It all sounds the same

I read a lot of weight loss blogs, or more precisely I lurk on a lot of weight loss blogs. I am horrible at commenting, but I read a lot. More and more, the longer I do this in fact, I begin to notice themes. There are very similar struggles going on all over the place, problems getting up in the morning to work out, eating too much, eating too little, working out too hard, losing motivation completely, becoming suddenly remotivated, thinking one should be motivated but not being able to manage motivation, and so on and so forth. I especially notice posts about having to stop hiding behind the weight, about the struggle to figure out who you are or would be without the extra weight. I was always a shy kid and despite finding great joy in being a performer I still struggle with shyness. I hate the telephone, I'm not big on huge social gatherings and I am not much of a partier. My whole life I was overweight, and it was an easy way to hide from the scary parts of the world. The hardest thing about losing weight, and I've said this before, are the games you have to play with your own mind. The fact people notice me now is startling and at times overwhelming, I am no longer invisible in the way that I was at 242lbs. I'll give you an example, I have an important court hearing today so I am really dressed up, white skirt suit, red three inch heels, red shirt. It is a visually striking outfit to say the least. I did not really think about that when I picked it last night, it was the only suit left in my closet. This morning at the gym, all of the women in the locker room commented on it and complimented me. It freaked me out, because even now I don't expect people to notice me or what I wear on a daily basis. This is funny given the fact I have a relatively high profile job as one of only a few prosecutors on a small island. It still caught me off guard and I have been thinking about why that is for the past hour. I never expected to be noticed because I did not think I was worthy of the notice. The only things I really liked were my hands, my eyes, and my hair, all things unaffected by my weight. Now, I am proud of my body, it is not perfect, but I earned it. My calves are becoming toned and muscular from running, I have great collar bones that showed up at about 200 lbs and are even more prominent now, and I have really good shoulders. That is what I personally see now and I project it to the people around me. People notice confidence and they respond to it and that is startling and even unerving to those of us who may never have had that kind of attention before. I am slowly learning to accept the praise and feel overwhelmed. The longer I do this, the more I focus on the greatest gift the weight loss has given me, I look like my brother, mother, and father more and more every day. The family features which were somewhat obscured by layers of fat have emerged and you can see our connection to each other.