The non-suckage of life

I know I can be pretty vague about things sometimes in this blog. I don't really talk about where I live, who I live with, names of people, or what I do for a living. A lot of that is to protect the innocent (i.e. friends and family) who don't necessarily want their names spread across the internet because I keep an online diary. An equal part has to do with what I do for a living, it is a pretty public job sometimes and yet there are a lot of aspects of it which are confidential. That was probably a really confusing sentence, perhaps it is easier to just say this, I work as a prosecutor for a living, and because of what I do every day I am reminded of how much my life does not suck. Trust me, you see a lot working at my job that makes you really angry and sad on a pretty much constant basis. So, ask yourself these questions, do you have enough food to eat, do you live in a safe home environment, do you have people who love and adore you, do you have good friends and neighbors, do you have enough money to live on, and enough sense to know that money is not everything? Then you have a pretty good life, as I do, and maybe we should all be grateful for that today. Would I like to be a size two some days? Yes, absolutely, but size 2 people have lots of problems too. I have a multitude of other advantages and blessings in life and to not be grateful for those things would be a huge mistake. So yeah, I have a good life, a job I love, and good people around me and not only can't I ask for anything more, I am not foolish enough to ask for anything else. Oh, and can you tell it is already a long day at work and it is only 10:30 am?

Procrastination

In case you are wondering, I should be doing actual work right now. I am actually working on a paper for work which is currently about 8 pages long and in dire need of citations and editing. I am going to get back to that in a minute, really I promise that I am going to get a rough draft done today. However, I am taking a mental health break right now and typing in my blog. I may go running in the jungle tonight with my roommates, it sort of depends on how late we have to stay at work today and how much gets accomplished by 6:30 pm. I would like to go run around, but I am not sure that we will get out of work by then and we still need to work on our halloween costumes before Saturday. Anyway, yesterday I didn't eat enough food over the course of the day and I am trying to remedy that today by bringing leftovers for lunch. I find now that any given restaurant meal works out to at least two meals for me, I figure this is because the restaurant gives everyone too much food. My standard calculation is that the average restaurant meal is around 1,000 calories which may be horribly inaccurate but at least it keeps me honest and not eating too much. I am sort of mildly ill when I realize that I used to eat everything on my plate when I was eating out, no wonder I gained so much weight. Anyway, I can't justify not working any longer so I am going back to my paper now.

Free

So, I was at my job today, a job which can require talking in front of quite a few strangers at times and I wondered how different I really am now and how much more confident. I struggle still, the old demons of not being good enough or smart enough to make people like me regardless of what I look like, rise up to the forefront. No matter that I ate a healthy lunch involving apples, nuts and yogurt, no matter that I work out and slowly weigh less and less, still I wonder about these sort of things. I think the reality is that you cannot escape from who you were as quickly as you would like, becoming different is a constant struggle. You can't become a new person overnight, I don't think you can even do it in ten months, or a year. Change is slow, and you have to give yourself time to be ready to change, and permission to have days where you fall flat on your face. As I was sitting there, I came to a realization and it was this, I am better now that I was and it isn't because I am skinnier. I am healthier emotionally, I am stronger physically, I am more confident, I am happier and wiser. Mostly though, I am learning what it means to be free, free of restrictions on who I can or will be, free from guilt about what and when I eat, free of shame, and mostly free of anger at myself for failing to control my food or weight. I am becoming free of all these things slowly but surely, I am not there yet, but I am closer every day and that is more than enough for today. After that realization I went back to work and for the first time in a long time I was totally relaxed.

The magical weightloss device

Apparently, the great benefit of going to aikido is that I magically lose weight overnight. After several days of bouncing around the upper 150's, I hit 155 dead on the nose this morning on my scale. Especially impressive because my roommate bought me lots of thai food last night for dinner and I totally scarfed it down after aikido. I felt some what out of it at class last night because I had a really long day at work and I was exhausted mentally. However, I showed up and that is ultimately the important thing. I remember reading somewhere at one point last January when I was just starting to work out that the really important thing is showing up and doing it. You don't have to be perfect every time, you don't have to work out insanely hard every time, ultimately you just need to show up and do the exercise. That gave me permission to have good exercise weeks and slow exercise weeks but I always did the workout after reading that information. I still do not always really like working out (well I always like frisbee) and it is hard to make myself go sometimes, but I do it. That means that I get to look in the mirror and like what I see, and that makes a huge difference. The ability to look at yourself, really look at yourself, and like what you look like in clothing, to look professional and polished, and frankly kind of hot, and really see that person, well I wish that for everyone on this really difficult weightloss journey. More than that, I wish I could tell everyone how to get there, or even where I am which admittedly isn't the end of the path (I'm still not at goal weight), but I know that isn't possible. You have to make your own plan, your own workout schedule, and sort out your own life. All I know is that it is possible to do it, the rest is up to each person as an individual. No magic pills from me, just diet and exercise and perserverance, that is all it has taken to get this far.

The difficulty with stretching

Tonight I have to go to aikido, which I am sure I will enjoy after I get there this evening. However, I always worry before I go, especially because I am very slow at picking up the moves for anything. I have always had problems remembering the difference between my left and right sides and that makes it really hard to figure out what I am doing when the sensei demonstrates a move to me. I will get there eventually, but I am very slow along the way which is frustrating, especially since I am a complete perfectionist and want to do everything correctly as soon as possible. I know however that stretching myself is a good thing, physically, emotionally and that it is going to cause frustration along the way. Possibly doing all of this while simultaneously trying to learn a new difficult job is not my best plan but timing isn't always all it is cracked up to be in the real world. Mostly now I am grateful for how far I have come and that I don't have to get to the end of the journey immediately or all at once. I like running around with my friends, I like how my body feels right after I have worked out and it is covered in sweat, I like being an athletic person and not a couch potatoe. Mostly, I like myself and that is a new thing in my life. So, the times that I stretch myself and it is difficult are worthwhile and that is enough, even if I do have stress dreams about aikido now and then.

So about the weekend

I just realized that I didn't post all weekend, but my excuse is that I was really busy. Saturday I ran the hash, and it was definately a run this time. We did what is called a "town run" and basically ran all around the paved areas of the city. Lots of running on pavement which is not really good for my knees, especially my left knee which tends to ache a little bit. I estimate that in total we ran about three miles or so over the cours of an hour and 15 minutes. Then on Sunday, we went snorkling and walked about a mile or so on the beach. Also, I got a ton of sun despite using sunscreen and a mild sunburn as a result. Sunday afternoon we played ultimate frisbee, two hours of running around on a field, partially in the rain and plenty of exercise. So, I have gotten in my weekend exercise and it is back to work today although I will probably get in a short walk at some point during the day. Oh, and I was okay on food, could have been better but I am working on that still, especially since we went to a party Saturday evening.

An attractive rear view

So, I bought work clothes today, a necessity since some of my clothes are too big. So, I bought a pair of pants and a shirt, both size 10. That made me happy, and the fact that the pants make my rear look really good was a nice bonus. Also, the fact that I tried the same shirt on a few weeks ago and it didn't fit properly and now it does was very nice indeed. The pants are a little long but can easily be hemmed, and did I mention that they look good from the rear? (Clearly you can tell where my priorities lie in this matter). I feel lazy today because I didn't work out, but hopefully I will make up for it tomorrow and the next day. I am so used to working out six days a week that I just feel lazy only working out three or four days a week. Also, if I worked out more I could eat more which would be nice since now I am limiting my food intake to make up for not working out enough. Anyway, at least I am fitting into size 10's which means that I have lost approximately 6 dress sizes over the last ten months. Hopefully I can be down to a size 8 by the end of the year, I managed to button one today but not actually zip it up, that will be my next major clothing goal. My plan is to clean out my closet again when I hit a size 8, but until then I am wearing everything I have unless it physically falls off my body. Anyway must go, it is Friday night after all and spending it all in front of the computer would be silly (especially since I am currently stealing my roommate's computer).

Slowly and steady

Last night my roommate and I went to aikido again for our weekly session. Basically we fell over a lot, or alternatively people hurled us to the ground. My butt is rather sore today frankly as a result of all the exercise. Then we went to a friend's barbeque and wolfed down chicken and water for dinner. Actually it was a pretty good food day all around, especially with all of the exercise and sweating that always takes place at aikido. This weekend we will probably go hiking in addition to running around in the jungle and ultimate frisbee. I really don't think I have ever been this active in my entire life as I am now, and I still need to add in working out at a gym at some point. So, I feel like this was a pretty good week for food and exercise with a couple of minor slip ups here and there along the way which isn't too bad overall. A few more months and I may actually manage to approach goal weight numbers. However, that really is proof that you have to be slow and steady in your weight loss and that you can't do it in six months or even a year, it really does take a long time to acheive permanent success.

The typhoon passed by without ever really touching us and today already looks like it will be glorious and sunny. I will be inside at work trying to make up for the last two days that I missed due to the storm. Anyway, yesterday we went out to lunch and had tons of thai food and then I skipped dinner because I was not hungry and I have no idea where that puts me in terms of calories for yesterday. Anyway, today the scale claims that I am down to 156 pounds which means I have lost 86 pounds since I started this little adventure in January. I figure that leaves me with about 36 more pounds to lose over the next few months which still feels like a lot. Still, I am far beyond halfway to my goal and that is a good thing in my book. I know that I will eventually make it to where I want to be, even if it takes a few months. Also, some of my size 12 clothing is becoming loose (not all, just some) and I assume that means that in another 6 pounds or so I will be able to move down into a size 10 which will be really lovely and exciting news. Anyway, I am off to work, fortunately tomorrow is Friday and then the weekend to look for apartments and run around the island.

Waiting for the typhoon

Yesterday we got sent home from work at around 10 am because of the typhoon (which by the way hasn't hit and may mostly miss us). So, my roommates and I went and played frisbee in our apartment swimming pool because it was a beautiful day and a pretty decent workout. Aikido was canceled due to the typhoon and we are going to have to make up the class on thursday. We have today off from work as well since we are still in readiness condition 1 (that basically means the typhoon should hit the island if it does by late this afternoon). So, since we can't really go anywhere right now, we have mostly been sleeping and I have nothing exciting to report. Although, I did manage to get up this morning and eat breakfast as opposed to yesterday where I snacked on things but never really ate lunch. Anyway, I am going to go get dressed now and find something to do with myself for the rest of the day.

The official weight

My official weight is 156.5 which puts me at a total loss of 85.5 lbs since January. I am pleased with that, especially since I was convinced that I was still up in the 160's. Anyway, as you may have noticed the tropical storm has not hit us yet, although it could do so either later today or tonight. Hopefully it will be late tonight and my roommate and I can actually make it to Aikido today amd workout. If we can't we will go to aikido on thursday when the storm should have passed by and everything should start getting back to normal. I know I was asked where I live in the comments, I don't actually post that information but I will say that I live in the same time zone as Australia which means it is Tuesday morning here as I am writing this note. That means that I need to go finish getting ready for work, I have a really big day ahead of me and I will be back later if the internet is working.

So, I finally got a scale

Today was a very long day at work, and the next couple of months don't look any better. On the plus side, I finally got a scale and even tonight in clothes and having eaten I was down to 158 which is better than I expected given the amount of eating out I have done over the past several weeks. Frankly, I am just glad I haven't gained any weight since I have been here and that means when I join a gym I won't have any lost ground to make up over the next few months. I should mention that I don't know if I will be posting for the next several days because a typhoon is moving into the area and that may mean loss of electricity and therefore internet access. So, if I don't post tomorrow it is probably because my roommates and I are stuck in our apartment playing board games while it rains outside and there are 80 mph winds and not due to lack of things to say (don't worry we should be fine, we live in a strong building made of concrete with good storm shutters). I have to go eat dinner tomorrow and hopefully I will be able to update with a more accurate weight tomorrow.

The prescription

Do you want to know the best way to feel ridiculously out of shape and overweight? Spend your weekend doing physical activities with incredibly in-shape people who actually workout for a living. This is exactly what I did this weekend and I am now struck by how much farther I have to go in order to be where I want to be physically. I estimate that I got three to four hours of full body cardio workouts in this weekend, tomorrow night I go to an hour and a half of aikido and I still know how much more I need to be working out. The benefit of hanging out with really in shape people is that you workout really hard and they are pretty to look at, the bad part is that you are struck by how much work you personally need to achieve in order to be happy with your body. I am slowly getting there but I still have a lot of work left. Oh, and as I suspected, the guy I went out on the date with, skipped frisbee even though he was invited and that puts him totally off my list of people I would consider going out with again. Maybe it is harsh but I am really more interested in being happy in my life than worrying about whether someone else is happy in their life. Anyway, I have to run to work now.

The vision inside my head

It is funny how we see ourselves even when we change. I still look at myself in the mirror and see all the extra weight I have left to lose and the extra skin under my arms, in other words I see the fat girl still. I am coming slowly to the realization that not everyone else sees that person with the clarity that I do, or really at all. I was out last night with my roommates and the people we run around in the jungle with every week and I came to this realization. Mostly when people wouldn't believe how much I weighed and I had drunk boys leaning all over me, I wasn't actually drinking so I was able to observe and analyze the situation. I am begining to realize that I have to let go of who I percieve myself to be from my past and embrace who I am now. I think this is why moving has been really good for me, I am around people who have never seen who I was and accept who I am now and that is allowing me to see that person more clearly. It is amazing the clarity which that brings, along with two hours of good cardio every week.

My Dealbreakers

I was reflecting tonight on what can be dealbreakers in my life now. Things I absolutely demand and expect from those around me and from myself. Anyway, I went out on a date with this guy tonight who I met on last night and he was vouched for by my friends or else he would never have made it to the first date stage (apparently one of the perks of losing weight is that you actually get picked up by men, who would have thought it). The date was fun, especially the bit where I didn't have to pay anything even though I make more money. However, I had some thoughts after he dropped me off at home. Basically my thought was this, the boy isn't nearly as active as I am, nor does he have any apparent interest in being that active, frankly that is a deal breaker for me. Don't get me wrong, I had a good time (although not a stunningly great time) but I also have a certain lifestyle now and either you fit into my lifestyle or you don't and we part ways amicably. Also, frankly I am not really interested right now in a relationship because I am still figuring out who I am at this weight and turning into a whole different person, starting a new job, and moving is about all I can manage right now. I don't think I had very much confidence before I lost weight, but I do now and part of that is a result of knowing exactly who I am and what I want out of life (okay I am still working this bit out) and I am not really interested in trying to juggle a relationship at the same time. So, nice enough guy, but the guy for me even in the short term, I very much doubt it but hey there is nothing wrong with having someone buy you dinner every now and again.

General Rambling

I'm still a little bit sore from aikido, mostly I think caused by hurling myself backward on to my rear end continuously. Honestly I didn't eat very much yesterday and so now I feel tired and rather out of sorts. Of course, it may all balance out since we are supposed to go out tonight and meet some friends at a pub where they brew their own beer. Don't worry, I won't be drinking any beer since I actively dislike the taste of it. Anyway, we are also in the throes of planning halloween costumes, my two female friends and I are going to be Charlie's Angels, black jumpsuits and all. It ought to be interesting especially since we are obligated to attend multiple parties on the same evening in entirely different locations on the island. It is remarkably strange to have this busy a social schedule after a year of having no where to go or be on a regular basis. It does not make it easy to getting in enough workout time but I am trying to do a lot on the weekends and when I move in the next few weeks I will try to add in gym time in the morning as well, right now that isn't possible since I don't live near a gym and carpool into work with my roommates. Hopefully I will get paid next week and have enough money to sort all of these issues out and get really settled. Anyway, as always I am off to work now.

Aikido another word for oww

I went to aikido tonight for the first time. Let me just say, I have only been home for 45 minutes and I am already begining to get sore, especially in my back and rear. It is quite possible that this is because I spent much of the even falling flat on my back and kicking my legs into the air. I was tempted at one point to whine and announce that there had clearly been a horrible mistake because I was not as athletic as they thought. It is sort of the feeling I get every time I join an activity, that there has been a mistake and I am not supposed to be actually participating. I have never joined activities before, never done a martial art, never joined a team sport, mostly I have been an excellent spectator. I am a really good cheerleader but never a participant. However, apparently now I actually am a member of an aikido dojo, a hasher (i.e. person who runs around in the jungle) and in a startup ultimate frisbee league. I think I may possibly be either certifiably insane or an actual athlete of sorts. Anyway, I actually really liked aikido other than the bit where I fell continuously on my rear, I got to throw a very big man to the ground repeatedly and get out rather a lot of aggression which was fun. I think I will be not horribly bad at aikido in about twenty or thirty years from now. Also, I went out to lunch so I definately needed to burn off some calories. It is pretty close to my bedtime now and I have to get up early for work so I will be back tomorrow at some point.

So, that is a nice picture of your sister

In my wallet I carry around an old picture of myself, it is from a friend's wedding shower and I am probably close to my heaviest weight in it. I use it usually to prevent myself from eating crap that I should be avoiding and to remind myself to work out. Anyway, I have shown it to some people here because they do not really believe that I lost a ton of weight. It is hard to imagine someone when they were eighty pounds heavier if you never saw them there with your own eyes. So, I show them the picture and I invariably get the same reaction, "That isn't really you, okay maybe it is your sister but it isn't really you." It is kind of fun to see the looks on people's faces but also it leaves me wondering how I would have been treated if I had shown up here at that weight. I think it would have been hard because so much of my activities outside work involve hiking or sports. I would not have run in the jungle at 242 lbs, I would not play frisbee, I would only occasionally be snorkling, I probably wouldn't be planning to learn how to dive, I would be very sedentary in other words. It would have made it difficult to make friends as quickly as I have over the past three weeks and that would not have been fun. It is a good reminder that I always want those pictures to be in the past and how I look now to be my future Hopefully it will remind me to workout more and eat less over the next few months as I try to fit in more exercise to my lifestyle.

Oh so tired

Somedays it is hard to figure out what to write about here. Especially on days like today where I am tired because I was up late last night. We went to a little bar and had dinner last night and hung out with a bunch of marine biologists. I actually only had one drink because I had a really big headach by the time we got to the bar and ate dinner. I didn't eat very much during the day, or the day before for that matter and so I was just tired and out of sorts by the time we made it to the bar. So, this morning I am also tired because I still have the left over remnants of last nights headache from being in a smoky bar for part of the night. I do find that as I lose weight I react more strongly to the environment around me and being around people smoking always makes me feel rather ill. Fortunately it is almost the weekend which means some extra time to sleep and also lots of extra exercise to make up for my inactivity during the week. Tomorrow is the hash and then Sunday is hiking and ultimate frisbee which is always a good two hours of being active. I always look forward to the weekends because I know I will be really active and not sedentary which is how the weeks sometimes turn out.

The things I never did

So, yesterday I spent two hours playing ultimate frisbee with some friends. Ultimate frisbee has similar rules to football except without the tackling and you use a frisbee. Basically because we are short on people we run around a field throwing frisbees to each other for about two hours straight. In the tropical heat that translates to an excellent workout because you end up sweating continuously for about two hours. I would never have done this six months ago or even a year ago due to both the physical exertion and my belief that I would completely suck at it. Well, I do kind of suck at it but it was a lot of fun regardless and certainly a lot more fun that sitting on the sidelines and watching. Remarkably I am not sore today although I do have a couple small blisters because my shoes had dirt in them from running around the jungle on Saturday. I was pretty good on food yesterday and did not eat huge amounts and I expect to be better today since we are not going out to eat anywhere for lunch or dinner. Anyway, I have to go to work now so I will be back later.

Jungle Girl

I spent about two and a half solid hours yesterday hiking and running through jungles. I have the cuts to prove it and frankly you should see my pants, not a pretty sight, they are completely covered in mud. Today we play ultimate frisbee which is about two solid hours of running around as well and sweating in the tropical heat. Honestly, I don't know if my food was better or not yesterday, I had a banana, a smoothie type drink, and some chips and that was all I ate for the entire day. We went out for pizza after running in the jungle and frankly, I do not eat pizza even now so I did not have any, especially since I had eaten chips after we literally ran through the jungle for an hour and a half. Also, I snorkled yesterday and so I pretty much spent the whole day doing physical activity on little or no food. This seems to happen a lot on the weekends here which is a bad thing. I am going to try and have a more balanced meal plan today, we will see what happens but at least I am trying to be mindful of what I eat again and that is a first step in the right direction.

I'm Back finally

So, I have no real excuse for not updating sooner, other than the fact that I have been busy and not always eating or working out the way that I should be working out. That isn't to day that I haven't worked out but I haven't done enough and I have not been watching my food as carefully as I should be watching my food. However, I am back and on track now with no more excuses about any of these issues as of today. I am considering the last two weeks to be a really bad eating holiday and there will be no more screwing up for Kat. In terms of exercise it hasn't been consistent because I am living with other people and I do not have a car or a place to run so I have sort of been at the mercy of where they want to go and when they want to get there. Hopefully I will be moving soon and that will sort itself out in the process. Last weekend I did go and run around in the jungle for two hours on Saturday and I do mean run, also there was rather a lot of climbing involved and immense amounts of sweating. Sunday I also went hiking in the jungle and I have been doing some walking as well but it isn't enough working out and I know that fact. However, my friend and I have joined an akido dojo (no really the most unathletic girl ever isn't kidding about that) and will be going to class every Tuesday night for an hour and a half. I figure all these things are a step in the right direction and as soon as I move into my own place I will join a gym and exercise before work. Unfortunately, my food has been all over the place, I have had high days, I have had really low days, I have had too much alcohol. All of these things are products of suddenly having a really active social life and I need to create a balance in my life now so I do not backslide. Today is a new day and I am starting today with rebuilding my food program and my exercise. Oh, and I would tell you what I weigh but I do not have a scale so I have absolutely no idea what I currently weigh but none of my clothes are tight so that is probably a good thing. Anyway, I have to go, we are going running in the jungle today and that requires some prior organization before this afternoon. I will be back tomorrow to let you know where I am at and how I am doing with my life now that I am finally begining to settle into living out here.

Hello from the other side of the world

Hey all, I made it to my destination after a 15 hour journey. No working out to report, I have just been settling in and trying to get the lay of the land. However, one of my first priorities is finding a gym in the next day or so, I feel sedentary already. I had dinner out last night, pretty good salmon which they put on pasta (although I didn't eat the pasta). I am alright on food as a result but must get back to exercising with a vengence as soon as possible. I don't have much time but just wanted to check in briefly.

I'm leaving on a jet plane

I leave early tomorrow morning and I have ridiculous amounts to do so this will be my last post for quite a while. I hope to get online once I get settled but I do not know how much internet access I will have available. Tomorrow I am spending over 15 hours in multiple airports and on planes so I expect it to be a very long day. I am mostly packed, doing the last few loads of laundry as I type. I did actually workout this morning, cardio and weights not to mention walking home from town after lunch. I am going out to dinner tonight as well but I am not that worried since I never eat much when I am flying. My plan right now is to find a gym as soon as I arrive at my destination and I will of course continue to watch my eating. I hope that this will help prevent unwanted backsliding or weight gain which I simply do not consider to be an option at this point in my life. Anyway, I was hoping to sign off with something more intelligent but I simply do not have it in me today so I am going to wish everyone well who reads this and go finish getting ready to leave. I will be back when I can but it will probably be a least a few days or possibly even a few weeks. Have a good time while I am gone.

Nerves

So, I am finally pulling my act together and organizing and packing my belongings. I gave my hairdresser 4 bags of old clothing yesterday (for a member of her family) and now I am cleaning my room and going through boxes of items that I stored. I know that people will be meeting me at the airport when I arrive at my destination and frankly I am nervous about that prospect. I cannot exactly define why I am nervous, I will be met by people who were friends with me at my heaviest weight when I was really unhealthy. Frankly, they were friends with me anyway and they have never cared what I weighed or what I looked like as a person. They haven't seen me since I started losing weight so I think it may be a bit shocking to the system. Honestly, I have always been lucky in terms of friendships, I still have a group of close girlfriends from college who have seen me fluctuate up the scale continuously for many years and did not care and I have these friends as well who simply have not cared what I weigh. I know how isolating being overweight can be for many people but I have never been lacking in close supportive friendships (even in the difficult high school years). So why am I nervous? I guess I just want them to see how I have changed internally as well as externally and be supportive of that alteration in my life. Logically, I know that they will be supportive, emotionally I am still nervous about the meeting. However, I still have so much to do that I just don't have time to obsess about it and that is probably a good thing right now.

Reminders

My leg recovered nicely yesterday so I was able to do a full 60 minute run this morning at my new pace of 5.2 mph and then walk for 60 minutes. I think part of the reason that I am running faster with ease is the fact that fall has begun to arrive and so it is cooler when I work out in the morning. I am basing some of this theory on the fact that I am sweating less when I run and need to drink less water than I did a mere week ago. My body also grudgingly agreed to move off the plateau it is on and I dropped to 160.8 this morning which was a nice surprise. This is proof that increasing cardio difficulty and making sure to eat enough calories during the day really does work in the long run. The days I missed lunch this last week I did not lose anything and it was not until I got back to a normal eating schedule with three meals a day and snacks that I lost anything at all. I just wish that this could be explained to desparate dieters who severely restrict their calories (i.e. less than 1200 calories a day) and then wonder why they aren't losing and end up giving up. I have been there and done that but not anymore and this week was proof to me that such a methodolgy does not work and is not healthy for your body. I can always use reminders like this to prevent myself from getting really impatient about weight loss and wanting it to all come off my body instantly rather than slowly and steadily. The plan works, I should know this after 9 months and not need to have it beaten into my head yet again by my body and metabolism. I guess all of this just proves how much work I still have left to do and what I need to learn about being a healthy and strong person. Oh and by the way, if you want a rough approximation of how many calories you should be eating a day, the Dallas Dietetic Association has a good calculator which I ran across by reading the Washington Post Lean Plate Club chat today.

Time for a change

I finally have bitten the proverbial bullet and upped my running speed. i am now running a whopping 5.2 mph pace which works out to running a mile in 11 minutes and 30 seconds. I have to admit that increasing the difficulty of my cardio is never one of my favorite things to do, especially after my body adjusts to a difficulty level. However, I do logically know that when my workout becomes relatively easy and less tiring that I am no longer pushing myself in the manner that I should be pushing myself. Also, the fact I am clearly in a plateau suggests that it is once again time to examine my routine and shake everything up just a little bit. Change in other words is a really good thing sometimes. I have to remind myself of that fact this week as I prepare for yet another life change with my move away from home. I am a little bit sad about leaving my whole family yet again but I need to remember the benefits of getting out into the working world and actively back into a profession that I really enjoy most of the time. Now, the only fly in the ointment for my working out this morning is that fact that one of my legs is rather sore and that is only a minor problem. In fact, it would not be a problem at all except for the fact that I have to work out tomorrow rather than rest because I am not going to be able to workout on Friday and once again I need to bank an extra workout day into my life. So, I am hoping that my leg will be all fine by tomorrow since I am planning a long hard run in the morning since it is a full cardio day. I will however modify my routine if my leg or body requires it, change is good, total insanity is not a good plan.

The wide world of snacks

So there was a request several days ago in a comment about what snacks I generally eat during the day. I have being to respond sooner but clearly I got distracted somewhere along the way. Anyway, here are my personal rules for snacks (note as always my golden rule to do what works for you applies). 1. No snack should be less than 100 calories or more than 200 calories. Less than 100 calories does not fill me up and more than 200 calories is begining to turn into a small meal and not a snack. 2. Try and eat your snack/or snacks at roughly the halfway mark time wise between meals. If I eat lunch at noon. I will have a snack at around 3:30 because I know I will be eating dinner by six. This could be construed as being a late snack but I have a cup of coffee at about 2 pm and usually that fills me up until about 3:30, if I don't have coffee I have my snack earlier. If I have a snack in the morning I will have it at about 10 am since I usually eat breakfast at around 8 am and lunch at around 12 pm. This way my blood sugar does not crash and I don't develop a deep desire to eat everything in sight when eating lunch or dinner. 3. Snacks are an excellent opportunity to get in the fruit/veg/ or fiber you may be missing elsewhere in your diet. Now as to actual snacks I really like to eat (yes I did make you read a lot of stuff to get to this point) 1. Any kind of fruit, apples, grapes, peaches, and bannanas are my particular favorites. I stick to one piece of fruit or one bunch of grapes as a general rule but I will supplement with some other food item. Sometimes if I am just eating an apple I will put a little bit of peanut butter on it and that helps fill me up. 2. Mozarella string cheese (we buy these in bulk at Costco). I have one piece of string cheese and a piece of fruit quite often as my snack. I like string cheese because it comes in an individually wrapped package and therefore I know exactly how many calories it is (80 calories if you must know). Also because it is string cheese it takes a few minutes to eat which is a good thing. 3. Yogurt, again it comes in low-fat and fat free versions and it is an individual serving size which is a big plus. I love yogurt and fruit together. My yogurt is usually 90 calories per container and that fits nicely into my world of snacking. 4. Popcorn. Here I should point out that you really need to read the label, most popcorn bags are multiple servings (although you can now get single serving sizes) and you need to figure out how many calories are in a bag to figure out how much you can eat. My rule of thumb is that I can eat half a bag of popcorn at a sitting provided it is lo-cal popcorn. Generally I either save the other half of the bag for the next day or I just throw it out. Still it is really filling and that is important. 5. Hard boiled eggs, plain or with a little bit of salt and pepper on them. A couple of hard boiled eggs can be a really good snack in the middle of the afternoon. 6. Vegetables are also good, baby carrots especially are easy to transport and snack on if you don't want to prepare anything fancy. Besides my dad always claimed that they made your hair curl and gave you good night vision and who doesn't want that? Anyway, those are probably my staple snacks most of the time, obviously I avoid chips/bread/and sweets but I don't think those things will derail your diet if eaten occasionally and in moderation. Anyway, all of this reminds me that I should go eat my afternoon snack so I am going to go have an apple and a piece of cheese now before I forget to eat.

Talk like a pirate

I would be remiss if I did not point out that today is talk like a pirate day. So in the spirit of that I translated some of what I was planning to say into pirate speak. "I ran for 60 minutes and walked for 60 today because we be celebratin' me sister-in-law's birthday today and thar be not time t' go and climb stairs at t' stadium. In addition it rained this mornin' and I be a wimp when it comes t' t' rain." Okay, that was not as exciting as I thought it was going to be, but there you are, consider yourself lucky you got away without any plank walking. Anyway, I also wanted to say thank you for the nice comments on yesterday's entry, it made me feel much better. I have regained my sense of perspective which is good since there is currently a ridiculous amount of food in my house because of tonight's party and I do not want to give myself a reason to go off and eat it all. Fortunately, I am having a pretty good day and I do not think that will be a problem after all (although I may break down and have one magarita with dinner). I am actually finally having a good food day today, I had breakfast before I worked out and my regular salad for lunch and I am drinking more water than I did yesterday or the day before. However, I am clearly entering into a plateau again given that I have weight 161.4 for the past three days, I was expecting to see a plateau so this is not a big shock to me. Hopefully getting back on plan with food and eating regularly (it has been several days since I remembered to eat lunch) will actually help my body adjust and I will start losing weight again. I refuse to be worried about it right now, as long as I workout and eat healthy foods the weight will come off even if it comes off really slowly.

Why do you care?

So, I think it is obvious if you look at the comments that I removed one yesterday. It was mean, rather obnoxious, attacked me and my weight and was not anything I thought anybody else should be forced to read. I have been thinking about whether or not I was going to even mention it, to even give the person who wrote it the attention that they were apparently seeking. It certainly is not the first time I have been called a name upon the basis of my weight and just for no other reason, and it was bound to happen sooner or later given the public nature of this forum. I was however stuck with one ongoing question that I posed in the title of this post, why do you care? People look at overweight people and are appalled and feel the need to spew venom and I cannot figure out why this is the case. My weight does not hurt anyone else, aesthetically maybe it used to be unpleasing to the eye but it does not really hurt anybody. I understand why my immediate friends and family cared, because the more obese I was, the greater my risk of dying young and missing out on my life. However, that doesn't impinge on people who do not know me, especially people who feel the need to attack me on the internet who have never even seen a picture of what I look like on a daily basis. Why as a culture do we hate obese people so much? Do we see it as a sign of weakness and therefore an easy target, or is hate simply easier to muster than sympathy and understanding. I do not know, and it makes me sad at times, it made me sad yesterday when I read that comment and I did not want to let anybody else feel that way unless it was necessary and frankly it wasn't. I have lived with the nasty looks and comments for long enough to know how they sting and hurt. Frankly, the only redeeming value of this particular remark was the realization that the person had no idea what he was talking about in regards to my life, for once they couldn't hurt me or make me cry because what he said was so manifestly untrue in regards to my appearance and my world. That my friends is a true victory and the one thing I don't think the poster would have expected from the nastiness being spewed forth on to my personal blog.

The flying chair

I am as we all know a klutz. I lack the most basic hand-eye coordination skills and apparently as I discovered this morning I am not that bright either when it comes to certain activities. Friday morning is the day that I do my legs workout each week without fail. One exercise in particular that I do is called a "chair", in basic terms you find a wall, put your back against it and sit down (without a chair) so that you are holding yourself in position with your legs and thighs. Anyway, at some poing I determined that this exercise was best accomplished by using the door into my bedroom, yes that is right, I lean on a door as opposed to a solid wall. Apparently when I came up with this brilliant scheme I forgot that doors actually open whereas walls are generally solid and non-moving. So, this morning when I leaned back against the door, the inevitable occurred and it flew open with a resounding bang. I was of course by this time completely off balance so I careened backwards into my bedroom flapping my arms in either an attempt to stave off complete disaster or to see if I could actually fly, frankly I am not sure which is was because my thought process was not completely coherent at that point. In point of fact I believe my brain picked that precise second to panic and possibly go on holiday to the south of France immediately. Somehow, I managed to not fall over on to my still ample rear although it was a very close thing and my posterior came within inches of the floor. I did however damage a picture frame which was in the path of the door. So, anyway, I picked myself up (metaphorically speaking) and went back to exercising. What was the first thing I did? I closed the bedroom door, leaned back against it and sat down into the chair position for 50 seconds. I am persistent after all even if occasionally lacking in the intelligence department.

About that whole food thing

As I said yesterday I am a little bit worried about my food intake, I just simply don't think I have been eating enough for the last few days. Today I ended up eating my breakfast after I worked out at about 11 am (so maybe I shouldn't call it breakfast) which led sequentially to eating a snack of grapes and string cheese as opposed to an actual lunch. Now I will probably have another snack this afternoon and then dinner which means that I will have missed an entire meal over the course of the day. This was not in anyway my intention when I got up this morning and hauled myself on to the treadmill, I just forgot about breakfast until I was finished with my exercise. Since I started working out at 8:10 am and ran for 50 minutes, walked for 60, lifted weights and did abs, I did not finish until 10:30 am and then I took a shower. So, I realized at the point I was fully dressed that I had not eaten and then I had breakfast and was not hungry in when lunchtime rolled around at noon. Now, I am not really hungry even an hour and a half later but I force myself to eat a snack so that I would get some more actual calories into my body. In fact, one of the reasons I usually eat on a schedule (breakfast at 8 am, lunch at noon, afternoon snack at 3:30, dinner between 5:30 and 6 pm) is to make sure that I am eating enough calories during the day without actually have to count everything that goes into my mouth. Now, I used to count calories when I started this whole process but the longer I do this the more I can estimate how much I am eating. When I miss a meal, such as lunch it throw everything off and I really have to actually count calories which is not something I like doing, I eat in moderation I don't count calories (can we all see the reason I never joined an actual weight loss organization?) Anyway, I am midly annoyed with myself about this but I suppose it is better to have a day where I undereat as opposed to a day where I binge eat an excessive number of calories.

The never ending journey

Do you ever get the feeling that what you are doing is never going to stop? I have been having that a lot recently, maybe because I have to keep going to the mall to buy things for my move ( I keep forgetting things that I need to take with me). I just discovered today after being there this morning that I have to go back and buy a raincoat becaus it is really wet where I am moving in a week. I think really the weight loss journey is the same, it never ends really. I am always going to have to watch what I eat, I always have to work out and I will probably always be aware of how much I weigh at any given time. It doesn't really bother me anymore, and frankly I feel guilty if I don't work out but I do occasionally wonder what it would be like to not worry about these issues. The real truth is that I thought about food constantly when I was really heavy, both because I worried about what people thought when they saw me eating and because I constantly lusted after food. Now, I think about food because if I do not do so, I either overeat (very rare) or completely forget to eat (much more common). I have forgotten my afternoon snack twice this week and only remembered 30 minutes before dinner at which point it is rather irrelevant. This wouldn't be a bad thing, except for the fact that with my workout schedule I am really trying to reach around 1300-1400 calories per day minumum. Miss a snack or two and suddenly I am at 1100 or less calories for the day which is bad. So, I have to think about food and remind myself to eat (and by the way it is a lot harder than you would think to eat 1300-1400 calories of clean non-processed food per day). This preoccupation will probably never entirely go away, and in the end I am not sure that is such a bad thing, everybody is preoccupied about something and what I worry about happens to be exercise and diet and maybe I should get used to that being a reality of my new lifestyle.

That whole dating thing

My brother and I had this very amusing conversation this morning about who I was and was not allowed to date. Frankly, I think my brother has been waiting for years to harass boys on my behalf and he senses that he might get the chance soon (gosh I hope he is right about that) now that I have lost all this weight. Basically, I think I can boil the rules down to just watching my back and carefully interrogating military men (I am moving to a place with a large military presence) which is something my brother gets to say because he is ex-military and knows what he is talking about in this regard. I realize I am being vague but I think you get the point of my ramble. I was thinking about it later and I realized that the thing is that we never had to have this conversation before because I was pretty much invisible to the male population due to my weight.(Okay, I am really not going to discuss here how some men like plus-sized women and this is a vast generalization on my part, I know that, I also know that in my personal experience at 242 lbs I was pretty much invisible, your experience may differ drastically). I am not sure I am invisible anymore, and frankly I don't want to be invisible anymore. However, at age 27 I am going to have to develop a whole new set of skills in reading people and interacting in a dating environment. Frankly, that is a scary thought on some levels but just because something is a little bit scary doesn't mean it isn't worth pursuing as well. My brother need not worry, I shall be very careful and I have good friends who will watch my back even when he is not nearby to harass people for me. Although, maybe he will feel better if he doesn't know about the miniskirt I bought yesterday, oops I guess he knows about it now (don't worry bro it isn't that short, really I promise).

I feel better

My run today felt really easy, I just breezed through it except for a brief cramp at about the 35 minute mark. Now, this is a sure sign that I have to start running faster and I am definately feeling the urge to whine about that but I will attempt to restrain myself. I am currently running a 12 minute mile and I still have the ultimate goal of running a 10 minute mile so I do need to start inching up my speed. I am not however feeling particularly motivated to do so and I need to work on that over the next few weeks. I am hopefully that finding a good personal trainer will help push me a little more than I have been able to push myself recently in terms of my physical conditioning. I am also aware that the closer I get to goal the harder it will be to lose the weight and so it is becoming time to retune my eating habits and my program as I prepare for the next big push in my weightloss. Overall, I had a good workout today, upped my walk speed and the number of reps on my weights and a good run. I always feel better on days that I exercise, I am more focused and energetic and I feel more like myself. I know I need rest days but they make me feel really edgy, like I should be doing something more active than just walking around and visiting the mall. I feel much better today than I did yesterday and I think it is precisely because I exercised this morning. Honestly, I don't think I could try to lose weight, have a life, and remain sane without actually working out five or six days a week. I need the balance and stress relief of a hard workout to remain focused (you know somewhere my old 240 lb self really would never have understood that statement, but things have changed a lot).

The 80 pound mark

I have now officially lost 80 pounds according to my scale. I hit 162 lbs on the nose this morning after having danced around it at 162.2 lbs for the last few days. Three more pounds and I will finally be out the 160's for good. Anyway, today I went shopping (and managed to forget to buy a number of things so now I have to go back) which was an interesting experience. I am begining to wonder if the feeling of being slightly out of place in regular sized stores will ever go away entirely. I still feel vaguely freaked out, as if someone will march up and tell me that I cannot possibly believe that I have the right to shop in their store. I know logically this isn't going to happen, I mean I actually fit into a size 10 skirt at the Gap today so I am definately not a plus-size anymore. Not to mention the fact that I also fit into size 12 dresses by both BCBG and Laundry both of which are sized on the smaller end (I did not buy them because much as I loved the dresses I don't have 300 dollars to spend on cocktail dresses). Still, getting into the head space of being no longer obese is proving more difficult than I ever thought it would be when I started this process. I will get there eventually but right now it is still very strange despite the fact I have been able to shop in places like the Gap for over four months, but in the end four months is a short time compared to 27 years of being unable to buy anything but plus-sized clothing.

Random observations about my diet

I have noticed recently that I am much more gung ho about fruits and vegetables than I used to be in the past. Now, I always ate fruits and vegetables, probably more than most people but I am not sure I really loved them. Interestingly, I was vegetarian for seven years starting my first year of college and I only returned to eating meat when I first started working out with a personal trainer. I do not think I was ever terribly good at being vegetarian, I ate a lot of bread, cheese, and pasta but not really enough fruits and vegetables. Today, I eat a much more balanced diet than I did when I was in school. Also, as I noted I really eat a lot more fruits and vegetables and I really enjoy them now. On a normal day I will have at minimum, an apple, a bannana, a peach, grapes, lettuce, tomatoes and possibly some other vegetable. This I think usually qualifies as the five servings of fruit and vegetables that I am supposed to eat each day according to the U.S. government and health experts. Now, I really like fruit and vegetables, and I feel out of sorts if I do not eat them during the day. I am starting to work on incorporating more whole grains into my diet, I should probably be eating things like wild rice more often than I do currently but I am working on it. I ran across the idea somewhere that your diet does not need to always be perfect and that it is something you can improve on over time. I like the idea that now I eat healthier than I ever have before and five years from now I will eat better than I do today, it allows me to banish the idea that I ever have to be totally perfect. In the end perfection is highly overrated, being better than you were the day before is far more important and meaningful in the long run.

So not the fault of my parents

I hate to rant, but I have been watching a lot of early morning tv while I work out which claims that childhood obesity is entirely the fault of the parents. Okay, I may be exaggerating a bit, but it is my blog and I get to rant occasionally and overstate my case. Now, I realize there are families where kids grow up around tons of junk food but that isn't how I grew up. In fact, my parents did everything you are supposed to do, healthy snacks, family meals, little or no junk food around, and they encouraged exercise. I just didn't want to do it, I hated exercise and while I am not against healthy food, I really always liked anything with sugar in it. So, I get annoyed at the idea that my weight problems were all the fault of my upbringing and childhood lifestyle. I only really got control when I decided that this was something I had created and therefore within my power to alter. I control what I put into my mouth, is it a cookie or is it an apple, do I take the stairs or the elevator, you get the picture, I make these decisions. So, don't tell me my parents did something wrong, tell me I have a choice to make about how I want to live my life and then let me make the choice. My weight, my business, you don't get to attack the choice I make because it is my choice right or wrong. I am sick of judgement from people about how each individual lives their life, because we should all be free to make our own choices and decisions. So, don't tell me my parents made me fat, I made myself fat, I accept responsiblity for who I am and who I am becoming for the rest of my life. My parents did everything right, they loved me, told me I was brilliant, supported me, and let me fall flat on my face occasionally so that I would learn how to get back up and become stronger in the process. My parents gave me all the tools I needed, and it up to me to use them to become who I want and need to be in this life. Okay, rant officially concluded, you may all return to your regularly scheduled programing now.

The curse of tired legs

I had a pretty good run this morning and a horrible walk which was strange. It is especially strange because I always run first and then the walking is easier but not today. I decided that discretion is the better part of valor and cut my walk short, so I ran for 60 minutes and walked for 30 minutes. Also, my mom and I had to take my father to the airport (he and my brother are going to engage in male bonding by attempting to repair things in my brother's house) so I did not have as much workout time as I normally have in the morning. Now, normally I would claim that I am going to make up that workout time later on today, but frankly my legs are tired and I am tired so I do not think it is going to actually happen today. In other news, I discovered yesterday that I can pack a lot more clothing into my suitcases now that I am a smaller size. Logically, this makes complete sense because a size 12 involves less fabric than a size 22 but it had not occurred to me until I managed to pack three suits and a lot of other work clothes into a very small space. I will probably end up repacking everything over the next week or so but still I wanted to see how much room I was going to have in my suitcases. I have also gone through my clothing and finally gotten rid of the old suits I was holding on to for no good reason. I was forced to admit that taking in a size 18 womens suit to a size 12 frame was going to be just as expensive as buying a new size 12 suit, so I am giving away my old suits. I will be really happy when I am down to goal weight and not constantly getting rid of clothing, but that is still a few months and a lot of working out away.

Shopping and shoes

This morning my mother and I went shopping for work clothes. I am not going to tell you how much we spent, but it was really painful. I have never spent that much money on clothes at one time in my entire life. The strange thing was that everything I tried on fit, and it was simply a matter of choosing which clothes would work best for my job. Everything was pretty much a size 12 and the tops I bought were mediums which was very fun. I think I now have most of the clothes I need for this new job, I still need a few odds and ends but nothing major. Fortunately, I don't need to buy any shoes because as we all know by now, I am the queen of shoes. I already own four pairs of black pumps, three pairs of brown pumps, two pairs of red pumps, two pairs of pink pumps, a pair of purple pumps, 2 pairs of red mules, a pair of black mules, two sets of black strappy shoes, a pair of brown wedges, brown flats, and this list goes on for a while. Suffice it to say I have plenty of shoes although I have to discard my black boots because they are far too big around my calves. It is definately eye-opening to realize how much more fun shopping is when you are a regular size as opposed to a plus size. Someday, I may even own more clothing than shoes because there is so much cute clothing that I like and want to buy. Nah, I will always own more shoes than are practical for any one person. I did actually workout before I went shopping, one hour of running and one hour of walking, there is a football game at the stadium so we couldn't go climb stairs. Anyway, I am off to start cleaning out my closet again now that I have bought new clothing.

How do you define success?

Kim asked me in the comments how successful I was when I started working out. So, I looked back at my archives and some of my old paper journals. The short answer, I wasn't perfect, I'm still not perfect, I really struggled a lot with food initially and I still struggle sometimes. In the begining it was torture to refuse food I wanted, I had occasionally binges with food (especially anything involving cheese) and every day was hard. Now, I almost never finish my plate when I eat at restaurants and I very rarely have problems with food. It is easier now, I don't miss food and I don't crave things. That is how I define success in this process, now I just have a way that I eat and it is almost second nature. It was really hard in the begining though, really hard, especially because after years of trying and failing I never believed that I would be anything smaller than a size 18. I emphasize with anybody trying to lose weight, no matter how little or great because this is so hard to do on a long term basis. I had to change who I was, redefine my entire relationship with food, and realize slowly that this isn't about reaching a certain weight, it is about being healthy. My success today? I can walk up stairs without catching my breath, I can bake and ice a cake without eating any of it, I can be who I always wanted to be and not be the fat girl in the corner. Still, in the begining it was really hard and I got through it really slowly, not even a day at a time, more like a minute at a time. However, in the end all the struggle is slowly becoming worthwhile and I am grateful that I was able to do this on my own terms and in my own way.

Somedays you just have to do laundry

I am doing laundry right now because I currently have no clothing to wear, well except for what I am currently wearing and it is too big. However, at least the skirt I am wearing is not literally falling off my body which would be a bad thing. I am going to go through my wardrobe in the next few days to see what I can get rid off that is too big and what gaps I have to fill in my closet. Today is turning out to be a little bit hectic, I worked out this morning, started laundry, and then unexpectedly ended up going to lunch with my aunt, uncle and a couple of cousins. Now, I have to get organized for my appointment this afternoon and finish my laundry and get rid of some more clothing. There are just a lot of things I need to get done before I leave and I am developing lists everywhere about what needs to happen and when it needs to get done. I feel rather like I have gone from a dead stop to a full out sprint in the last 48 hours, fortunately my diet is still going alright and I am continuing to exercise (otherwise I would probably go insane). So, I am off now to check on my clothes and finish everything else that I need to accomplish today, I will probably check in later today if I get a chance.

On a completely non weight related point

I have a job, well I still have to do a couple of things that are mostly paperwork related but other than that I have an actual job in my field. A permanent job doing what I want to do for a living. I having been looking for a permanent job for more than a year now and I finally got one through a very close friend of mine who currently works in the office. I will be moving again in a few weeks, outside the continental U.S. which will be be my fifth move in the last year and a half. However, what is important here is that it is an actual full time job and once I move I won't have to move for a few years. So, I am happy and I have been running around today trying to get organized and figure out what needs to be done. I currently have no work clothing (although I have a lot of nice work appropriate shoes but I like shoes and my size hasn't changed) so I will probably go shopping this weekend and fill in the gaps in my wardrobe. The one problem with moving is that I will have to find a new gym and readjust my workout schedule for the fourth time. However, I am hoping that I will be able to afford a personal trainer a couple of times a week and start improving my weight lifting and muscle tone. Yesterday was an example of a really lax weight day, I did the exercises but I probably need to go up in weight and I have just been lazy about doing that recently. Today, I ran for 60 minutes and walked for 60 minutes and I need to remember to do my core fitness exercises before I go to bed tonight. However, in terms of general life events the last couple of days have been really good even if I am going to have to go back to my standard workout schedule that I maintain when I have an actual job (i.e. get up at 5am, workout, go to work all day and then colapse in an exhausted heap). So, I am off to see what is for dinner, I think we are having turkey burgers tonight which should be pretty good.

Crossing the threshold

I got on the scale this morning and it spit back an amazing number at me, 163.6 lbs. This means that I have officially crossed over from being obese to simply being overweight, hey it only took 77 lbs to cross that threshold. We could of course argue with the problems surrounding BMI measurements but frankly even with its flaws it makes a useful measuring device. I can also look at it from anothe angle, I started with a BMI of 44.3 (which I am sure qualified as morbidly obese though I haven't looked it up) and I now have a BMI of 29.9 which is a huge change. This was a big mile marker for me in my weight loss journey and I now am looking forward to the next big marker which is 27.6 lbs away and that is when I cross from being overweight into normal territory. I am making the assumption that I should be closing in on that mark by the end of December. However, it is nice to finally be able to honestly say that I am just overweight and not obese any more. I always wish that I could have gotten to this place earlier in my life but I suppose you end up where you are supposed to be when you are ready and not before. Anyway, I am off to get some other things accomplished in my day, I have already worked out so that is out of the way. 50 minutes of running, 60 of walking, and weights for the day. It is really hot so I felt rather sluggish while I was working out but at least it is finished for the day. So, I am now going to do everything else that I need to get done today.

Polly wants a cookie

So, I was asked in the comments if I used to eat entire sleeves of saltine crackers. Honestly, I think that I was always more of a sweet person than a salty person, so I know I have eaten entire containers of cookies but I doubt the same is true of crackers. I do think it is really interesting the way everyone has different trigger foods, for me it is bread, cheese, and any kind of sweet or candy. Other people have real cravings for crackers, chips, and all things savory. My method of sanity involves avoiding foods that I can inhale in a single sitting by just not being near them or ever eating them. I have been to three weddings since April and not had a single piece of wedding cake or a piece of bread at any of them. My big splurge at my cousin's wedding was to eat white rice which I don't generally eat (I do however eat brown and wild rice) but not the bread. However, I definately used to have the consume everything in sight moments and that has faded over time. I do not think I finished the food on my plate at any event this weekend, except for the two buffet meals where I actually put the food on my own plate. So, maybe at some point I ate a ton of crackers if they were just lying around, but I think it used to be far more likely that cookies or candy were present in my living space to be eaten. Anyway, it is interesting to think back on my old habits because they are becoming harder and harder to remember which is probably a good thing for my future.

An update

I did actually workout last night, after my weekend missing a workout day did not seem like a good idea. I ran for 50 minutes, although I got side cramps and had to add in breaks where I walked for a few minutes, so I figure that total I walked for an additional 30 minutes. I also did my abs and weight exercises. Today is my normal day off and I am taking it as a rest day because I have been so tired for the past couple of days. I do not sleep well in hotels so I always end up feeling worn out when I travel, especially if I stay up late and get up early as I did this weekend. On Saturday, I actually got up at 5 am to catch my flight, on Sunday I got up at 6:50 to workout even though I did not go to sleep until after 11 pm on Saturday. I was also up pretty early on Monday morning, so I was feeling very sleep deprived yesterday evening. Thus, a rest day seemed like a really good idea and I will go back to working out tomorrow. Overall, I am still happy with my food choices over the weekend and I actually managed to workout on both Sunday and Monday which was one of my major goals. I am down to 165 pounds this morning which is a little bit of a loss and means that I lost 1.6 pounds this last week which is excellent given that it was a party weekend. I had fun, but it is good to be home and back on my regular plan and not having to worry about what I will be eating or when I will be able to exercise. So, I am going to go and unpack now and see whether or not I need to do laundry today.

So I'm back then

Yes, I am back from the wedding, just got home about an hour ago. I am exhausted from all the travel and events this weekend. Also, I have to work out in about an hour because the hotel gym was very barebones and not large enough for all the people using it. Therefore, I did not workout this morning and I have to workout tonight (but since I just ate dinner I am going to wait for a bit before I run). Anyway, I had a lovely time and I think I did okay on food, although I had too much coffee on both Saturday and Sunday and not enough water. Of course, I will really see how I did when I weigh in tomorrow morning, now that ought to be exciting. I would write more but I am really tired and I need to go water the plants at my house before they die in the heat. So, off to drink water, workout, and water plants, hopefully I will manage all that without colapsing into an exhausted little heap on the floor.

So I'm off then

Well, not right this second but this will be my last post until Monday. My parents and I are leaving early tomorrow morning for my cousin's wedding and getting back sometime on Monday. Yes, that is right, we get to go hang out in airports on a really busy holiday weekend (hopefully it won't be that bad). So, I have packed some protein bars as a fall back position to prevent snacking and I have workout clothing in my bag plus I am sure we will do a lot of walking around the city. I even workout out what I am going to wear tomorrow which was harder than you might think because I couldn't find a top I wanted to wear. I am going with my Gold's Gym tanktop which like most of the rest of my wardrob is black, I like black and it is slimming most of the time. I think I am having one of those weeks where I feel fat for no real reason and I just need to get over it and move on with my life. I know it is partially mental because my sister-in-law gave me a really cute pink hoodie yesterday which was a size 6-8 and it fits and zips although I need to lose more weight before zipping it will be a good idea. By the way, my sister-in-law rocks on the whole giving me cool things that she thinks I will like for two reasons, one she always gets it exactly right that I will like them (she had excellent taste), and second she does it when I least expect it and need the encouragement. Anyway, so I know my feeling like I weigh 900 lbs is all mental and probably due to stress so I am working on thinking in a positive manner. Anyway, I am off and will be back next week, I hope everyone has great labor day weekends.

I spoke too soon

So, yesterday I was feeling all smug about having such a good workout day, well I have now done penance for my brief moment of superiority. Everything about my cardio workout was horrible today. I developed two separate sets of side cramps during my run and had to stop and walk for a few minutes each time. However, I did get through them and start running again which still was horrible but in the end I did actually manage 50 minutes of non-continuous running and 60 minutes of walking. My legs were pretty tired during my walk as well and my weight and ab set was a little cursory. Then, I had to walk into town to pick up some things for my trip (I'm a girl, I really needed makeup sponges and mascara). That worked out to another 60 minutes of walking and somewhere in there I developed a really fun back ache that made it even more fun. However, now that I have eaten lunch and had a lot of water the back ache is finally disapated so I think it was more probably related to hunger than to pulling a muscle while working out which was my initial concern. I've actually accomplished a lot today between shopping, working out and packing which is probably a good thing. So, I feel fairly organized and that will last until I feel the need to repack at some point or realize that I have forgotten to do some vital task.

One more day

I made it through exercising this morning which means I have one more day left of working out before I rest on Saturday. My body has been a lot less upset than I thought it would be about the working out which is a good sign. I think this means that I am more fit than I give myself credit for being most of the time. Today I even managed to convince myself to run for 60 minutes and walk for 60 minutes which I wasn't able to do on Tuesday (I only ran for 50 minutes on Tuesday). Now, if I could just get the rolls of fat to magically disappear that would be nice, I am not holding my breath on that account. I think because I am so short it is going to take another 20 pounds or so before I can really see a huge difference in the shape of my body in terms of my midsection. I may just have weird blinders on about my size though since everyone else can see the difference. Alternatively, this may just be the onset of my freaking out about this weekend and seeing people who haven't seen me since I lost weight. I hope that was a complicated enough sentence for everybody. Anyway, I hit 165.4 lbs this morning which means that I am just around 2 lbs away from being only overweight as opposed to obese and so I am going to be happy with that today.

The art of baking

So, yesterday I got through cake baking and icing without testing any of the batter or frosting. I suppose this doesn't sound all that amazing but it is if you know what kind of cook I used to be in the past. I love baking, and I was always the one making elaborate cakies and cookies. I prided myself on being a good baker and that meant testing recipies before they went into the oven, a little taste here and a small bite there just to make sure it tasted right. This I suppose is a trait most good cooks have, the ability to alter a dish based solely on what it tastes like and not some cookbook requirements. It is also a lovely way to eat tons of extra calories just because you are testing the desert to make sure it is okay and I certainly took advantage of that aspect of baking. Thus, not testing the taste of my cake or frosting yesterday made me feel almost lost, I had to rely entirely on the cookbook, my sense of smell, and visual cues to tell me how I was doing with the cake. I felt rather lost actually, but the end product looks pretty good actually and hopefully will taste good to the people who end up eating it. Also, my kitchen was far cleaner than it is normally when I cook, ingredients disappeared back into cabinets as soon as they were used and bowls were washed immediately so there was no temptation to eat any of the batter or icing. Overall, I was proud of myself, especially because I wasn't really tempted to try it because it was desert rather it was just to ensure that I had made it correctly. Another food demon faced and partially vanquished and now I can get on with my day and that is definately satisfying.

Force of habit

This morning my workout was much better than yesterday, I think I was having less mental problems because I normally workout on wednesday. My weight loss is definately a little slower this week but I am not that worried since the scale is still going down. Frankly, I think I have just gotten to a point where this is all habit and not driven by a desparate desire to be skinny or a fear of being fat again. I know that sooner or later that pendulum will swing back toward more determination motivated by one of those factors and I will push hard again on both my cardio and weights but not this week. I try to work on those weeks where I am not strongly motivated to stay on track and eat on plan so that I am not sabotaging myself and I figure that is enough. Besides, I cannot live the rest of my life in a panic about whether or not I am working out hard enough or worrying about every little item in my salad. I run, I eat salads rather than sandwiches doused in mayo and piled high with cheese and for right now it is enough. So, this week I'm refusing to worry about these sorts of things and forcing my type A brain to relax just a bit and frankly it feels pretty good. So, I am off now to back my mom a carrot cake for her work and then I am going to eat my salad for lunch. Oh, and I very much doubt that I will test the carrot cake batter before I cook it, after all that is not longer a habit.

Afternoon Snacks

I have begun noticing recently that people are always surprised when I tell them that I eat a mid-afternoon snack every day (usually some string cheese and a piece of fruit). It is almost as if they expect snacks to be forbidden, that in the diet world there should be three meals a day and no more. So, I've tried explaining the concept of more smaller meals as opposed to three huge meals, or the idea that not having a snack will inexorably cause the eating of everything in sight. Still, it does not really seem to penetrate as an idea. I think it is all linked to the misconception that losing weight has to be achieved through some sort of deprevation, almost a form of personal punishment for having been overweight in the first place. I will admit to eating less than I used to eat when I was really heavy, but I am not punishing myself. I feel fuller from cleaner foods like large salads and healthy portions of meats and vegetables than I ever did from processed food like chips and candy. I don't crash and lose energy the way I did when I ate a lot of sugar and I don't really miss bread at all. I don't go to bed hungry or craving food like I used to and I have always liked the taste of water (strange I know). So, when people ask about my diet or how I can eat snacks I am always hesitant in my response, I'm not on a diet and I eat what I want in moderate portions. In the end, there are just some things that I don't want anymore, I prefer frozen bananas to ice cream and I would rather have a good piece of salmon than a fried piece of chicken. There isn't any food which is forbidden to me and maybe in the end that is the secret to the success I have had so far, oh and don't worry I did have an afternoon snack today.

A day without rest

So, normally I take today off to let my body recuperate. However, not this week, so I got up and ran for 50 minutes and walked for 60 minutes. The running part was really horrible and exhausting. Normally I have bits at about the 10, 20, and 30 minute mark where I relax into the running and it is not all that bad. Not today, today I think I just kept running out of some hidden masochistic streak I did not realize that lay within me. I even thought about running longer even though it was horrible and then decided that with three more straight days of working out coming up it was better to take it a little bit easy. Okay, maybe running for 50 minutes does not qualify as taking it easy but by that point I had been running for 40 minutes so it seemed silly to not finish up with a regular 50 minute run. Now, tomorrow will probably be just as bad physically but I think it will be better mentally because I will not be thinking constantly about the fact that it is supposed to be my day off which is what I was thinking today. Anyway, seven days of exercise down and three more to go and then I get a break for at least one day and maybe more depending on how things go over the weekend. So, now I am off to get some tasks accomplished for the rest of the day now that exercise is out of the way.

Yes, I exercised

I did however completely forget to mention it in my last post. So anyway, today was a 50 minute run, 60 minute walk, weights (I was able to up the number of reps finally) and abs. I suppose overall it was pretty strenuous because when I was five minutes late in making lunch my body began to complain that it was absolutely starving. Now, two glasses of water and a giant salad later it is much happier and calmer. I mean, for the record, I literally made lunch at 12:05 pm rather than 12:00 pm and my body was extremely upset with me. Five minutes total difference, I guess my body is as much a creature of habit as the rest of me but that is a little bit ridiculous. I am currently weighing in at 166.4 as of this morning which is nice and I have resolved to try and not be whiny about what I weigh anymore. Really, it doesn't bother me than much, I am much more focused on how I feel than on what I weigh. Besides, I figure it is going to take me a little over a year to lose all the weight and given it took me 26 years to put it all on, that isn't really very much time at all. So, no more whining from me, although no doubt I will start whining again at some point so possibly you should just ignore my protestations about being good on this point. Still, I am going to really try and be more grateful for my success from now on because after all patience and gratitude are what have gotten me this far (far more than whining and instant gratification).

Old photographs

Sitting on my desk right now are a lot of pictures, populated with friends from college and graduate school, family weddings, and vacation pictures. Here is the thing, I am in a lot of those pictures dressed in everything from formal wear to shorts and I don't recognize myself. I know that it is me but the face is wrong, there are extra rolls of fat under the chin and no cheek bones. Don't get me wrong, I still carry a little extra fat under my chin but not in the same way and I don't look like a possible choice for a young jolly Mrs. Santa Claus anymore. My face is interesting now where before it was rather swollen and unremarkable except for my eyes. More than anything though I look at the girl in the pictures and I close my eyes for a minute and try to remember who she really was and what she really felt in that body. I expected some level of transformation when I started down this path, some level of alteration, not an entire rebirth. I expected to be myself but better, I didn't expect to be an entirely different person, that was never the goal. The reality is that more and more I am becoming an entirely new entity, someone I never was before, and not only do I not physically resemble the girl in the pictures, I don't emotionally resemble her either. Some days that is scary, but I wouldn't go back to who she was, still I wonder if she (the old me) had known how much would change would she have started the whole weightloss process in the first place? I don't know, but I know that the girl I am now would have made that choice and maybe it is time that I start taking pictures of her.

Normally I'd be excited that it is Sunday

However, not this week. I get excited because usually it means I have one more day of working out until I get to rest but this week I have to workout on Tuesday which is my rest day. My cousin is getting married next weekend and I am not sure how much exercise I will be able to get in, or what the food will be like, so I am picking up Tuesday as an extra workout day. I figure it is a form of insurance to help keep me on track. So, today instead of having one more day of working out before I rest, I have at least five more days of working out without a break. Frankly, I am feeling a bit whiny about the whole prospect but it does have to be done regardless. Today, I have already worked out, we did half the stadium and then I walked for an hour at a reasonably fast pace. Tomorrow it is back to running on the treadmill and weights, in fact I will probably run everyday this week. I am fine on food, but I have only had breakfast and a ton of water today. However, we are going to barbeque lamb tonight which should be really good and there is a ton of grilled chicken in the fridge so I can have a good salad for lunch. I don't expect food will be a problem until next weekend and I am only concerned then because there will be a lot of eating out but I am planning on being careful. This is the third wedding I am attending since I started losing weight and I haven't messed up horribly yet so I am not terribly concerned. Besides, I am taking workout clothing with me and I am sure that the hotel will have a gym I can use early in the morning. Clearly, I firmly believe in having advance plans for events, even if it means picking up an extra workout day long before the actual event. Still, Sunday is not as much fun as it is normally but that will only be true for a week.

Wouldn't it be nice

I was thinking today about how lovely it would be if I could get someone else to work out for me. Now, this isn't a new thought and I may have even blogged about it in the past but frankly it is hot and I have no interesting in revisiting my archives at this precise moment in time. Anyway, back to my thought, I don't really hate working out and sometimes I enjoy (momentarily) the mind clearing properties of running. However, every now and then I would like to pass off my exercise obligations to someone else for a day or two. Clearly, this is a pipe dream, the kind of pipe dream which could provide a transport system for a large city's potable water needs. A reminder of course that what makes this whole process really hard is that no one else can do it for you, you can't hire the neighborhood kids to run for you or a friend to eat healthy for you, all of it has to be done by the person losing weight. This is a lot of pressure to be under and so I am now working on dividing it into logical steps (since clearly hiring someone to run for me is both useless and monetarily unfeasible) throughout each day. Little things that I can do easily without thinking about them too much, like wearing workout clothes to bed, always eating an afternoon snack, avoiding the kitchen unless it is meal time, and so far it seems to be working. Still, it would be really nice if someone else could work out for me tomorrow morning at the stadium, but they can't so I guess I'll be out there at 7:30 in the morning climbing stairs again.

Oh so hot

The last two days have been really warm, I think we are finally experiencing a late August heat wave. It was so hot yesterday evening that I couldn't make myself walk for an hour on the treadmill but I think I made up for it today by doing the entire stadium in the heat and hot sun. I actually ran out of water (which is unusual) prior to finishing and the only think that saved me was the fact the last four sets of stairs were in the shade. I also went shopping with my mom for a dress to wear to my cousin's wedding next weekend. I found a nice simple black dress at Talbots, I will probably wear bright pink shoes with it to make it more interesting. I did have to buy a piece of shapewear to help smooth out my stomach and the roll above my waist which is hanging on to my body with a fierce and unrelenting determination. I think I may actually have more fat rolls right now than I did 75 pounds ago because I am no longer one big round lump around my midsection. I figure that either the rolls will eventually go away as I lose the rest of the weight or I will deal with them surgically once I have reached and maintained my goal weight. Either way, I look so much better now that I refuse to worry about a few rolls around my midsection even if they show up in pictures. Of course, I may just be feeling cocky today because I saw someone who hadn't seen me in a long time and she was stunned by the amount of weight I had lost. However, really I think that I just don't care anymore and that is a good and healthy place to be in terms of my appearance, right now it is all about my long term health and being really active for the future.

My new discovery

So, in the time I was gone I didn't get a chance to mention my new favorite food. Frozen bananas, no really frozen bananas are great. Also, they are simple to prepare, just peel a banana and put it in your freezer for a couple of hours (please note that peeling the banana is essential because otherwise you have to take off a frozen peel with a knife and that leads to both cold hands and possibly self-inflicted knife wounds which is not a good outcome). Presto, one very good frozen snack which is all creamy and delicious. I admit that this is an idea lots of other people have had and I am probably leaping on the bandwagon late in the day. However, I was so impressed with my first frozen banana snack that I had a minor freakout where I was convinced I was eating some kind of 900 calorie desert extravaganza. Fortunately, shortly thereafter I came to my senses and realized that in fact I had just eating a single banana which is one of my standard afternoon snacks and it was the fact that it was frozen which made it especially good as opposed to a high calorie count. I may try to expand the experience into other frozen fruits but I am not sure that they will have the creamy goodness of a banana when frozen, I will have to see what I think and then report back.

No, I'm not dead

I was just without the internet since about Tuesday morning until now. Anyway, I have been good while I was not able to post and keeping up on my exercise and food. That plateau I thought I was entering has finally been broken (although not until the last day or so) and I am now down to 167.4 lbs as of this morning when I weighed myself. Today, I actually got up at 6:20 am to start working out because I need to wait around in the house for the phone repairman to show up and check on the internet problem. Clearly, the universe has a sense of humor since the day the repairman is supposed to show up is the day the internet works again on its own. Anyway, today I ran for 50 minutes, lifted weights and did abs. I have to walk later because I needed to be in the house waiting for the repairman by 8 am and I wasn't able to haul myself out of bed at 5 am to start working out (although I did wake up at 5 am and seriously consider that as an option, still seriously considering something as an option and actually getting out of bed are two entirely different things). I sort of sped up some parts of my weight workout to get finished and showered by 8 am with the result of feeling rather ill when I was finished working out. My brother claims that this is a good thing, which may definatively prove that some kind of exercise related insanity exists in my family. Anyway, I had a pretty good workout even if I do not manage to pick up an hour of walking later on tonight and tomorrow it is back to the stadium so I am still on track with my exercise and food for the week.

Return of the plateau

Today was my last day of working out before my day off and as always happens I am reentering a plateau period. I was actually sort of expecting it so it is not really a surprise although it does not help my motivation to work out. However, I did run for 50 minutes, walk for 60, and do weights and abs which was the plan for today. I am also back to being organized on food after a couple days of missing meals so I had a huge salad for lunch and I will have an afternoon snack shortly. Both of these things make me feel much more balanced and I think will help the plateau in the long term. I am tired, but I am always tired on the last day of my workout week so it is also expected. I did fine at the party yesterday and did not eat anything bad which was good. No margaritas or guacamole for me which means I am still totally on plan. I do find it odd that now I look at trigger foods like cookies or chips and think about how I would really like to eat them and then I go and have a glass of water. It is a strange switch from wanting one and therefore eating one to wanting one and acknowledging that and then moving on without consuming the treat. It has gotten a lot easier over time and I wonder sometimes if this is how thin people think and thus are able to stay thin, I do not know because I have never really been a thin person but I assume that I will find out eventually when I reach my goal weight. Still, in the end I know that how I approach food will never be the same as a naturally thin person and I am learning to be okay with that reality.

Yet another party

So, today there is another party at my house which I had completely forgotten about, probably because it is for my mother's work. Still, I shall be on plan and today I did actually manage to remember to eat lunch. This morning we only did half of the stadium (18 sets of stairs) because of the party but I supplemented with an hour of brisk walking on the treadmill so that was still a pretty decent workout. Still I am going to be careful about what I eat today even though my father made guacamole and no one makes guacamole which is as good. However, I shall distract myself by helping with the barbeques and talking to people which is usually a very good way to avoid putting actual food in my mouth. I always like to have an actual game plan going into an event because that way I am less likely to react badly and eat food that I shouldn't be eating. Besides, being out of the 160's eventually is a lot more important to me than having ice cream or even my father's guacamole (it may almost be sacrilege to say this about my father's guacamole), so I am still avoiding those foods. Anyway, I'm off to help with party preparations where I shall attempt to avoid the lovely guacamole and margaritas that we will probably end up serving to the guests.

The Big Green Egg

So, my brother and sister-in-law were down for dinner last night which was fun and I was totally okay on food. I even somehow resisted chips and margaritas, although now it looks like I may be going out to dinner tonight so I will have to be good for two days in a row. Anyway, we gave our parents their presents last night and my father got a Big Green Egg so now we can really smoke food, my brother and I are rather excited about this prospect since parental cooking is always a good thing in this family. We actually spent this afternoon assembling it since the Big Green Egg was rather more complicated to put together than one might have anticipated. There were multiple parts and diagrams which is impressive given that it is basically a big ceramic pot that one smokes meats in or uses to grill items. Thus, I have completely messed up my food schedule for the day, for the second day in a row I more or less completely missed lunch. Yesterday I had some fruit because I wasn't hungry and today by the time I realized I had missed lunch it was after 3 pm in the afternoon. The hazards of having fun with a Big Green Egg will get you every single time. Anyway, this is especially impressive since we did the entire stadium this morning over the course of about two hours so you would think hunger pains would have kicked in at some point and reminded me that I need to eat. Clearly, you would be wrong about this since I am still not particularly hungry now that I have realized I have missed lunch. I am however going to go eat something so that I am not starving at dinner and eating everything in sight. I should probably go and do that now.

Three days to go

Three days of working out down, three to go. I always find today hard because it means I have been running for three days in a row and my legs are really tired. However, that doesn't mean I get to skip running so this morning I ran for 50 minutes, walked for 60, lifted weights and did abs. In other words I had my normal Friday routine and now I have two days before I have to lift weights again. We are having a family thing for my parents tonight so working out was definately on the agenda so that I have burned enough calories for tonight. Hey, at least I am not a synchronized swimmer, the team was on the news this morning while I was working out and apparently they work out as many as 8 hours every day. Okay, that puts two hours a day into perspective and leaves a lot less room for whining on my part. Anyway, I'm off to find lunch and get organized so I will probably be back later.

Happy Birthday Mom!

Yep, today is my mother's birthday although we are actually celebrating tomorrow. I meant to wish her a happy birthday this morning in my blog but forgot (yeah I know that probably makes me a bad child). Anyway, I would sing happy birthday but that would be really painful because I cannot sing in tune to save my life. Oh, and for anyone who is worried about my forgetfulness, my brother, sister-in-law, and I did remember to actually buy a gift for my mother. I would claim to have more to report on the weight loss front today, but since I am currently totally on plan I have nothing to say. I do however have clean clothing since I have once again done the laundry. I do the laundry a lot because I don't own very much in the way of clothing right now since I keep shrinking out of it. Also, I can workout in stinky workout clothes but I hate having to do that and attempt to avoid such a problem at all costs. I would whine about how long it takes to do laundry but this is better than doing it by hand which I have had to do in the past. So, I'm off to check on my last load of clothing to see if it is dry and then maybe check in on the olympics (I am after all obsessed with the olympics right now).

Increasing the pace yet again

I worked out this morning by running for 60 minutes and walking for 60 minutes. I ran at a pace of 4.9 mph for the first 30 minutes and then at a pace of 5.0 mph for the second 30 minutes. I also increased my walking pace slightly which was good. However, I did underestimate the amount of water I needed while exercising so I have already had two huge glasses of water since I got off the treadmill. I am still firmly in the 160's, I was at 169.2 today which is down and that is a good sign. Also, I am a lot less tired from working out this week then I was last week which means I am adjusting to the new speed that I am running at which is nice. However, that does mean that in about a week I will have to increase the difficulty of my cardio yet again so that I am still really working hard. There is always something to work on in my exercise routine and I suppose that ultimately that prevents me from getting bored, or then again I don't get bored because I expect the workouts to be rather dull and I am prepared for that fact. Anyway, still on track with everything for today.