie (except not in a pot). It is supposed to make enough for about four people and I figure I have enough for around six dinners (give or take). The only really bad thing involved is puff pastry (which is only on top of the dish as opposed to the standard pot pie which has a pastry bottom and top). It would probably be good even without the pastry (or with whole wheat pastry). Also, this has the great benefit that you could use left-over vegetables and meat since you precook everything before you bake it. Also, all of the vegetables were cooked either in water or chicken stock so not a lot of add calories. Basically, a very simple recipe with approximate amounts. This is losely taken from the New Basic's Cookbook with alterations. Kat's Chicken Pot Pie 2 1/4 cups chicken stock 1 teaspoon Thyme 2 tablepoons butter 2 tablespoons flour 2 cups carrots 2 cups peas 8 oz cooked chicken 2 roasted red bell peppers 2 onions Olive oil 1 teaspon water 1 egg Salt Pepper 1 recipe puff pastry (if you buy pre-made, you will use the whole box). Preheat oven to 475 Butter a 9" by 11" glass casserole dish-you know, one of those long rectangular ones Now everything else can be done in advance (if you do it all at once, it will take about 40 minutes of prep and cooking time) In a small pan boil approx 1 cup of chicken stock (you could use vegetable stock), along with one teaspoon of Thyme. Add in around two cups of peeled and sliced carrot. If you use more carrots you need enough stock to cover them. Cook the carrots for between 4 and 6 minutes (long enough that they are fork tender). When the carrots are done, drain them and reserve the liquid. Set the carrots aside Meanwhile: Bring another pot of water to boil and put in two cut up onions. Boil for around 10 minutes or until soft. Drain and mix with the carrots. Also briefly cook in hot water around two cups of frozen peas. Drain and mix with the carrots. While you are cooking the other vegetables, you can roast the red pepper in the oven. Just cut up the red bell peppers coat them in olive oil and put them in the oven on a cookie sheet covered in tin foil for approx 10-15 minutes, turning once. Then remove the skin and toss with the other vegetables. Chop up the precooked chicken breast. In a large pan, melt two tablespoons butter and mix in two tablespoons of flour. Cook for 3-4 minutes. Pour in reserved carrot liquid and approx one more cup of chicken stock. Flavor to taste with salt and pepper. Cook until the mixture has thickened somewhat, then remove from heat and cool. Put chicken and vegetables into pan, cover with thickened broth. This is the part where I cheat. You can make your own pastry, but I did not have the time or energy. So, I bought pre-made puff pastry and let it warm up on the countertop. Cover your pan with the pastry dough and seal the edges with an egg wash consisting of one egg and a teaspoon of water. Put the pan in the freezer for 20 minutes and then pop it in the oven for 15 minutes. Makes enough conservatively to feed at least 4 if not 6 people.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Yeah, not so much

I swear, I cannot make my rear go to the gym on weekends. I do not know what it is about the weekends + gym which is such an impossible combination. Oh wait, actually I do, I'm just really lazy and there is the whole lying on the couch (I mean futon) with my cat thing that I fall into at times. I did however cook up a lot of chicken and get a few other things organized. This morning's workout was not good for the following reasons. (A)The gym opened 20 minutes late. This meant that I had no time to run, just enough time for spin class and weights. (B) The air conditioning was not working. No air con + tropical island equals nasty warm heat like you would not believe. Our spin instructor kept telling us to drink water because she was afraid we would get dehydrated because everyone was sweating so much. So, not a great workout overall. Tomorrow will hopefully be better. Tonight, I am going to make a chicken pot pie for dinner (a light version) which should last me all week. It has a really good broth instead of heavy cream. I am altering it slightly to include red bell peppers, extra vegetables, and garlic (because everything should have garlic). So, that will be fun.

Friday, September 15, 2006

I feel blah

Yeah, remember how I was going to go run this morning? Did not happen. Mostly because I do not feel particularly good. I am going to aim for tomorrow morning. I am at work right now, just finishing up our magistrates for the weekend. I have to head from here to court, and then depending on how I feel I will either go to the store or head straight home and take a nap.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

TGIF and all that

I cannot claim that my workout was particularly excellent this morning. I only ran for one mile because I could feel the soreness in my muscles and I want to run tomorrow morning. Spin class was just odd, the instructor did some really weird and complicated combinations of moves that I just could not really follow perfectly. I do actually know that part of the reason I was off tonight is that I stayed up until 10 pm last night (for no good reason) watching tv and so I only got 5.5 hours of sleep. Still I am going on 2 weeks of very decent behavior which is good. Can I go for three? We shall see how it unfolds. I am working tomorrow so that will help me get to the gym in the morning and from there I will head to the store to do my weekly shopping excursion. I still have tons of pumpkin soup in my fridge, but I cannot live on pumpkin soup alone so I must stock up on the essentials (such as cereal and soy milk). Anyway, I'm off to get ready for court and find coffee.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Rambling Reflections

Life is too short to not really enjoy good salad dressing. In case anyone is wondering, Seeds of Change makes a really great organic red pepper salad dressing (which I also cook fish and chicken in on occasion). Also, I should probably cut back on my coffee intake (I know I say this a lot). I also notice that I will have one cup of coffee at home on the weekends and tons when I am at work, so I think it is work/stress related). Also, I need to drink more water but it is really hard to drink water when the office is freezing. In other thoughts, I only really work up a good sweat when I run, but if I run and then do something else I sweat like a little maniac. Perhaps that is TMI but there you go. I wonder if it has something to do with getting my heartrate up into a specific range, I'm not sure. Also, I'm stealing my friend D.'s metabolism because he can eat anything and not gain weight. I can only take comfort in the fact I will survive longer then him if we ever have a major famine in the world.

Reasons not to make sweeping statements

I should know better than to proclaim information. As soon as I announced I was doing well on food, I promptly ended up going out to lunch with my boss and then having desert. However, I made up for it by having a light dinner and not snacking over the afternoon (tempting as it was). I have learned that my instant reaction to falling off plan is to think, "well I'm off plan, so no use being on track for the rest of the day", on the plus side yesterday I managed to escape that thought pattern. I know the next few weeks are going to be hard, there are going to be a lot of lunches and things of that nature because I am leaving my current job. So, my goal is just to remain on track as much as possible over the next few weeks and work out like a maniac. Today my workout was really good. 7.5 miles run this week and I lifted weights today so that is three days of weights this week. Actually this morning, in aggregate, I ran for 25 minutes and did an hour of circuit training and abs. Plus last night I did a few core moves. All in all, I'm doing pretty well and I have not been snacking on bad stuff in the past few days which is good.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

This has got to work at some point right?

Yep, no progress is being made whatesoever. But I am being really good and I am sure at some point that is going to count for something. As of today (wednesday) I have managed to run 5.5 miles this week which is already over my target for weekly mileage. I am running pretty much 20 minutes a day split up into two 10 minute increaments before and after whatever morning aerobics class I have at the moment. I am trying to not get frustrated about the fact that the pants aren't fitting properly given I am eating properly and working out. I am just staying the course because darn it, I may not be skinny but I am healthy and that is a good thing in the long run.

Monday, September 11, 2006

General Check-in

I suppose I should post on the issue of what I actually accomplished exercisewise today. Eh, it was alright. 20 minutes of running, step/spinning class for 1 hour, 10 minutes of abs, 1.5 minutes of core moves (i.e. planks). I am making myself stay at the gym longer and get a little extra cardio or something in every day. Eating was spectacular yesterday until I went home and it took a long time to make dinner and then I munched on bad things (i.e. bread). I have solved this problem and today dinner will not take anytime at all. I'm not aiming for perfection, just decent. I have been managing decent for almost two weeks now and that is a good thing. I am working very hard on not making myself totally nuts right now because I've got enough craziness going on, and so far I am succeeding. When I leave here I will worry about everything else like changing my diet for example.

Five Years Ago Today

On September 11, 2001, I can distinctly remember where I was that morning. The way I think my parents generation remembers where they were when JFK was shot and Camelot ended in an instant. There are days and moments which change you and the really big ones change the world. That was September 11, 2001. I can remember that my lawschool roommate came and told me the news and we sat watching the news until it was too much to bear and then I went to class. My 4th amendment rights class of all things and my professor marched out and looked at us and said bluntly, "I lived through Pearl Harbor and the one thing I can tell you is that we don't know what has happened yet and we won't really know what happened until tomorrow" and then he conduct class on all your civil rights under the American Justice system. He was right, of course, but five years later I think we are still learning more and more about what happened that morning in New York, a field in Pennsylvania, and Washington, D.C. That night, we sat on our dorm steps and lit candles for the missing and mourned the dead. I didn't tell anyone for several days that I could not reach my brother, who was a Navy Seal and somewhere in the Middle East at the time. It seemed almost inconsequential because I knew somewhere he was doing his job and standing between us and whatever darkness threatened and that was a choice he had made in his life. The victims of 9/11 never made that choice, they went to their jobs that morning or got on an airplan and because of where they were, they died. Even five years later there is no real way to comprehend that even for those of us who did not lose anyone that day. My brother came home safely, and that is a gift that so many families did not get that day. So, I'll light a candle tonight just the way I did then in rememberance of those who never made it home. May they be at peace.

Sunday, September 10, 2006

The Great Debate

I keep pondering this debate that I have been seeing more and more in blogosphere. The debate about ownership of the "fat experience" for lack of a better description. In other words, do those of us who are a siz 12/14/16 have as much right to label ourselves as "fat" and subject to certain kinds of discrimination as those who are size 26/28/32. I don't think it is just a semantics debate going on, but rather a debate about whether or not the same type of discrimination is at work and whether it is even possible to understand the societal marginalization involved if you are a size 28 as opposed to a size 12. I've seen it pointed out a lot recently that if you are my size (size 12), you can shop in mainstream retail stores, fit in normal size seats, and are unlikely to get the same kind of looks as larger people. Well, I've been a size 12 and I have been a size 24/26 and I was a size 24/26 for a lot longer than I have been a size 12. Does that establish my street cred here? I don't know, but it is where I come from in my own head. I still think of myself as fat, still see the extra weight that I spend my free time trying to lose, still struggle with food. But I don't think I get the same looks in public that I used to get, and I don't worry about where I can shop and whether the airplane seat will be comfortable. Pain is pain regardless of size though, and I wonder what it says that size 12 women think they are really fat and about the fact that as a society we continue to idolize really underweight women as opposed to healthy people. I don't think my personal perception has anything to do with my weight now, I think it has everything to do with what I used to weigh. Keeping weight off is really hard for me, really hard even with lots of exercise and the mind trips are pretty rough too. Still, I absolutely know that I am lucky to be able to avoid all the trauma of never being able to find my size and always getting stared at in public. Where that leaves us in all of this I don't know, but I keep pondering the issue and maybe that is what is important.

Hello Monday

Monday always shows up faster than I have anticipated in my head. This weekend proved to be really excellent in terms of getting my rear back on track in a couple of respects. First, I went to weight training and nutrition class on Saturday (which admittedly mucked with my running plan but oh well). Nutrition class was all about sugar and let me tell you I may never eat an M&M candy again. Fun fact, you have to walk one length of a football field to burn off the calories in an M&M. In order to burn the calories in a little bag of M&M's, you would need to walk 3.3 miles. Needless to say, I have been eating less sugar since saturday. Oh, and there was a lot of information on how fake sugar is not much better than real sugar. Most interestingly, that there are studies showing that after consuming fake sugar, a lot of people go looking for something sweet within 30 minutes to eat. I know I do this myself, so I am going to cut down on the fake sugar as well. Weight training class was also excellent, mostly because it helped prove to me that (a) I am pretty strong and (b) my form is good and has not gotten mucked up from the lack of a decent trainer in the past two years. Generally, I rely on my older brother reviewing my form every six months and correcting it but haven't been able to do that recently (and yes I need a trainer but I am poor). The real benefit of going to the gym was that I then felt motivated to do other things over the course of the day rather than just napping. So, I hauled myself off to the grocery store after making an extensive list of foods. I made a rocking peanut butter and pumpkin soup (with organic peanut butter) which fills a huge pot in my fridge, taught myself how to make decent brown rice (you cook it in the oven), made basil pesto, roasted chicken for my salads all week, and broiled salmon which I smeared with basil pesto butter. I only ate 1/2 the piece of salmon for Sunday dinner and put the rest in my salad for today but I can tell you it was really excellent. Especially if you like garlic. Tonight, I am going to cook up the tuna steaks I bought and have those with a little bit of my pumpkin soup and roasted red peppers. I am forced to admit if I would just eat like this normally, I would be much healthier and happier. Yet another reason I am moving somewhere with real produce and good food supplies. Anyway, tonight I am going to clean and get the rest of my life in order. Oh, and this morning I managed to run 2 miles (one mile before and 1 mile after my spin class) and lift weights in addition to an hour of spin. Tonight, I am going to do a core workout if it kills me.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

The Skinny vs. Fit Conundrum

So, I didn't quite manage my briliant goal of 5 miles by today. However over 4 days I have managed 4.5 miles which is pretty good (especially given the Monday holiday). Oh and 4 days of weights (different body parts). My excuse is that spin class was brutal and my hips and thighs were really sore. I was fascinated this morning though by the class dynamic. We had a new person in the class who looked fit and like she should be able to kick my rear and within the first ten minutes of class she had completely fallen apart. Now, mind you, I understand not making it through a full spin class especially if you are not a regular. However, this girl wasn't even trying and was barely pedaling. Frankly, she looked like she might colapse. I suppose the resistence on the bike could be really hard (although normally I use that bike and it is just fine). It was a reminder that skinny does not necessarily mean fit or healthy. In retrospect, I did notice that she had no muscle tone anywhere and while I don't have any in my arms either, I definately have tone and definition in my legs. There are lots of people I work out with in class who carry a little extra weight, but they show up every morning and work their tails off (and could probably run circles around a fair number of people). So, I may not be skinny but I am fit (well and I am working on the skinny thing).

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Pecked to death by chickens

Every senior attorney in my division is out (all 3 of them). This leaves me in charge, and I swear it is the equivalent of being attacked by chickens. Every problem that people have or random question gets brought to me. Sigh. I have not done any of my own work in 2 days. Fortunately, all the attorneys are back tomorrow and I might have a chance of getting something done. Then again, maybe not. On the plus side, today has been a good food day so far and I get to go home in 45 minutes. Oh, and you may note that I have changed the blog template (I got bored of the old one).

Dedication hah

I think I just got talked into going to a weight training and nutrition class on Saturday. Not sure how that happened. On the plus side, I got twenty minutes of running in today (split into two parts) which equaled 1.5 miles. So, this week I have managed to run 3.5 miles so far (over three days so not terribly impressive). I will try and squeeze another 1.5 miles in tomorrow along with my spin class so that I hit the 5 mile over the course of this week. I think what I am actually going to do is come into the gym at 8:30 am on Saturday and run before the weight training class. Then, I am going to go to class at 9, followed by the nutrition class at 10 am. It will be a rich full weekend morning. Also, my core fitness/ ab strength is still crab over all this time so I need to step it up in that arena. Now, mind you, I have not seen any return on these efforts so far but I maintain hope that eventually my body will get with the program. Thanks for the compliment Becky but it is not dedication at this point, just force of habit when I get up and go to the gym in the morning. If I don't go, I feel guilty and that is what keeps me going sometimes.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

The SMART Plan

I love this so I am totally hopping on board with Renee's newest challenge at Fat Fighters. S = Specific By the end of 2006, I will run an actual 5K race and lose 25 lbs. M = Measurable To lose 25lbs, each week I will attempt to lose 1lb. To run a 5K, each week I'll run at least 5 miles and run for at least 30 minutes on one weekend day. I will also lift weights three days a week. A = Attainable By aiming to lose 1lb, it's means I need to burn around 500 calories a day. Plus, running one mile a day and 30 minutes on the weekend is completely doable. R = Realistic My goals are realistic for me because my body holds on to weight with a death grip and I lose weight the best when I am running and lifting weights. T = Timely My first milestone will be to lose 10 lbs by November.

Things I know

It is never a good idea to watch oneself in the mirror while in aerobics class. This is because (a) no one looks good in gym clothes (b)one will be struck at how much one currently needs to lose weight, and (c) you will realize that you look like an uncoordinated fool. Anyway, I did also manage (prior to looking like an uncoordinated fool) to squeeze in a 1 mile run before class started at 5:15 am. This was accomplished through trickery in the sense that I convinced myself I was only going to run for 5 minutes and I kept going once I hit that mark. My new goal is to run 5 miles a week in addition to my regular exercise classes. So far, 2 miles down this week. I always notice the aches and pains when I run, this morning my legs were really stiff and my hips hurt but that is just because I have not been running at all. I did also remember to pack my lunch this morning and all other essentials (including my underwear, thank you very much). Yesterday was a very decent food day overall which made me happy (and some day I swear that I will learn to stop obsessing about food).

Monday, September 04, 2006

Happy Labor Day!

So, I took a lovely three days off from everything workout related (and four days off from work). I needed that mentally I think after the last few weeks. Anyway, today I am back on track with pretty much everything. Well, other than the fact I forgot to take underwear to the gym and had to run home before I went to work (that was probably TMI). This morning I even managed to run a mile before I started exercise class (which I have not done in a long time) and that felt good. Although it did wear me out a little more than I expected. I need to get back to running more, but I figure once I leave island I will have a lot more time to run. I found a 5K I want to run in November and that is at least one goal to work toward in the long run. I hit my lowest weight when I was running a lot and I actually enjoy running so I want to get back to that more often. It will help to be in a place where I can run outside which is not something that I can do here very easily. Tonight I need to lift weights and do some core fitness stuff (I was going to go back to the gym but my workout shoes are now at home). Mostly, I am just trying to stay the course until I get home in October and can regroup and focus on fitness. Anyway, I am off to court. More later.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Gym Rudeness

Today is back to the normal work grind, which is a good thing because once again I have huge piles on my desk. The gym managed to open 20 minutes late today which messed with my workout (and this is becoming a constant problem for this gym). Oh, and I failed to mention on Monday the piece of rudeness which took my breath away. I take a morning spin class on Mon/Fri. The rule is that everyone puts their towel and water on the bike of their choice, and yes some of us have bikes we always pick. Then, most people go warm up on a treadmill or stretch until the class starts. I went on monday to warm up and came back to my bike to discover another person in the class removing my bike seat because the one on the bike next to it was broken. I was stunned, my bike had a towel on it and was clearly going to be used during the class and he simply took the seat anyway, when I showed up he refused to put the seat back and did not even apologize. Thus, I was forced to find another bike in the very small room. So, now the bike I always use is broken and unusuable. I am contemplating preemptively stealing his normal bike on Friday just to point out how rude he was on Monday. However, I do not think he will get the hint especially since my polite "excuse me what are you doing to my bike?" had no effect. I hate people like that, especially since there were multiple empty bikes in the room which he could have (a) moved to or (b) switched seats with and not mine. Sigh, I will never understand how people's brains work.

Monday, August 28, 2006


Below is an edited version of the press release in this case, names have been altered to protect the unknowing and locations have been removed along with other identifying details. A Jury convicted Defendant D.L.P of 3 counts of First Degree Criminal Sexual Conduct (As a First Degree Felony), 3 counts of Second Degree Criminal Sexual Conduct (As a First Degree Felony), 3 counts of Third Degree Criminal Sexual Conduct (As a Second Degree Felony), Assault with Intent to Commit Criminal Sexual Conduct (As a Third Degree Felony), Aggravated Assault (As a 2nd Degree Felony) and Terrorizing (As a Third Degree Felony). Assistant Attorney Generals L.L and Assistant Attorney General Kat prosecuted the case for the People. They stated following the verdict that “This conviction was made possible by an unprecedented joint investigation involving the Office of the Attorney General, the Police Department, and the Naval Criminal Investigation Service. The superior investigative work of the dedicated members of these agencies went above and beyond the call of duty both before and during trial.” The victim in this case was discovered in the early morning hours of May 27, 2006 at the A. Beach Park. Evidence at trial showed that she had been brutally beaten and suffered among other injuries from internal bleeding and a fractured pelvis. At trial, the victim identified D.L.P. as her attacker in open court. In addition, the government presented DNA evidence which connected the victim and defendant including his semen and her DNA on a pair of boxer shorts found in a trash can on the U.S.S. Military Ship by NCIS personnel. The admittance of DNA evidence at trial followed a Daubert hearing establishing the validity of DNA testing and marked the first time in a number of years that such evidence had been admitted at trial. In addition, the government presented the testimony of Police Officer E. A. who had stopped the defendant in the immediate vicinity of the crime, approximately 1 hour before the victim was discovered at the scene. Officer A. was able to recognize the description of both the defendant and his vehicle which was provided by the victim and allow the Police to quickly locate a suspect and confiscate evidence. This along with the testimony of twenty-four witnesses was presented over the course of the two week trial. The Office of the Attorney General notes that this is a victory for the People in insuring the continued safety of its citizens and the swift prosecution of violent crimes.

3 Hours and still waiting

By the way, this will all be terribly embarassing if I lose this case. Anyway, the jury is still out, wants to hear some testimony replayed and who knows how long this will take to make a decision. I am, as a co-worker gently pointed out yesterday, very much a worrywort, I can worry about pretty much anything if given the opportunity. Everything from where I am going to park my car to what I am going to do with the rest of my life. This whole jury deliberation thing is not helping those tendencies. I do however promise that I will not throw myself into a vat of chocolate regardless of the results. I am just hoping to get the results today. It is remarkably like taking a test where you do not know the outcome and are uncertain that you presented the information in the best manner and just have to sit around until you find out. So, I wait and try to get back to my normal life. In the meantime I keep going to the gym and trying to be patient about this whole process.

Sunday, August 27, 2006

You may now resume your regularly scheduled programing

And I'm back. I feel rather like a bad radio announcer on a gameshow or something. Anyway, trial was completed on Friday and today the Jury begins deliberations, I am slightly freaked out about what the result will be, hopefully we will know by early afternoon. I can't say I have had good luck with jury trials, I'm 0-3 so far. Hopefully 4th time will be a charm. Anyway, still going to the gym, eating hasn't been great but it has been alright. I am once again going through my warddrobe and getting rid of all the beat up and worn out pieces of clothing in my closet. The less I have to ship at the end of September, the better. This week I am back to being really good and packing my lunch (roast chicken in case you were wondering). I am starting to lift weights at home again and have discovered that I have not lost any strength there which is an unexpected bonus. Anyway, I have to dash off to court, if we get a verdict later I will post and tell you what the case was about that consumed my life for the past month (I know you all care terribly).

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Clearly it is Monday

It is bad when you can tell by 5 am in the morning that it is going to be a bad monday. The people at my gym failed to open it up until 5:20 in the morning. This threw a big ugly monkey wrench into my morning workout since it meant I did not have time to get in my run before spin class or any time for an extra workout afterward. This was especially the case today since I have to go back in on my trial at 8:30 am and that does not leave a lot of leeway in my workout time. Frustrating in the extreme. Anyway, I don't have a lot of time so I am off to court.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

One week down

The first week back on plan is always the easiest for me. Well, I am always hungry because I am reducing my calories but I am usually sleeping better because I am not eating nearly as much refined sugar. Plus, I stop feeling guilty about what I am eating and so I am less stressed (well I am stressed about other thing because I am a worrywort but you know what I mean). I did make the executive decision this morning that I would take my workout a little easier today due to yesterday's hard workout. So, I just went to my spinning class and did a bunch of situps rather than adding in weights. I am terribly excited that it is the weekend because it means I get to sleep in tomorrow and clean my apartment. Also, I need to get ready to go back into trial on Monday but mostly I am focused on getting my junk out of the apartment so I am not living in a huge mess. Of course, weekends are usually a problem in terms of food because of all the free time, but maybe spending the day cleaning will prevent that issue.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

The number one reason I am leaving my job

Okay, I love what I do most days and I am really sad about leaving my co-workers. However, yesterday I was reminded of why I am leaving and leaving soon. The senior attorneys sent me home at 2:40 pm, so that the head of the office could not locate me. Not because I had done anything wrong but because I had done the right and ethical thing and we knew he would be irate about it. When you have to leave the office because you did your job properly, well it is time to leave the whole situation permanently. On the plus side, it did let me work out my calories better since I could make a smoothie at three p.m with honey and a banana and milk (which I don't usually manage at work). Then I took a nap because this cold is still messing with me. This morning I got dragged to a new class at the gym, basically a circuit training class where you do a round of weights, then step aerobic drills and another round of weights. It was actually a great class, and really made me sweat. I was surprised about how much I liked the class and the instructor (who I always thought was rather annoying). I usually use Thursdays as a rest morning but this was a good addition to my workouts. Of course, by rest I mean that I just do an hour on the eliptical machines.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Feel the love

Aww, I feel loved, it is awful nice to be back. I do feel like I am really back at this point, although completely worn out from job stress. I have six weeks left at this job and more and more I can’t wait to get out of here. Despite the fear of not knowing where I am going next, I am glad to leave this highly unstable environment. Plus I think in the long run it will be much more emotionally (and physically) healthy for me to not be here and to be in a more stable work environment. Plus, I will not have the little annoyance of living on this island. Yesterday, I ended up being at work late and rather than going to the gym I ended up running to the store to buy food. Really, I needed eggs for omelets, but when I got there I discovered that there were only two containers of eggs in the store (and both of them had cracked ones). This was at the largest grocery store on the island. So, after some serious hunting I settled for a container of egg beaters, some meat, and some bananas. It will get me through the week, but seriously people, what grocery store has no eggs? I suppose in fairness they had two container, but I can’t imagine most people buying containers of cracked eggs. This is why it is hard to cook healthy food on this island. Well, you can cook meat but that is about it. Last time I went back to the mainland U.S. I had sensory overload in the grocery store because there was so much food to chose from including all sorts of vegetables. That reminds me, I could not find lemons in the store this weekend, there were oranges and limes but no lemons. I find shopping here so strange sometimes and so difficult that I end up eating the same thing day after day because I can find the ingredients. I am once again going to try to make it to the gym again tonight, I had a good workout this morning but it could always be supplemented. I am still having some breathing issues from this chest cold which have been derailing me. So, if I go it will be very mellow and nothing hard. Especially after this morning where the aerobics room was very warm and the rest of the gym was freezing, I am not trying to make my cold worse. Still, I don’t feel so sickly that I am justified in slacking off on my workouts. Plus, I keep reminding myself to just take little baby steps and stay the course until the stress level dies down.

Monday, August 14, 2006

Still not dead

Well, yesterday went swimmingly (as most first days back do) and I managed to easily stick within my plan. Well, it did involve a lot of mental games with my head where I had to point out to myself that I wanted to fit in my clothing more than I wanted chocolate. Plus, by about 3 pm, the cold I am suffering from had really begun to slow me down and wear me out. Today, I felt better and went to the gym even though I still have this horrible hacking cough. I even brought extra gym clothes with me, the plan being to stop at the gym for 30 minutes after work (thus avoiding the worst part of rush hour which only last for 1 hr) and pick up an extra cardio workout. I am going to change at work and that way I can just dash in and out of the gym since it will be super crowded. Then I am going to head home and colapse. I figure that while I cannot always control my food, I can compensate by adding in extra workouts during the week. I used to get in about two hours of cardio everyday, I would like to get back to that if I can manage it.

Sunday, August 13, 2006

The Cosmic Why

Why on the day I finally get myself together and back on plan does tons of bad food appear in the office. Well, I am responsible for the carrot cake muffins, but those don't appeal. However, there are donuts around and chocolate covered macadamia nuts and a few other things. Sigh. However, I don't like how my clothes fit and the easiest way to fix that is to not eat crap and workout more. I am going to lift weights when I get home, and not snack today and just go from that perspective. Oh, and I am avoiding the chocolate covered macadamia nuts but pretending they are not there. So far, it is working.

Did you miss me?

Ahem, right then (carefully taps blog microphone) is this on? Yep, I'm back, and I have an actual explanation for my extended absence and concurrent falling off the wagon. On August 3rd, I began a very complicated felony rape and aggravated assault trial (which is still on going). Trials are tough, and extremely emotionally draining, you never eat or sleep well while you are in trial. Right now, due to scheduling issues we are taking a week break and will resume next Monday however I have worked everyday (except yesterday) since the 4th of August. I have still gone to the gym every morning but food has been crap. Today, I am getting back on track if it kills me, since I know I have been sabotaging my workouts which is silly. I have however come down with a nasty cough and cold which knocked me out yesterday. I went back to the gym this morning and packed my lunch today so that is a start. Anyway, I am back and hopefully won't get derailed this badly again.

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Back on island

So, I am back on my small little island after a plane ride of 20 hours. Well, 3 planes actually with two layovers in between and rather a lot of Starbucks Coffee. I am pretty tired still, I woke up at 3:50 am and got to bed at what would have been about 2 am so I was up for probably 22 hours straight. I cannot sleep on planes very well, so I tend to just remain awake and either read or watch movies. This morning I got up at 4:30 and went to the gym for a workout. I felt like a bit of a slacker because I ducked out a bit early so I could go to the store and buy some packaged salads for lunch this week. I also picked up a few other food items which should see me through until this weekend. Work is crazy and hectic right now, but I only have to last a couple more months and that is what is keeping me going. I am happy to be back in a routine that works for me, and hopefully I can stick with it for the next few months.

Friday, July 21, 2006

Blog Slacker

Yep, I am a complete slacker on the whole posting thing this week. I can't say that my exercise has been terribly up to par either. I have managed to get in a walk of about 2+ hours every day but that is about it. I do actually think taking it easy was a good thing for my body which was very tired. Still, next week will probably be a bit painful when I go back to the actual gym and real workouts. I don't have much to report, since I have been on vacation. I have been decent on food, and will be better next week. I have done a bit of shopping and discovered that I am now incredibly picky about clothing. I used to just grab whatever fit and go with that, but now I mull it over. I found myself in the store the other day debating whether or not something "fit into my lifestyle", I don't exactly know how I had that thought. I do know that I need clothes that I can wash and not dry clean since there are not very many good dry cleaners where I currently live. Also, I mostly buy clothes I can wear to work and into a courtroom which means relatively conservative clothing right now. If I did not work in an office which was freezing cold I would probably live in skirts and cardigans, but I do, so this trip I picked up tights hoping that I can now wear my skirts to the office and not freeze to death. Still, I am really picky because now I can be picky which is wonderful. It also reminds me why I spend so much time watching my food intake and working out because I don't want to regress backward. Anyway, vacation is almost over and then I am headed back to work for the last two months of this job before I come home permanently. I am looking forward to that homecoming but not the 20 hour trip back to my small island tomorrow and then the trip in a couple of months back the other way. Such is life.

Sunday, July 16, 2006

On the other side of the pond

Hmm, when I am not stressed, I do not eat crap. I realize that this is a truly novel concept for everyone. I am on a brief vacation in the mainlan united states, I head back across the ocean and international dateline on saturday. Thus, I am away from the constant stress of work which is a wonderful thing. This weekend I was at a wedding, and managed to simply eat the salads offered for dinner and a bite (yes one bite) of my father's risoto, and no dessert. I realize that some of my healthiness has to do with better food supplies and a different eating style than my small island, but still it is a huge difference. Exercise is another story, I am going to walk downtown in a bit and shop but I really need to go running. I am going to try and fit that in today, maybe this afternoon since it was just too cold to contemplate this morning. Tonight I may go out to dinner with people I know from my college and that means I should really try and fit in a run despite the fact I have a cut on my foot. I was forced to look at pictures of myself from this wedding, and my only thought was that I need to work out more. I can see the progress made since I started losing weight, but I can also tell that I am not happy with this weight and I need to really get motivated. This week should help me refocus, but I am also going to eat out tonight, wednesday night, and thursday night, at a minimum so I need to exercise. Oddly, I know that I will probably manage to lose weight (I always lose weight on vacation) even though that is when most people gain weight. So, I am going to use that to my advantage. I am off into town now.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

The good news and the bad news

The good news is that my knee is better this morning, the bad news is that it is still not 100 percent okay. I stepped on to the treadmill this morning, walked for five minutes and began to run, at which point my right knee and the area around it instantly made it clear that this was an extremely bad idea. So, I stopped and headed for the eliptical machines. I spent about 70 minutes on the eliptical machines and had no problems at all. However, about all that I can say for the workout is that I stepped up the resistence one more notch, it was not terribly difficult. At that point, I headed back to the treadmill to give it one more shot. I then ran for 12 minutes (I slowed my pace down) and covered a distance of one mile. Not the workout I was hoping for but at least my knee felt alright after I was finished with the mile. I also snuck in 100 basic sit ups after I was finished with the cardio. Oh and by the way, seriously people, do I have a sign above my head that says “you can talk this person into taking your exercise class” ? Today, one of the instructors came up to me to tell me I should take her Thursday morning class (which is the only class I do not take at this point). Er, okay. I can’t tell if I have become a gym project (completely possible at my gym) or if I just look like someone who takes classes. I am considering it, but since I will be on a plane next Thursday and off-island for 10 days, it will have to wait for a couple of weeks. I am not that enthused about this particular instructor, I find her to be somewhat pushy and very set in her view of things. Still, I will probably end up taking the class at some point because it could be a good workout. I am currently having yet another debate with myself about switching around the order in which I eat my food to see if anything happens. Basically, I would switch my largest meal to lunch and then eat my salad for dinner. This would probably overall be a better plan, but the main issue is preparation. I would need to cook lunch the night before, or on the weekend and then reheat it at work. Not a huge issue given that a lot of nights I just reheat food anyway. I am going to stick with my current plan until I go on vacation and then reevaluate when I return and maybe rework everything. Still, my real issue today is that I really wanted to get a good run in and my body would simply not cooperate, I needed the stress relief but it was certainly a no win situation. Running would have completely aggravated my knee and then I really would not be able to work out. I logically know this, but it is still frustrating. Oh, and for the record I did wear ballet flats to work today to also aid in the leg recovery.

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Oh ow

Ow, remember how I said earlier that my right knee was twinging. Well, really it is actually the back of my right knee and oh is it not happy at all. It is so unhappy that I have taken off my heels and switched to flip flops even though they are not appropriate office attire. I have no idea what I did this morning which aggravated my knee so badly (especially since I backed off the minute it started hurting). In fact, everything that we did in class was things I had done before, so there is no real explanation for the twinging and general pain. I was going to walk somewhere tonight, but I am going to put that off tonight and go home and just rest my leg. I am hoping that it will be better by tomorrow, otherwise I will have to re-evaluate the plan to run in the morning.

A holiday like any other day

Happy Independence Day! Actually July 4th was yesterday, but I was not near a computer. Yesterday was in fact a holiday from work (one of the eight holidays a year). I cannot say that the day was very different (except for the bit where I did not have to come into the office). I rolled out of bed at 4:29 am and headed out to the gym for my step aerobics/spinning class. After class I headed home and had copious amounts of coffee. Then I headed out to the malls and bought exactly one sweater before making it home at about 11:30 am. Lunch was my standard salad, since I packed up five salads for the week, no point in deviating from the eating plan. I will admit that I took a nap in the afternoon (to make up for the early morning wake up). Then, I made up my naan bread mini-pizzas for dinner, which were really excellent, and cooked up a batch of brownies for an office birthday party. I squeezed in 200 sit ups and a pilates video before heading off to bed at around 9 pm. Overall it was a very mellow day which is exactly what I wanted to have in a day off. This morning, I was back at the gym for my hip box class and now I am at work. I did have one issue this morning during class which consisted of a not so subtle inner thigh twinge/cramp in my left leg. Since I am planning on running tomorrow morning, I think I will have to take it a little easy on my afternoon workout and let my legs rest. It was not helped by the extra leg workout that my instructor added in this morning for the additional torture factor. I think my real problem is that I feel like I could always be pushing myself harder, and I have a problem realizing that sometimes I am already doing as much as my body will allow. Could I workout harder, eat a little bit cleaner (and some days a little bit less?) Yes, probably I could manage that if I tried hard. Would I go insane? Yes, I would go completely insane and my co-workers would be within their rights to kill me. So, I keep trying to remind myself that it is all about moderation. I feel I should note that the cramp has now moved to the back of my knee on the right side. This is not a good sign. So, I am just going to do sit ups tonight and skip any intensive stretching. I might lift a few weights if the motivation fairy decides to visit me, but anything with my legs is out of the question. I have no desire to get injured and then have to take time off from working out. I cannot actually imagine taking time off from working out and in order to prevent that I am trying to listen to my body and what it needs very carefully.

Sunday, July 02, 2006

Somewhat squishy

I never made it to the gym this weekend, but other than that I was actually very productive which was a good thing. On Saturday I was fairly lazy, but Sunday made up for it. I managed to clean my apartment, scrub the floor with bleach, go through my clothing and get rid of items I am not longer wearing (or have never really worn), go to the grocery store, cook food for the week including the pre-packing of my salad items for the week, and go to the mall (where I did not buy anything). Sadly grocery shopping was once again far more expensive than last week, however I had forgotten that I needed to buy kitty food and litter, not to mention coffee supplies (neither of which are bought on a weekly basis). I figure that stuff added up to an extra 20 dollars that I would otherwise have saved on shopping. This week I decided to branch out a little bit in terms of cooking and try cooking with couscous and whole wheat pasta. I always find these substances a little scary because I do try to limit bread and pasta products in my diet. This is due to the fact that I love them and always eat too much and it is really tempting to just toss the pasta in butter and eat it without vegetables or other good things. However, I am giving it another shot and trying to be really careful with portion size. Also, this is a good reason to stay away from bread/grain products at work because I am eating them for dinner. So, last night I had whole wheat pasta with steak (left over from lunch) and Thai peanut sauce (left over from making salad supplies for the week). It was very yummy and fit in the plan. Tonight I am going to make couscous with roasted chicken, caramelized onions and garlic. I also bought organic naan bread (amazing to find it on island) which will be good if I actually decide to make curry this week. Otherwise I may toast it to make a mini pizza and top it with chicken and feta cheese (actually that sounds really good now I think about it). As part of my weekend prep, I roasted up a bunch of chicken thighs and legs and I am going reuse over the course of the week in a variety of dishes. I also hard boiled some eggs for salads and cleaned out my cupboards so I would have a clear sense of what food products I had in my house. Turning now to the exercise front, I am still on track (other than not going to the gym this weekend). It occurred to me this morning that my exercise schedule is a little bit insane for a normal person. This is the current plan- Mon a.m.- run 1 mile (warm up), 1 hour spin class, 20 minute leg work out with weights, 15 minutes eliptical machine (final cool down). Mon p.m.-30 or 45 minutes pilates or yoga tape, or if unmotivated 200 sit-ups. Tue a.m.-10 min. treadmill walk, 1 hour 30/30 class (30 minutes step aerobics/30 minutes spinning), 10 minutes ab workout. Tue p.m.-30 or 45 minutes pilates or yoga tape, or if unmotivated 200 sit-ups. Wed. a.m.-10 minute treadmill walk, 1 hour hipbox class, 20 minute arm workout with weights, 15 minute eliptical machine (final cooldown). Wed. p.m.-30 or 45 minutes pilates or yoga tape, or if unmotivated 200 sit-ups. Thursday a.m.-30 minute run, 10 minute walk (warm-up and cool down from run), 35 minute eliptical machine, 10 minute treadmill or step machine (final cool down) Thursday p.m-30 or 45 minutes pilates or yoga tape, or if unmotivated 200 sit-ups. Friday a.m.- run 1 mile (warm up), 1 hour spin class, 20 minute leg work out with weights, 15 minutes eliptical machine (final cool down). Friday p.m.-Free Saturday a.m.-ideally (although has not really happened yet) 30 minute run and ab work. Saturday p.m.-Free Sunday-Free day. That could potentially work out to around 10 (or more hours) of exercise every week. Not to mention the fact that most of these are hard exercise sessions. So, I think this demonstrates my current frustration with my lack of progress on the weight loss front right now. However, I know I am in pretty good shape from this routine since running an eleven minute mile is easy for me and I have really good calf muscles (even if the rest of me is somewhat squishy at the moment). However, I do look at this in amazement for two reasons. First, it demonstrates the amount of work that I do to remain a size 12 (or 10 on a good day) and second because this amount of exercise would have been unthinkable in years past. I never miss a weekday at the gym and neither do any of the other regular gym rats for that matter. Even tomorrow morning, I am getting up at 4:30 am to go the gym because (a) it is open and (b) they are still having the aerobics class. Tomorrow is July 4th here and it is a holiday so I do not have to go to work. My theory is that if I get up and go at 5 am then at least one workout for the day will be over and I do not have to worry about it or feel guilty later on in the day. All of this does prove the level of crazy which now exists in my life, but hey, at least it is healthy crazy rather than excessive eating crazy.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Have no motivation but will travel

I have not been feeling particularly motivated either this week or last week. Yet, I am on plan and have not really deviated horribly from plan at all. Further proof that planning is a good thing. It is hard to deviate if you already have a prepackaged lunch salad and dinner is easily accessible in the fridge at home. Plus, I know in the long run I am saving money which is a good thing right now. Anyway, I am fully aware that my lack of motivation focuses on the fact that I have been doing a lot of hard cardiovascular work in the morning and not seeing a lot of results. This is admittedly frustrating so I have been trying to find a way of dealing with it in a healthy non-sabotaging kind of matter. Err, still working on that by the way. However, I am incorporating additional workouts into my schedule on the weekend, I am going to go to the gym again on Saturday and just make Sunday my lazy rest day. Today, if I end up feeling really motivated, I am going to go back to the gym and do an additional 30-60 minute workout. I may end up in court late in which case I will not be very motivated to go to the gym. On the plus side, I managed to talk my body into an actual run this morning (well a thirty minute run on the treadmill). I decided that I would do a slow run at 5.5 mph for 15 minutes before move on to the eliptical machines. Instead, I ended up running for 10 minutes at 5.5. mph then running at 6.0 mph for the next five minutes, then dropping back down to 5.5. mph for the next 5 minutes, then another interval of 6.0 mph for five minutes, and finishing out with 5 minutes at 5.5. mph for a total run of 30 minutes. I have not managed to run in a couple of weeks and I really want to get back running at least twice or three times a week. In fact, this morning I skipped out on an exercise class so that I could run on the treadmill. So, I am going to try and make a point of running on Thursday mornings and Saturday mornings. This effort would be helped immensely by new running shoes but I am going to wait on those until I go back to the mainland U.S. in two weeks. In any event, my brain feels much clearer this morning now that I have done some running. I forget when I do not run for a long time that this is why I run, and why I actually like it as an exercise. I would like it better if I could run outside, but there really is not anywhere around here that it is safe to run because there are no decent sidewalks. I just realized how odd this entry would be to my old self, I am going on and on about how I like working out, and that would certainly have puzzled the 250 lb me. However, it is true, I am a complete gym rat and exercise nut. I think at this point I own more workout clothes than regular clothes and I tend to buy more expensive workout clothes than regular clothes. Frankly, that is a little bit disturbing on some level but hey, this is my life now. One final piece of news to report before I start doing my real job. Last night I discovered that I could actually see indentations on my stomach. Now, I hesitate to call them abs (all though they are in the right location) but I do think they are a result of all the ab workouts that I have been doing over the past month. I think for the record that if we did call them abs they would give me a whopping 1 pack, which would be a first. So, I am pleased about that, and about the fact that if I suck in my breath, I can actually see my rib cage. So, I am trying to go with the non-scale victories, but the frustration level is still there right now. Still, I am doing everything that I can and recognizing that this is going to take time. Apparently, I can gain weight in the blink of an eye but losing it takes a lot longer. Just another indication of the Universe’s cosmic sense of irony.

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Monday Check In

Note to self, you are your mother’s daughter even if you spent your teenage years denying it. This means that any caffeine after 2 pm in the afternoon will make it impossible to sleep at night. Now, drinking coffee at 8 pm at night will absolutely make sure that you do not sleep more than 2 hours during the night. It is a great Monday morning, and spin class destroyed me this morning as a result. I am mainlining coffee (more than normal anyway) in a vain attempt to be semi-functional today. This week it is all about preparation, I decided to see if I could make a salad for the week that I am happy with for lunch. So I got all the ingredients, made some home-made dressing, cooked a couple of chicken breasts, and divided everything into individual bags. This way, I just have shred lettuce and dump everything into a portable container the night before and away I go the next morning. Plus, I saved thirty dollars in groceries this week. This is a good thing, because I am going to attempt to save this money and use it for groceries next weekend. If I could cut my grocery bill down from 70 dollars a week to 40 dollars, I would be incredibly happy. Eighteen days from now I am going on vacation for ten days which makes me happy. I have some fitness goals I would like to achieve between now and then, but we will see what happens over that time period. On the plus side, I found a dress to wear to the wedding I am going to while I am on vacation. I do not have shoes to wear (well I do but they are five-inch heels which is a little much). I looked at myself in it, and while I am not really pleased at where I am weight-wise (and I need appropriate undergarments), however I was impressed. I looked grown-up and mature and dare I say it, sophisticated. On occasion I am reminded of how long it takes to get my brain to catch up with my body. It is hard to remember that I am not 240 plus pounds at this point and that in fact I am really 80 pounds less than that in reality. This weekend was a good reminder and I needed that given my frustration with my fitness progress.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

The cooking fest continues

I have done so much work this morning that it is rather frightening. I answered a ton of letters, responded to multiple motions, and moved a bunch of files off my desk. I am the Queen of Procrastinators, but sometimes I really manage to get a lot done. Usually it requires the right circumstances (a quiet office, time at my desk plus motivation) and then my entire desk gets cleared off in a flurry of activity. I am so much happier when I am organized and even a little bit of organization goes a long way in my world. The same thing applies to working out and exercise (Obviously). I am much happier when I am following an organizational plan, both in terms of diet and exercise. Right now is obviously a good example, I have been so much more mellow now that I am on plan. Well, I was bitchy for the first week but I am over that little problem. I am gradually getting everything organized and it is overflowing to the rest of my life. This is a very good and necessary thing. Plus, I am starting to cook again and really enjoy it which always makes me happy. Apropos of the whole cooking endeavor, here is my personally modified curry recipe based on several different variations in cookbooks. As always, amounts are not exact and everything is to taste.
One onion-roughly chopped
About 4-5 cloves of garlic-again roughly chopped
Sliced fresh ginger to taste (about 3-5 slices should do)
1 tablespoon of vegetable oil
½ teaspoon Thai red curry paste
1 teaspoon red pepper flakes
1 teaspoon sugar (you could probably substitute Splenda)
2 tablespoons fish sauce
½ teaspoon salt
2 3/4 cups of water
13.5 oz can of coconut milk
Approx 1 lb of roasted chicken meat, alternatively one could just cut up some chicken and cook it with the curry
1 tablespoon cornstarch
1-2 cups chopped root vegetables (i.e. potatoes, sweet potatoes, carrots, or anything else which suits your fancy). Alternatively this is pretty good with corn or broccoli in it.
1 package of cooked orzo pasta (optional)
Cook the entire dish in a big pot. Saute the onion, ginger, and garlic in the vegetable oil until the onion is translucent. Then add the chicken and cook for a couple of minutes. Then add all the spices and the sugar, salt, and fish sauce. Cook for a couple more minutes. Add the water and bring to a boil and then reduce the heat to about medium high (i.e. a healthy simmer) and cook for around 10 minutes to let the flavors meld. Add the coconut milk, cornstarch, and the root vegetables. Cook for another 10 minutes or until the veggies are soft. Add the orzo pasta at this point and let it warm up for about another 5 minutes. It should serve around four unless you have really big serving sizes. Now, you could add all sorts of things to this-lemon grass for example (personally I hate the taste). Alternatively, you could substitute a different kind of meat and it would also work. There are a couple of caveats:
• There are about 720 calories in a can of coconut milk. (Yes, I actually calculated this at one point). That works out to 160 calories per serving. However everything else is relatively low calorie in this dish and you can also get reduced fat coconut milk some places.
• You might be able to reduce the oil even further if you tried (and were using a nonstick pan). Next time I cook this, I am going to try reducing the oil to approx ½ tablespoon and see what happens. Vegetable oil has 120 calories per tablespoon so dropping the amount drops the calories in the dish and you just need enough to coat the onion and garlic and help it saute.
• It is pretty darn spicy, Thai red curry paste is very hot so if you do not like it hot, only put a small amount in and then test it.
• I like thick curries but you could make this without the cornstarch for a slightly thinner curry.
Curries are comfort foods to me, so I love all variations of them. However, I only eat a small cereal sized bowl at any given time because otherwise they add up in terms of calories. Still, this is what I have been living on for the past two weeks and it makes me really happy. So, there you go, my chicken recipe of the week for the second week in a row.

Monday, June 19, 2006

Long Weekend

On Monday I took a much needed day off from work. I had some extra comp time I needed to use, so I made a three-day weekend out of it. However, I still got up at 4:30 in the morning and went to the gym for my morning spin class. I did fit in a small catnap yesterday afternoon which balances out getting up early. Actually, I spent yesterday morning running errands and cleaning up my apartment a bit but other than that it was pretty mellow. Scuttlebutt has it that being at work on Monday would have been very drama-filled and I am not sorry that I missed it. Instead, I had a relatively mellow day at home and came back to work today. Today, I spent all day in court which I suppose is pay back for having a day off. I discovered this morning that I could pick up the choreography in the step aerobics class pretty quickly although if I get the least bit distracted I totally lose track of what I am doing with my feet. It is however a good workout for the days that I feel unmotivated (such as this morning) and still need to get in a good cardio workout. My eating has been about 80-90 percent on track and that is pretty good for a long weekend. I did actually do some cooking this weekend, however nothing major. I roasted some more chicken, which I use as the base for a lot of my cooking. I was going to make risoto this weekend but could not find the appropriate ingredients so I improvised and made a dish with chicken and orzo pasta instead. Basically, I combined orzo pasta which was cooked in chicken stock for flavor with sauteed shiitake mushrooms and roasted chicken. Salt and pepper were add to taste along with a little Parmesan cheese. It was very much a comfort meal rather than something exciting and new. Tonight, however, it is going to morph into something new and exciting. Well, at least it will be new. I am going to create another curry (I love curries) with the existing supplies I have in my apartment. I have coconut milk, thai curry paste, an onion, garlic, and chicken. This is more than enough to create a basic curry and I am going to either pour that over the orzo pasta or in the alternative I am going to add the orzo pasta to the curry. I am probably going to tone down the spiciness in the curry a little bit, but I do like my curries to be reasonably hot. I figure that this will carry me through the rest of the week until Friday or Saturday. I am discovering that now I am back on plan, it is relatively easy at work but weekends are becoming more difficult because of a lack of structure and the fact that I am usually trying to finish out the leftovers in my fridge. I am definitely more at peace about the whole process which is nice. I think that the yoga and pilates I have been incorporating into my life are helping me become calmer and more balanced. I am less frantic about things in general and that is helpful in controlling my exercise and food. So, progress is being made slowly but surely and hopefully it will continue for the foreseeable future.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Friday Funny

Okay, this is just funny, this morning the very nice front desk person at my gym handed me my membership card. Why is this funny? I have been going to this particular gym for a year and a half, and today I got my membership card for the first time. Normally, I just saunter into the gym wave to the front desk and keep going on my way to the locker room. My hands are usually full with my purse, gym bags, car keys, and work clothes so I could not use my card anyway. Well, I could but it would involve a substantial amount of juggling on my part and possibly dropping things. However, I am looking at this as a sign from the universe that I really should try to make it to the gym on the weekend and get in a little extra cardio or lift a few weights. I may try that tomorrow if I feel really motivated for some reason. I might have overestimated the amount of curry that I had in my fridge. However, I had enough to eat last night and then freeze for later. I decided I would rather freeze a bag of curry than eat it tonight because I am always running into days where I am too tired to cook and end up eating something crappy as a result. Not any more, now I shall simply pull out frozen items and reheat them. I declined two lunch invitations today from coworkers. I am not trying to be anti-social but I do not really want to spend the extra money when I brought food and I do not want the extra calories in my body. I actually said to one of the co-workers “God no, everything at that particular restaurant has too many calories.” This made her really mad but I swear it just kind of came out of my mouth and was not intended to be insulting. Unfortunately, it was just really honest and not what she wanted to hear. I used to go out to lunch a lot with this particular person so I think she feels a little abandoned because I am no longer doing that anymore. Here is the thing, going out a lot always ends up with me not properly taking care of myself. I eat too much food, I gain back some weight, I slack off at the gym. All of these things are always interconnected in my life. So, one of the ways that I look after myself is by controlling what I eat, making sure it is healthy and not an enormous portion. Invariably, that means bringing lunch into work, watching my snacks, and not eating out very much (if at all). Does this translate to being somewhat anti-social, yes, but for right now that is a trade-off that I am willing to make in my life. I think it would be less of an issue if I lived somewhere with more health conscious dining options, but not here. There are not a lot of low calorie options at the restaurants and frankly that is a real problem for me when it comes to eating out. Also, I can tell that part of what is going on here is that my co-worker has lost a partner in crime on food issues. In other words, it is a lot easier to justify eating things if there is some other person eating them right along with you. Especially if you can say in your brain, well they are healthy so I must be healthy. Umm, no. Personally, I probably carry an extra 40 lbs or so on a very small frame, small bones and very short (ie. 5'2" on a really, really good day or in heels). Not to mention I am blessed with a body that stores all the excess fat around my middle which is the worst place to have it. So, while I am in reasonably good shape, I am not nearly as healthy as I could be and I notice this when I do new and different physical activities. I had the same person tell me she was fit but well padded. Umm no, and I don’t mean that in a mean way. I mean it in a “I have observed your eating and exercise habits and they are not good.” Not enough working out, too much alcohol, and far too much processed food. I have spent so much time finessing my own diet that I am really sensitive to other people’s diets and whether or they can be construed as healthy. Trust me, at some time I have tried every variation of every diet to find out which one works for me. I always end up back at a diet which incorporates everything in moderation. Generally this means less processed foods, small amounts of bread and white flour products, and lots of fruits and vegetables. In this line, I decided last night that I really did not need rice because I had eaten a bunch of crackers during the day and so I just stuck with my spicy curry and some fat free yogurt and fruit for desert. By the way, this is the longest I have been basically on plan for about the past 6 months or so and I am very pleased with myself about that fact.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Thursday Check-in

Today, my office is putting up dividers. It is perhaps an indication of various interpersonal problems or just an indication of the fact that people can only live without their own space for so long. I am going to end up in a fairly tiny windowless cubicle as a result. I was starting to fuss about it and then it occurred to me that my time here is rapidly coming to an end and so it really does not matter in the long run. Now, I feel very zen about the whole process and could care less about the results. Perspective is truly a wonderful thing. I should note that the office staff is already referring to it as my “cave” not a really good thing. As I anticipated, my workout this morning was very easy and not very exciting. My body was not up for anything challenging and I just wanted to get in and out of the gym quickly. I do realize that my version of getting out of the gym quickly is different than most people, since I still worked out for an hour and 35 minutes this morning. Tomorrow will be a harder workout since I have spin class at 5:15 am, plus I made a resolution that I would run a mile before every spin class. So far, that has proved relatively easy since it take about 10-11 minutes to run a mile and I get to the gym about 20 minutes before class starts so that I can get my favorite bike. Progress has been slow but relatively steady, a reminder that there are huge benefits to eating in and monitoring my food intake. Plus, I feel much better, no guilt about what I am eating and I am sleeping better at night. I am still slowly eating my way through the chicken curry I made a couple of nights ago, I may stop and get some brown rice tonight to pour it over. I could stand to have more whole grains in my diet, such as brown rice but I am bad at making sure that I eat them in moderation. Alternatively I am just thinking about thickening up the broth with a little bit of cornstarch since I tend to like thick curries. I will probably freeze some of the curry tonight and have it tucked away in the freezer for emergencies when I do not feel like cooking. I will probably be left with enough for dinner tonight and tomorrow and then I will figure out what to do with the rest of the roast chicken on Saturday. I am going to put some of it into the meal I am cooking on Saturday and I may whip up a few salads with the remainder. Last night I tested out yet another exercise dvd. This one I bought on a whim, it was a belly dancing dvd that I was really hoping would be fun. Instead, I was completely bored out of my mind and fast forwarded some bits. I was surprised, because I do not find my yoga tapes boring even though I have played them repeatedly over the past few weeks. I think it was the fact that the movements were very repetitive and not very exciting that bugged me. I am not sure. Either way, it will be put at the bottom of my piles of tapes and not dragged out very often. I will probably mostly stick with yoga of some description rather than branching out terribly far at this point. Tonight, I am going to run home and try to clean up my space, it is still pretty yucky and it is starting to bother me. I made an executive decision recently that since I get to work at 7:00 in the morning (1 hour before everyone else), and work during lunch that I am leaving everyday at 5 pm. It has been a really good decision and I don’t feel at all guilty about it at this point. Plus, I get a lot more accomplished in the early evening which is good because I go to bed by no later than 9 pm at night and usually closer to 8 pm.