Saturday, August 07, 2004

The girl I used to be

So, I was at the stadium this morning at a ridiculously early hour this morning. I was about three quarters of the way done, maybe more, when I started going up a set of stairs that another girl was coming down. Usually, I don't really notice the other people working out, I just put my head down and go until I am finished. However, I noticed her because I used to be her. She was plus-sized, clearly out of breathe and having to stop frequently on both her way up the stairs and down again. Also, she gave me a look I recognized, the "I hate that you are cruising up these stairs which are killing me" look. I was not exactly moving fast but it was faster than her. I almost stopped, and maybe I should have, to tell her I have delivered that precise look to other people more times than I can count, that I know what it feels like to be that out of breath and unfit, and how angry I was about all of those things. Now, I may be projecting my issues on to her body and life and I hope that I am doing that and she is actually happier than she looked when I saw her this morning. However, I do know that I looked at her and saw who I was in January, who I no longer am in a lot of ways and I was grateful to be who I am now. Also, I know I needed the reminder of where I have come from because my motivation hasn't been great recently. The one blessing and curse of the weight loss process is the ability to forget what it was like to live in my old body, I have become used to my new one. The body that doesn't mind running, doesn't get winded as easily and doesn't get sneered at by strangers. Still, rembering the old body which hated to exercise and looked truly awful to me is important so I don't get complacent about where I am in my journey. I still have a long way to go, but at least I am not the girl I used to be anymore.

1 comment:

Suzanne said...

Kat,
Keep up everything that you're doing! I just started this blogging
thing and I was just skipping around. I've been on a plateau for sometime, however, I won't let that stop me! I am 50, so I know I am older than you, so the old metabolism slows down and you have to, I repeat, have not a choice, but to watch the food and exercise
many times a week to keep it off when you get middle age and up.
Do what you should for you today - keep in that lifestyle that you
are learning now and you won't ever regret that! God bless!
You go girl! :) Suzanne