Thursday, October 13, 2005

Themes revisited

I love Fridays, especially the part where I do not have to work out tomorrow. I had less twinging this morning, but my legs felt pretty leaden while I was running along. Add in an early morning headache and it was a fun gym day all around. I have a relatively full court day today which includes a lot of motion arguments which are not really very fun. It is the day to day stresses of this job which would make me insane if I did not workout. On another note, in doing my daily blog readings I have noticed a standard theme cropping up again. It is the idea of passing for thin, and feeling like you are faking it. I get this all the time, where people tell me that I can eat more because I am skinny or wear things because I am thin. I know differently, or think that I do because I know where I have been and how hard it is to stay where I am right now. Yesterday, a rather stunned co-worker found out how much weight I had lost and said "Oh, so you had gastric bypass surgery", um no. I just went to the gym and changed my eating habits. However, I could see that her genuine surprise was based on the fact that she has never seen me at any weight other than my current one. If all you see is this person, you can't really imagine the former person ever existed. I always feel like I am admiting some deep dark secret (which it isn't) based upon the reactions. I may never get used to the reactions and some days it wears me down.

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