Rambling Reflections

Life is too short to not really enjoy good salad dressing. In case anyone is wondering, Seeds of Change makes a really great organic red pepper salad dressing (which I also cook fish and chicken in on occasion). Also, I should probably cut back on my coffee intake (I know I say this a lot). I also notice that I will have one cup of coffee at home on the weekends and tons when I am at work, so I think it is work/stress related). Also, I need to drink more water but it is really hard to drink water when the office is freezing. In other thoughts, I only really work up a good sweat when I run, but if I run and then do something else I sweat like a little maniac. Perhaps that is TMI but there you go. I wonder if it has something to do with getting my heartrate up into a specific range, I'm not sure. Also, I'm stealing my friend D.'s metabolism because he can eat anything and not gain weight. I can only take comfort in the fact I will survive longer then him if we ever have a major famine in the world.

Reasons not to make sweeping statements

I should know better than to proclaim information. As soon as I announced I was doing well on food, I promptly ended up going out to lunch with my boss and then having desert. However, I made up for it by having a light dinner and not snacking over the afternoon (tempting as it was). I have learned that my instant reaction to falling off plan is to think, "well I'm off plan, so no use being on track for the rest of the day", on the plus side yesterday I managed to escape that thought pattern. I know the next few weeks are going to be hard, there are going to be a lot of lunches and things of that nature because I am leaving my current job. So, my goal is just to remain on track as much as possible over the next few weeks and work out like a maniac. Today my workout was really good. 7.5 miles run this week and I lifted weights today so that is three days of weights this week. Actually this morning, in aggregate, I ran for 25 minutes and did an hour of circuit training and abs. Plus last night I did a few core moves. All in all, I'm doing pretty well and I have not been snacking on bad stuff in the past few days which is good.

This has got to work at some point right?

Yep, no progress is being made whatesoever. But I am being really good and I am sure at some point that is going to count for something. As of today (wednesday) I have managed to run 5.5 miles this week which is already over my target for weekly mileage. I am running pretty much 20 minutes a day split up into two 10 minute increaments before and after whatever morning aerobics class I have at the moment. I am trying to not get frustrated about the fact that the pants aren't fitting properly given I am eating properly and working out. I am just staying the course because darn it, I may not be skinny but I am healthy and that is a good thing in the long run.

General Check-in

I suppose I should post on the issue of what I actually accomplished exercisewise today. Eh, it was alright. 20 minutes of running, step/spinning class for 1 hour, 10 minutes of abs, 1.5 minutes of core moves (i.e. planks). I am making myself stay at the gym longer and get a little extra cardio or something in every day. Eating was spectacular yesterday until I went home and it took a long time to make dinner and then I munched on bad things (i.e. bread). I have solved this problem and today dinner will not take anytime at all. I'm not aiming for perfection, just decent. I have been managing decent for almost two weeks now and that is a good thing. I am working very hard on not making myself totally nuts right now because I've got enough craziness going on, and so far I am succeeding. When I leave here I will worry about everything else like changing my diet for example.

Five Years Ago Today

On September 11, 2001, I can distinctly remember where I was that morning. The way I think my parents generation remembers where they were when JFK was shot and Camelot ended in an instant. There are days and moments which change you and the really big ones change the world. That was September 11, 2001. I can remember that my lawschool roommate came and told me the news and we sat watching the news until it was too much to bear and then I went to class. My 4th amendment rights class of all things and my professor marched out and looked at us and said bluntly, "I lived through Pearl Harbor and the one thing I can tell you is that we don't know what has happened yet and we won't really know what happened until tomorrow" and then he conduct class on all your civil rights under the American Justice system. He was right, of course, but five years later I think we are still learning more and more about what happened that morning in New York, a field in Pennsylvania, and Washington, D.C. That night, we sat on our dorm steps and lit candles for the missing and mourned the dead. I didn't tell anyone for several days that I could not reach my brother, who was a Navy Seal and somewhere in the Middle East at the time. It seemed almost inconsequential because I knew somewhere he was doing his job and standing between us and whatever darkness threatened and that was a choice he had made in his life. The victims of 9/11 never made that choice, they went to their jobs that morning or got on an airplan and because of where they were, they died. Even five years later there is no real way to comprehend that even for those of us who did not lose anyone that day. My brother came home safely, and that is a gift that so many families did not get that day. So, I'll light a candle tonight just the way I did then in rememberance of those who never made it home. May they be at peace.

The Great Debate

I keep pondering this debate that I have been seeing more and more in blogosphere. The debate about ownership of the "fat experience" for lack of a better description. In other words, do those of us who are a siz 12/14/16 have as much right to label ourselves as "fat" and subject to certain kinds of discrimination as those who are size 26/28/32. I don't think it is just a semantics debate going on, but rather a debate about whether or not the same type of discrimination is at work and whether it is even possible to understand the societal marginalization involved if you are a size 28 as opposed to a size 12. I've seen it pointed out a lot recently that if you are my size (size 12), you can shop in mainstream retail stores, fit in normal size seats, and are unlikely to get the same kind of looks as larger people. Well, I've been a size 12 and I have been a size 24/26 and I was a size 24/26 for a lot longer than I have been a size 12. Does that establish my street cred here? I don't know, but it is where I come from in my own head. I still think of myself as fat, still see the extra weight that I spend my free time trying to lose, still struggle with food. But I don't think I get the same looks in public that I used to get, and I don't worry about where I can shop and whether the airplane seat will be comfortable. Pain is pain regardless of size though, and I wonder what it says that size 12 women think they are really fat and about the fact that as a society we continue to idolize really underweight women as opposed to healthy people. I don't think my personal perception has anything to do with my weight now, I think it has everything to do with what I used to weigh. Keeping weight off is really hard for me, really hard even with lots of exercise and the mind trips are pretty rough too. Still, I absolutely know that I am lucky to be able to avoid all the trauma of never being able to find my size and always getting stared at in public. Where that leaves us in all of this I don't know, but I keep pondering the issue and maybe that is what is important.

Hello Monday

Monday always shows up faster than I have anticipated in my head. This weekend proved to be really excellent in terms of getting my rear back on track in a couple of respects. First, I went to weight training and nutrition class on Saturday (which admittedly mucked with my running plan but oh well). Nutrition class was all about sugar and let me tell you I may never eat an M&M candy again. Fun fact, you have to walk one length of a football field to burn off the calories in an M&M. In order to burn the calories in a little bag of M&M's, you would need to walk 3.3 miles. Needless to say, I have been eating less sugar since saturday. Oh, and there was a lot of information on how fake sugar is not much better than real sugar. Most interestingly, that there are studies showing that after consuming fake sugar, a lot of people go looking for something sweet within 30 minutes to eat. I know I do this myself, so I am going to cut down on the fake sugar as well. Weight training class was also excellent, mostly because it helped prove to me that (a) I am pretty strong and (b) my form is good and has not gotten mucked up from the lack of a decent trainer in the past two years. Generally, I rely on my older brother reviewing my form every six months and correcting it but haven't been able to do that recently (and yes I need a trainer but I am poor). The real benefit of going to the gym was that I then felt motivated to do other things over the course of the day rather than just napping. So, I hauled myself off to the grocery store after making an extensive list of foods. I made a rocking peanut butter and pumpkin soup (with organic peanut butter) which fills a huge pot in my fridge, taught myself how to make decent brown rice (you cook it in the oven), made basil pesto, roasted chicken for my salads all week, and broiled salmon which I smeared with basil pesto butter. I only ate 1/2 the piece of salmon for Sunday dinner and put the rest in my salad for today but I can tell you it was really excellent. Especially if you like garlic. Tonight, I am going to cook up the tuna steaks I bought and have those with a little bit of my pumpkin soup and roasted red peppers. I am forced to admit if I would just eat like this normally, I would be much healthier and happier. Yet another reason I am moving somewhere with real produce and good food supplies. Anyway, tonight I am going to clean and get the rest of my life in order. Oh, and this morning I managed to run 2 miles (one mile before and 1 mile after my spin class) and lift weights in addition to an hour of spin. Tonight, I am going to do a core workout if it kills me.

The Skinny vs. Fit Conundrum

So, I didn't quite manage my briliant goal of 5 miles by today. However over 4 days I have managed 4.5 miles which is pretty good (especially given the Monday holiday). Oh and 4 days of weights (different body parts). My excuse is that spin class was brutal and my hips and thighs were really sore. I was fascinated this morning though by the class dynamic. We had a new person in the class who looked fit and like she should be able to kick my rear and within the first ten minutes of class she had completely fallen apart. Now, mind you, I understand not making it through a full spin class especially if you are not a regular. However, this girl wasn't even trying and was barely pedaling. Frankly, she looked like she might colapse. I suppose the resistence on the bike could be really hard (although normally I use that bike and it is just fine). It was a reminder that skinny does not necessarily mean fit or healthy. In retrospect, I did notice that she had no muscle tone anywhere and while I don't have any in my arms either, I definately have tone and definition in my legs. There are lots of people I work out with in class who carry a little extra weight, but they show up every morning and work their tails off (and could probably run circles around a fair number of people). So, I may not be skinny but I am fit (well and I am working on the skinny thing).

Pecked to death by chickens

Every senior attorney in my division is out (all 3 of them). This leaves me in charge, and I swear it is the equivalent of being attacked by chickens. Every problem that people have or random question gets brought to me. Sigh. I have not done any of my own work in 2 days. Fortunately, all the attorneys are back tomorrow and I might have a chance of getting something done. Then again, maybe not. On the plus side, today has been a good food day so far and I get to go home in 45 minutes. Oh, and you may note that I have changed the blog template (I got bored of the old one).

Dedication hah

I think I just got talked into going to a weight training and nutrition class on Saturday. Not sure how that happened. On the plus side, I got twenty minutes of running in today (split into two parts) which equaled 1.5 miles. So, this week I have managed to run 3.5 miles so far (over three days so not terribly impressive). I will try and squeeze another 1.5 miles in tomorrow along with my spin class so that I hit the 5 mile over the course of this week. I think what I am actually going to do is come into the gym at 8:30 am on Saturday and run before the weight training class. Then, I am going to go to class at 9, followed by the nutrition class at 10 am. It will be a rich full weekend morning. Also, my core fitness/ ab strength is still crab over all this time so I need to step it up in that arena. Now, mind you, I have not seen any return on these efforts so far but I maintain hope that eventually my body will get with the program. Thanks for the compliment Becky but it is not dedication at this point, just force of habit when I get up and go to the gym in the morning. If I don't go, I feel guilty and that is what keeps me going sometimes.

The SMART Plan

I love this so I am totally hopping on board with Renee's newest challenge at Fat Fighters. S = Specific By the end of 2006, I will run an actual 5K race and lose 25 lbs. M = Measurable To lose 25lbs, each week I will attempt to lose 1lb. To run a 5K, each week I'll run at least 5 miles and run for at least 30 minutes on one weekend day. I will also lift weights three days a week. A = Attainable By aiming to lose 1lb, it's means I need to burn around 500 calories a day. Plus, running one mile a day and 30 minutes on the weekend is completely doable. R = Realistic My goals are realistic for me because my body holds on to weight with a death grip and I lose weight the best when I am running and lifting weights. T = Timely My first milestone will be to lose 10 lbs by November.

Things I know

It is never a good idea to watch oneself in the mirror while in aerobics class. This is because (a) no one looks good in gym clothes (b)one will be struck at how much one currently needs to lose weight, and (c) you will realize that you look like an uncoordinated fool. Anyway, I did also manage (prior to looking like an uncoordinated fool) to squeeze in a 1 mile run before class started at 5:15 am. This was accomplished through trickery in the sense that I convinced myself I was only going to run for 5 minutes and I kept going once I hit that mark. My new goal is to run 5 miles a week in addition to my regular exercise classes. So far, 2 miles down this week. I always notice the aches and pains when I run, this morning my legs were really stiff and my hips hurt but that is just because I have not been running at all. I did also remember to pack my lunch this morning and all other essentials (including my underwear, thank you very much). Yesterday was a very decent food day overall which made me happy (and some day I swear that I will learn to stop obsessing about food).

Happy Labor Day!

So, I took a lovely three days off from everything workout related (and four days off from work). I needed that mentally I think after the last few weeks. Anyway, today I am back on track with pretty much everything. Well, other than the fact I forgot to take underwear to the gym and had to run home before I went to work (that was probably TMI). This morning I even managed to run a mile before I started exercise class (which I have not done in a long time) and that felt good. Although it did wear me out a little more than I expected. I need to get back to running more, but I figure once I leave island I will have a lot more time to run. I found a 5K I want to run in November and that is at least one goal to work toward in the long run. I hit my lowest weight when I was running a lot and I actually enjoy running so I want to get back to that more often. It will help to be in a place where I can run outside which is not something that I can do here very easily. Tonight I need to lift weights and do some core fitness stuff (I was going to go back to the gym but my workout shoes are now at home). Mostly, I am just trying to stay the course until I get home in October and can regroup and focus on fitness. Anyway, I am off to court. More later.

Gym Rudeness

Today is back to the normal work grind, which is a good thing because once again I have huge piles on my desk. The gym managed to open 20 minutes late today which messed with my workout (and this is becoming a constant problem for this gym). Oh, and I failed to mention on Monday the piece of rudeness which took my breath away. I take a morning spin class on Mon/Fri. The rule is that everyone puts their towel and water on the bike of their choice, and yes some of us have bikes we always pick. Then, most people go warm up on a treadmill or stretch until the class starts. I went on monday to warm up and came back to my bike to discover another person in the class removing my bike seat because the one on the bike next to it was broken. I was stunned, my bike had a towel on it and was clearly going to be used during the class and he simply took the seat anyway, when I showed up he refused to put the seat back and did not even apologize. Thus, I was forced to find another bike in the very small room. So, now the bike I always use is broken and unusuable. I am contemplating preemptively stealing his normal bike on Friday just to point out how rude he was on Monday. However, I do not think he will get the hint especially since my polite "excuse me what are you doing to my bike?" had no effect. I hate people like that, especially since there were multiple empty bikes in the room which he could have (a) moved to or (b) switched seats with and not mine. Sigh, I will never understand how people's brains work.

GUILTY!

Below is an edited version of the press release in this case, names have been altered to protect the unknowing and locations have been removed along with other identifying details. A Jury convicted Defendant D.L.P of 3 counts of First Degree Criminal Sexual Conduct (As a First Degree Felony), 3 counts of Second Degree Criminal Sexual Conduct (As a First Degree Felony), 3 counts of Third Degree Criminal Sexual Conduct (As a Second Degree Felony), Assault with Intent to Commit Criminal Sexual Conduct (As a Third Degree Felony), Aggravated Assault (As a 2nd Degree Felony) and Terrorizing (As a Third Degree Felony). Assistant Attorney Generals L.L and Assistant Attorney General Kat prosecuted the case for the People. They stated following the verdict that “This conviction was made possible by an unprecedented joint investigation involving the Office of the Attorney General, the Police Department, and the Naval Criminal Investigation Service. The superior investigative work of the dedicated members of these agencies went above and beyond the call of duty both before and during trial.” The victim in this case was discovered in the early morning hours of May 27, 2006 at the A. Beach Park. Evidence at trial showed that she had been brutally beaten and suffered among other injuries from internal bleeding and a fractured pelvis. At trial, the victim identified D.L.P. as her attacker in open court. In addition, the government presented DNA evidence which connected the victim and defendant including his semen and her DNA on a pair of boxer shorts found in a trash can on the U.S.S. Military Ship by NCIS personnel. The admittance of DNA evidence at trial followed a Daubert hearing establishing the validity of DNA testing and marked the first time in a number of years that such evidence had been admitted at trial. In addition, the government presented the testimony of Police Officer E. A. who had stopped the defendant in the immediate vicinity of the crime, approximately 1 hour before the victim was discovered at the scene. Officer A. was able to recognize the description of both the defendant and his vehicle which was provided by the victim and allow the Police to quickly locate a suspect and confiscate evidence. This along with the testimony of twenty-four witnesses was presented over the course of the two week trial. The Office of the Attorney General notes that this is a victory for the People in insuring the continued safety of its citizens and the swift prosecution of violent crimes.

3 Hours and still waiting

By the way, this will all be terribly embarassing if I lose this case. Anyway, the jury is still out, wants to hear some testimony replayed and who knows how long this will take to make a decision. I am, as a co-worker gently pointed out yesterday, very much a worrywort, I can worry about pretty much anything if given the opportunity. Everything from where I am going to park my car to what I am going to do with the rest of my life. This whole jury deliberation thing is not helping those tendencies. I do however promise that I will not throw myself into a vat of chocolate regardless of the results. I am just hoping to get the results today. It is remarkably like taking a test where you do not know the outcome and are uncertain that you presented the information in the best manner and just have to sit around until you find out. So, I wait and try to get back to my normal life. In the meantime I keep going to the gym and trying to be patient about this whole process.

You may now resume your regularly scheduled programing

And I'm back. I feel rather like a bad radio announcer on a gameshow or something. Anyway, trial was completed on Friday and today the Jury begins deliberations, I am slightly freaked out about what the result will be, hopefully we will know by early afternoon. I can't say I have had good luck with jury trials, I'm 0-3 so far. Hopefully 4th time will be a charm. Anyway, still going to the gym, eating hasn't been great but it has been alright. I am once again going through my warddrobe and getting rid of all the beat up and worn out pieces of clothing in my closet. The less I have to ship at the end of September, the better. This week I am back to being really good and packing my lunch (roast chicken in case you were wondering). I am starting to lift weights at home again and have discovered that I have not lost any strength there which is an unexpected bonus. Anyway, I have to dash off to court, if we get a verdict later I will post and tell you what the case was about that consumed my life for the past month (I know you all care terribly).

Clearly it is Monday

It is bad when you can tell by 5 am in the morning that it is going to be a bad monday. The people at my gym failed to open it up until 5:20 in the morning. This threw a big ugly monkey wrench into my morning workout since it meant I did not have time to get in my run before spin class or any time for an extra workout afterward. This was especially the case today since I have to go back in on my trial at 8:30 am and that does not leave a lot of leeway in my workout time. Frustrating in the extreme. Anyway, I don't have a lot of time so I am off to court.

One week down

The first week back on plan is always the easiest for me. Well, I am always hungry because I am reducing my calories but I am usually sleeping better because I am not eating nearly as much refined sugar. Plus, I stop feeling guilty about what I am eating and so I am less stressed (well I am stressed about other thing because I am a worrywort but you know what I mean). I did make the executive decision this morning that I would take my workout a little easier today due to yesterday's hard workout. So, I just went to my spinning class and did a bunch of situps rather than adding in weights. I am terribly excited that it is the weekend because it means I get to sleep in tomorrow and clean my apartment. Also, I need to get ready to go back into trial on Monday but mostly I am focused on getting my junk out of the apartment so I am not living in a huge mess. Of course, weekends are usually a problem in terms of food because of all the free time, but maybe spending the day cleaning will prevent that issue.

The number one reason I am leaving my job

Okay, I love what I do most days and I am really sad about leaving my co-workers. However, yesterday I was reminded of why I am leaving and leaving soon. The senior attorneys sent me home at 2:40 pm, so that the head of the office could not locate me. Not because I had done anything wrong but because I had done the right and ethical thing and we knew he would be irate about it. When you have to leave the office because you did your job properly, well it is time to leave the whole situation permanently. On the plus side, it did let me work out my calories better since I could make a smoothie at three p.m with honey and a banana and milk (which I don't usually manage at work). Then I took a nap because this cold is still messing with me. This morning I got dragged to a new class at the gym, basically a circuit training class where you do a round of weights, then step aerobic drills and another round of weights. It was actually a great class, and really made me sweat. I was surprised about how much I liked the class and the instructor (who I always thought was rather annoying). I usually use Thursdays as a rest morning but this was a good addition to my workouts. Of course, by rest I mean that I just do an hour on the eliptical machines.

Feel the love

Aww, I feel loved, it is awful nice to be back. I do feel like I am really back at this point, although completely worn out from job stress. I have six weeks left at this job and more and more I can’t wait to get out of here. Despite the fear of not knowing where I am going next, I am glad to leave this highly unstable environment. Plus I think in the long run it will be much more emotionally (and physically) healthy for me to not be here and to be in a more stable work environment. Plus, I will not have the little annoyance of living on this island. Yesterday, I ended up being at work late and rather than going to the gym I ended up running to the store to buy food. Really, I needed eggs for omelets, but when I got there I discovered that there were only two containers of eggs in the store (and both of them had cracked ones). This was at the largest grocery store on the island. So, after some serious hunting I settled for a container of egg beaters, some meat, and some bananas. It will get me through the week, but seriously people, what grocery store has no eggs? I suppose in fairness they had two container, but I can’t imagine most people buying containers of cracked eggs. This is why it is hard to cook healthy food on this island. Well, you can cook meat but that is about it. Last time I went back to the mainland U.S. I had sensory overload in the grocery store because there was so much food to chose from including all sorts of vegetables. That reminds me, I could not find lemons in the store this weekend, there were oranges and limes but no lemons. I find shopping here so strange sometimes and so difficult that I end up eating the same thing day after day because I can find the ingredients. I am once again going to try to make it to the gym again tonight, I had a good workout this morning but it could always be supplemented. I am still having some breathing issues from this chest cold which have been derailing me. So, if I go it will be very mellow and nothing hard. Especially after this morning where the aerobics room was very warm and the rest of the gym was freezing, I am not trying to make my cold worse. Still, I don’t feel so sickly that I am justified in slacking off on my workouts. Plus, I keep reminding myself to just take little baby steps and stay the course until the stress level dies down.

Still not dead

Well, yesterday went swimmingly (as most first days back do) and I managed to easily stick within my plan. Well, it did involve a lot of mental games with my head where I had to point out to myself that I wanted to fit in my clothing more than I wanted chocolate. Plus, by about 3 pm, the cold I am suffering from had really begun to slow me down and wear me out. Today, I felt better and went to the gym even though I still have this horrible hacking cough. I even brought extra gym clothes with me, the plan being to stop at the gym for 30 minutes after work (thus avoiding the worst part of rush hour which only last for 1 hr) and pick up an extra cardio workout. I am going to change at work and that way I can just dash in and out of the gym since it will be super crowded. Then I am going to head home and colapse. I figure that while I cannot always control my food, I can compensate by adding in extra workouts during the week. I used to get in about two hours of cardio everyday, I would like to get back to that if I can manage it.

The Cosmic Why

Why on the day I finally get myself together and back on plan does tons of bad food appear in the office. Well, I am responsible for the carrot cake muffins, but those don't appeal. However, there are donuts around and chocolate covered macadamia nuts and a few other things. Sigh. However, I don't like how my clothes fit and the easiest way to fix that is to not eat crap and workout more. I am going to lift weights when I get home, and not snack today and just go from that perspective. Oh, and I am avoiding the chocolate covered macadamia nuts but pretending they are not there. So far, it is working.

Did you miss me?

Ahem, right then (carefully taps blog microphone) is this on? Yep, I'm back, and I have an actual explanation for my extended absence and concurrent falling off the wagon. On August 3rd, I began a very complicated felony rape and aggravated assault trial (which is still on going). Trials are tough, and extremely emotionally draining, you never eat or sleep well while you are in trial. Right now, due to scheduling issues we are taking a week break and will resume next Monday however I have worked everyday (except yesterday) since the 4th of August. I have still gone to the gym every morning but food has been crap. Today, I am getting back on track if it kills me, since I know I have been sabotaging my workouts which is silly. I have however come down with a nasty cough and cold which knocked me out yesterday. I went back to the gym this morning and packed my lunch today so that is a start. Anyway, I am back and hopefully won't get derailed this badly again.

Back on island

So, I am back on my small little island after a plane ride of 20 hours. Well, 3 planes actually with two layovers in between and rather a lot of Starbucks Coffee. I am pretty tired still, I woke up at 3:50 am and got to bed at what would have been about 2 am so I was up for probably 22 hours straight. I cannot sleep on planes very well, so I tend to just remain awake and either read or watch movies. This morning I got up at 4:30 and went to the gym for a workout. I felt like a bit of a slacker because I ducked out a bit early so I could go to the store and buy some packaged salads for lunch this week. I also picked up a few other food items which should see me through until this weekend. Work is crazy and hectic right now, but I only have to last a couple more months and that is what is keeping me going. I am happy to be back in a routine that works for me, and hopefully I can stick with it for the next few months.

Blog Slacker

Yep, I am a complete slacker on the whole posting thing this week. I can't say that my exercise has been terribly up to par either. I have managed to get in a walk of about 2+ hours every day but that is about it. I do actually think taking it easy was a good thing for my body which was very tired. Still, next week will probably be a bit painful when I go back to the actual gym and real workouts. I don't have much to report, since I have been on vacation. I have been decent on food, and will be better next week. I have done a bit of shopping and discovered that I am now incredibly picky about clothing. I used to just grab whatever fit and go with that, but now I mull it over. I found myself in the store the other day debating whether or not something "fit into my lifestyle", I don't exactly know how I had that thought. I do know that I need clothes that I can wash and not dry clean since there are not very many good dry cleaners where I currently live. Also, I mostly buy clothes I can wear to work and into a courtroom which means relatively conservative clothing right now. If I did not work in an office which was freezing cold I would probably live in skirts and cardigans, but I do, so this trip I picked up tights hoping that I can now wear my skirts to the office and not freeze to death. Still, I am really picky because now I can be picky which is wonderful. It also reminds me why I spend so much time watching my food intake and working out because I don't want to regress backward. Anyway, vacation is almost over and then I am headed back to work for the last two months of this job before I come home permanently. I am looking forward to that homecoming but not the 20 hour trip back to my small island tomorrow and then the trip in a couple of months back the other way. Such is life.

On the other side of the pond

Hmm, when I am not stressed, I do not eat crap. I realize that this is a truly novel concept for everyone. I am on a brief vacation in the mainlan united states, I head back across the ocean and international dateline on saturday. Thus, I am away from the constant stress of work which is a wonderful thing. This weekend I was at a wedding, and managed to simply eat the salads offered for dinner and a bite (yes one bite) of my father's risoto, and no dessert. I realize that some of my healthiness has to do with better food supplies and a different eating style than my small island, but still it is a huge difference. Exercise is another story, I am going to walk downtown in a bit and shop but I really need to go running. I am going to try and fit that in today, maybe this afternoon since it was just too cold to contemplate this morning. Tonight I may go out to dinner with people I know from my college and that means I should really try and fit in a run despite the fact I have a cut on my foot. I was forced to look at pictures of myself from this wedding, and my only thought was that I need to work out more. I can see the progress made since I started losing weight, but I can also tell that I am not happy with this weight and I need to really get motivated. This week should help me refocus, but I am also going to eat out tonight, wednesday night, and thursday night, at a minimum so I need to exercise. Oddly, I know that I will probably manage to lose weight (I always lose weight on vacation) even though that is when most people gain weight. So, I am going to use that to my advantage. I am off into town now.

The good news and the bad news

The good news is that my knee is better this morning, the bad news is that it is still not 100 percent okay. I stepped on to the treadmill this morning, walked for five minutes and began to run, at which point my right knee and the area around it instantly made it clear that this was an extremely bad idea. So, I stopped and headed for the eliptical machines. I spent about 70 minutes on the eliptical machines and had no problems at all. However, about all that I can say for the workout is that I stepped up the resistence one more notch, it was not terribly difficult. At that point, I headed back to the treadmill to give it one more shot. I then ran for 12 minutes (I slowed my pace down) and covered a distance of one mile. Not the workout I was hoping for but at least my knee felt alright after I was finished with the mile. I also snuck in 100 basic sit ups after I was finished with the cardio. Oh and by the way, seriously people, do I have a sign above my head that says “you can talk this person into taking your exercise class” ? Today, one of the instructors came up to me to tell me I should take her Thursday morning class (which is the only class I do not take at this point). Er, okay. I can’t tell if I have become a gym project (completely possible at my gym) or if I just look like someone who takes classes. I am considering it, but since I will be on a plane next Thursday and off-island for 10 days, it will have to wait for a couple of weeks. I am not that enthused about this particular instructor, I find her to be somewhat pushy and very set in her view of things. Still, I will probably end up taking the class at some point because it could be a good workout. I am currently having yet another debate with myself about switching around the order in which I eat my food to see if anything happens. Basically, I would switch my largest meal to lunch and then eat my salad for dinner. This would probably overall be a better plan, but the main issue is preparation. I would need to cook lunch the night before, or on the weekend and then reheat it at work. Not a huge issue given that a lot of nights I just reheat food anyway. I am going to stick with my current plan until I go on vacation and then reevaluate when I return and maybe rework everything. Still, my real issue today is that I really wanted to get a good run in and my body would simply not cooperate, I needed the stress relief but it was certainly a no win situation. Running would have completely aggravated my knee and then I really would not be able to work out. I logically know this, but it is still frustrating. Oh, and for the record I did wear ballet flats to work today to also aid in the leg recovery.

Oh ow

Ow, remember how I said earlier that my right knee was twinging. Well, really it is actually the back of my right knee and oh is it not happy at all. It is so unhappy that I have taken off my heels and switched to flip flops even though they are not appropriate office attire. I have no idea what I did this morning which aggravated my knee so badly (especially since I backed off the minute it started hurting). In fact, everything that we did in class was things I had done before, so there is no real explanation for the twinging and general pain. I was going to walk somewhere tonight, but I am going to put that off tonight and go home and just rest my leg. I am hoping that it will be better by tomorrow, otherwise I will have to re-evaluate the plan to run in the morning.

A holiday like any other day

Happy Independence Day! Actually July 4th was yesterday, but I was not near a computer. Yesterday was in fact a holiday from work (one of the eight holidays a year). I cannot say that the day was very different (except for the bit where I did not have to come into the office). I rolled out of bed at 4:29 am and headed out to the gym for my step aerobics/spinning class. After class I headed home and had copious amounts of coffee. Then I headed out to the malls and bought exactly one sweater before making it home at about 11:30 am. Lunch was my standard salad, since I packed up five salads for the week, no point in deviating from the eating plan. I will admit that I took a nap in the afternoon (to make up for the early morning wake up). Then, I made up my naan bread mini-pizzas for dinner, which were really excellent, and cooked up a batch of brownies for an office birthday party. I squeezed in 200 sit ups and a pilates video before heading off to bed at around 9 pm. Overall it was a very mellow day which is exactly what I wanted to have in a day off. This morning, I was back at the gym for my hip box class and now I am at work. I did have one issue this morning during class which consisted of a not so subtle inner thigh twinge/cramp in my left leg. Since I am planning on running tomorrow morning, I think I will have to take it a little easy on my afternoon workout and let my legs rest. It was not helped by the extra leg workout that my instructor added in this morning for the additional torture factor. I think my real problem is that I feel like I could always be pushing myself harder, and I have a problem realizing that sometimes I am already doing as much as my body will allow. Could I workout harder, eat a little bit cleaner (and some days a little bit less?) Yes, probably I could manage that if I tried hard. Would I go insane? Yes, I would go completely insane and my co-workers would be within their rights to kill me. So, I keep trying to remind myself that it is all about moderation. I feel I should note that the cramp has now moved to the back of my knee on the right side. This is not a good sign. So, I am just going to do sit ups tonight and skip any intensive stretching. I might lift a few weights if the motivation fairy decides to visit me, but anything with my legs is out of the question. I have no desire to get injured and then have to take time off from working out. I cannot actually imagine taking time off from working out and in order to prevent that I am trying to listen to my body and what it needs very carefully.

Somewhat squishy

I never made it to the gym this weekend, but other than that I was actually very productive which was a good thing. On Saturday I was fairly lazy, but Sunday made up for it. I managed to clean my apartment, scrub the floor with bleach, go through my clothing and get rid of items I am not longer wearing (or have never really worn), go to the grocery store, cook food for the week including the pre-packing of my salad items for the week, and go to the mall (where I did not buy anything). Sadly grocery shopping was once again far more expensive than last week, however I had forgotten that I needed to buy kitty food and litter, not to mention coffee supplies (neither of which are bought on a weekly basis). I figure that stuff added up to an extra 20 dollars that I would otherwise have saved on shopping. This week I decided to branch out a little bit in terms of cooking and try cooking with couscous and whole wheat pasta. I always find these substances a little scary because I do try to limit bread and pasta products in my diet. This is due to the fact that I love them and always eat too much and it is really tempting to just toss the pasta in butter and eat it without vegetables or other good things. However, I am giving it another shot and trying to be really careful with portion size. Also, this is a good reason to stay away from bread/grain products at work because I am eating them for dinner. So, last night I had whole wheat pasta with steak (left over from lunch) and Thai peanut sauce (left over from making salad supplies for the week). It was very yummy and fit in the plan. Tonight I am going to make couscous with roasted chicken, caramelized onions and garlic. I also bought organic naan bread (amazing to find it on island) which will be good if I actually decide to make curry this week. Otherwise I may toast it to make a mini pizza and top it with chicken and feta cheese (actually that sounds really good now I think about it). As part of my weekend prep, I roasted up a bunch of chicken thighs and legs and I am going reuse over the course of the week in a variety of dishes. I also hard boiled some eggs for salads and cleaned out my cupboards so I would have a clear sense of what food products I had in my house. Turning now to the exercise front, I am still on track (other than not going to the gym this weekend). It occurred to me this morning that my exercise schedule is a little bit insane for a normal person. This is the current plan- Mon a.m.- run 1 mile (warm up), 1 hour spin class, 20 minute leg work out with weights, 15 minutes eliptical machine (final cool down). Mon p.m.-30 or 45 minutes pilates or yoga tape, or if unmotivated 200 sit-ups. Tue a.m.-10 min. treadmill walk, 1 hour 30/30 class (30 minutes step aerobics/30 minutes spinning), 10 minutes ab workout. Tue p.m.-30 or 45 minutes pilates or yoga tape, or if unmotivated 200 sit-ups. Wed. a.m.-10 minute treadmill walk, 1 hour hipbox class, 20 minute arm workout with weights, 15 minute eliptical machine (final cooldown). Wed. p.m.-30 or 45 minutes pilates or yoga tape, or if unmotivated 200 sit-ups. Thursday a.m.-30 minute run, 10 minute walk (warm-up and cool down from run), 35 minute eliptical machine, 10 minute treadmill or step machine (final cool down) Thursday p.m-30 or 45 minutes pilates or yoga tape, or if unmotivated 200 sit-ups. Friday a.m.- run 1 mile (warm up), 1 hour spin class, 20 minute leg work out with weights, 15 minutes eliptical machine (final cool down). Friday p.m.-Free Saturday a.m.-ideally (although has not really happened yet) 30 minute run and ab work. Saturday p.m.-Free Sunday-Free day. That could potentially work out to around 10 (or more hours) of exercise every week. Not to mention the fact that most of these are hard exercise sessions. So, I think this demonstrates my current frustration with my lack of progress on the weight loss front right now. However, I know I am in pretty good shape from this routine since running an eleven minute mile is easy for me and I have really good calf muscles (even if the rest of me is somewhat squishy at the moment). However, I do look at this in amazement for two reasons. First, it demonstrates the amount of work that I do to remain a size 12 (or 10 on a good day) and second because this amount of exercise would have been unthinkable in years past. I never miss a weekday at the gym and neither do any of the other regular gym rats for that matter. Even tomorrow morning, I am getting up at 4:30 am to go the gym because (a) it is open and (b) they are still having the aerobics class. Tomorrow is July 4th here and it is a holiday so I do not have to go to work. My theory is that if I get up and go at 5 am then at least one workout for the day will be over and I do not have to worry about it or feel guilty later on in the day. All of this does prove the level of crazy which now exists in my life, but hey, at least it is healthy crazy rather than excessive eating crazy.

Have no motivation but will travel

I have not been feeling particularly motivated either this week or last week. Yet, I am on plan and have not really deviated horribly from plan at all. Further proof that planning is a good thing. It is hard to deviate if you already have a prepackaged lunch salad and dinner is easily accessible in the fridge at home. Plus, I know in the long run I am saving money which is a good thing right now. Anyway, I am fully aware that my lack of motivation focuses on the fact that I have been doing a lot of hard cardiovascular work in the morning and not seeing a lot of results. This is admittedly frustrating so I have been trying to find a way of dealing with it in a healthy non-sabotaging kind of matter. Err, still working on that by the way. However, I am incorporating additional workouts into my schedule on the weekend, I am going to go to the gym again on Saturday and just make Sunday my lazy rest day. Today, if I end up feeling really motivated, I am going to go back to the gym and do an additional 30-60 minute workout. I may end up in court late in which case I will not be very motivated to go to the gym. On the plus side, I managed to talk my body into an actual run this morning (well a thirty minute run on the treadmill). I decided that I would do a slow run at 5.5 mph for 15 minutes before move on to the eliptical machines. Instead, I ended up running for 10 minutes at 5.5. mph then running at 6.0 mph for the next five minutes, then dropping back down to 5.5. mph for the next 5 minutes, then another interval of 6.0 mph for five minutes, and finishing out with 5 minutes at 5.5. mph for a total run of 30 minutes. I have not managed to run in a couple of weeks and I really want to get back running at least twice or three times a week. In fact, this morning I skipped out on an exercise class so that I could run on the treadmill. So, I am going to try and make a point of running on Thursday mornings and Saturday mornings. This effort would be helped immensely by new running shoes but I am going to wait on those until I go back to the mainland U.S. in two weeks. In any event, my brain feels much clearer this morning now that I have done some running. I forget when I do not run for a long time that this is why I run, and why I actually like it as an exercise. I would like it better if I could run outside, but there really is not anywhere around here that it is safe to run because there are no decent sidewalks. I just realized how odd this entry would be to my old self, I am going on and on about how I like working out, and that would certainly have puzzled the 250 lb me. However, it is true, I am a complete gym rat and exercise nut. I think at this point I own more workout clothes than regular clothes and I tend to buy more expensive workout clothes than regular clothes. Frankly, that is a little bit disturbing on some level but hey, this is my life now. One final piece of news to report before I start doing my real job. Last night I discovered that I could actually see indentations on my stomach. Now, I hesitate to call them abs (all though they are in the right location) but I do think they are a result of all the ab workouts that I have been doing over the past month. I think for the record that if we did call them abs they would give me a whopping 1 pack, which would be a first. So, I am pleased about that, and about the fact that if I suck in my breath, I can actually see my rib cage. So, I am trying to go with the non-scale victories, but the frustration level is still there right now. Still, I am doing everything that I can and recognizing that this is going to take time. Apparently, I can gain weight in the blink of an eye but losing it takes a lot longer. Just another indication of the Universe’s cosmic sense of irony.

Monday Check In

Note to self, you are your mother’s daughter even if you spent your teenage years denying it. This means that any caffeine after 2 pm in the afternoon will make it impossible to sleep at night. Now, drinking coffee at 8 pm at night will absolutely make sure that you do not sleep more than 2 hours during the night. It is a great Monday morning, and spin class destroyed me this morning as a result. I am mainlining coffee (more than normal anyway) in a vain attempt to be semi-functional today. This week it is all about preparation, I decided to see if I could make a salad for the week that I am happy with for lunch. So I got all the ingredients, made some home-made dressing, cooked a couple of chicken breasts, and divided everything into individual bags. This way, I just have shred lettuce and dump everything into a portable container the night before and away I go the next morning. Plus, I saved thirty dollars in groceries this week. This is a good thing, because I am going to attempt to save this money and use it for groceries next weekend. If I could cut my grocery bill down from 70 dollars a week to 40 dollars, I would be incredibly happy. Eighteen days from now I am going on vacation for ten days which makes me happy. I have some fitness goals I would like to achieve between now and then, but we will see what happens over that time period. On the plus side, I found a dress to wear to the wedding I am going to while I am on vacation. I do not have shoes to wear (well I do but they are five-inch heels which is a little much). I looked at myself in it, and while I am not really pleased at where I am weight-wise (and I need appropriate undergarments), however I was impressed. I looked grown-up and mature and dare I say it, sophisticated. On occasion I am reminded of how long it takes to get my brain to catch up with my body. It is hard to remember that I am not 240 plus pounds at this point and that in fact I am really 80 pounds less than that in reality. This weekend was a good reminder and I needed that given my frustration with my fitness progress.

The cooking fest continues

I have done so much work this morning that it is rather frightening. I answered a ton of letters, responded to multiple motions, and moved a bunch of files off my desk. I am the Queen of Procrastinators, but sometimes I really manage to get a lot done. Usually it requires the right circumstances (a quiet office, time at my desk plus motivation) and then my entire desk gets cleared off in a flurry of activity. I am so much happier when I am organized and even a little bit of organization goes a long way in my world. The same thing applies to working out and exercise (Obviously). I am much happier when I am following an organizational plan, both in terms of diet and exercise. Right now is obviously a good example, I have been so much more mellow now that I am on plan. Well, I was bitchy for the first week but I am over that little problem. I am gradually getting everything organized and it is overflowing to the rest of my life. This is a very good and necessary thing. Plus, I am starting to cook again and really enjoy it which always makes me happy. Apropos of the whole cooking endeavor, here is my personally modified curry recipe based on several different variations in cookbooks. As always, amounts are not exact and everything is to taste.

One onion-roughly chopped

About 4-5 cloves of garlic-again roughly chopped

Sliced fresh ginger to taste (about 3-5 slices should do)

1 tablespoon of vegetable oil

½ teaspoon Thai red curry paste

1 teaspoon red pepper flakes

1 teaspoon sugar (you could probably substitute Splenda)

2 tablespoons fish sauce

½ teaspoon salt

2 3/4 cups of water

13.5 oz can of coconut milk

Approx 1 lb of roasted chicken meat, alternatively one could just cut up some chicken and cook it with the curry

1 tablespoon cornstarch

1-2 cups chopped root vegetables (i.e. potatoes, sweet potatoes, carrots, or anything else which suits your fancy). Alternatively this is pretty good with corn or broccoli in it.

1 package of cooked orzo pasta (optional)

Cook the entire dish in a big pot. Saute the onion, ginger, and garlic in the vegetable oil until the onion is translucent. Then add the chicken and cook for a couple of minutes. Then add all the spices and the sugar, salt, and fish sauce. Cook for a couple more minutes. Add the water and bring to a boil and then reduce the heat to about medium high (i.e. a healthy simmer) and cook for around 10 minutes to let the flavors meld. Add the coconut milk, cornstarch, and the root vegetables. Cook for another 10 minutes or until the veggies are soft. Add the orzo pasta at this point and let it warm up for about another 5 minutes. It should serve around four unless you have really big serving sizes. Now, you could add all sorts of things to this-lemon grass for example (personally I hate the taste). Alternatively, you could substitute a different kind of meat and it would also work. There are a couple of caveats:

• There are about 720 calories in a can of coconut milk. (Yes, I actually calculated this at one point). That works out to 160 calories per serving. However everything else is relatively low calorie in this dish and you can also get reduced fat coconut milk some places.

• You might be able to reduce the oil even further if you tried (and were using a nonstick pan). Next time I cook this, I am going to try reducing the oil to approx ½ tablespoon and see what happens. Vegetable oil has 120 calories per tablespoon so dropping the amount drops the calories in the dish and you just need enough to coat the onion and garlic and help it saute.

• It is pretty darn spicy, Thai red curry paste is very hot so if you do not like it hot, only put a small amount in and then test it.

• I like thick curries but you could make this without the cornstarch for a slightly thinner curry.

Curries are comfort foods to me, so I love all variations of them. However, I only eat a small cereal sized bowl at any given time because otherwise they add up in terms of calories. Still, this is what I have been living on for the past two weeks and it makes me really happy. So, there you go, my chicken recipe of the week for the second week in a row.

Long Weekend

On Monday I took a much needed day off from work. I had some extra comp time I needed to use, so I made a three-day weekend out of it. However, I still got up at 4:30 in the morning and went to the gym for my morning spin class. I did fit in a small catnap yesterday afternoon which balances out getting up early. Actually, I spent yesterday morning running errands and cleaning up my apartment a bit but other than that it was pretty mellow. Scuttlebutt has it that being at work on Monday would have been very drama-filled and I am not sorry that I missed it. Instead, I had a relatively mellow day at home and came back to work today. Today, I spent all day in court which I suppose is pay back for having a day off. I discovered this morning that I could pick up the choreography in the step aerobics class pretty quickly although if I get the least bit distracted I totally lose track of what I am doing with my feet. It is however a good workout for the days that I feel unmotivated (such as this morning) and still need to get in a good cardio workout. My eating has been about 80-90 percent on track and that is pretty good for a long weekend. I did actually do some cooking this weekend, however nothing major. I roasted some more chicken, which I use as the base for a lot of my cooking. I was going to make risoto this weekend but could not find the appropriate ingredients so I improvised and made a dish with chicken and orzo pasta instead. Basically, I combined orzo pasta which was cooked in chicken stock for flavor with sauteed shiitake mushrooms and roasted chicken. Salt and pepper were add to taste along with a little Parmesan cheese. It was very much a comfort meal rather than something exciting and new. Tonight, however, it is going to morph into something new and exciting. Well, at least it will be new. I am going to create another curry (I love curries) with the existing supplies I have in my apartment. I have coconut milk, thai curry paste, an onion, garlic, and chicken. This is more than enough to create a basic curry and I am going to either pour that over the orzo pasta or in the alternative I am going to add the orzo pasta to the curry. I am probably going to tone down the spiciness in the curry a little bit, but I do like my curries to be reasonably hot. I figure that this will carry me through the rest of the week until Friday or Saturday. I am discovering that now I am back on plan, it is relatively easy at work but weekends are becoming more difficult because of a lack of structure and the fact that I am usually trying to finish out the leftovers in my fridge. I am definitely more at peace about the whole process which is nice. I think that the yoga and pilates I have been incorporating into my life are helping me become calmer and more balanced. I am less frantic about things in general and that is helpful in controlling my exercise and food. So, progress is being made slowly but surely and hopefully it will continue for the foreseeable future.

Friday Funny

Okay, this is just funny, this morning the very nice front desk person at my gym handed me my membership card. Why is this funny? I have been going to this particular gym for a year and a half, and today I got my membership card for the first time. Normally, I just saunter into the gym wave to the front desk and keep going on my way to the locker room. My hands are usually full with my purse, gym bags, car keys, and work clothes so I could not use my card anyway. Well, I could but it would involve a substantial amount of juggling on my part and possibly dropping things. However, I am looking at this as a sign from the universe that I really should try to make it to the gym on the weekend and get in a little extra cardio or lift a few weights. I may try that tomorrow if I feel really motivated for some reason. I might have overestimated the amount of curry that I had in my fridge. However, I had enough to eat last night and then freeze for later. I decided I would rather freeze a bag of curry than eat it tonight because I am always running into days where I am too tired to cook and end up eating something crappy as a result. Not any more, now I shall simply pull out frozen items and reheat them. I declined two lunch invitations today from coworkers. I am not trying to be anti-social but I do not really want to spend the extra money when I brought food and I do not want the extra calories in my body. I actually said to one of the co-workers “God no, everything at that particular restaurant has too many calories.” This made her really mad but I swear it just kind of came out of my mouth and was not intended to be insulting. Unfortunately, it was just really honest and not what she wanted to hear. I used to go out to lunch a lot with this particular person so I think she feels a little abandoned because I am no longer doing that anymore. Here is the thing, going out a lot always ends up with me not properly taking care of myself. I eat too much food, I gain back some weight, I slack off at the gym. All of these things are always interconnected in my life. So, one of the ways that I look after myself is by controlling what I eat, making sure it is healthy and not an enormous portion. Invariably, that means bringing lunch into work, watching my snacks, and not eating out very much (if at all). Does this translate to being somewhat anti-social, yes, but for right now that is a trade-off that I am willing to make in my life. I think it would be less of an issue if I lived somewhere with more health conscious dining options, but not here. There are not a lot of low calorie options at the restaurants and frankly that is a real problem for me when it comes to eating out. Also, I can tell that part of what is going on here is that my co-worker has lost a partner in crime on food issues. In other words, it is a lot easier to justify eating things if there is some other person eating them right along with you. Especially if you can say in your brain, well they are healthy so I must be healthy. Umm, no. Personally, I probably carry an extra 40 lbs or so on a very small frame, small bones and very short (ie. 5'2" on a really, really good day or in heels). Not to mention I am blessed with a body that stores all the excess fat around my middle which is the worst place to have it. So, while I am in reasonably good shape, I am not nearly as healthy as I could be and I notice this when I do new and different physical activities. I had the same person tell me she was fit but well padded. Umm no, and I don’t mean that in a mean way. I mean it in a “I have observed your eating and exercise habits and they are not good.” Not enough working out, too much alcohol, and far too much processed food. I have spent so much time finessing my own diet that I am really sensitive to other people’s diets and whether or they can be construed as healthy. Trust me, at some time I have tried every variation of every diet to find out which one works for me. I always end up back at a diet which incorporates everything in moderation. Generally this means less processed foods, small amounts of bread and white flour products, and lots of fruits and vegetables. In this line, I decided last night that I really did not need rice because I had eaten a bunch of crackers during the day and so I just stuck with my spicy curry and some fat free yogurt and fruit for desert. By the way, this is the longest I have been basically on plan for about the past 6 months or so and I am very pleased with myself about that fact.

Thursday Check-in

Today, my office is putting up dividers. It is perhaps an indication of various interpersonal problems or just an indication of the fact that people can only live without their own space for so long. I am going to end up in a fairly tiny windowless cubicle as a result. I was starting to fuss about it and then it occurred to me that my time here is rapidly coming to an end and so it really does not matter in the long run. Now, I feel very zen about the whole process and could care less about the results. Perspective is truly a wonderful thing. I should note that the office staff is already referring to it as my “cave” not a really good thing. As I anticipated, my workout this morning was very easy and not very exciting. My body was not up for anything challenging and I just wanted to get in and out of the gym quickly. I do realize that my version of getting out of the gym quickly is different than most people, since I still worked out for an hour and 35 minutes this morning. Tomorrow will be a harder workout since I have spin class at 5:15 am, plus I made a resolution that I would run a mile before every spin class. So far, that has proved relatively easy since it take about 10-11 minutes to run a mile and I get to the gym about 20 minutes before class starts so that I can get my favorite bike. Progress has been slow but relatively steady, a reminder that there are huge benefits to eating in and monitoring my food intake. Plus, I feel much better, no guilt about what I am eating and I am sleeping better at night. I am still slowly eating my way through the chicken curry I made a couple of nights ago, I may stop and get some brown rice tonight to pour it over. I could stand to have more whole grains in my diet, such as brown rice but I am bad at making sure that I eat them in moderation. Alternatively I am just thinking about thickening up the broth with a little bit of cornstarch since I tend to like thick curries. I will probably freeze some of the curry tonight and have it tucked away in the freezer for emergencies when I do not feel like cooking. I will probably be left with enough for dinner tonight and tomorrow and then I will figure out what to do with the rest of the roast chicken on Saturday. I am going to put some of it into the meal I am cooking on Saturday and I may whip up a few salads with the remainder. Last night I tested out yet another exercise dvd. This one I bought on a whim, it was a belly dancing dvd that I was really hoping would be fun. Instead, I was completely bored out of my mind and fast forwarded some bits. I was surprised, because I do not find my yoga tapes boring even though I have played them repeatedly over the past few weeks. I think it was the fact that the movements were very repetitive and not very exciting that bugged me. I am not sure. Either way, it will be put at the bottom of my piles of tapes and not dragged out very often. I will probably mostly stick with yoga of some description rather than branching out terribly far at this point. Tonight, I am going to run home and try to clean up my space, it is still pretty yucky and it is starting to bother me. I made an executive decision recently that since I get to work at 7:00 in the morning (1 hour before everyone else), and work during lunch that I am leaving everyday at 5 pm. It has been a really good decision and I don’t feel at all guilty about it at this point. Plus, I get a lot more accomplished in the early evening which is good because I go to bed by no later than 9 pm at night and usually closer to 8 pm.

Venting and a small rant

My legs are incredibly stiff this morning. I think that perhaps step aerobics followed by yoga and topped off by hipboxing class within less than forty-eight hours was probably not the best plan. So, unless I feel really inspired tomorrow morning, I am going to take it easy and just do a mellow cardio workout. I am happy to report that I am finally about 90 percent back to normal, the pain of the sunburn has faded into insignificance and as a result I got plenty of sleep last night which helped immensely. I do not think that I have had such a bad burn in over four years, clearly I need to start using a higher spf sun screen (and yes I did use it). Normally I try and stay out of the midday sun here as much as possible because it is harsh. Obviously that plan did not work out last Sunday. This weekend I am going to take it easy and just clean my house and get errands done (and stay out of the sun). The bad attitude cloud that is my co-worker has re-descended upon the office. She was out yesterday. It is amazing how the attitude permeates the office and makes everyone feel uncomfortable and on-edge. Yesterday was remarkably peaceful and mellow in the office, but I cannot say the same for today. I am always hesitant to write about my office and the people in it, they certainly have not volunteered to be blogged about on the world wide web, but this problem is so strongly influencing my stress management ability and personal state of mind that I cannot help myself. I work in an open office space, no real walls and no doors to close. There are not even real cubicles at this point. Thus, noise and by extension emotions bleeds right into my personal workspace. We have erected a wall between me and this coworker and that has helped enormously this morning (it only went up yesterday). Still, I am left with a deep desire to go over to her desk and suggest that she stop behaving like a four year old brat. However, it will not help the situation and so I am restraining myself and letting senior management handle the situation. Well, I am venting here, obviously. Okay, enough about work, moving on with my life and the day. I feel rather like offering some totally unsolicited advice to the blogsphere today. Also, I am feeling a little ranty today (in case you had not noticed). People, seriously, eating under 1200 calories a day is a bad idea. At least, for the vast majority of us who are working out and trying to lose weight the old fashioned way. If you are eating under 1,200 calories a day and working out, your body will assume that you are starving yourself and try and hold on to every single calorie it can find. Personally, I usually end up at between 1,500 and 1,700 calories each and every day. Frankly, I hit that number simply by eating a sensible breakfast, lunch, and dinner. This is my normal meal plan, breakfast is a bowl of oatmeal, I then usually have something when I get to work, either a piece of whole wheat bread or a little bit of cheese. Lunch is a salad with veggies, some cheese, and meat (usually chicken). I have about three cups of coffee with equal and fat free creamer in it, sometimes more or less depending on my stress level. That usually holds me until dinner, if I feel hungry I will hunt down some kind of healthy snack in the late afternoon. When I go home, I usually have a spoonful of peanut butter (and yes it is the healthiest one I could find in the store) then I start dinner cooking and I pop in an exercise dvd and workout for 30 minutes to an hour. Dinner is invariably some kind of protein (usually chicken) and hopefully veggies. I am working very hard at making sure I have vegetables with dinner. Recently, I have been eating a lot of black bean soup for dinner and a fair number of sweet potatoes. Last night for example, I had chicken curry which had sweet potatoes, onions, garlic, coconut milk, and chicken in it. I use small bowls for my meals, usually cereal sized bowls. Then I usually have a bowl of fat free yogurt which I combine with frozen fruit and splenda. If I am out of splenda I have been known to use sugar to sweeten the yogurt and fruit. Seriously, when I add it all up, at a minimum, on a really low calorie day, I have hit between 1,200 and 1,300 calories at that point and usually at least 1,500 calories. This is keeping in mind that people seriously underestimate the amount of calories they are consuming at any given time. So, people, please try and be realistic and sensible about the amount of food you need to put into your body to fuel it properly. I am not on a diet, I never have been except in the very start of my weight loss journey. I am on a plan that I personally believe I can live with for the rest of my life. Yes, sometimes I fall off it for month long periods with a loud bang, but I am working on the emotional issues that cause that to happen (and trust me it is always emotional issues for me). I am attempting to make sure that I live a long and healthy life. A life without the medical problems which come from being seriously overweight. I am only 28 years old (I will turn 29 in a little under a month). If I am lucky I will live into at least my 80's like my maternal grandparents. That is at least 51 years, hopefully more. 51 years would be a horribly long time to be on a really restrictive diet and I would not even contemplate such foolishness. You cannot live on 1,100 or 1,000 calories permanently, and you may gain weight when you go back to a normal plan. So, why not start out on a normal plan which will help you lose weight and which only requires the addition of a few hundred calories when you begin to maintain your weight. Okay, rant officially over, you may return to your regularly scheduled programing.

Evening Post

I was watching television tonight, and I ended up watching something called the U.S. Today Weight Loss Challenge. It is funny how something like this can push my buttons. First, I am not a big fan of programs which involve prepared meals for several reasons. Foremost among those reasons, they are expensive, and more importantly you do not learn how to manage your own food and calories. It probably is my own personal prejudice, but seriously how can you live on package food for your whole life? I cannot imagine doing that myself, so promotion of such programs tends to personally irk me for some reason. Perhaps it is because I have managed this whole process by myself, and so I see such things as a crutch that you will eventually have to learn to live without or being successful in the long run will be difficult. In a tangent, I should say that the chicken curry I made tonight was pretty rocking, if I do say so myself. The recipe is adapted from Nancy McDermott’s cookbook, Quick and Easy Vietnamese:75 Everyday Recipes which is published by Chronicle books. I am not reproducing it here because I don’t want to reproduce the work of someone else. I will say that it suffered from a problem I have run across in other curry recipes, it ended up with too much oil floating around in the mixture. So, I would probably reduce the amount of oil I used by at least half. However, it was good other than that, and I made it very spicy which helped limit portion size. Okay, so that kind of makes me sound like a freak, but I figure whatever works. I had more than enough so I don’t feel deprived, but not so much that I exceeded my daily calorie allotment. Weight loss for me has always involved some trickery and negotiation between my brain and my desires. Still, I forgot what a high it was to eat food that I had personally prepared. I was invited to dinner tonight, but I begged off because I was tired and wanted to come home and do some yoga and then go to bed. I know, I sound like an old fuddy duddy, but right now I am just really working on staying on plan. Once again I am ending a day only having eaten food that is good for me and with a really clear mind and two good workouts under my belt. Frankly, that is huge success in my book and it makes me very happy. I have not been this centered and focused in at least three to six months and as always it is a revelation to me how at peace I feel about the process. If I can manage this working under my current office conditions I imagine that this can only become better once I move on from here into a happier less stressful environment. One last thing, everyday at the end of the day I am asking myself two questions, and these are the questions: What have I done today that is good for my physical body? What have I done today that has improved my emotional well being? I know it sounds very new agey and overly holistic and that is not really who I am at heart. However, I think that these questions are really important for me right now. Most days the answers are very simple, I ate well, I wrote in my blog, I read a good book, I practiced yoga, I drank all my water, I talked to my family. Whatever it is that I did, I force myself to slow down and evaluate my day and see where my head it at right now. So, today, slow down and see where your head is at today, and let yourself be grateful for where ever that place happens to be right now.

The Festival Of Chicken

I am not a person who really likes group exercise classes (despite my unholy devotion to spinning classes). I feel that I should make this declaration immediately before proceeding with the rest of this entry. I always screw up the steps and look like a total idiot at some point during the proceedings (okay usually several times during the proceedings). It is the combination of a total lack of coordination with no musical ability and an occasional problem remembering which side is left and which is right, and trust me that is a problem which usually crops up during moments of high stress. I say all this as if it will somehow explain how I ended up in the middle of a step aerobics class at 5:30 this morning hopping around like the aforementioned idiot that I am in such classes. Actually, to be fair, it was 30 minutes of step aerobics and 30 minutes of spinning in combination with about 10 additional minutes of ab work at the end. I had no intention of taking this class when I went to the gym this morning, nope, I was going to have an easy day on the eliptical machine because my sunburn is still bothering me and then go on my merry way. However, not one or two, but three separate people told me about the class and insisted that I attend. Then to top it all off I ended up in the front row of the step aerobics class sweating like a maniac and trying to figure out how I had ended up there in the first place. I swear the morning classes in my gym are like a little cult, they are almost entirely made up of married women (I am one of the youngest people there) who come faithfully five days a week and take every single class and once they suck you in, well there you are in step aerobics at 5:30 in the morning. Now, it was an excellent workout, I enjoyed it and I will probably go back next week, not that I will have a choice, however I don’t have any clue how I ended up being one of the people who takes all the classes in the morning. If I am being honest, I have no idea how I ended up in any group exercise classes because I do not really like them. However, I have learned a few valuable lessons as a result, first the workouts will push you which is especially good when you feel like slacking off, and second, no one cares if you look like an idiot because they are probably worrying about the same thing or dying from the pain of exercising. Also, the classes are a reminder that my fitness level is really pretty good, because I could walk into the class without ever having taken it before and keep up with all the cardio with no problem (although I need to do more ab work). Last night’s workout was not very good but at least I did a few stretches and a few minutes of yoga which I needed to stretch my back which was tense. I did however manage to roast enough chicken for the rest of the week which was very exciting. Also, it tasted really good although I think you could experiment with more complicated rubs and have excellent results. So, courtesy of my father here is my roast chicken recipe and I swear that tonight I am make my chicken curry so I will report on that tomorrow. First, brine the chicken legs/thighs/breasts that you are using for thirty minutes to two hours. (I did for thirty minutes and I was using chicken legs and thighs). The brine I used was as follows: 1 cup Kosher Salt (you can substitute ½ cup table salt) 2 quarts water That is all you have to put in the brine, no really. Second, turn on the broiler in your oven and separate the oven racks, one should be high up under the broiler but not so close you can’t slide the roasting pan with the chicken on it under the broiler (minor technical glitch I had last night). The other should be lower and closer to the bottom of the oven, mine was pretty close to the bottom of the oven but I have an absolutely tiny oven. Now, on your roasting pan put all of your chicken, skin side down (unless you are being ridiculously healthy and roasting chicken with no skin). Season your chicken to taste. I just put pepper on both sides since the brine had salt in it already. Put the pan in the oven, on the lower rack and let it cook for 15-20 minutes, in a good oven it would probably only take 15 minutes to begin to brown, in my oven it takes 20. When the chicken has been cooking for 15-20 minutes and is turning a lovely golden color and smells really good, pull it out and flip it over. The skin side is now up if you are keeping track. Cook for an additional 10-15 minute until it reaches an internal temperature of around 160-170 degrees. If (like me) you are without a meat thermometer, this would be a good point to check and see if the meat is cooked and the juices run clear. Now, take the pan and move it to the top rack, directly under the broiler. Cook for a minute or two until the skin is crispy and slightly browned. Pull out the chicken and let it rest under a foil tent for at least 10 minutes. There you go, perfectly roasted chicken which if stored in an airtight container should last for between 1 week and 10 days. Plus, it tasted fabulous even though all it was seasoned with was salt and black pepper. As I say, you could go fancy with rubs but it is not necessary, I chose not to because I know I am going to use the chicken in my curry and also in some chicken salads that I am going to make this week, so I wanted to keep it very simple. So, there you go, the festival of chicken recipes have begun.

Monday Morning

Well, at least I went and bought cookbooks and groceries this weekend. I did not manage to get any actual cooking done. Instead, I spent all day Sunday diving and developing a lovely and rather painful sunburn along the way on my shoulders and back. Let me tell you, putting a sports bra on over a sunburn is really no fun at all. However, that is exactly what I did this morning as I dragged my tired rear out of bed and headed to the gym. I had a decent workout, not great but decent and given the circumstance that was a miracle. I almost went back to bed this morning instead of going to the gym because I felt vaguely ill and I did not sleep well last night due to the aforementioned sunburn. Tonight I must do my cooking for the week. I have decided that my theme is going to be food item rather than a region (mostly because it is easier to focus on a product). So, this month I am going to experiment with chicken because (a) I eat it all the time (b) it gets really boring cooking it the only way I know how right now, and (c) it is healthy and cheap. Ergo, I saved 30 dollars on groceries this week. So, tonight I am going to brine some chicken and roast it. In addition, I am going to make a curry which I found in my new cookbook (recipes from Vietnam) which will probably be dinner tonight. Oh, and I am happy to report that I only had a minor deviation from my plan this week and that was Sunday. My snacks were not exactly what I would normally have and neither was the restaurant grilled fish burger that I ate after the dive trip. However, since I did not eat dinner, I think it all evens out in the end. However, all last week and Saturday were totally on plan and today is back to normal as well. I have my water and salad chilling in the work fridge, I have had my morning coffee and I am headed back for a second cup. Tonight, I go back to doing my home yoga workouts at night and I feel pretty good about that as well. I am planning on brining my chicken while I am doing my workout and then cooking it when I am finished. Once I spend tonight cooking I should be set for the rest of the week and be able to get away with just reheating and combining things. So, overall things are going well and I have finally had a weekend of basically good eating, so I am pleased with myself.

Proof Exercise Works

I’ve said this before, but on the days where the stress gets really bad I have developed a new solution. I sneak off to the bathroom and do a round of 45-60 regular sit-ups. If I had an office with closed doors, I would just use my office but no such luck. I have discovered that with a couple of adrenaline spiking exceptions, the stress is unrelated to what I have to do at work. It has far more to do with other people imposing their personal meltdowns and frustrations upon those around them (including me). More and more I become intolerant of such outbursts, not that I haven’t been prone to my own personal work tizzies. However, those shrink in regularity the more that I workout and take proper care of myself. Frankly, currently there is one person in my office who simply needs to get a grip or go running or something. When I was a teenager I used to have tantrums of global proportions, slamming doors (to the extent that my father removed the lock from my door), throwing things and stomping off. Those have faded away, and to some extent I can point to the day I started to seriously work out as the day those fits faded away. My rage rarely gets inflicted on people now, rather it is expended through furious treadmill runs and upon defenseless spinning bikes. All of this is also helped by the fact that I am not eating over processed sugar laden food and sticking with healthy options. I have a feeling that the yoga is also assisting me in releasing stress and learning to be balanced in my life. When you are faced with the negativity that such outbursts produce it makes it more important to avoid them and behave like a reasonable adult. It seems funny to say that when the person having the most outbursts is quite a bit older than me, but it is still true. Today obviously involved a entirely unnecessary meltdown and when I realize that this was what was stressing me out, I went into the bathroom, closed the door and did 45 sit-ups. I feel better now as a result.

TGIF

I adore Fridays, especially Friday afternoon. The weekend stretches out ahead of one and there is the contemplation of sleeping as late as possible (well, at least until 8 a.m.). I am especially excited about the fact that I managed to have four hard cardio sessions this week (and one slacker day i.e. Thursday). Tomorrow is my day off from working out, I do plan on doing some kind of workout on Sunday but I am not sure what will be involved. I have not decide whether or not I will do a workout tonight, my body is pretty sore today and I may just give myself a rest night. I just realized that I have managed to avoid past and bread all week long (which is hard for me). Last night I was going to stop and pick up bread and have a sandwich for dinner but I decided against it at the last minute and reheated my black bean soup instead. Thus, I managed to not spend any money and stay on plan at the same time, I love when I talk myself into making good choices. I assume I will manage to make it through the rest of the afternoon without major problems and thus will have managed to survive a week on plan with only two minor deviations. This is possibly a reminder of how I can actually run my life when I try being organized and on top of things. I will also end the week with around 10 dollars in my wallet, which is not something that I ever manage when I am eating out during the week. All of this falls in line with my plan to live as simply as possible for awhile with no extraneous and possibly unnecessary purchases (well except for a few cookbooks). I would like to think that I will manage to live this way long term again, but right now I am only looking at getting through one day at a time. I will worry about long term later and stick to focusing on each meal right now.

The struggle continues

Yesterday and this morning involved some minor deviations off my food plan. Minor in that I could then recalculate what I was going to eat for the rest of the day and be fine. There would not have been any deviation this morning if my regular coffee shop had been open, but it wasn’t so I ended up at the fancy coffee shop and splurged on a correspondingly fancy caloric coffee drink. Yesterday, I ate some sugary food and that all started because I had a Luna bar when I got to work. I know it sounds odd, but I have discovered recently that the moment I add in anything like an energy bar to my daily food consumption I instantly veer off track. Probably because most energy bars are full of sugar themselves. So, no more of those in the diet for now. At least I can point to an actual reason for my dietary woes, I am trying to become really mindful of what makes me eat off-plan and what keeps me on track. I wish I could say I had made up for it with a fabulous workout this morning but my body was tired and insisted on taking it easy. I figure one easy workout morning during the week is acceptable and tomorrow will be more challenging since I have a spin class. Maybe I will make up for it tonight with an extra challenging yoga session at home, depends on how I feel at the end of the day. I have not had a day in a long time where work did not leave me emotionally drained and exhausted and I am trying to compensate with workout sessions which renew me. Some times it works and some times it does not, but I keep trying each and every day. Last night, I also proved that I should not try to make up recipes on my own. I tried to through together something involving a pureed sweet potato and a few other ingredients. It was horrible and instantly went down the drain (which was a good thing because I put entirely too much butter in it). Instead, I had chicken tossed in a little leftover alfredo sauce (don’t have any idea why I bought that, but most of the sauce got tossed anyway), and called it a night. This is why I have to start cooking food on Sunday and storing it in individual dinner containers so I don’t waste things when I cannot figure out what to make on any given day. I should know this by now, but better late than never. Some days, I just wish that this was easier. That I did not need to be so careful about what I put into my body and so focused on portion size. However, I do have to be this careful with my remarkably slow metabolism and long history of personal obesity. I have to remind myself that this is not about what other people can do, but about what I can do and my body can handle. It is an everyday struggle and probably always will be and I continue to learn how to live within that reality.

Where I am today

Last night, in my continuing efforts to shrink my rear end, I tested out a exercise dvd consisting of dance moves. If I am being frank, I purchased it solely because it was on sale at K-Mart. While it did make me sweat a lot, I cannot say that I was terribly impressed. Mostly because it was very hard to follow the moves and the instructor was excessively perky. So, I have a feeling that this will end up as more of a backup dvd than one I keep in regular rotation. I have noticed that one benefit of working out at night is that it keeps me from eating excessively when I get home. Last night, I heated up a can organic black bean soup and tossed in some cooked chicken. I only made it through half the bowl of soup and my blackberry lassi even though I could have eaten more and been fine calorie-wise, I just was not that hungry after working out. The rest of the soup has been carefully stored in a container in the fridge in case I feel like eating it tonight or at some point this week. I am slowly but surely accumulating a fridge filled with leftovers that I need to eat sooner rather than later. Right now tucked away in the fridge, I have a sweet potato, red pepper, olive and feta salad, an additional baked sweet potato, the aforementioned soup, and extra cooked chicken. I need to somehow use all these items up between now and Sunday when I go grocery shopping again. The problem is, I am brilliant at following recipes but when I attempt to throw something together it always turns out badly and excessively caloric. So, I am still racking my brain about what I am going to do with these items, I may just end up reheating them and eating them without further alterations. It will probably depend on how tired I am at the end of the day. I have noticed that my pre-planning is starting to pay off. This morning, I was horribly late in leaving my house (long story, but really I should not start searching for things at 4:30 in the morning, it never works out) and at a dead run. However, I was able to grab lunch with a minimum of fuss because I had water and my prepared salad bowls easily at hand. This is really my new goal, to prepare everything on Sunday so I do not need to fuss during the rest of the week. Oh, and I still made it to the gym in time for my class, although I did not get in the extra cardio I usually do before class. I will try and make up for it tonight by doing my fast-paced yoga dvd and also by running tomorrow morning. Also, (yes I am long winded today) I am still mulling over my recipe of the week and what kind of theme I will be choosing for the next month. It will probably be the cuisine of a particular country–either Thai food or Indian food but I have not decided yet. Either that, or I am going to spend a month preparing chicken in different ways. I am still deciding but I know that I want to pick a recipe where I can store the leftovers and reheat them easily in the oven (I do not own a microwave). Also, it needs to be low calorie and high protein. So this requires a fair amount of thinking and investigation over the next few days. I love projects.

An entirely food related post

So, here is my new thought. I have been reading a lot of food blogs with the theory that I need to expand my food horizons to items other than pasta (always a downfall). My thought is that I will try and cook one new dish a week and write about it. Thus, I will expand both my culinary horizons and also blog topics. Maybe I will try out themes, such as a month spent cooking with one ingredient or a month spent on one country’s dishes (although one month will not be enough for Italy). I am thinking of doing all the cooking on Sundays because that is a day that I am usually at home and also it is the day that I go to the store for my weekly groceries. Plus, I can cook extra and freeze it for dinner during the week. I know already that there will be issues along the way, especially in terms of ingredients. Fresh food costs a lot here, and it can be very difficult to find ingredients (unless the ingredients are used in Thai or Asian cuisine). Still, I am going to give it my best shot over the next month.

I thought that I would start early with one of my favorite things. I stole this recipe from somewhere (sadly I cannot remember where) and then I altered it. You might say that this recipe stems from a desire to revisit some old childhood memories. I can remember being very young and going berry picking with my older brother and parents in the delta area which is part of the San Francisco Bay. Whether the memories are accurate or not, I can remember us ending up with huge white buckets filled with blackberries and raspberries which would quickly be decimate leaving both my brother and I with berry-stained hands and mouths. My brother especially could devour half a bucket of berries in the blink of an eye or a five second turn of a parental back. I can distinctly remember the color of the blackberries, fading from true black to a dark red wine color. I can’t get good fresh raspberries or blackberries where I live now, so I have to settle for the frozen variety and admittedly they never defrost quite right. So, they require some work before being worth eating. A while back, I stumbled upon a recipe for a very good mango lassi and I began to wonder if it could be altered for other fruits. The answer was clearly yes after some experimentation. Thus, my mind turned to blackberries and raspberries (and this is better with raspberries) and I tested it out and was quite pleased with the results. I’m not much for measuring so you will have to approximate amounts.

1/4 cup nonfat plain yogurt (or you can substitute buttermilk)

around 1 cup of berries (I usually eyeball it and go with however many berries evenly cover the bottom of my food processor bowl)

either sugar or splenda to taste (I use splenda) usually two tablespoons is ample if not excessive

around 1/8 cup cold water to help the ingredients blend into a smooth liquid

The result is a tart cross between a smoothie and a lassi which more than fulfills my craving for fresh berries. I usually have this as dessert or a mid-afternoon snack, if I get struck by sudden hunger pains. If you eliminate the water, it turns into a thick semi-frozen berry sorbet without the excessive calories. All of the ingredients can be varied according to taste.

The Long Slow Run

This morning, for the first time in a couple of weeks, I actually did about a three mile run. Oof, I have to start running more often because it was pretty brutal and I was only running a 11 minute mile (as compared to my standard 10 minute mile). I did actually manage to run for a solid 35 minutes which was good and I probably could have kept going but I did want to be able to walk today. Anyway, it meant that I skipped out on what looked like a really good combination spin/step aerobics class but I was already 20 plus minutes into my run when the class started. Next week I may take the class but today I really felt like running so I prioritized that instead. Food and water were spot on yesterday (well I did eat an entire yam for dinner but it is a super food) and I even managed 20 minutes of yoga at the end of the day while dinner was cooking. Thus, I feel like monday was a complete success and I am ready for today. Part of what has been helping is going back to drinking tons of water, it fills me up and I am much better off reaching for one of my little 8 oz bottles of water than a snack. Yoga is also proving to be beneficial because it helps me to relax and unwind which is something that I have never been good at on my own. Now, my main goal is just not to go off plan on Friday or Saturday this week.

Friday/Saturday Problem

I seem to be developing this problem where my food falls apart on Friday and Saturday and then I recover on Sunday. I am working on fixing this, usually I think it is created by all the stress of the week coming to a head on thursday and friday. So, yesterday was decent in terms of food, today will probably be better. I have solved one little problem (excess calories in the form of sugar in my coffee) by simply bringing in fake sugar to work. Every little bit helps, and I am working on baby steps right now. I also brought bottled water to work for the first time in a long time. I am going to try and get in my eight glasses of water today. I am once again dragging myself back on track (for the nine millionth time) but this time I really need to make some progress. I am going to go back to running at least twice a week, because it is the only thing which is guaranteed to work and to really being careful about my food. Part of that probably will involve buying new cookbooks so I can have some variety in my diet, and researching some new ways to get more vegetables into my diet. I have always liked a good project so I am going to treat my diet as my new project and see if this works.