I'm not going back again

Somedays I really have nothing to post here. Yet here I am anyway, posting away. So, my brother asked me today if I am going to my 10 year high school reunion (which I believe is actually next summer) and I had two thoughts, first that I am really old and second that I would not be caught dead at my high school reunion. I hated everything about high school, well with the exception of a few teachers and a couple of extracuricular activities. Mostly, I hated high school because it is never fun being the fat kid during your teenage years, kids (especially teenage girls) can be cruel and anything that makes you stand out is bad. Still, there is the momentary twinge in the back of my head that I could go back to high school as the skinny girl which would be new. However, I can't say that I care enough to do that, amazingly somewhere along the way I moved on and frankly I can barely remember the names of the people I went to high school with for four years. So I won't be going back because I don't have to go back and I'm not really interested in proving anything anymore and that is a relief. Now, my college 10 year reunion, I am so there, but then I really loved all of college and I can still remember the names of my classmates which is a plus. In the end, you can't go back again and sometimes that is a really good thing.

Have I mentioned I hate running

My sheer generalized hate of running however does not prevent me from getting on the treadmill everyday. Today, it was back on the treadmill for 50 minutes of running and 60 minutes of walking. I also lifted weights this morning so I think it works out to a little over two hours and 20 minutes of working out. I am still in the 160's so apparently it is not a fluke after all. My bro came down from the city for lunch with the parental units but we ate at home so I am still totally on plan. We have another family thing this week for birthdays but that should be fine food wise as well (well unless we make margaritas to go with the meal). Anyway, nothing else to really report or whine about right now, everything seems to be moving along nicely today. I admit that this is true because it is the first day of working out after a rest day, the rest of the week won't be nearly this much fun and at some point I guarantee that there will be whining, hey at least that is consistent.

33.4 lbs

I've been messing around with BMI calculations again just for fun. I discovered a rather amazing fact, in 33.4 lbs I will weigh a normal weight for my height. That would be 136 lbs which isn't my final goal, my final goal at this point is 122-120 lbs which are numbers I like, but still I am surprised at how close that seems to be in reality. I know logically that I am more than halfway done with losing weight now that I have moved into the 160's but this is a reminder of how acheivable those goals really are in my life. I think it has not occurred to me because I am still waiting for a closer milestone, 163.7 lbs. Why 163.7 lbs? That number is when I cross over from obese into simply overweight, I haven't just been overweight in years and so I have been pretty fixated on that number recently. I try to divide this whole process up into acheivable goals, usually 10 lb increments, because 120 lbs is such an overwhelming number to try and go after all at once. I can focus on 10 lbs at a time quite well and just work on reaching the next mile marker. However, some times it does lead to tunnel vision and I don't see the whole picture like the fact that having lost 72 lbs means I have only 48 left to lose. Stopping to see the big picture for a few minutes is always nice and then I get back to the task at hand which is slowly inching the scale down another 10 lbs and out of the obese category. Someday though I'll pass 163.7 and then I'll really think about the next major mile marker of 136 and a normal weight, that will be a wonderful day but then there have been a lot of really good days in the last few months.

Entering the 160's

This morning I officially weighed in at 169.4. Now, I'm not sure this counts given my generally food problems yesterday but I am really hoping the scale likes me and ends up staying in the 160's. Today is my day off from working out and I really needed the rest, I think the cardio I am doing is actually good for me but it does wear me out. As a result of the day off, I already feel pretty much back to normal and not tired which is a good sign. Tomorrow I will be back into working out but at least today i can rest and recuperate a little bit. My plan today is to eat normally (as opposed to what I did yesterday) and organize a bunch of other things that need to get done. Fortunately, I have a pretty long stretch of regular food days stretching ahead of me, the only blips on the radar are my parents upcoming birthdays and a wedding in the begining of September. However, I do not think that any of these events will really derail me and I am begining to look ahead to early next year when I expect to be at goal weight. It has definately been a shift in my thinking from "maybe I will be able to lose the weight" to "I am going to lose the weight, it is just a matter of time" and now I know that it will happen as long as I keep exercising and stick to my plan. Anyway, now I am off to accomplish useful things and maybe drink some water since I haven't had any so far today.

Aged P's

The above of course being slang for aged parental units which is how my brother and I tend to refer to my parents. Possibly my parents should just blame Arthur Ransome since I believe we ran across the term in the Swallows & Amazons series of books (on a side note, some of the best kids books ever written, if you haven't read them, shame on you. Okay, maybe not shame on you since they are mostly out of print but you should go read them now). Anyway, the aged p's are home and so somehow in chatting to them I completely forgot to eat lunch. This fact means that so far today I have eaten the following, a protein bar type thingy for breakfast, one nectarine, one piece of mozarella cheese, and a cup of coffee. I have also had a lot of water over the course of the day. Okay, this is not good, this is not enough food, I am going to go eat things now. My dad is grilling steak for dinner and we are going to have salad but I am still going to be really low on calories for the day. Bad Kat, I really try hard to eat the right amount of calories every day and this sort of goes out the window when I forget a major meal, like say oh lunch. Anyway, I am going to go eat dinner now so that I will have had at least some calories today and then tomorrow I will be back on track.

Thank goodness it is monday

An odd sentiment except for me because my workout week ends on Monday. This morning was brutal, I had an awful run until about 40 minutes in and then I had about two good minutes before it went back to being awful. Anyway, I ran for 50 minutes at a pace of 4.9 mph, walked for 60 minutes, lifted weights, and did an ab workout. Now I am making sure the house is clean because my parents come home from vacation in a couple of hours. Tomorrow is finally my day off from working out and I can rest my legs which are really tired, I keep getting cramps in them when I wake up each morning (although they are generally fine during the actual workouts) and it will be nice to have a day off. Hopefully, I will feel motivated again by Wednesday when the workout week starts all over again for me. So, I'm off to clean the house and make the cats somewhat presentable.

Messing with my own mind

So, I am really tired today, not enough sleep last night plus an early start this morning has just made me feel worn out. I keep telling my brain that after tomorrow it can take a whole day off from working out, and frankly the old grey matter is pretty excited about this concept. I have also told myself I will take tomorrow easy, and frankly this is a lie and I know it. In reality, I will push hard tomorrow because it is the last day before my day off and I like to get in a good hard cardio workout. So, in effect, I am messing with my own mind about what I am doing, which is frankly rather twisted on some level. Tonight, I am going to bed early because I checked the olympics coverage and there is nothing on I really care about so I am going to get some much need rest instead. This is especially important because I have run a lot this week, I think it works out to around 20 miles total (counting tomorrow) for the whole week which is a lot for me. My body is definately tired and soon will be in need of a recovery day, how some people can work out seven days a week is totally beyond me. Anyway, time to go clean up after the cats and do a couple of other chores and then shortly thereafter head to bed.

Sunday Bloody Sunday

Okay, now I am stealing U2 lyrics as entry headings because I'm too lazy to think of my own. However, for the record, Joshua Tree is one of the great albums of all time. Anyway, moving onward, the olympics are screwing up my sleep schedule which isn't helping the workouts any. Even so, I am down to 171.2 lbs today which made me happy. I was up last night until after 11 pm watching the coverage and I probably will be up that late tonight as well, what can I say I really love the olympics. However, I did manage to get my very sleepy self out of bed at 6:47 am and out of the house by 7:20 am to go to the stadium. Of course, the stadium then wasn't opened up until a little after 8 am so I could have slept in longer but hey then I might not have gotten up. So, by 10:20 this morning I had finished the entire stadium, it was boiling hot and I got a little dizzy near the end despite drinking an entire 24 oz bottle of water. Then, I came home and cleaned up and went to the meat market where I bought a ridiculous amount of steak and baby back ribs, I guess I was feeling a bit peckish after all of the working out. Anyway, I'm not actually cooking the meat today, my parents come home tomorrow and I am hoping my dad will grill all the meat since I am not terribly good at cooking steak or ribs. However, for once there will be some food in the house when my parents return, normally they return to a completely empty refridgerator since I don't shop as much when they are gone. So, now off to get things accomplished.

I think I'm weird

No, let me rephrase, I know I am weird but I think I'm weird when it comes to weightloss. Here's the thing, I have been reading a lot of random weight loss blogs and I have noticed a pattern, everyone loses control at some point (hey we're all human and I have definately lost control along the way) has a binge on foods they are trying to avoid and continues on their way after eating the candy/cake/or whatever. Everyone overeats occasionally which makes sense given the nature of the obsession which made a lot of us overweight in the first place, me included. My last binge, last week I ate a whole rather that half a bag of popcorn. My only real binge since starting this process over seven months ago, one party where I ate a lot of cheese and some cake. That party was back in May, there hasn't been a major slip up since. I just don't miss most of that food, I mean I have random cravings now and again but they don't last very long and I move on to other things. I think I am weird, I don't feel complacent, I don't feel deprived, this is just how I eat now. This is frankly odd for a girl who spent 26 years eating everything she could get her hands on and then going out and getting more. So, I thought maybe it wasn't just me and then I went and read a lot of stuff and I think I am strange and I wonder if I am in some weird Zen phase of weightloss which is going to come crashing down upon me in the near future. Then I think, a zen phase without cravings seven months into losing weight, c'mon that is ridiculous, any zen phase surely happened in the first few weeks. For example, as we all know I am entirely not zen about having to work out, how fast I lose weight, or the fact I am not a size 12 in dresses yet (although I am in pants, having worn my size 12 jeans all day buying a size 14 was a mistake because these are perfectly comfortable). However, I am zen about food, the thing I always thought would be the hardest about losing weight. This may explain why I haven't had ice cream, cake, candy, or bread other than croutons since May. Still maybe I am just weird and maybe I should be grateful about that, and I should definately stop rambling on now and go be active.

The revenge of the stadium gods

I really was going to do stairs today, really that was the plan. However, when I got to the stadium it wasn't open and there were people with balloons clearly organizing some run to take place on the track. I quickly decided that I didn't want to deal with lots of people and a crowded stadium, so I came home and ran for 60 minutes and then walked for 60 minutes on the treadmill. The good news? I developed a cramp early in my run so I walked for 20 seconds until it went away and then I went back to running at a pace of 4.9 mph, I accidentally set the pace too fast and I maintained that speed for the rest of my run. That means I ran for seven minutes at 4.8 mph and fifty-three minutes at a pace of 4.9 mph. Now, according to my treadmill that means I am still running a mile in about 12 minutes and 30 seconds but I am begining to believe that I have got a shot at running a 10 minute mile by the end of this coming month. However, my legs are really tired from running for four days in a row so I am hoping that I can actually do the stadium tomorrow which works slightly different muscles and oddly enough almost acts as a respite from running. Anyway, I'm off to get things accomplished for the day, in my size 12 jeans which are comfier than I realized, I really need to clean up and get rid of some food I never got around to eating out of the refrigerator. Anyway, I'll be back later but I doubt that is a surprise.

The Olympics

Have I mentioned how excited I am about the opening ceremony of the olympics tonight? I love everything about the olympics pretty much, not the least of which is the sheer awe of watching people do things which I will never physically acheive. I mean, let's be serious here, I will never be running down a track and hurling myself into the air using only a very long pole as a means of propulsion, never do you hear me. Anyway, I also really like watching the swimming races because hey what is not to like about attractive men in skimpy outfits, although the outfits have been getting progressively less skimpy over the years (I am thinking about being against that). So, very excited about the Olympics starting and in their honor I did finally develop the victory dance I mentioned in my earlier post, suffice it to say there was in fact some butt wiggling involved and gyration which might well have made Elvis Presley wince at the lack of coordination or musical ability involved. So, I figure tomorrow when I am working out I will think about all the olympians who have worked much harder to compete in these games as inspiration, yeah I know working out is still going to suck but every little bit of inspiration helps these days.

Will you still feed me when I'm sixty four

My apologies to Paul McCartney for absconding with one of his song lyrics but it seemed oddly apt to my thought process today, especially since I grew up listening to the Beatles rather a lot (well, the Beatles and Arlo and Woody Guthrie but song lyrics about motorcikles (yes, that is an intentional spelling)don't seem as appropriate). Anyway, I was thinking about the difference between me now and me at my highest weight, which led to a logical question, do I like myself today because of all the work I have done or because I am skinnier? I don't know, maybe it is a little of both but that seems like something of a cop out. I know I didn't like myself at 242 lbs, I can look at pictures and remember the self-loathing that often engulfed my mind and how I hated my body. Not that I admited that fact, denial is a large river in Egypt and I was the queen of it, riding up and down in my nift little papyrus raft of excuses and self validation. My motto at the time, when in doubt deny that you have a problem and sneak out for ice cream. Now, I can't deny the damage I did over time to myself, I see the stretch marks, I have the bat wings under my arms to prove it and probably another 6 months of work before I reach my goal weight. Still, I'm happier than I've been in years and I have a sneaking suspicion that part of it is because I have bought into the belief that thin equals happy, falacy though that may be in reality. I like that my body is strong, that when I look in the mirror I see my real face with cheekbones, occasionally acne flareups not withstanding. I don't know if my happiness comes from the discovery that I can be strong or because I no longer have to be strong in the same way, I don't get looks in stores or on streets, I don't worry that I will reach a size where the nice airline stewardess insists on giving me a seat belt extender, and I don't have to deny anything anymore. So, how much of all this is because I am skinny and how much is because I finally looked at myself in the mirror and started dealing with the problems I had created in my own life. I don't know, maybe I never will, and maybe that is okay. Maybe happiness and peace are hard enough comodities to come by that I should enjoy them while they are here. Oh, and no worries I will still be feeding myself when I am 64 and hopefully liking whatever I see in the mirror regardless of reason or self analyization.

Now entering the 70lbs lost zone

This morning I hit 172 lbs right on the nose. I have now officially lost 70 of the 120 or so lbs that I am trying to lose. My next goal marker is at 170 lbs and then hopefully into the 160's where as we all know by now I will whine about not being in the 150's but hey a girl has to have habits. Now, if I could just learn to live with the fact that I have a plateau period every month and then a week like this week where I lose ridiculous amounts of weight all at once, maybe I would be less whiny. Anyway, I am pleased also because this is where I wanted to be when my parents got back from their vacation and they are getting back on Monday. I have of course worked out today, 50 minutes of running at 4.8 mph, 60 minutes of walking, 30 minutes of weights (legs and shoulders) and 10 minutes of abs. Then I drank a lot of water, although actually I also drank a lot of water while I was working out. Now it is on to doing laundry because I am out of clean workout clothes which is never a good thing. I may also be forced to do a little 70lbs lost dance at some point today but I haven't worked out any good steps yet, I am thinking however it will involve some kind of butt wiggling move because that is a prerequisite to all good victory dances. So, I am off and I may report in later today on how the whole dancing thing worked out and whether or not I managed to actually scare my cats by performing it.

Mmm protein

So, I did make it to dinner successfully without extra snackage along the way. I just had half a steak (which worked out to a correct portion size) with some avocado for my main dinner which was lovely. I love protein, it has an amazing ability to fill me up, oh and for the record I also had a banana and a piece of string cheese. I am actually impressed because I cooked this steak in nonfat cooking spray rather than butter and it was still really good. I was a little worried that it wouldn't taste right because of the spray but clearly they have improved the taste of cooking sprays since I was a kid. I am a little low on water for the day, despite drinking four glasses at lunch so I am going to drink some more before I go to bed and I should be fine. I am tired, there is a shock given the amount of cardio that I put in this morning, but tomorrow will be a little lighter on cardio and it is my last day of weights until Monday. Also, my whole family comes home next week which makes me happy since they have all been on vacation leaving me on my own for a few weeks. Anyway, I am off to clean up my house a bit and get organized before tomorrow, I didn't get everything done today that I wanted but I will make up for it in the next day or so. I exercised that is what really counts in the end, I mean you would almost think I was an athletic person the way that I make it a priority in my life.

Another day, another workout

Today I actually woke up a little late and started working out a little bit late. Then I got multiple phone calls while I was trying to run on the treadmill, the first one was about 15 minutes in and the second one was at about 25 minutes in to my run. However, I got back on the treadmill both times and started running again, so I managed to run for 60 minutes total today. After that I walked for an hour on the treadmill and then I walked into town with some family friends for lunch. I figure the walk into town from my house and then back again was about an hour total, 30 minutes in and 30 minutes back. I only had a salad for lunch and didn't eat all of it, there was a little bit too much dressing on it overall. The salad had walnuts and apples in it but no meat so I may end up starving later I am not really sure that it was enough food given all the exercise. However, I am not hungry right now so I am going to try and hold out to my regularly scheduled afternoon snack and see if I end up starving before then due to lack of protein. Anyway, at least I worked out, given all the distractions I was tempted to quit for a bit but I didn't want to slack on my cardio since I am now up to running at a pace of 4.8 mph, I would really like to be running a 10 minute mile in the next month or so because I may be running in a 5K and I would like to be able to run 3.1 miles in less than 40 minutes which is my current pace. So, that is one of my new exercise goals, speed up the running pace and generally increase the cardio difficulty over the next month. We shall just have to see what happens over the next few weeks.

My unholy love for the food network

I am so not coherent today that I just posted a huge post that was not what I came here to write about today. Not that this is a bad thing but I keep forgeting to post about this topic and I mean to do so. Anyway, I love the Food Network and watch it all the time. I mean what is not to love about a network that devotes entire hours to barbeques or the invention and perfection of ice cream. Now, while I help my father barbeque (or more appropriately grill but I won't bore you with the distinction between grilling and barbequeing) I don't eat ice cream anymore or make most of the foods this network discusses in detail. However, I love the concept of the food network, the idea that cooking is a noble endeavour and making food is often better than eating out. Okay, maybe this isn't exactly their concept but more mine, however I think part of the reason Americans have gotten so fat as a group is that we don't make food anymore. Not really, everything is processed or microwaveable in five minutes. People forget about what truly fresh simple ingredients taste like when properly prepared by hand. My favorite example? The best salad ever which I have made ever since I was a kid, sliced mozzarella di buffalo cheese with fresh tomatoes sprinkled with a little salt and pepper and lightly doused in olive oil and balsamic vinegar. The best dish ever, and while not necessarily lo cal depending on how much cheese you use, still a lovely filling evening meal which can be prepared in five minutes and enjoyed immensely. The only really processed thing is the cheese and at one point in time that was done by hand by italian grandmothers (okay now it is probably made in a factory), anyway this process isn't like the artificial foods we usually eat. This is why I love the food network, they simplify the making of food and inspire us (okay maybe just me) to cook at home and avoid fast food. This has to be a good thing and so far it is working (at least for me). Anyway, I'm off to see what the food network is talking about now, I need good healthy dinner ideas.

So about the comments I never respond to

I really mean to respond to the comments but I haven't gotten around to it yet. Bad Kat, I must work on that with more fervor in the future. However, for the record I don't actually run the stadium stairs as I may have accidentally suggested(I'm not in that kind of physical shape). I just walk up and down them very slowly and pant a lot, occasionally I come up with fun ways of torturing myself which would be better than climbing stadium stairs. If I could actually run the stairs it probably wouldn't take me a little over two hours ever time that I go to the stadium. Anyway, I workout a lot right now because I have time to work out a lot, and frankly I have just gotten used to working out this much. I think the body adjusts nicely to however much stress you put it under provided that you work up to it. Wow, that sentence is incoherent even for me. Anyway, what I meant to say (and this would have all been much faster if I had said this initially) is that I didn't start out doing this much exercise. I started with walking pretty slowly and using an eliptical for no more than an hour each day and no real free weights (those came much later). Oh, and for the record I am not currently motivated in anyway to do any of this, it is just habit at this point and I would feel incredibly guilty if I didn't get up and workout every morning. Frankly, I feel guilty on the day I take off, because I am so used to getting up and working out. So, no motivation whatesoever, just force of habit and fear that I will slip and gain weight back which is never going to happen if I have to run all day every day for the rest of my life. So, I am frankly impressed that my current lack of motivation is translating to motivating other people, very cool indeed. Although, to get back to where my post sort of started I am very inspired and grateful for the comments of everyone who writes here, even if I completely lack the ability to respond but frankly I am the girl who forgets to answer her own e-mail. I'm pretty much an equal opportunity slacker when it comes to my internet and personal correspondence (just ask my long time friends who I haven't e-mailed back yet). So, in a completely incoherent and rambling fashion, thanks for reading and know that I do read my comments and love them even if I don't always respond.

The joy of exercising in the morning

I always feel ridiculously smug after I have worked out in the morning. I think it must be the knowledge that I don't have to work out again until the next day and that I have sweated off some of the calories that I ate the day before knowing I was going to workout soon. Anyway, today I ran for 50 minutes at a pace of between 4.6 mph and 4.7 mph and managed to prove to myself that I should be running at this speed or faster all the time. I have been slacking off on increasing the difficulty of my cardio workouts recently, I get comfortable and then don't increase the pace. I also walked for 60 minutes, again at a faster pace than I have been walking recently which hopefully helped keep up my heartrate. Then weights for 30 minutes where I increased the repetitions, again something which I have been putting off recently. I am definately getting too comfortable with my workout and when that happens I have to shake everything up so that my body is doing actual work during the exercising, I forget how easy it is to adjust to a certain workout and not really be increasing my fitness level. However, in good news, today I was at 173.8 lbs so I am continuing to lose weight even if my workouts have not been great recently. I am good on food as well, although admitedly I have only had breakfast and a huge glass of water so far today, but I am planning a salad for lunch and either steak or a burger without the bun for dinner so I should be just fine for the rest of the day as well, we shall see how it goes over the course of the afternoon.

The automatic shut off valve

So, my body has developed this strange ability in the past few months. The ability to say to my brain "hey you stop eating now, I mean it" and I do stop eating. It is a wonderous strange thing to not eat more than makes you hungry without even thinking about it. The best recent example, my salad today for lunch had a ton of avocado in it, I think I put in half of a large avocado when I was making it because I was starving at the time. Now, we all know how much I love avocados. However, despite my insatiably love for the California Haas Avocado, my body filled up on salad really quickly and I ended up throwing away half of the avocado which I had put in the bowl. I think maybe I wasn't clear in that last sentence so once again, I threw 1/4 of an avocado down the disposal today. This is truly insanity for me. Yesterday, I had made popcorn as part of my dinner and I threw away three quarters of the bag, but this is not as mind blowing as the trashing of part of an avocado. Now, I am still losing weight pretty slowly despite this ability but I am okay with that fact. I am down to 174.2 as of today and hoping to be into the 173's by sometime next week. Hey, it may even be faster if I keep throwing food out right and left, although I am not sure that my soul will let me throw out any more avocado I may have to start storing the excess in a little baggie in the fridge although that can mess with the flavor of the wonderous green fruit. Now I just need to convince my body to drink more water and I will be doing really well on food for the week.

Measurement pants

Today I went and bought new jeans because my size 16 jeans are literally falling off my rear. Not an attractive picture to be presenting in public. By the way, I may fall in love with the Gap because they have jeans which are the right length for me, a minor miracle when you are my height. Anway, because jeans are strange I bought both a slightly loose size 14 to wear right now and a size 12 that fits but is slightly tight. Not so tight as to be unwearable but just tight enough that I want to wait a few pounds until I am wearing them full time. I am considering them measurement pants for now because I need another pair of clothing that I could measure my size in rather than relying solely on the scale. All of this means that I can now retire three more pairs of pant and get the last size 16's out of my closet for good which makes me happy. I also finally went to the store so now I have salad dressing, meat, and bananas which should get me through most of the week, I will probably shop one more time before my parents get home next monday. I am really low maintainance on food most of the time, I can eat the same thing over and over again so it doesn't bother me if there isn't tons of food in the house. However, my goal is to cook all the meat I got today so it is done and I can just pick and choose what I am eating for the next few days when I am tired and don't want to cook. Today I don't have to work out so I have extra free time to accomplish chores that I haven't been dealing with such as food shopping and buying jeans that fit.

Even my cats have issues

My cats are having separation anxiety, or something similar. I don't live in the same house that they do, so I am in and out during the day to check on them and change water, food, and kitty litter. Ever since my parents left, over a week ago now, they have been hurling themselves at me and demanding to be loved. Cats everywhere are embarassed by this behavior which is in no way related to the famed feline ability to be aloof. Right now, the older cat is trying to sit on my hands while I type this entry, it is making it rather difficult. Anyway, I didn't make it to the market today because I was hungry and I absolutely refuse to go to the store when I am hungry because then I will buy bad things. Okay, I wasn't hungry all day, but there was a whole section of the day where I wasn't motivated to go to the store, I was hungry during the brief moment I had actual motivation to shop. However, believe it or not I was okay on food, I had forgotten I had veggie burgers in the freezer so I had one for lunch and I finished off my chicken breast in my salad for dinner. Now, the reason I had forgotten about the veggie burgers is because my parents keep frozen bread in the freezer so I avoid it at all cost and never open the door except under duress. Clearly, the lack of food in the house qualified as one of those occasions. Tomorrow, I am actually going to have to go shopping because now I have some eggs, three lite yogurts, and a couple of veggie burgers in the house. Also, I have run out of lettuce and my favorite salad dressing which is a really bad thing in my life. So, hopefully by tomorrow morning I will have a desparate need for healthy food which will function as motivation, we shall see what happens. Also, I am still not eating enough calories and I am really working on that, it is a new and unique problem. I used to eat tons of food when I was the only person around and now I am eating too little, I suppose that this is proof that I still have problems with food but I haven't really been hungry recently which is probably related to the nice cold that I am developing despite the fact that it is the middle of summer. Anyway, off to feed the cats which will no doubt result in them hurling themselves at me in a shameless ploy to stop me from leaving the house, unfortunately it won't work but you probably shouldn't tell them that, my felines can develop enough abandoment complexs on their own.

The problem with saying things

I have to say that my first thought when I woke up this morning was that I should never announce on this blog that I am going to do certain things because then I have to do them. Then I stumbled out of bed, put on my shoes and went to the stadium like I said I would to make up for the fact it wasn't open on time yesterday. I was good right, and I probably wouldn't have gone if I had not said that I would here. See, the internet is a good and useful weight loss tool after all. However, the stadium was pretty hard this morning because I am definately coming down with something, I still have a rasp in my throat which I notice especially when working out and breathing hard. Anyway, I spent two hours at the stadium and then came home and lifted weights and did an ab workout. That worked out to 2.5 hours of exercise which was a little excessive but tomorrow is my day off so I can recover. Also, they didn't tow my car while I was working out which was nice, I always worry during the week because to use the stadium you have to park in what is technically permit parking and the university could tow you if they felt so inclined. Now, I doubt very much that they actually would, especially since they know that people park in that lot so they can use the stadium but I still worry. I have images of walking out of the stadium and discovering that my mother's car (which I am currently driving) has disappeared and I have to get it out of an impound lot just because I decided to climb stairs for two hours on a Monday morning. I should find something more constructive to worry about like the future of the Middle East but that is too complicated for my brain when I am exercising.

I shouldn't eat when I am sleepy

Largely due to the fact that it leads to things like eating a bag of popcorn for dinner. Okay, I might also have some yogurt but I am really sleepy and the only thing I wanted was popcorn. Not the most nutritionally balanced meal, but lunch and breakfast were fine and I missed my afternoon snack so one bag of popcorn won't kill me. Tomorrow I am going food shopping, because all I have left in the house is a cooked chicken breast and some eggs. I tend to do this when it is only me, I just don't keep very much food around and I don't eat as much as I normally should be consuming. This is bad, especially given the amount of exercise that I normally do during the day. However, I refuse to even attempt perfection at this late date, my life is all about sanity right now and occasionally that means popcorn and yogurt for dinner and maybe less food than I should have, or alternatively more food than I should be eating. Tomorrow will be a better day and overall I get better all the time and what more can I ask for at this point.

Excuse me for trying to exercise

So, I went to the stadium this morning, at 7:30 am like I always do on Sunday. The stadium wasn't open (it has a gate that the university locks overnight). I waited until 8:10 am, technically they don't have to open it up until 8 am but it is always open early, and the stadium still wasn't open. I was highly annoyed, I get into a mindset where I am going to do a certain kind of exercise and it is really hard to switch gears in my brain. So, I drove home, admittedly only 10 minutes away, muttering curses at the stadium gods under my breath. Then, I ran for 60 minutes and walked for 50 minutes on the treadmill which I followed up with my core fitness exercises. Now, showered and dressed in clean clothing I am still annoyed than I didn't get in my stadium workout. I am one sick puppy. I am annoyed that I didn't get to climb up and down stairs for two hours in the heat, possibly I should look into having my head examined. I may go tomorrow morning and do the stadium so that I have gone three times in this last workout week but I will see how I feel, especially since I am having a slight sore throat this morning. So, to recap, I am annoyed about not hiking up and down stairs in the heat with a sore throat at a ridiculously early hour on a Sunday morning. I really am losing my mind to the lure of the exercise fairy, maybe I can have her talk to the stadium gods and make sure it is open tomorrow morning.

I would so date me

That is probably a truly horribly constructed phrase and my mother the teacher will be terribly embarrassed when she reads it. Then again maybe not, she hasn't been horribly embarrassed by my inability to spell on this blog. Anyway, that was completely off topic, but there we are (can you tell I am making up for the days I didn't blog? yeah I thought so) and now I will attempt to get back to my point. My point was going to be that I bought a really cute outfit from the gap this last week and my thought upon putting it on was the aforementioned phrase "I would so date me" which was interesting. Now generally, I am not stuck up or really focused on my appearance, and frankly there wasn't much point at my highest weight. Well, other than shoes, I really care what my shoes look like and always have but I doubt that shocks anyone. However, I care a lot more now about what my clothes look like and the image that I am projecting, now of course as I am writing this I am wearing a pair of jeans that are pretty much falling off my butt and a huge shirt covered in cat hair which I have kept because my bro gave it to me, I mean he gave me the shirt, not the cat hair. So, possibly I am once again full of it, but I think not. I am having ridiculous amounts of fun playing with clothes now because I can shop in regular stores and wear clothing that reflects my personal style. The outfit that caused me to want to date myself involved a cute shruken jeans jacket that nipped in at the waist and a size 12 brown skirt. The amazing thing to me, the jacket nipping in at the waist, defined my shape, I mean I have an actual shape which has never happened before. It was definately a very interesting moment, marred only my deep desire to tell the sales lady that no really I was buying the clothes for me and I was an actual size 12 (frankly I don't think she would have cared as long as I gave her money). I still don't like what I look like naked (yes that was probably way too much information) but sometimes in clothing I catch myself in the mirror and notice that I am cute now. Eventually I may even work my way up to being hot, who knows.

The girl I used to be

So, I was at the stadium this morning at a ridiculously early hour this morning. I was about three quarters of the way done, maybe more, when I started going up a set of stairs that another girl was coming down. Usually, I don't really notice the other people working out, I just put my head down and go until I am finished. However, I noticed her because I used to be her. She was plus-sized, clearly out of breathe and having to stop frequently on both her way up the stairs and down again. Also, she gave me a look I recognized, the "I hate that you are cruising up these stairs which are killing me" look. I was not exactly moving fast but it was faster than her. I almost stopped, and maybe I should have, to tell her I have delivered that precise look to other people more times than I can count, that I know what it feels like to be that out of breath and unfit, and how angry I was about all of those things. Now, I may be projecting my issues on to her body and life and I hope that I am doing that and she is actually happier than she looked when I saw her this morning. However, I do know that I looked at her and saw who I was in January, who I no longer am in a lot of ways and I was grateful to be who I am now. Also, I know I needed the reminder of where I have come from because my motivation hasn't been great recently. The one blessing and curse of the weight loss process is the ability to forget what it was like to live in my old body, I have become used to my new one. The body that doesn't mind running, doesn't get winded as easily and doesn't get sneered at by strangers. Still, rembering the old body which hated to exercise and looked truly awful to me is important so I don't get complacent about where I am in my journey. I still have a long way to go, but at least I am not the girl I used to be anymore.

I'm back

I finally figured out my internet problem and I am back to having access from my house. I am such a happy girl, I cannot even explain it. Anyway, I haven't slacked while I wasn't posting. Thursday, I ran for 60 minutes and walked for 50, friday I ran for 50 minutes, walked for 50 and lifted weights and did an ab workout. This morning I went to the stadium and did the whole thing, 36 sets of stairs. It was pretty warm this morning so I sweated like crazy while I was going up and down the stairs and now I am washing my workout clothes. Last night I did go out to dinner but I was relatively good, I had a small bowl of cold melon soup (didn't finish it) and a salad with flank steak, olives and feta (which I also couldn't finish). I did eat a whole bag of popcorn yesterday but I still lost weight so I can't really bring myself to worry about that right now. I am down to 174.6 lbs as of this morning which means that in 2.6 lbs I will have lost 70 lbs total. I am looking forward to hitting that goal in the next few weeks, although maybe I should stop wolfing down entire bags of popcorn. Anyway, I have been a good girl for the past few days and still on track which is what really matters. I am going to go get a huge glass of water now and catch up on my internet reading but I will probably be back later on today at some point.

I hate the library

I keep getting kicked off the computers here, by really obnoxious people. Anyway, I did the stadium today and weights, which was about 2 hours and 30 minutes of exercise. Fine on food, and nothing else to report. I have no more time here at the library due to the obnoxious people so I am going to head home and hope that the cable people I saw on my street have potentially fixed my internet. I am not holding my breathe about that being a reality. Anyway, short entry today but I don't have the patience to stay here and deal with the computers or the people.

My 100th post

I write an awful lot here if I am already to 100 posts but then I do talk a lot in my regular life. Anyway, today is my day off from working out so I went to the mall and bought underwear. Losing weight is definately expensive because I keep having to replace all sorts of basic wardrobe items like bras, underwear, and all of my clothing. I had to buy all new stuff in the end of May and now I am buying more items two months later. I am finally out of my plateau today and down to 175.4 lbs finally, that puts me at 3.4 lbs away from having lost 70 lbs since I started back in January. Somedays I am definately surprised when I put on clothing and look at the size on the label, I haven't worn a size 12 since I was maybe a freshman or sophomore in highschool but I am now solidly a size 12 on the bottom. I also find I am more confident than I used to be in all areas of my life just because I have conquered so many personal demons to lose the weight. I have been driving a lot recently and I used to hate driving the car but it doesn't bother me now. Confidence is definately a wonderful thing and something I never realized I was lacking until recently, so that is my realization for the day.

Still no internet

I probably won't have internet at my house until my parents get home in two weeks. I am very annoyed, but yet addicted to my blog so here I am posting from the library. Hey, it gets me out of the house and that is always good for me. Anyway, I ran for 50 minutes, walked for 40, and did weights and abs today. I have ended up in a dreaded plateau which means I am holding at 176 which is much better than being at 242 but still annoying. Yesterday to cheer myself up I went and picked a ton of fresh tomatoes from my neighbor's yard, they were really fabulous and juicy and much better than store bought. Tonight I am going to have tomatoes and steak which should be lovely. Anyway, nothing else exciting to report, and I keep having library patrons look over my shoulder which is remarkably disconcerting so I am going to go home now and eat lunch and entertain my cats who are miffed that my parents are not around to be harrassed. I probably won't post again until tomorrow given my internet problems.

Longer post

I think I have time for a little bit longer post. I did 36 sets of stairs today and yesterday at the stadium, all by myself because my parents are on vacation. I am not huge on doing stuff like that on my own but if I don't do it I have no one else to blame when I go off plan. In the end it has to be all about you doing it yourself or it won't happen. I mean that is the problem with weight loss right, there is no one else who can do your work and no magic pill. Oh, and by the way I wanted to mention I did put my bigger clothes away, if by put away one can mean stored in the plastic bag going to goodwill sometime this week. Goodwill should love me, I keep donating slightly used clothing to them on a bimonthly basis. Anyway, now I really have to go, I am starting to get nasty looks from other library patrons and I don't technically even have a library card anymore. I will try and post tomorrow or later today but I am not promising anything.

Lost my internet

No really it has died and I don't know why. I'm at the library and just checking in to say I am fine and on track and more later if I get a chance or my internet comes back. Anyway, later for now.

Not the average American woman anymore

I went shopping this morning after I worked out. All I am saying is that I bought a size 12 skirt at the Gap. Most American woman are a size 14 or above, but not me apparently.Now, it be must be noted that I am still pretty much a size 14 on top because I carry extra weight above my waistline that I am still working on getting rid of and that makes me a larger size. Still, I actually own a size 12 skirt that fits. I am debating going through my admittedly minimal closet again and putting away all the size 16's except for the jeans I still wear. Mostly it is a mental thing to not have anything in my closet that is bigger than the size I can currently wear on my body. That will probably be this afternoon's project because frankly I have nothing else I need to do right now. In particular I have some ridiculously large shirts that can be packed away because of their sentimental value. Oh, I did run this morning for 50 minutes, walked for 30, lifted weights, and worked my abs. Also, actually got real sleep which has substantially improved my mood since I am no longer exhausted, that along with lots of water was rather lacking in the last few days. Also, before I go and clean my room big cyber hugs to my friend and fellow blogger Rhonda who has been having a rough week. Reminds you that the whole weightloss thing is not the most important part of life.

So I almost forgot about this thing that happened

The other thing I was going to write about tonight. This is what happens when you are really tired. Oh and I am planning on working out once I digest my meal but it is going to be really low key and I may just walk. Anyway, I got into a conversation this morning with another test taker about where we like to shop. We were attempting to distract ourselves, at least that is my excuse alright. It was odd, I mentioned where I shop, she suggested some other places and none of them were "fat girl" stores. In fact she wasn't surprised by where I shopped, it was just a regular conversation. I am not used to those yet, conversations where I am in the mainstream rather than out on the fringes. I still sort of expect someone to card me, revoke my membership in "normal" (if there is such a thing) American life. The more weight I lose, the more I pass as someone who fits in to society. More people talk to me, I feel less distanced and it is all very strange. I keep feeling like I should announce to people that I used to be really overweight, that I am still losing weight, that this is all new to me. I don't, it would be rather off putting I think, but it lingers in the back of my head. I'm not skinny yet, but I'm less glaringly overweight and I am just going to have to get used to it. Eventually this will be normal and I keep telling myself that quietly when I am in public.

Done is Good

Enough said, no really. I am finally done with my test, 18 hours of testing over three days is enough to make anyone a little bit crazy. I'm going out to dinner in a few minutes, I might run when I get back, I might not, I haven't really decided. I am totally exhausted, my food was fine today and tomorrow I will get back to really exercising properly. That is about all my brain can put on paper right now, done is good.

So very sore and not from exercise

So, the soreness I had from yesterday and the forced hunching over a desk has only increased after the second day of testing. Must take hot shower to make better soon. Anyway, I did actually run for 20 minutes yesterday and walk for another 20 minutes. I am going to try to run for 30 minutes tonight and lift weights which may or may not help my back pain. I absolutely hate exercising in the evening but it is the best option for these three days of exam hell. In other news, I am down to 176 as of this morning and have not gained any stress weight because I have been eating completely normally and getting in some exercise. Now if I can just get through tomorrow I will be a really happy girl. I did note today that virtually all of the other test takers were eating complete crap for lunch, lots of sugary things and chips and I simply don't know how that could fuel you for the six hours of work each day. Okay, I am exhausted so I am going to go eat dinner now and work out and go to bed.

Yeah I lied about the whole not posting thing

What can I say, I just can't stay away from my blog. I feel I should note for the record that this is my day off from working out so I don't feel bad about not running although I may go jog for 20 minutes or so tonight to get the stress out. I spent all day taking my test, the first third is done with two more days to go. My back aches from having been completely hunched over a desk for six hours not to mention I had to write for all those hours and my hand hurts as well. I had a pretty big breakfast to prepare but a relatively small lunch and dinner and no snack so we will see how it all balances out in the long run. I also discovered something interesting today, the thinner you are the easier it is to get cold. I swear the test site was like venturing out to the artic tundra of the north and I am surprised there weren't icicles hanging off my nose. I was shivering continuously at the end of the morning session and I was wearing jeans, tennis shows with socks, and a warm sweater. I haven't been that cold in years, and I lived where it got really cold in the winter for a long time. Anyway, normally I don't get that cold as opposed to my mother who might freeze to death in the tropics if a stiff wind blew in for the evening. It was not fun and I spent the entire lunch break in the sun trying to warm up before the afternoon session. Anyway, I survived and I really think I am going to go jog now and take a warm shower and go to bed since I have an equally long day tomorrow.

That whole clean eating thing

Did I mention I am probably going out for dinner tonight? Well, if walking next door to my neighbor's house can be termed "going out" which I hesitate to call it. Yeah, good plan I do realize that going out the night before a big test when I am stressed may not be my best plan. However, trying not to overstudy for tomorrow and relax a bit and I promise to watch what I put in my mouth. Thursday after my test I am also going out and then I will be back to really clean eating. However, for the next few days I won't be eating much during the day because you cannot take food into the test so I am guessing my calories will actually be on the low side and that it will all balance out in the end. Also, I believe in having an actual life, one where you go out, or just across the street, and do things, some of which involve food. I mean, you can't live your whole life in a WWII bomb shelter avoiding food because you are scared you will overeat and become fat again. That is really not worthwhile or healthy so I eschew such over the top behavior and try to live my life in balance because after all this is probably the only life I get to have and I plan on enjoying each and every moment to the fullest.

So about yesterday

I tried to post, really I did but the internet went down and I had things to accomplish. I did actually manage to do the entire stadium yesterday, 36 sets of stairs up and down which took about two hours total. I was down to 177 this morning as a result (oh also I didn't eat much yesterday which may have factored into my morning weight). Today I ran for 50 minutes, walked for 30 and lifted weights and did abs. I am totally fine on food which is good because it means I have avoided my need to snack while simultaneously trying to study, a very old and bad habit that I have been trying to break for years. Tomorrow I start my huge massive three day test so I don't know how much I will be posting although I will still workout in the evenings. I am very tired from studying and just ready to get the whole thing over with as fast as possible. Anyway, I need to go check my laundry because I am washing all my workout clothes again so they will be clean when I want to workout in the evenings this week.

Sometimes you have to remind yourself

About where you have been, where you are going and why it is worthwhile. I was rereading some old entries trying to get some motivation to post something and I realized how far I have come recently. On May 27th I weighed in at 199 lbs, today July 24 I weighed in at 178.6 lbs which is more or less a 20 pound loss in two months. This means if my body cooperates (and it doesn't always) at the end of September I could weigh in at 158.6 and by the begining of next year I could be close to goal weight. Of course, this rose-colored glasses view requires me to sail through both Thanksgiving and Christmas unscathed by overeating but hopefully I can make that happen by careful planning. Since I still see things that I want to change on myself in spades, I forget that at the begining of this year I was 63 pounds heavier and that in fact I haven't been anywhere near this weight since the summer before I started college which was a long time ago. I think in losing weight it is really easy to get tunnel vision and only see the goal and forget the past and how far you have traveled. I have to reread old journals to remind myself and I keep pictures around of who I used to be so that I can avoid becoming that girl again. So far, it is working which is really good news. In other happenings, I managed 33 sets of stadium stairs today before my knee started acting up and I am aiming for the whole stadium tomorrow (now I really have to try and do that since I said it out loud). Food is fine, and I am off to study some more. I take my freaking huge test from tuesday through thursday of this week and then I will finally be done and can actually start having a life again, I am really looking forward to that eventuality.

So yeah, then life happened again.

I really have nothing substantive to say today. I ran this morning for 50 minutes, walked for 30, lifted weights, and did my ab workout. Running sucked, my body was so not happy after about 10 minutes and it was a struggle to make it all the way to 50 minutes but I did actually manage it. I ran about 33 minutes at 4.6 miles per hour and then had to drop back down to 4.5 miles per hour because I wasn't sure I could keep running otherwise. Totally on plan with everything else like food. So basically my life went on the way that it normally does during the week. I am at 179.2 today which I think puts me definatively into the 170's which seem like a nice place to visit for awhile but not stay at permanently. I am rather impatient about weight loss but only because I am rather curious about what I will look like when I am finished losing all the weight, I haven't every really been skinny so I have absolutely no idea what I will look like in the end. Probably like me but with smaller pants to wear. It should eventually be interesting to see what I look like in pictures and I already know that there will be a lot of pictures because both of my parents are photographers.

The incredible shrinking woman

Today I am officially down to 179.8, hopefully in the next week I can get myself firmly entrenched into the 170's (at which point I will become whiny and demand to be in the 160's because that is how my mind works). My body is doing the famous lose a lot of weight now that it has got over its desire to hang out at 182 lbs. I would be more annoyed about plateaus if my father didn't have precisely the same problem, which only proves that we are genetically related. Not frankly that the fact we are related would surprise anyone, let me put it this way no one is ever going to question my paternity because my father and I sound exactly alike which tends to disturb or alternatively annoy people. Anyway, I went and bought workout clothes today (my bro and sister-in law gave me a huge gift certificate for my birthday) so now my workout shorts will not fall off my body which they were in danger of doing previously. All of my new workout clothes are pretty much pastel blue which means I will look like a deranged easter egg on the loose when I am working out from now on. I did 31 sets of stadium stairs today, and have eaten well and had a ton of water since I got home. Although I am really late on my afternoon snack which is probably bad so I am off to eat that now.

Things that make you go "hmm"

An interesting thought occurred to me as I was climbing up and down stadium stairs this morning. My left ankle has been fine for months. Now, why is this interesting you ask (well unless you are related to me and already know the answer), well I used to have a really weak left ankle. Not a good thing to have if you like wearing heels as much as I do on a regular basis. When I was in highschool (I think I was 15 or 16) I fell down a flight of stairs in Oxford, England. How you ask? I have no real idea which seems to be the general theme of all my accidents, I was on a summer program and I was walking slowly down a flight of stairs, no really I am being serious here. Next think I was really aware of, I had flipped over myself, the only time I have ever managed anything resembling a cartwheel, and was at the bottom of the stairs. I feel it is important to note for the record that I was wearing tennis shoes at the time and had navigated these stairs numerous times prior to my accident without problems. I actually got applause for the sheer brilliance of the way I managed to fall on my rear from the assembled throng of other students. Anyway, I twisted my ankle and then walked on it while in England and France and my left ankle has been a problem ever since. The day before my high school graduation I twisted it again and was on crutches for both the ceremony and the after party which frankly was sort of fun because I had my friends bringing me food and drinks at the party. In retrospect I was very excited about people brining me food, hmm that might have been an indication of my eating problem right there. My ankle bothered me on and off through college and my post graduate work and I even own a fancy ankle brace (which is somewhere in my house really it is) that my bro bought me to help support the ankle. However, since I really lost a substantial amount of weight, it hasn't twisted or given out which is its usual modus operandis (I can't spell but you get the point) and always occurs at the most inconvient times. You know, there might be something to this whole losing weight and getting healthier plan of mine after all.

Fresh eggs

So, I have figured out my hard boiled egg dilema. One should boil the eggs when they are fresh. I know, I was shocked too by this little realization. Okay, not really and for the record I don't actually have rotting eggs sitting around my house that would be rather disgusting. Instead, I tend to purchase eggs, well okay my mother actually pays for the grocerys but anyway, and then not hard boil them for a week or so. This leads to the previously mentioned problem of having eggs that look like they have been attacked by mentally disturbed weasels (maybe I shouldn't insult weasels, they are probably better at peeling eggs than I seem to be most of the time). However, if I hardboil the eggs right away, the shells peel off with tremendous ease and speed. Note to self, hard boil eggs immediately from now on, it is a lot easier than getting out a pick axe to peel your egg in the morning.

So is tricking yourself a bad thing?

This morning I had managed to convince myself that I was only going to run on the treadmill for 40 minutes. Actually, I ran for 50 minutes because after running for 40 minutes I decided that I could run for 45 and when I hit 45 minutes it seemed silly to stop when 50 minutes was so close. Also, I ran half at a speed of about 4.5 miles per hour, the next fourth at a speed of 4.6 miles an hour and the remaining fourth at a speed of 4.7 miles per hour with a several minute spurt of 5 miles an hour. Then I walked for 30 minutes and lifted weights, my body is now trying to deny that it has ever met me and demanding a permanent injunction on my brain which convinces me that these sorts of moves are a good idea. I am slowly working my way up to running an hour at a time, but lets not mention that to my body yet, it has enough to deal with as it is at this point. I am completely on plan with food (now there is a surprise, okay maybe not) and I think we are having turkey burgers for dinner which will be nice because I have been eating chicken for over a week now. Okay, lots of chicken was my plan, especially after all the recent parties but I am pretty close to getting bored of it and wanting something different for dinner. I alway try to head off food boredom before it actually occurs because that way I am not inclined to eat everything in sight. So, off to study some more and convince my body that I am not actually an awful person and this is all a good idea.

When the world gets wacky

So, I have been reading all sorts of raves in the blogsphere about Old Navy's new plus sized clothing. I went and looked at the website while I was trying to decide what I was writing about tonight in my own blog. Some cute things, but this is where the universe has been getting wacky since I last seriously shopped. I looked at the size chart because it was there, and the plus sized clothes are all too big for me. No, really, I was boggled by this realization that some retailers no longer consider me to be plus-sized, and in fact at a size 14 who is slowly approaching a size 12, I am not really plus-sized anymore. See, losing the weight is a lot easier than getting your mind to adjust to the reality of a new universe around you. On some level, my brain is aware of the fact that I now buy clothing at Banana Republic and not Lane Bryant but it is not really sinking in deeply yet. My jeans are Levis, not Venezia (my favorite plus-sized clothing line), I have to buy petite clothing because everything else is cut too long but it still isn't registering. So, I was frankly boggled by the realization that I could just walk into Old Navy and buy regular people clothes rather than the plus sized line, not mind you that I have walked into an Old Navy in a long time but I could if so moved. As the plethora of new plus sized clothing increases, I am inching farther and farther away from being the target demographic, and I am not planning on going back any time soon. So, glad as I am that there are affordable options for people who need and frankly deserve clothing in plus-sizes, you will find me at Banana Republic wondering if I really belong there but buying the clothing that fits anyway. I will do it because I can and that is a luxury I never thought I would have at the begining of this year of change. What a wacky wonderful world I am living in today.

Shrinking marks

I have always had stretch marks from where I gained a lot of weight quickly, but now I am developing them in other places, under my arms, on one of my shoulders, and on my calves among other places. I mean it just seems wrong to develop stretch marks when you are not stretching but rather shrinking. Maybe it will help if I call them shrinking marks from now on in my head because frankly they are not very attractive, and I notice them every single day when I look in the miror. This should be a reminder of all the trauma I have put my body through with the extra weight that I have carried for so long. In other news, I may have to stop whining for awhile, I weighed in at 180.2 lbs today which means I have lost three pounds in the last week. Also, 180 or thereabouts was my goal for this month (My "weigh-loss months" end on the 22nd of each month because of when I came up with the initial goals for each month) so I really have no excuse for whining now. I am fine on food, today is my rest day so no exercise. I did have half a bag of popcorn for the first time in about a month and it was really wonderful which is probably a reminder that I need to shake up my diet every now and again so I don't get bored and want to cheat (not that I have even thought about cheating in a long time so maybe I shouldn't jinx myself on purpose).

Once you emerge from the plateau there are mountains to climb

So, my body decided this morning that it was finally ready to move on from 182, at least for today. I weighed in at 181.2 for the day. Alrighty then, apparently I am starting to emerge from my most recent plateau, which means that now I only have 59.2 more pounds to lose. That is a lot, I equate it to wandering along in a meadow that you cannot quite figure out how to leave and suddenly you find the path and realize it is uphill through a very steep mountain pass. There is no downhill on the weightloss journey, there are just brief areas of level ground and you have to keep walking onward regardless of whether or not you are tired of the trip. Okay, enough with the painful metaphors, I will now move on with my life. So, after weighing myself, I went and ran for 45 minutes on the treadmill, walked for 30 minutes, lifted weights for 30 minutes and did my ab workout. Fortunately, I get to take tomorrow off and sleep in a little bit which will be nice. Other than that, my day has been quiet and on plan with food.

Somedays I just want to be a cat

So, this morning I went off to the stadium with my entire immediate family, brother, sister-in-law, parents to climb stairs. My cats on the other hand, stayed home and slept in the artic coolness of my house (which is always freezing because it was made for summer weather). I climbed up and down about 30 stairs for about 2 hours and really thought I was going to die, especially when I ran out of water 30 minutes before I finished working out. Meanwhile, my cats were napping, possibly waking up briefly to have a bit of a snack from their food bowl or a long drink from the water bowl. I was still sweating and considering alternative less painful methods of dying. I think, I just want to be a cat and nap in the warm sun or cool shade depending upon my mood, occasionally I might even bat around a catnip mouse or two but not so much as to wear myself out. However, I am not a cat so I have to work out and watch what I eat, which is going fine so far today. My body is still liking 182 as a weight, I think it would like to settle in and enjoy that number on the scale for awhile but that is really not going to happen because I have plans and I am working out like an insane woman. Anyway, that is where I am today, I have to go do some more work because unfortunately I am not a feline and it is not time for my afternoon nap.

How to hard boil an egg

So, my diet includes a lot of hardboiled eggs. I eat them every day for breakfast, usually one with the yolk and the rest without the yolk. But I have this fundamental problem with the whole process, I know how to boil them but I cannot get the shells to come off properly when I peel the eggs later. I do remember to put them right into cold water after coming off the stove along with a lot of ice but it doesn't seem to be making a difference. So, invariably, I end up with a tiny egg because the egg white refuses to be parted from the shell. Alternatively, I manage to separate the egg and the shell but the egg looks as if it has been attacked by an overly enthusiastic weasel with an anger management problem. Also, the whole egg peeling process takes forever and may be more effort than a solitary egg is really worth, at least nutritionally speaking. It is really very frustrating, and I have to wonder what I am missing in the whole egg boiling and cooling process. At some point the chickens of the world are going to unite against me because of the cruel and unusual punishment that I inflict upon their eggs (okay maybe not). Anyway, I am officially done ranting now, but you can't make me eat another egg today because that would be far too time consuming and I have things that need to be accomplished.

Okay so now really I have lost 60 pounds

So, today I was at exactly 182 when I weighed in, that means that I have really lost 60 pounds total. Hopefully, in the not too distant future I will finally make my way into the high 170's which I know I haven't seen since the summer before I started college. Admittedly, I was in the high 170's at that point because I had been living in a rural part of Mexico and not eating that much because I had gotten sick from the food, refried beans every morning for breakfast was not a happy thing in my life. So, the journey continues onward as always and this time the 170's will only be a stop on the way down. This morning we went to the stadium and did stairs. It was really hot and even with a full 24 ounce bottle of water, I felt really tired and thirsty after we were done. So, only 30 sets of stairs because we stopped a little bit early because of the heat, I am hoping that the weather will be cooler tomorrow. Since we got home I have had probably another two bottles of water so I am now fully hydrated and I have gotten a fair amount of work done which is good. Also, I am on plan for food although I had extra chicken with lunch to see if my recent tiredness is related to not having enough protein in my diet. We will see if the extra chicken breast makes a difference or if I just need to adjust to the increasing difficulty of my cardio regieme over the next week or so.

So tired

So, I have been really tired since I had my hard workout on wednesday, given that it is now Friday it is a little bit ridiculous to still be tired. Admittedly, I ran on Thursday and today and I am studying like a maniac which is contributing to the problem. Still, I am not having a bouncy, energized, I just worked out kind of a week. So, motivation to workout is pretty much nonexisistant as a result. I am still working out but I don't feel any motivation when I get up in the morning. Also, my knee and thighs were hurting today which made it even more fun than normal. I am running at a faster pace now and that may be part of the issue but it would be nice to get some kind of energy kick from the work I am putting into exercising. Clearly, that is not going to happen so I am just going to keep going as I always do on these sorts of things. Food is fine for the day, I ran for 30 minutes, walked for 30, lifted weights and worked my abs. I am probably going to have chicken for dinner because my dad barbecued chicken breasts yesterday. I am also fine on water for the day and tomorrow I do stadiums so exercise will happen because I go with my parents and that prevents me from backing out of working out. Hopefully, I will stop feeling tired soon and then I will be less whiny because right now I feel whiny and that is really not attractive. Oh, and I am down to 182.4 lbs for the day which is good and means I am still completely on track so now I am going to go and water the plants to distract myself from the fact that dinner isn't for another 60 minutes.

So, you know about that no party thing

Well, so much for that as an idea. I am off to another party tonight from 5-7pm so once again I will be carefully watching what I can and cannot eat. I did a fairly intensive workout this morning, 45 minutes or so of running around my neighborhood and 45 minutes of walking on the treadmill. Also, for once I have managed to do my core fitness exercises at a decent hour, usually I don't do them until about 10 pm by which time they are a really big pain. Fine on food for the day so far, so now all I have to do is get through this party and I will be fine. Although, I must mention that I am wearing this pair of Banana Republic pants that I bought on sale and I had to hem them by cutting off around five inches and then taking them up another 2 inches with the hem. I am discovering that I really have to wear petite clothing if possible or everything is too long and that can be a real problem. I sense that when I reach goal weight I am going to have to become really good friends with a tailor because I don't actually like hemming clothes and I am not terribly good at it. Yet another interesting side effect of all the weight loss over the past six months, I am discovering all sorts of new issues that I never knew I would have in my life. Okay, I am off to get ready for this party and decide what shoes I am wearing to it (I'm leaning towards my only pair of pink heels).

To my body

Dear Body, I just wanted to say that I am sorry about yesterday. You know, the whole three hours of working out over the course of one day thing. I promise not to do that again until at least next wednesday. I know the legs and calves are really tired and running this morning was no fun at all. Also, possibly you would like more advanced warning when my brain decides that this sort of workout foolishness would be a good idea so I will work on that in the future. However, look at the positive side of all of this effort. Yesterday you managed to do 30 minutes of running, 30 minutes of walking, and 1.5 hours of stair climbing and that would not have been possible 6 months ago. So, want to do some extra cardio today? No, I didn't think that you would and frankly neither do I, so how about calling the morning workout good enough.

The 60 Pound Mark

So, this morning I hit 182.8 on the scale which I am officially calling 60 lbs gone because I can and it is my blog. Especially impressive because yesterday was my rest day and I didn't work out at all. Today on the other hand is going to be an insane workout day, I have already run for 30 minutes (at a faster pace than normal because I can finally breathe), walked for 30 minutes, and lifted weights. This afternoon I am going to go to the stadium with my mom and do stairs for an hour and a half. Yes, thank you, I am totally insane. I think I am always really motivated on wednesdays because I have just taken a day off and I feel like I have been really lazy even though my body definately needs a rest day every week. So, now I am going to go drink a lot of water to hydrate and wait for the cable tv guy who is supposed to fix the reception problem we have been having with the tv recently.

Discovery

So, I was playing around with my digital camera last night and I discovered that you can see my collar bones all the time. I don't quite think you understand the importance of this statement. I can see that I have bones ALL THE TIME. Dude, who knew that this was possible? My collar bones have always been rather shy, they would briefly appear if I hunched my shoulders forward and then skitter off behind the fat covering my upper chest. However, now they are just kind of hanging around all the time. Also, I have ribs, which admittedly kind of freaked me out the first time I felt something that was hard and not just squishy fat. These are the sorts of things you don't notice when you carry a lot of extra weight on your body. I even had a moment last night where I couldn't find my double chin but then it reappeared when I smiled which was rather upsetting. Still, I don't really recognize my face in pictures because it is so much skinnier than it used to be at 242 lbs. My face actually has a lot more personality now it isn't buried under a layer of fat and I actually have a jawline and cheekbones. In other news, today is my day off from working out and I definately needed the rest. Tomorrow, I am doing stadiums again which will be lots of fun in the heat but I know it is good for me. I am down to 183.2 lbs because the elusive 60 lbs mark is enjoying mocking me but hopefully I will hit it in the next few days now that all the parties are done for awhile. I am fine on food for the day, and I have had a fair amount of water which is good. So, since it is laundry day I am now going to go and see if my clothing has finally dried and I can put it all away.

My unholy love for bananas

So, I eat at least one banana a day, because I dearly love them. Now, mind you, I don't love them enough to figure out if I am spelling the word "banana" correctly and I have a sneaking suspicion that I may be incorrect and there should be more n's somewhere in the word. Of course, I can't spell so I may in fact be spelling banana correctly and just not able to realize that fact. Anyway, I think when I realy began to like bananas was when I discovered how many ways you could eat them. First, is plain without any fancy stuff, just you and a a plain banana. Now, how you get the banana out of the peel is up to you (okay that sounds perverse but I honestly don't mean it that way so lets both get our minds out of the gutter immediately), my bro breaks them in half so you end up with two pieces of banana both still in the peel, don't ask me why, I'm just related him, how the brain works remains a wonderful mystery. Alternatively, you can eat bananas with other food, I used to love bananas with cheddar cheese although maybe that wasn't the healthiest plan. Bananas and peanut butter are also good (hey even Elvis liked that combination although come to think of it, he probably isn't the best weight loss role model), or bananas dipped in chocolate also yummy. Okay, it occurs to me that I am getting seriously away from good healthy ways to eat fruit and into the bad realm of fruit with lots of fattening things on it. My inner fat girl has been harrassing me lately and I am guessing she saw this as a good opportunity to make a reappearance. Anyway, my original point was that I love plain bananas (that is what I eat now) and they are a really good source of things like potassium. Bananas are good for you, plus it is a happy yellow fruit and what is not to like? Okay, just avoid the chocolate, peanut butter, cheese, and other desert options and eat a plain banana for a snack. It is a good plan and I am sticking to it, but I am at my banana quota for today so I won't be eating anymore until tomorrow, and I am having mine with out any frills.

Somedays I just don't have much to say

Today would be an excellent example of the above point. I got up at my regular time despite a feeble attempt by my body to convince my brain to stay in bed for an extra hour. I ran for 45 minutes (3 miles) at a faster pace than normal because I can finally breath again, and then walked for 25 minutes. Then, I lifted weights, I am up to 10 pounds with my hand weights and did an ab workout. After that I ate breakfast and studied which with interuptions for meals and a snack is what I have been doing all day long. That in a nutshell is my day, and tonight for extra special excitement I am going to study more material and then go to bed. Also, I need to drink more water because I haven't had nearly enough today and I need to remedy that situation. I think days like this are good where everything is even keeled and I can just get organized for the inevitable day of high stress or problems which shows up at some point. Really, days like today all add up and cause me to lose weight but they are not nearly as interesting to write about as the difficult days. Still, a day without feeling whiny is a good thing and while I could whine about how my weight has been fluctuating up and down for the past few days, I don't really feel like it. So, instead I am going to go and get more work done.

And the answer was no

So , this morning I did 31 or 32 sets of stairs, not sure which since I lost track somewhere along the way. I really didn't want to get up this morning and go workout but I did even though I was tired and that is a good thing. I was wondering to myself as I trudged up and down stairs, would I ever get to a point where I roll out of bed in the morning and want to work out, I mean it hasn't happened yet. So, I came up with an answer at about the halfway point of my workout and the answer was as follows: No. Well then, I can actually live with that as an answer. No, I am never going to want to get up out of my cozy bed and workout but it has to be done. Somehow, knowing that it is never going to be a joyful experience allows me to see it as another task to be accomplished, just the way I don't enjoy doing laundry but I do it all the same. Okay, working out is worse than laundry but it still is a task that can be accomplished in a finite period of time and I can move on with my day. I think also it is important to not expect any of the requirements of losing weight to become easy because knowing it is a challenge helps safeguard against complaceny. So, the process goes onward and at least I am done working out for today. Tomorrow, well I am going to workout, but don't expect me to want to do it. I'll be on the treadmill by 8:30 am tomorrow morning, how about you?

Temple Food

So, this is a concept that I remember seeing Nigela Lawson who is one of those famous chef types talk about at one point. Basically the idea was that after a day of excess one should go back to clean good foods and recharge for a few days. Okay, at least that was what I thought she meant, but it may have been more complex than that idea. After a party weekend it is definately where I am today, back to eating my regular plan of food which helps my body recover and rebalance for a few days. It isn't like I ate terribly this weekend, I had two drinks total, one on friday and one on saturday, and I didn't overeat at any meal. However, I missed lunch on saturday and I barely ate it on friday and I did not get enough sleep either day. So, my body feels worn out and tired and in need of basic unfettered sustenance. Therefore, temple food which I am accustomed to eating and isn't difficult to prepare. I think that sometimes it helps to think about the food I eat on a regular basis as this type of food, and remind myself of the problems that I personally encounter with really processed food like sugar. Not that I ate a lot of processed sugar this weekend but it was around enough that the desire for such food almost mentally infected me and now I need a couple of days to refocus on why I don't eat that food anymore. So much of losing weight is mental and temptations (even when you don't give into them) can be really powerful and difficult to combat. So, today I am reminding myself of why I like salads especially with roasted bell peppers and sweet corn and of how satisfying a handful of blueberries can be as part of breakfast. I do feel better already which may be an example of how powerful my temple food is as part of my program.

The wonderous world of friday

So, I am off to the nearby city tonight to celebrate my brother's birthday. Food, drinking, general merriment shall no doubt ensue and then be followed by a barbeque tomorrow. All good, but I am looking forward to a weekend with no parties where I don't have to be quite this ridiculously vigilant on food. I have worked out today already, so I should be okay there in terms of exercise. 40 minutes of running, 20 minutes of walking, weights and ab workout, I was a very good girl. Although, now I really want a nap but I don't have time for one today. I did buy some new pants for tonight from Bannanna Republic, I am still pretty much solidly a size 14 and the size 12 beckons in the distance (I think it is about 10 lbs away) but I am trying to remember to be grateful for the fact that I can buy clothing in regular stores at all as opposed to specialty fat people stores. Anyway, I should go and get organized for tonight since I am leaving relatively early and also eat lunch.

Now I am officially old

So, today is my 27th birthday. I am officially old. I take comfort in the fact that in four days my brother will be 30 and therefore really old. Yeah, I am sure he is happy that I have pointed that out to everyone. Anyway, we went out to dinner at my favorite restaurant for dinner (I think they have maybe five things on the menu that I can eat but I do love them so) and my entire family had the same lamb dish for dinner. It was rather disturbing, I may just be turning into my parents in my old age (don't tell anyone). In other news, I did actually workout a lot today, I ran for 30 minutes this morning, walked for 20 minutes, and did 24 sets of stadium stairs in the afternoon. Also, I am going to do my core fitness exercises before I go to bed tonight, but not right this second because I am wearing heels and doing pushups in heels and a skirt would be a really bad idea. I mean, we all know about my lack of coordination already, I might actually kill myself if I tried this as a plan. So, I got in enough cardio to make up for my dinner but the stairs really killed me because it was really hot and there was almost no shade. The shadow from one leaf does not make shade (okay, I might be exaggerating but it was really hot) and that slowed me down and made me whiny. Still, workout accomplished and lots of water drunk so I am on target for the day despite dinner out and wine with dinner. Now, I am going to go lounge about for a couple of hours before I go to bed because it is my birthday and therefore I can lounge if I want to lounge. I may possibly have used lounge too many times in that sentence so I will stop now before I feel the need to start throwing similes or metaphors around about my life.

My cat's BMI

So, my parents own an overweight black and white cat named Nute. Nute weighs approximately 15 lbs (at least that is our best guess). So, out of curiosity, my dad and I measured him this morning (he is about 19 inches long) and I looked up his BMI. Well, results are in, my cat is less overweight than I am at this point. I have a BMI over 30 and Nute has a BMI of 29.2. Frankly, I am a little bit bitter that my extremely sedentary, eats all the time, naps a lot, cat is in better shape. Of course, possibly this is all inaccurate since the BMI scale was not created with cats in mind. Still, not the best way to start off a morning where your weight has decided to go up a little bit for the day. Anyway, I shall learn to live with the fact that my cat is currently the fit one in the house despite his ever expanding belly.

So, now that I have figured out my problem

So, I have actually in the past day or so figured out why I am feeling all blah and whiny. I am really close to another weight milestone and I just want to get it over with and move on. When I hit 182 lbs I will have lost 60 lbs total which is just about halfway on my weightloss plan. Right now, I am sitting at about 184.2 lbs which is good but isn't 182 lbs. So, I'm antzy (is that a word? okay I don't actually really care about whether or not it is a word) about losing the next two pounds to make that goal. I think mentally it will get a little easier for me once I am past the halfway mark and the amount of weight left to lose is under 60 lbs. So, I am whiny and probably will be until that happens in the next couple of weeks. In other news, I am on plan with food today and I ran for about 30 minutes, walked for 20 and lifted weights. I was going to do the stadium with my mom but that got put off until tomorrow which is probably better because that is a straight cardio day and no weights to tire me out. I will probably run as well as doing the stadium since I was a little bit lax on cardio today. Anyway, nothing else exciting in my life today, just the same old daily grind.

And then I said blah

So, somedays I feel inspired to write here and somedays like today I just feel like saying I feel blah. It is really the same with working out, some times I am inspired and more days are like today where I didn't feel motivated about it at all. I did it, but no motivation at all. On days like today I just do things out of sheer force of habit rather than any greater desire or motivation. I post here every day, so this would be me posting today because this is what I do rather than because I have anything today. I suppose in away this is similar to the weight loss thing, if you can turn working out and eating well into a habit you just do it because it is how your life works and it doesn't occur to you not to do it. So, this morning I rolled out of bed in my workout clothes and hauled my unmotivated self on to the treadmill and ran (albeit very slowly) for 40 minutes and then walked for another 50 minutes. Then I had my regular breakfast of hardboiled eggs and a piece of fruit because it is what I have for breakfast and did laundry and studied. I have no clean workout clothes whatesoever so laundry was a necessity. Then, I had my regular lunch and studied some more. Now I just had my cup of coffee for the day and am posting in my blog because this is when I usually post. After this, I will check on my laundry have my afternoon snack and study, then dinner and more studying and tomorrow I will do it all over again. Hey, at least I am doing it and not slipping up. So, the interesting thing is that besides my general feeling of blah I am still totally on track, maybe this whole healthy lifestyle thing has finally become second nature after all. Suddenly, I feel a little less blah (not much though so don't get all excited) .

Strawberries are yummy

So, I just ate a strawberry, yes just one singular strawberry, and I was contemplating their yumminess factor. I mean, they are kind of cool looking to begin with, from the color to the little seeds all over the surface. Plus, strawberries are one of those nice fruit which don't need to be peeled and they have the nifty green holders (okay normal people would call those stems, I do realize that) which are a plus. Okay, so I have a tendency of dropping strawberries on my shirt which is messy and then you have to explain your inability to actually get a simple small piece of fruit into your mouth which is always rather embarassing. However, the juicy goodness that is a ripe strawberry really makes up for these sorts of problems. Of course, in my pre workout and weight loss days, my favorite way to eat strawberries involved dipping them into sour cream and then brown sugar (here the nifty green holder was especially useful) so I have been forced to retrain myself to simply appreciate the unadulterated sweet taste of a good ripe strawberry. Really, good strawberries don't require any adornment and can always be enjoyed on their own merits. Now that, is one self-confident fruit in my book and I think I shall have several more with dinner. I will attempt to not splatter fruit all over myself but the strawberries may get the best of me.

Not the brightest bunny around

Although, really, I suppose that my title here begs the question of whether or not there are any actual intelligents bunny rabbits in existence. Anyway, I went running for about 40 minutes this morning with a completely stuffed up head. It is always attractive to be running and simultateously panting and blowing your nose. I was only going to run for a few minutes because of my cold but then I ended up convincing myself to run the whole way. Not perhaps the best plan given the lack of the ability to breathe out of my nose. However, as I have previously noted in past entries, I have a tendency of working out regardless of whether or not I am sick. I just have a horrible time determining when I am too sick to actually exercise and so I workout anyway. So, there I was today, jogging along in my cute gap tanktop which while not really workout attire worked in a pinch because I am low on clean tanktops. I would have actually looked pretty decent were I not wearing workout shorts about 3 sizes too big which all but hung down to my knees, frankly it is amazing that they didn't fall off my body. Anyway, I workout and now it is done and I am at about 184.6 lbs which I will definately take after a holiday weekend. I am totally fine on food for the day, and also lifted weights and studies so I have been a really good girl.

Independence Day

So, I have officially survived the 4th of July. I did about 30 stairs at the stadium today, although it really was horrible because I have a cold and can't breathe out of my nose at all. Large amounts of cardio which require the ability to breathe are a lot harder when you basically have to continuously pant through your mouth. Who knew? Okay, maybe that should have been a no brainer. Anyway, I had my regular breakfast, a couple smallish pieces of steak for lunch, a bratwurst with some ketchup and mustard and some beans and coleslaw for dinner. Also, my regular cup of coffee, a lot of water, and a margarita (which was my treat) for drinks. I managed to entirely avoid the deviled eggs, guacamole, bread, homemade ice cream, and cake. I am especially impressed that I avoided the ice cream because I helped make it and I didn't taste any of it. I hear however that it was excellent. Large parties with lots of food are real torture for me, I end up having long conversations with my stomach about how I don't get to have one deviled egg because I decided at an earlier date that I wasn't eating any appetizers. My stomach thinks that I'm an idiot and must be convinced to eat the yummy food. Fortunately, so far, my brain and I are winning the argument which is a new and novel experience. Right now, I am just glad it is over and I can go back to my regular food tomorrow. No more parties until at least next weekend.

Paying it forward

Just as a concept wouldn't it be nice if you could bank your workouts. Like workout really hard for a month and do two workouts a day and then transfer the second workout each day to the next month and take it off. Ahh, if only that would work, but it doesn't for me. I was thinking about such a concept this morning while I was climbing ridiculous numbers of stairs. It was especially tempting because I have developed a horrible sore throat and so didn't get very much sleep last night. Lots of exercise on not a lot of sleep is not a good idea, I don't recommend it to anyone. Unfortunately, a sore throat does not qualify as a reason to not workout especially when it is a party weekend like the 4th of July. If anything, I need to do more working out to burn off any extra calories that I consume in the next day or so. So far, I am on plan with two more parties to go before the end of the weekend. In terms of weight, I hit 185.4 lbs this morning and I am good with that as a number, I would be better with 185 even but that will come in the next few days. Interestingly, I discovered last night that ice cream (which the grandparents were eating) doesn't really tempt me like it used to do in the past. I say that now but I am sure that my mom's homemade ice cream tomorrow will be very difficult to resist. I am going to do so though, because I am saving any extra calories I have to spare for a margarita or possibly two if I really go wild. Anyway, two more parties and I will have survived the weekend, I think that will be my mantra for today.

The revenge of the shopping mall

So, there is no better way to destroy a day where one is feeling rather thin that by trying on clothing. Wow, five seconds later you are convinced that you have gained a ton of weight and weigh 900 lbs. No worries, I am still a size 14 but stuff I was hoping would be loose on me isn't yet. On the flip side, I can zip and button up a pair of size 12 shorts although they are very tight and I look rather like a beached whale. Still, buttoning size 12 anything is not to be sneered at in my world. My grandparents are visiting so we took them to the mall and tried on a bunch of clothing although I didn't buy anything, see aforementioned beached whale syndrome. Anyway, I ran for 30 minutes today at a faster pace than normal and managed to run a mile in about 13:30 which is the first time I have broken 15 minutes. Also walked for 35 minutes and lifted weights. I am having a sneaking suspicion that I don't do lunges properly (which is one of the exercises I do on Fri.) and it is bugging me. This is one of the moments where I wish I had enough money to have a personal trainer who could check my form and see if I am doing them correctly. Then again, I may just be a perfectionist like my mother. I am on track with food today despite the bad food in the house (I haven't had any of it) so that is good and I should make it through dinner okay today. The rest of the weekend is a little bit more questionable, I will have to see what happens on Saturday and Sunday.

Shorn sheep gather no friends

So, I got my hair cut today. Yay! It looks so much better now that all the split ends are gone and it is all bouncy as a result. My parents would like it to be longer but it is going to be so much easier to manage while I workout and I can still pull it back out of my eyes which is nice. Also, it just looks different and I need something that looked different than the hair I had when I was really heavy. Also, we went to the market after the haircut to get food for this weekend (big 4th of July bash) so I think we have managed to fill up the house with food that none of us eat on a regular basis. Such as frozen yogurt, bread, chips and chocolate. I am pretending that none of this food exists especially in my house. It appears to be working nicely as a plan for right now, I always did have a really good imagination. Now I shall just have to ignore it all weekend long starting tomorrow. Let us all hope that my powers of self-persuasion are at an all time high until Monday afternoon. Totally on plan so far today and crossing my fingers that I will be able to say that tomorrow as well.

People really like doing this?

So, I went for a run this morning outside in the neighborhood. The wind was in my hair, the perfume of flowers scented the air, and the scenery was quite beautiful. Okay, who am I kidding? It pretty much sucked the whole 45 minutes or so that I ran a giant loop around the neighborhood and back to my house. In fact, I almost got run down by a car that didn't really believe that stop signs applied to it or alternatively was playing the fun hit the runner crossing the street game. I mean, there must be people who really like running and working out, I just don't know any of those people. I keep hearing about this elusive runner's high thing where you could just go on forever and that has never happened to me. Instead, I pant a lot, get occasional leg cramps and start inventing elaborate scenarios in my head that will allow me to stop running long before my workout time is up. Yet, I am planning to run a 5k in the end of september, I may just be certifiably insane at this point. Oh, and did I mention that I might have swallowed a bug somewhere along the way, I'm not entirely sure and frankly I don't really want to think about it. The good news is that I actually worked out and I don't have to do it again until tomorrow morning at 8 am, but I am not holding my breath that I am going to enjoy tomorrows workout either. Done is good, and that is what I am going with today.